What We Take For Granted

I've been there for some people.
Only to be taken for granted. 
Like they were entitled to my help, consideration etc.

WITHOUT ANY AKNOWLEDGEMENT
FOR ANYTHING I EVER DID FOR THEM.

BUT WHEN I STOP DOING IT...
THEY NOTICE WHAT I WAS DOING?
THAT I NEVER OWED IT TO THEM?

And HOW am I even supposed to WORK
with someone I can't even have
A MATURE CONVERSATION WITH?

Not only that, but when certain people
KNEW THAT I WAS TALKING TO THEM...
THEY HAD TO PULL OUT
ALL KINDS OF STOPS
TO TRY TO STOP THAT...

And then be in DENIAL about that?

And try to gaslight me about the facts?
THAT I KNOW ARE FACTS?

Yeah, take me and my LOYALTY
FOR GRANTED AND THEN TRY
TO EXPECT ME TO WANT MORE OF THAT.

Is it even worth it to me at that point?
For more disregard and disrespect?

Anyway, other than that...
PEOPLE TAKE FOR GRANTED
EVERY GOOD THING THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE
THAT OTHERS WOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE.

Taking things for granted just says
that we ought to actually appreciate it.
It would be cool to just appreciate someone
WHO'S BEEN THERE FOR THEM.
JUST THEM.
NOT ANYTHING THEY HAD TO OFFER.

Trusted not to gaslight and disrespect me.
Trusted not to EXCUSE THEIR SH*TTINESS.
TRUSTED NOT TO BE ABOUT IT, PERIOD.

Then when they DO IT ANYWAY...
WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO ACT
SHOCKED OR SURPRISED?

No hot and cold sh*t with me.
YOU WANT TO BE COLD TO ME?
I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT COLD IS ALL ABOUT.

But keep that audacity for everyone else.
TO HAVE THE AUDACITY
TO EXPECT ME TO BE ALL LIKE
"LET'S PICK UP WHERE WE WERE
BEFORE I ACTED LIKE AN EGOTISTICAL TWAT."

F*CK NO!

If they wanted to keep things cool with me...
They would have just kept things cool with me.
I'm not that hard to please.
But I am NOT going to settle for ANY bullsh*t.

Whether you want to sit in your @ss while I work...
Whether you want to call me a b*tch
FOR CALLING YOU OUT FOR THAT SH*T.

BECAUSE... WOULD YOU WANT ME
TO SIT THERE WATCHING YOU WORK?
WHILE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING?

AND TAKING FOR GRANTED
THAT I EVEN HELPED YOU GET THE JOB...

A partnership isn't expecting someone else
TO DO ALL THE WORK.
I'm not down with THAT.

A partnership is to play your role...
And it's not about "playing" a role.
It's about contributing by doing your "job."
It's not my job to do their job. For them.
They can't do their own job. For me.
Even for themselves. Not cool with me.

Anyway, not even about taking ME for granted...
All the things we take for granted...
Electricity, clean water, having a bed...
Having a home...
Having money...
Having food...
Having a "safe" country.
Being able to walk outside at night.
Being able to walk outside during the day.
NOT HAVING AIR RAIDS.
NOT HAVING MISILES.

But don't take me for granted...
And then be all like "I miss you."

"Never know what you got until it's gone."
Doesn't just apply to me.
It applies to everything I just mentioned and more.

But yes, it does apply to me, too.
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO BE OR STAY
ANYWHERE OR WITH ANYONE
TO JUST BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

When you're ALWAYS THERE
PEOPLE DON'T THINK YOU WILL
JUST WALK AWAY FROM THAT SH*T.

Just because I was there, for them
DOESN'T MEAN ANYONE
CAN JUST TREAT ME ANY TYPE OF WAY.

You want to push me away like I'm nothing?
DON'T EXPECT ME TO WANT TO COME BACK.
OR BE BACK.
BECAUSE... WOULD THEY WANT THAT?
So WHY would I want that?

Rude awakening.
And they can just sit with that.
Acknowledge THAT if anything.
Since they didn't want to acnowledge
ANYTHING I EVER DID
OR WHY I EVEN DID ANYTHING FOR THEM.
FOR them.

They can't blame anything or anyone
FOR HOW YOU CHOOSE TO MOVE
Because THAT is YOUR choice.

Could my ex have just realized...
"A*** HATES WHEN I SIT ON MY @SS
WATCHING HER WORK.
DOING EVERYTHING.
WHILE I'VE GOT MY JOB TO DO
AND NOT DOING IT."

Then call me a b*tch
JUST TO DISRESPECT ME?

As though watching me work
isn't disrespectful enough.

Anyway, it just bothers me.
And when I pull away to just live my life...
THEN they want to think about it?
They could have thought about it
WHILE I WAS RIGHT F*CKING THERE.
NOT AFTER I WALK TF AWAY...

Because would THEY stay for that sh*t?
Let alone MORE of that sh*t?

If not, why would I?

I'm saying this for everyone who got taken for granted.
AS THOUGH THEY'D ALWAYS
JUST BE AROUND FOR ANYTHING, ALWAYS...

BE AROUND FOR WHAT?
APPRECIATION I'M NOT GETTING?
Maturity I'm not getting?

For anyone to realize AFTER the fact?
C'mon. I kept trying, showing, telling...
I WAS HONEST ABOUT HOW I FELT.

If someone doesn't want to take me or THAT seriously.
THEY can miss me with that sh*t.

WHEN I STOP... THEN THEY NOTICE?
WHY I WAS DOING WHAT I WAS DOING?
WHY I WAS SHOWING? WHY I WAS SAYING
WHAT I WAS SAYING?

Then expect me to TRUST...

Like I was already there... 
So I wouldn't go anywhere...
BECAUSE OF HOW I FELT AT ONE POINT?
No matter what they do or say, right?

No more being taken for granted.
Or being taken advantage for.

I don't even know WHY I stayed
as long as I did.

But ONLY when I walk away?
Because ONLY then it matters? I matter?

Only when the well runs dry, right?
THEN they can remember when I was there and WHY.
They can think about that for the rest of their life. 

THEY F*CKING KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING.
AND CHOSE TO DO IT ANYWAY.

"I was WRONG to do that to you, 
to treat you like that..."

Well, no sh*t.

And when I said "I wouldn't do that to you."
THEY TURN AROUND AND SAY "I KNOW."

Whether you know or not, was not the issue.
AND THEY KNOW THIS.
They know that I know that they know.
So why just say "I know"?
What else do you "know"?
What else do you have to say other than
"I know."?

THE ISSUE WAS THAT I LET TOO MUCH SLIDE.
SO THEY EXPECTED ME TO KEEP
LETTING THINGS SLIDE
AS THOUGH A WHOLE BUNCH OF SH*T
NEVER F*CKING HAPPENED. IT DID.

And they only have THEMSELVES to blame
FOR ME WANTING TO WALK AWAY.

Or else WHY would I want to walk away?
For no reason at all?

FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON?
Because f*ck all my reasons?
No, f*ck all their excuses.
FOR F*CKING EVERYTHING
THEY DID AND SAID TO ME.

TO P*SS ME OFF ON PURPOSE
TO TRY TO BLAME ME
FOR MY REACTION
TO THEIR DISRESPECT.

The AUDACITY to try to pull anything.
THEN TRY TO BLAME ME
FOR WHAT IS THEIR FAULT?
For THEIR choices?


Anyway, I see people take things for granted
ALL THE TIME.

When they want to try to complain about the weather...
If it's not raining, snowing, -40C...
WHAT'S THE F*CKING PROBLEM?

If you're not concerned about having the bare necessities...
If you don't have the issue of not having
WHAT YOU TAKE FOR GRANTED EVERY DAY...
DON'T F*CKING COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING, PERIOD.

But... Here's the thing.
INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING
THAT CERTAIN PEOPLE AREN'T TREATING YOU RIGHT...
SHOW THEM THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE
FOR THEM TO KEEP TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED.

BECAUSE THEY WILL KEEP DOING IT...
BECAUSE THEY DID IT THE FIRST F*CKING TIME...

Do you need to be a part of that if that's all it's been?
If that's all that it's going to keep being?
Because that's all they chose to be doing?

And I DON'T KNOW WHY I STAYED
FOR ANY OF THAT SH*T.
OR BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Because of the potential for it to be something?
Potential is one thing. Choices are another thing.

Do I want another "cycle" of bullsh*t?
They can deal with their bullsh*t on their own.
WHY should I deal with it for them?
So they can try to blame that sh*t on me?
MISS. ME. WITH. THAT. SH*T.

I'm allowed to move how I'm going to move.
They chose to move how they wanted to, right?

WHY should they EXPECT ME
TO PRETEND LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?
It f*cking happened.
They could have treated me properly. Did they?
OR WERE THEY TOO BUSY
BEING ARROGANT AND TAKING ME FOR GRANTED?

Here's something I NEED TO SAY
THAT IT BOTHERS ME THAT I EVEN NEED TO SAY:

Giving someone MORE of what they don't appreciate
ISN'T GOING TO MAKE THEM APPRECIATE IT!

How many chances did I give?
Have I had enough? Yeah? 
WHY HAS IT GOTTEN TO THAT POINT?
BECAUSE THEY WASTED THE CHANCES I GAVE?

What if I wasted all the chances they gave ME?
How would that look on me?
Would that scream that I appreciate any of the chances?
EVEN THE FIRST F*CKING CHANCE...
WHEN NOBODY OWED ME EVEN ONE CHANCE.

And THAT is what they need to understand about ME.
They want ME to be fair?
There's a thing called being too "fair."

What wouldn't be fair to THEM.
ISN'T FAIR TO ME.


Have I been unfair to people?
Yeah. 
Have I wasted chances?
Yeah.
Have I learned my lessons?
Yeah.

AND I ONLY HAD MYSELF TO BLAME.
For ANY and ALL of that.
BECAUSE I COULD HAVE CHOSEN BETTER.
BUT I DIDN'T.

Am I still f*cking embarrassed for how I was?
YEAH, I AM.
Because, again, I could have chosen better.

About I could have chosen better...
I COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO BE/DO BETTER.
But BEING/DOING BETTER was up to ME, 
NOT UP TO THEM.

So is it their fault? If it was up to me? NO.
NOT. BY. A. LONG. SHOT.

Because what's up to ME, is up to ME.
THAT's why.

It's only MY fault if I STILL CHOSE
TO WAIT FOR THEM TO APPRECIATE ME.
TO BE TREATED BETTER THAN THAT SH*T.

Because there are people
THEY WOULD NEVER TREAT THAT WAY.
Because WHY? They'd. Walk. TF. Away.
And THEY KNOW THIS.

Because THEY KNEW
THERE WAS NO EXCUSE FOR THEIR BULLSH*T
WHILE THEY WERE BEING ABOUT THEIR BULLSH*T.
Yet, were they still being about it?
KNOWING that there's no "excuse" for that?

Because if there was one, they'd give it.
THEY'D JUST GIVE A DAMN EXCUSE.
LIKE "EXCUSE ME FOR BEING A SH*T."
No. F*CK YOU FOR BEING A SH*T.

Was I a sh*t? In my 20s? YES.
But NOW I'm 40 ffs.
At what point does some DECIDE
THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO BE A SH*T?
WHEN THEY REGRET IT?
WHEN THEY REALIZE SOMETHING?
WHEN IT GETS THEM WHERE IT GOT THEM?

Because there has to be a point they reach
FOR THEM NOT TO WANT TO BE A SH*T.

Because: Did I have to be a sh*t?
Does anyone have to be a sh*t? No?
Then WHY be a sh*t? 
Being a sh* just because nobody says anything about it...
DOES NOT MEAN you have to be a sh*t, period.

It bugs me to have to say any of this. It really does.
It bugs me even more when they get MAD at me
FOR CALLING THEM OUT FOR BEING A SH*T.
LIKE IT'S MY FAULT THEY DECIDE TO BE A SH*T.

Did my ex have to punch me in the head?
I could have knocked his @ss out, but did I have to?
No. That's why I DIDN'T DO IT.
I COULD HAVE...
BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO.

Why didn't I have to?
Because it was my choice.
TO HAVE ENOUGH CONTROL NOT TO.
That is why I didn't have to.

He could have had enough control of himself
NOT TO PUNCH ME IN THE HEAD.
NOT TO MAKE ANY EXCUSE TO DO IT.

BECAUSE HAD HE PUNCHED ME
ON MY TEMPLE...
That could have ended differently.
And he would try to give the same excuse
for even doing that.

It was a choice. Not an accident.
A mistake? Yeah, but still a choice.

Had I gotten back with him...
It'd be like me condoning it.
"I'm sorry." 
Am I supposed to say "that's okay"?

WOULD IT HAVE BEEN OKAY FOR ME?
TO PUNCH HIM IN THE HEAD?
EVEN IF HE PUNCHED ME, FIRST?

I was so p*ssed off, I just wanted to be done.
Because I could have done more than just punch him.
But does it GIVE ME A RIGHT?
TO JUST DO WHAT I FELT LIKE DOING?
No matter how I tried to justify it...
I DIDN'T HAVE A RIGHT TO DO THAT.

Same with anything I ever tried to justify.
"justifying" anything was giving myself excuses
to do whatever I "felt" was justifiable.

I watched a video of a female and her partner.
SHE CHEATED ON HIM AND GOT PREGNANT.
AND TRIED TO JUSTIFY IT.
If she didn't want to be with him, she could have had
A MATURE CONVERSATION ABOUT IT, 
SPLIT AMICABLY... THEN go live her life.

And sometimes people have such fragile egos
that when their ego gets bruised...
THEY WANT TO ACT LIKE THAT IS AN EXCUSE.
THEIR EGO IS THEIRS TO KEEP IN CHECK.

But to TRY to "make" me feel insecure
FOR SOMEONE WHO PURPOSELY
PLAYS ON YOUR INSECURITIES...

Have fun with that. A whole lot of fun with that.
Then when you realize that I'm not about that...
And want to come back into my life because of that...
YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO SAVE YOU A SEAT.
To think you can expect that, from me, 
DON'T KID YOURSELF.
Because that's what you'd be doing.
KIDDING YOURSELF.

I'd be kidding MYSELF if I expected ANYONE
I ever BLEW MY chance with...
TO SAVE ME A SEAT.

That's me being straight up.
It's just something to think about.
I mean, I shouldn't have to even SAY IT.

But sometimes what ought to be obvious...
Doesn't seem all that apparent to anyone
WHO THINKS THEY CAN JUST EXCUSE THAT.
OR JUSTIFY IT IN ANY WAY
SHAPE, FORM, OR FASHION.

That's not what taking accountability looks like.

For me, I could have tried excusing me being a sh*t
because of people being a sh*t to me.

I could have done that and a lot of people do it.
But just because I could have...
Doesn't mean I should have.

That applies to so many things.
That applies to everyone.

What comes to my mind as an example...
A guy was filming a female freaking out
at another female in a parking lot.

The female freaking out at the other female...
Started freaking out AT THE GUY FILMING HER.
AND TRIED TO PUNCH HIM
SO HE PUSHED HER AWAY FROM HIM.

She acted like he had no right to push her away.
Did she have a right to punch him for filming?

Sure, he didn't HAVE TO film her. He chose to.
Sure, she didn't want to be filmed.

But... She didn't HAVE TO try to punch him.
To be shocked and surprised he pushed her away from him?

When someone shows you who they are...
BELIEVE THEM.
Don't let them show you over and over and over again.
Because YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

You have a right to do what's right for you.
Regardless of how anyone feels about that.

Because had they wanted to do RIGHT by you.
They would have chosen to do RIGHT by you.

If they come around just because they have it sh*tty
with someone else...
THEY ARE ONLY COMING AROUND
BECAUSE THEY HAVE IT SH*TTY
WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

Like off with me when it's on with her.
Then on with me when it's off with her.
Why go back and forth with someone
who only wants to go back and forth?

IF YOU WANT TO PUT ME IN SECOND PLACE
I'LL PUT MYSELF IN FIRST PLACE.

Because I have the right to do what is right for me.

I mean, if you want to explore your options
DON'T EXPECT ME TO SAVE A SEAT FOR YOU.

Because I could explore mine, too.
But am I? I'm focusing on my goals. As a choice.

He can explore ALL his options. I'm no longer an option. 
Why wait for "eventually"?
Are your feelings supposed to matter "eventually"?
Are YOU supposed to matter "eventually"?
F*CK NO. WHY LET YOURSELF BE TREATED LIKE THAT?
WHY LET YOURSELF GET STRUNG ALONG?

The thing is if they KNOW you're in it to WIN it...
AND THEY KNOW WHAT THEY COULD HAVE WITH YOU, 
THEY'LL KEEP  YOU ON A STRING
UNTIL THEY "DECIDE."

If they aren't ready for what YOU are ready for, cool. 

But you don't need to let anyone back in
FOR THEM TO SIT ON THE F*CKING FENCE ABOUT YOU.
For them to "decide" some day.

If they want to "play the field," cool. Do that.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO, RIGHT?
They were doing that because THAT is what they wanted to do.

Someone said to me:
Why settle for partial truths?

Do you think someone who is entertaining others
and wants to keep you on a string...
IS GOING TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH
ABOUT WTF THEY'RE DOING?

Because if YOU knew they were doing it...
You wouldn't stay around for more of that.

It's like they had to go back to whatever to see if it was worth
THROWING AWAY ANY CHANCES THEY HAD WITH YOU?
IF THEY DON'T KNOW IF THEY WANT YOU OR NOT...

LEAVE THEM TO WHATEVER THEY WANTED
OR THOUGHT THEY WANTED...

Not with ME. Do it with whoever else. Not with me.
Who wants to be in 5th or 6th place?

Just because SOMEONE ELSE broke their heart?
IF SOMEONE HAS GENUINE LOVE FOR YOU, 
WHY WOULD THEY BREAK YOUR HEART?

Sure, nobody wants to get hurt or get taken advantage of.
WHEN THAT WAS NEVER MY INTENT...
IT WAS NEVER MY INTENT.

Pride, past experiences... 
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OR MY INTENTIONS.
OR WHAT I ACTUALLY WANTED.
OR THE POTENTIAL THAT COULD HAVE BEEN THERE.

But just because I wanted to be with someone.
DOESN'T MAKE ME ENTITLED TO BE WITH THEM.

It's like they wanted ME to see where THEY are coming from.
BUT DID THEY SEE WHERE I'M COMING FROM?
Did they even WANT to see where I was coming from?
Did they even WANT to?

Because if they WANTED to... Maybe they would?

Should I be like: "This is where I'm coming from"?
Most of the time they KNOW exactly where I'm coming from. 
Because THAT is where THEY would be coming from
IF THE TABLES WERE TURNED.
AND THEY KNOW THIS.

They can try to play STUPID like they don't, 
but when they KNOW that they'd feel some type of way
IF IT WAS COMING FROM ME...
They know EXACTLY WHERE I'M COMING FROM.

Anyway, it did become a type of rant... Again...
But these are facts. Things to think about.
It was supposed to be about all the other things
WE ARE LUCKY TO HAVE
THAT WE TAKE FOR GRANTED EVERY DAY.
THAT OTHERS WOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE.

A bed, a home, clean water, abilities, extremities, food... Etc.
When I think about this, I remember a guy I saw at the mall. 
I was going up the escalator, and there was a guy
sitting on a bench on the floor below the floor I was going to...
He was on the second floor. 
I was going from the first floor to the third floor.

So this guy... HE HAD NO HANDS.
HE HAD TWO HOOKS FOR HANDS.

NOBODY HAS A RIGHT TO F*CKING COMPLAIN
ABOUT HURTING THEIR HANDS
BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY HAVE THEM.

NOW, think about ALL the things you can do with your hands
THAT YOU COULDN'T DO WITHOUT HANDS.
THEN, be thankful for what you have and can do.