Ration It

I'm trying to be as careful as I can this month.
I stocked up on food tonight. I want to make it last
as long as I can. It's that when bills are all paid...

I picked up a chopper thingy.
I can cube stuff now.
Vegetables, fruit, even hard-boiled eggs.

I got 26 items and it was $124.
I swear it would have been $60 to $80 a few years ago.

If I can make what I got to last for 2 weeks,
That would cost $62/week...
That would have been around $40/week...

I'm going to look into a few things, though.
There's the good food box thing we have here.
We can get a box of produce for $20/box.

That'd be a month's worth.

What I want to start doing is prepping my food ahead of time.
So I can just throw something together quickly.

There are only a couple of times I'll eat somewhere
or get something out.

One is Subway. I get one once a month.
The other is getting chicken wings.

Other than that, I'll eat at home.
So I'm thinking of building a routine.
Around what I eat, etc.

Then preparing things ahead of time
so that they are prepared for me...
That'd be even easier in the long run.
Lots of videos on those types of things.

I went through lots of my old posts and unpublished
old pics of myself *cringe*
Took me back to my 20s...
And where I was at, mentally+

Back when I was a security guard 
for that bullsh*t company.

There's probably more, somewhere.
Under posts of 20 years...
I cringe every time I see one.

Anyway, I've been just writing mostly.
The other day I visited my mother
and met her new dog.
The dog's so small.
The size of a cat.

She fell asleep near my feet
and I almost stepped on her by accident.
Then that's all I could think about.

That and the show I was watching with my mother.
It was some fictional investigation show.
I laughed at how it was written 
and I laugh at my own writing.

I wouldn't be surprised if ChatGPT started writing
the scripts for our TV shows lol.

And a guy from a show I've seen...
We watched him do a comedy thing.
I was thinking "Hey, he looks like the guy from the show..."
My mom said, "Yeah it is him."
Well, no wonder why he looks like himself.
It's him, himself.

The other day I was joking with someone about AI.
He said they'll probably use AI to detect
if something was written with AI.
"Hey ChatGPT, did you write this?"

It's annoying when you're so good at doing something
that people accuse you of using AI to do it...

AND HOW DO YOU PROVE IT WAS YOU, NOT AI?

Almost as bad as making something by hand
and being accused of using a machine to do it.
That'd be both a compliment and an insult.
I've decided to work on some projects.
They weren't complete and I'd set them aside.

Also, I want to see about making a deal
with the owner of a consignment shop.
To see if I can sell some stuff there.

The charity thing, I'm still doing that.
I'm working on a blanket.
Hoping that it goes to a retirement home.
Or nursing home.

Other than that, I've made some baby blankets and hats.
I made some hats months ago and I stashed them away.
So I can bring those with me for next time.

It's good to offload them. 
I've only sold a couple hats I made.
What bothers me is people asking me to make something
and offering to pay me for it,
and not paying for it.

But, it'd be nice to look at stuff like buckles.
Honestly, I'd love one of those old fashioned looms.
So that I can make fabric from the yarn I have.
I tell myself that I must use what I already have.
It's a stash of yarn I've had for a long time.
Years of stashing yarn.

That's the thing about knowing how to knit.
If all the clothes were getting bought up
like toilet paper was during covid...
At least you could make stuff.
Hats are important to keep heat from escaping.
Against freezing temps freezing your ears.
Frostbite is no joke, it's for real.

Keeping every part of your body warm
and warmth under blankets and quilts.
Socks for the winter, also.
I have 2 pairs of wool socks I made myself.

Sometimes I make something for myself
as a birthday present for myself.

I'm making something for my mother
for her birthday.

She likes the color purple.
I have to go through what I have
because I have so much stashed
for projects I can't get to yet
due to the projects that I need to complete.

If you know, you know.
That's what it's like to have a hobby.
And it's kept me out of trouble.
Which is why it would be a good entryway 
into "recovery."

When you're too busy with your rows
to do other stuff, like drugs...

And I was into coding much more
when I quit drinking.
That's around the time I got into it.

Part of it was figuring out WHY
the code wasn't working.
THAT felt rewarding in a strange way.

I was watching an interview with a former drug addict
saying how he's glad he got clean
before this government 'safe supply' program came out.

It's actually called government heroin. 
Insane, right?

So that's why it's better to put our minds to other things.
Other than getting high.
Learning how to make something,
learning how to do something,
learning how to fix something etc.

Those help to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.
And if there were programs where Sponsors were also teachers.
Teaching from their own experiences in the program
to help the next ones down the line.

BECAUSE IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.

That's why, in AA, sponsors are other members.
I'm sure it's the same with NA.

But say a program like AA and NA, but taken further than that?
To teach a skill? As an entryway into "recovery."

Speaking as a former alcoholic, AA does help.
It helped me for the first 6 months.
The first 3 months were the hardest.
There has to come a point where it's either yes or no.
Yes I will, or, no I won't.

In terms of making a change.
Whether it's to quit smoking, or drinking, or whatever...

The shows like my 600lb Life.
HOW THEY CAN AFFORD TO EAT THAT MUCH...

There's a guy who makes reaction videos to that show.
He was formerly 600lbs himself.

At my heaviest I was 185lb. Even at that weight, 
I felt winded doing stuff.
But I dropped 75lbs in a year and a half.

So I know how good it feels to lose weight.
Unless you're not trying to and you get underweight.

Ever seen that show called Super Fat VS Super Skinny?
Where they have to trade diets?

The plus sized person gets to eat next to nothing
and the minus sized person has to eat way more
than they are used to
and they have to eat together.

The plus sized person has to watch
the minus sized person eat what they wished
they could be eating, but they can't.


British TV seems to have some good shows.
There's one where a rich family trades places
with a poor family.

I forget what it's called, but I'd watch it again.

A show I watched at my mother's place, with her...
It was a show like the amazing race,
but it was across Canada.

Each province has its things about it.
Hard to explain exactly what I mean, 
but they all have their things.

BC is beautiful, very expensive, but beautiful.
Ontario is known for government stuff.
I'd say also for fishing, 
but there's a lot of fishing in Quebec, and eastern provinces.

Alberta is pretty flat compared to over here.
You can see for miles and miles.

My eyesight is still pretty decent.
But I used to be able to see very tiny things.

I used to train my eyes when I was a kid.
Passing by on the bus, looking at the window...
I used to look for something nobody would notice
and focus on it as I passed it.

I like to think it improved my eyesight.

On my walk back home, I looked by the side of the road.
I just happened to look down
and I saw what I thought was a quarter, 
it was actually $2.

Like that time I saw $100 on the sidewalk.
Imagine walking right past it?
All because you didn't see it?

Been pretty lucky. That time, especially.
That's the most I found on the ground.

It gets pretty cold at night, now.
Last summer, a friend did my thermostat thing.
Now it's still cold.
I have to fix it for heat or turn it off.

The one I used to have was either on or off.
When the system was updated for the building, 
my thermostat got updated, too.
Not a lot of other stuff has been updated.
Which is fine. I'm here just to be here.
I'm not here for the updates.

I see how my new place will look.
In my mind, I see everything, already.

Anyway, I'll ration what I have and put some away.
Never know, I could get lucky.