When Projections Fail

When people realize that what everyone was saying
WERE PROJECTIONS.
LIKE I WAS TELLING THEM... FOR HOW LONG?

THAT'S HOW THEY FAIL.
PROJECTIONS DIE IN THE REALIZATION
THAT THEY ARE PROJECTIONS.

But just like I said: I can't choose clarity for anyone.
I can't see or understand something for anyone.
They have to see it to understand it.

DESPITE WHAT I KEPT TELLING THEM.
How many times do I have to try to explain the same thing?

I dated someone. It was frustrating trying to reason with the guy.
When he didn't get what I was saying,
I'd try to explain it in another way.

MY 'STORY' NEVER CHANGED.
THE WAY I TRIED EXPLAINING THINGS
CHANGED.
BECAUSE HE WASN'T GETTING IT.

EVEN THAT APPROACH DIDN'T HELP.
BECAUSE I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR HIM.

Even if you have HOPES that someone will see it,
FINALLY SEE IT,
IF YOU SHOW THEM ANOTHER WAY.
THEN ANOTHER,
THEN YET ANOTHER?

We were watching a TV show.
It was a version of the show called Hoarders.

The guy, his roomie's gf, and I were watching it.
A KID WAS CRYING ON THE SHOW
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT THE PEOPLE
FROM THE SHOW TO LEAVE
WHEN THE SHOW WAS ENDING.

AND WE WERE TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHY
THE KID ON THE SHOW WAS CRYING.

He wasn't getting it. For whatever reason.
So we both took turns trying to explain it to him.

There was already enough context from the show itself
TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON AND WHY.

But just because you can give additional context to someone
DOESN'T GUARANTEE THEY'LL UNDERSTAND.
EVEN WITH ADDITIONAL CONTEXT.

The people who are totally clueless...
THEY ARE EASY TO MANIPULATE.
THEY'LL BE EASIER TO CONVINCE.
BECAUSE THEY DON'T TAKE THE TIME TO THINK.

THAT'S WHY THEY ARE OF THE HERD MENTALITY.

I'll never forget the video I saw about sheep.
They were taught to use a gate to come to and from the field.
THERE ARE NO FENCES TO KEEP THEM CONTAINED.
ALL THEY KNOW IS THE GATE.

ANY one of the sheep could have just walked around
the gate, around all of them, to the front of the line,
but they just followed each other through the gate.

That's what I'm saying about people, too.
BUT PEOPLE WILL GET MAD AT YOU
IF YOU GET THE CONTEXT CLUES AND THEY DON'T.

We could have stopped trying to explain the context to the guy,
but we kept trying until he got it.
"Oh!" Yeah!

But what is it like when you try TELLING SOMEONE SOMETHING
ABOUT PROJECTION AND WHY PEOPLE ARE DOING IT?

But it's like people getting jealous not just because you can see them,
you know what they are doing and why they are doing it,
but also because you had to overcome something 
that they know they did.

So it's an extra layer of jealousy. Which is f*cked up.

BUT WHEN YOU DON'T GET JEALOUS
OR DO THINGS OUT OF JEALOUSY.
LIKE BLOCKING SOMEONE
FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S ACCOUNT...

OR TRY TOPIN THINGS ONTO SOMEONE
YOU KNOW THEY DIDN'T DO.

You know how bad it got?
People stole and accused me of stealing
TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE I WOULD DO THAT.
AND NOTHING I SAID WOULD BE
"BELIEVABLE."

If they could attack my credibility,
they could push me out of the way.

ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS MAKE IT SEEM
LIKE I WOULD DO THAT.

EVEN THOUGH, NO, IT'S NOT THE CASE.

If someone NEVER lied to you or STOLE from you BEFORE,
WHY WOULD THEY JUST SUDDENLY START DOING IT?

Sure, I did want something.
BUT IF I WANTED WHAT I WAS ACCUSED OF WANTING,
I'D STILL BE HELL-BENT ON GETTING
WHAT IT WAS I SUPPOSEDLY WANTED?

MAYBE BECAUSE I'M NOT TRYING 
TO EVEN BE UNDERSTOOD OR BELIEVED...
I NEVER EVEN WANTED WHAT I WAS ACCUSED OF WANTING?

OR I'D STILL BE TRYING TO GET IT.
USING PROJECTION TO TRY TO GET IT.
BECAUSE THAT ONLY WORKS WITH PEOPLE
WHO CAN'T F*CKING SEE WHAT'S IN FRONT OF THEM.

THEY HAVE TO BE TOLD WHAT TO SEE.
WHAT THEY WANT TO BE SHOWN.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET OTHER PEOPLE
WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
TELL YOU WHAT TO SEE ABOUT ME
BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE CASE.

Having to work through that and overcome that, constantly...
ISN'T THE EASIEST THING TO OVERCOME.

BUT WHEN YOU DO, IT MAKES PEOPLE WHO DO IT
PROJECT EVEN MORE BECAUSE IT DIDN'T WORK.
AND YOU OVERCOMING SOMETHING
THEY KNEW YOU'RE TOO CONFIDENT AND MATURE
TO DO TO THEM, THROWS THEM OFF EVEN MORE.

EVEN MORE THAN WHEN THEY COULD HAVE JUST
F*CKED RIGHT OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE.

But when all you've got is being who you are and always been.
DOES IT MATTER WHAT ANYONE THINKS?
OR WHAT THEY WERE MADE TO THINK?
OR WHAT THEY LET OTHERS MAKE THEM THINK?

When they finally get that it's been a bunch of projection
BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE
DIDN'T WANT TO STOP USING YOU.
SO THEY GOT SO DEEP IN YOUR HEAD
ABOUT SOMEONE WHO WASN'T USING YOU.
WHO WOULDN'T USE YOU.

BUT YOU TREATED THE USERS LIKE THEY WEREN'T.
AND TREATED ME LIKE I WAS.

IF MY GOAL WAS TO JUST USE YOU...
WOULDN'T I STILL BE TRYING TO USE YOU?

Users don't just stop trying to use people.
Especially if the people keep letting them use them.

Did I let myself be used, before? Yeah.
Did I realize I was being used? Eventually.

But when you really trust someone
YOU DON'T THINK THEY WOULD DO THAT.

TO HAVE TRUST, YOU SHOULDN'T DO THAT.

THAT'S NOT WHY I DON'T ASK FOR HELP OFTEN.
IF YOU ASK FOR TOO MUCH, YOU'RE USING.
BESIDES, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE USED,
DON'T BE LIKE THAT.

Even the very few people I can count on,
(not for everything, but most things)...
I don't like asking for anything.

Once, I called a friend to borrow money
to get a bus ticket to go to a funeral.
AND I FELT BAD ASKING TO BORROW IT.

I don't always ask for advice.
Even if I just call to have a conversation about something
some people think I'm looking for advice.

It bothers me. Because they seem to put no emphasis
ON WHAT I ACTUALLY TELL THEM.

THEY SEEM TO THINK I'M TELLING THEM
TO GET THEIR OPINION OR ADVICE.

Maybe I'm telling them FOR CONTEXT.
SO THEY CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I'M TELLING THEM.

But it doesn't seem to even get through, at all.

THAT'S WHY I STOPPED TELLING
CERTAIN PEOPLE ANYTHING.

BECAUSE NOT ONLY DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND THAT.
THEY DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND ME
ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT FOR THEM.
OR FOR ANYONE ELSE.

But it's frustrating. 

As frustrating as people projecting shit at you.
And people not understanding that and why they're doing it.

And then overcoming that huge blockage someone put there
with those stupid projections
and people being insecure about THAT.

Do I even have a choice but to overcome it?
They had the choice not to project at me.