That Feeling

Making a dent in my writing has been pretty satisfying.
I mean, small victories, right?

Been mapping it out, before I write it because there're a lot of pieces.
And I have to write it in a way that makes sense.
I have to tie it together and work on my transitions.

There have been times that all I've had was writing.
Well, writing, reading, knitting, and crochet.

And then there's nature. Although that raccoon kept climbing up here.
It ate the pigeon eggs and now they rarely come back.
I know that's 'nature' too.
Just would have been nice to have something to enjoy.
Y'know?

I went to get some bread and bananas so I can have
PB & Banana sandwiches with honey... 
It's a thing.
Just like tomato sandwiches.
And cucumber sandwiches.
Even onion sandwiches.

Yeah, my grandmother liked her onion sandwiches.
Maybe it was something she grew up with.
She was born in 1925. Pretty sure that was close
to the "great depression."

Since history seems to repeat itself,
we might have something similar.

It's being said that Russia hates Canada.
We were one of the countries supporting Ukraine.
We sent them billions.

That would be WW3 coming around the corner.
Canada doesn't have missiles etc.
We rely on the USA to cover our @sses.
What would we do if they refused to?
Throw poutine at them?
Blind them with gravy and cheese curds?
Or attack them with hockey sticks? lol

Anyway, when I was coming back home, 
a bus was coming around the corner and barely had a chance
to step up on the sidewalk. He was taking the corner fast, too.
And I was thinking: "I know it's your last stop, there bud, but..."
Then a car actually burnt rubber and almost got into an accident.
Way too fast to drive. It's stupid to drive that fast.
He actually burnt rubber because I could smell it.

I couldn't see the driver and maybe that was the point.

It made me think of that time that chick was yelling at me
when I was on my way to go see someone.
And the only way she'd have even known I was going to
would have been if she was reading my messages or his
or both of ours.

One chick definitely was. The whole time.
She gave herself away but threatening us both
WHILE WE WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION
THAT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.

See me doing that? No? Why is that?
Because I wasn't playing games and I wasn't competing.

And if you're so insecure that you do that sh*t
maybe the issue is YOU.

And what blows my mind is when a guy
just lets them act like that without putting her in her place.

Because if I did it, I'd be a 'bitch.'
I'd start a catfight or whatever.

Because if they could keep themselves in check,
I wouldn't have anything to call anyone out on.

That's why you call yourself out on your own BS.
TO KEEP YOURSELF IN CHECK.
Make sense? It should.


Anyway, that feeling I'm referring to is that feeling
when you just ate and you're almost ready to sleep.

Been staying up pretty late again. 
I had my schedule fixed but I screwed it up again.
Because I get so into writing that I don't want to stop.

I'm getting some parts ready.
It's weird that it's exciting for me. 

I used to write a bit when I was in that detention center.
It was just a room with a bed in it. A small room, 
like only big enough to have a bed in it.
It was like being 'grounded' with an electronically locked door.

I unscrewed the bolts for the magnet lock, they had to fix it.
Only one person suspected that I was the culprit.
Probably because I actually did it
and because that was likely the only time it happened.

It was a magnetic lock, but it was electronic.
So what happens if there's a blackout?
We just are stuck in our rooms?
Until when?
We couldn't even get out our windows
even if we had to.

That was when I was around 15 or so.
I was either 14 or 15.

We had to wear jogging suits and velcro shoes.
Everyone had to.
And yeah, we had to be searched like a jail.

It's something you don't forget.
But all there was to do in there was write.

Anyway, that sleepy feeling right before going to sleep.
After completing something satisfying.

Been writing over 10 pages a day, sometimes closer to 20.
Maybe an addiction.
Should I go to writer's anonymous? WA meetings.
"I'm A*** and I'm a writer"
Then I "share" about my writing addiction.

AA wasn't all that bad. It actually helped a bit.
"earning" the "chips" gave me something.
I stopped going at the 6th month mark.
As soon as I knew for sure, I wasn't going to drink anymore,
I stopped going.

I wrote about some stuff that happened when I went to AA
with other members and why I didn't get a sponsor.

That's part of the reason I stopped going
and all the spiteful sh*t from other females.
Whether they felt threatened or insecure, or jealous,
or whatever tf their problem is...
That's why most of my friends are dudes.
Because dudes don't do that sh*t to me.
They have no "need" to do it.
So they don't and interacting is easier and better
BECAUSE OF THAT.

BUT IF YOU'RE FRIENDLY
WITH A MALE FRIEND
IT'S EASY TO GET THE WRONG IDEA.

It's easy for them to get the wrong idea
and for jealous females to get the wrong idea.
Females can get ruthless.
But that 'ruthlessness' is really immaturity.
Maturity is not "needing" to be about that sh*t.
Security is not "needing" to be "better" than anyone.

I'm pretty sure that if someone tells someone
"you think you're better than everyone"
is saying it because they want you to try to prove
that you don't.
And I don't have to prove whatever to anyone.
BECAUSE F*CK THEM ALL
I JUST WANT TO WRITE, EAT, GET READY FOR BED
AND SLEEP IN PEACE.

One night, I was sleeping so I didn't know it was storming.
The storm was right overhead.
The lightning strike must have been REALLY close
because the thunder was the loudest I heard.
I woke up scared, not knowing what it was.
I thought we were getting bombed.

Ever wonder what makes the thunder sound? Air.
When the lightning strike strikes...
It displaces the air.
When the air rushes back to fill in that void
that the strike leaves when it does its thing.
GETS REFILLED WITH AIR.
So air crashing into air.
Air crashing together.
To fill the void as fast as possible.
That's where the thunder "clap" comes from.

"Nature abhors a vacuum." 
The vacuum being the void the strike causes when it strikes.
Displacing the air around it.
That the air has to refill, immediately.

When I first found that out, it made sense.
Took me years to learn that
BECAUSE THAT STUFF ISN'T BEING TAUGHT AT SCHOOL.

Anyway, I should try to catch some sleep.