Hope Keeps Me Going

It's not just writing that keeps me going, it's hope. 
HOPE THAT SOMEONE WILL LISTEN.

About what? Things I can't write here.
Underneath everything, I've been going through HELL.
AND I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT.
BECAUSE NOBODY'S BEEN LISTENING.

EVEN IF IT'S FOR THEIR OWN GOOD FFS
Do I care about justice for myself? No.
I DO NOT GIVE A F*CK ABOUT THAT.

It's hard to explain, even with the details.

YET THERE IS HOPE.
BECAUSE THAT HAS TO STOP AT SOME POINT.

I do have a plan, but it'll only work with some help.
ALL OF IT LEGAL BECAUSE...
Well, I don't have to explain that.

The project I'm working on, 
Yes, that keeps me going.
I work on it every day.
OR ELSE...
OR ELSE I WOULD LOSE MY F*CKING MIND.

NOBODY can say I didn't go to the police.
BECAUSE I F*CKING DID.
FIVE TIMES.
DID THEY LISTEN?
ONLY THE COP AT THE COURT HOUSE DID.
HE WAS THE ONLY ONE!!!!

EVEN THE SO-CALLED INVESTIGATOR
"HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

BECAUSE I BELIEVE THE PERSON WHO TOLD ME.
How could I not? HE TOLD ME TO MY FACE!

But wanted to RUIN MY reputation...
To protect his own.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE PART THAT MAKES ME SICK.
IT'S THAT EVERYONE WANTS TO DENY THE TRUTH.

You want to talk about TRUST ISSUES?
But RAGE won't change anything.

Yet the people I've spoken to...?
"Best of luck" ETC.

AND IF IT WERE THEM?
They are LUCKY it's not them.
THAT THEY NEVER WENT THROUGH THIS.
SO HOW WOULD THEY EVER UNDERSTAND?

Driven crazy just to say that I am?
HOW WOULD THEY KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE?

But yet there's HOPE
THAT ONE DAY.... ONE DAY...

I can't explain how I feel, because that would be only the surface.
AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHY I FEEL THAT WAY.

So I write my brains out every day. All day.
Just to feel 'normal.'
Just to feel 'sane.'

BECAUSE EVERYTHING I COULD THINK TO DO...
I ALREADY FRIGGIN DID IT.
AND WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT? ANYTHING? 

But if I lose my mind over it all...
I'M THE CRAZY ONE.

I'm crazy for wanting what anyone else would want.
FOR THEIR LIFE.
FOR THEMSELVES.

They are LUCKY they don't have to 'deal' with it.
THAT I HAVEN'T COMPLETELY LOST MY SH*T
But I already KNOW what would happen if I did.
I already know why I can't go that route.

This is the self-control people don't think I have.
THAT I NEVER HAD.

But they all wanted to jump to conclusions about ME.
ABOUT WHAT KIND OF PERSON I AM.

And people say they don't know me?
WHY WOULD I LET ANYONE CLOSE ENOUGH TO KNOW ME?
WHEN ALL THEY EVER DID WAS JUMP TO 
WHATEVER CONCLUSION THEY WANTED TO JUMP TO?

Do you know how that even FEELS?
Do you know what that's like?
IF YOU DON'T, count yourself as lucky.
BECAUSE YOU F*CKING ARE!!!!!!

Because your whole life can change.
If mine did, YOURS CAN, TOO.

But... WHEN THERE IS HOPE,
THINGS CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, TOO.

So I cling to that FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH.
AND TO ME, IN TIMES LIKE THESE, 
IT'S WORTH MORE
THAN ANYONE WILL EVER KNOW.

And HOW could they know?
HOW COULD ANYONE EVER KNOW???

And you know what?
I WOULDN'T WANT THEM TO KNOW.
BECAUSE WHY WOULD I?
HOW COULD I?