Not About The Things

It bothers me how "spoiled" some people are.
ONE, because they don't realize how "lucky" they are.
TWO, they clearly don't appreciate anything.
THREE, it's shallow AF to be that materialistic.

Like how some girls are treated like "princesses"
I'd rather just be treated as a "person."

Sure, having things is "nice."
BUT IS IT NECESSARY?

Giving people things... 
Is it to make them happy?
Or is it to make yourself feel good?


You know what? I would rather be and stay single
THAT LET ANYONE THINK
THAT I WANT THEM FOR THEIR MONEY.

There was a guy I spoke with.
I WAS INTERESTED IN HIS FIELD.
I WASN'T TRYING TO F*CK THE DUDE.

Anyway, I introduced him to someone
BECAUSE THE DUDE HAS A COMPANY.
I DID IT BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT COULD
OPEN UP SOME SORT OF OPPORTUNITY FOR HIM.
HE THOUGHT I DID IT TO TRY TO GET INTO HIS PANTS.

BUT, BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THAT...
I STOPPED SPEAKING TO HIM.

If he thinks I stopped talking to him
because I wasn't going to get into his pants...
When I never wanted to... He can think that.
Even more of a reason not to continue.

Because 1) HE ASSUMED THAT ABOUT ME.
Maybe he was trying to make sure I wasn't... I don't know.
IT WASN'T THE FACT THAT HE HAS A BUSINESS
THAT I WAS TALKING TO HIM.

Maybe, I wanted to learn about what he does.
Because the tech stuff is interesting to me.
HOOKING UP WITH SOMEONE
JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE MONEY
DOESN'T INTEREST ME.

2) Just because I thought it was a good opportunity for HIM
Doesn't mean I was looking for anything.

If I was a shallow GOLD DIGGER, 
THINGS AND MONEY WOULD MATTER TO ME.

If you have stuff and THAT matters to you, you do you.

I WOULD RATHER WORK WITH SOMEONE
TO MAKE MONEY TOGETHER
THAN TRY TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE
TO TRY TO GET SOMETHING FROM THEM.


It's pretty WILD. HOW SOME PEOPLE ARE, THOUGH.
All the loyalty tests/gold digger tests I've been watching
ARE F*CKING WILD.

The last guy I watched testing some chick...
HE WAS WATCHING HER
GO TO LUNCH WITH THE DECOY.
AND SHE WENT TO HIS PLACE AFTERWARDS.
AND SAID SHE WOULD COME BACK
AND SAID SHE WOULD SPEND THE NIGHT AFTER WORK.

The "tester" watched the whole thing go down.

The "finer" things in life... Those are "nice."
BUT AGAIN, not necessary.
It's nice, but it's FOR SHOW.
That's why it doesn't impress me.

BUT ANYONE WHO THINKS OR SAYS
THAT I'M ONLY INTERESTED IN THAT SH*T
DOES NOT F*CKING KNOW ME.


I've known some "rich" people
WHO HAVE THE MOST DISGUSTING ATTITUDES.
DISGUSTING ATTITUDES AREN'T ATTRACTIVE.
An entitled attitude does f*ck all to attract or impress me.

And yeah, I can refuse any "offer" someone tries to make.
If that offends someone, too bad.
If they have a disgusting attitude, not for me.
AND IT'S COMPLETELY FINE TO NOT WANT THAT.
OR NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH OR BE AROUND THAT.

Like that one: "How's THIS for attitude?"
AS HE WAS SMASHING MY MIRROR.
FAMILY HEIRLOOM.

THAT isn't attractive to me for obvious reasons.
THAT SAYS IMMATURITY.
THAT SAYS LACK OF SELF-CONTROL.
THAT SAYS DISRESPECT.

Do I have to be around anyone who doesn't have the decency
NOT TO DO ANY OF THAT SH*T? NO.

But if someone wanted to get to know me...
THEY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN LISTENING
TO PEOPLE LYING ABOUT ME.
They would have just gotten to know me?

But at this point, meeting people
isn't on my list of priorities.

And when I meet people
WHO TRY TO PUT THEIR EMOTIONAL NEEDS ON ME...
THEY GET MAD AT ME
FOR NOT LETTING THEM DO THAT.

It's not like I don't care how they feel.
I'M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW THEY FEEL.

If they get MAD that I don't want to hook up with them...
WHY SHOULD I WANT TO?

It's like those chicks I saw in the videos
WHO HAVE WAY TOO MUCH CONFIDENCE
TO THINK THEY CAN GET ANY GUY THEY WANT...
That's GROSS, to me.

EGO TWAT THINGS ARE GROSS TO ME.
"How's this for attitude?"
Well, answer your own question with your own actions...
If I wasn't already turned off... Y'know?

And yes, my "revenge" was "attacking his ego."
Calling him out on his sh*t.
I smashed it like he smashed my mirror.
He showed no mercy to my mirror,
I showed no mercy to his ego.

OBVIOUSLY, his ego is too inflated 
FOR HIM TO BE ABOUT THAT SH*T.


And anyone who would lie about me
WOULD LIE TO THEMSELVES ABOUT ME
AND LIE TO THEMSELVES ABOUT THEMSELVES.

And one reason is because they don't want me to be happy.
Because if I had the opportunities they don't want me to have, 
they know that I'd be happy.

ME, BEING HAPPY IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS.


And yeah, I don't want to be around certain people
WHO ARE MAD OR GET MAD
THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND THAT.
Getting mad at me or being mad at me FOR THAT
DOESN'T MAKE ME WANT TO BE AROUND THAT.

ANYONE WHO WOULD BE MAD AT ME
FOR ME KEEPING TO MYSELF
AND NOT WANTING THEM TO TRY USING ME...
Why would I want to be around that?


I read this and it's true:
KEEPING TO YOURSELF
AND NOT BOTHERING ANYONE
SEEMS TO BOTHER PEOPLE.

Some people want to literally run people off
FROM PEOPLE
BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM TO THEMSELVES.

That one: She was trying to come at me
WHEN I WAS ON MY WAY TO MEET SOMEONE...
AND SINCE THAT TYPICALLY DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ME...
THAT was connected. 
AND SINCE IT WAS CONNECTED,
THEY KNEW I WAS ON MY WAY THERE.
Either reading my messages or his or both of ours.


And "fake" friends who only wanted me around
FOR WHAT I COULD DO FOR THEM.
FOR WHAT THEY WANTED FROM ME.

Like someone who gets mad at me for what?
Wanting to leave? Not wanting to be DRAINED
OF ALL MY ENERGY?

Like friends who wanted me to spend to my last dime ffs.
WHY AM I NOT TRYING TO GET THEM TO SPEND
TO THEIR LAST DIME?
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING!!!
And even if I did, what I want doesn't cost anything.
Not only does it not cost anything, 
IT'S WORTH MORE TO ME THAN SUPERFICIAL
MATERIAL THINGS.


It bothers me
THAT WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY THERE FOR SOMEONE
And when you STOP being used by them
THEY GET MAD...

They get mad because they want you there for them.
BECAUSE IT BENEFITS THEM.

It's not your job to benefit everyone.
BECAUSE THERE ARE ENTITLED PEOPLE
WHO WILL TRY TO MAKE IT YOUR JOB.
BECAUSE THEY WANT THE BENEFITS
THAT COME FROM/WITH YOU.
It's not about you if it's about the benefits.


That's why gold diggers exist.
And it's not just females who can be gold diggers.

I'd rather keep my finances a secret.
BECAUSE I'M NOT MY FINANCES.

And if someone's going to pass on me
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GET ANYTHING FROM ME
FINANCIALLY OR OTHERWISE...
They can go right ahead.
Not someone I want to be with.
Because it's not about ME, it's about what I've "got."
Because when it's about what I've "got"
It's about what they can "get."

It wasn't about me, or it would have been about me.
If it was about vanity or vengeance was it about me?

And if I want to stand on my own two feet...
Why or how is that anyone's business?
Is it MY business if someone else wants to?

Because if someone wants to try to make me dependent
On them, so I wouldn't want to leave...
THAT IS WHY THEY WANT TO TRY TO DO THAT.
FOR CONTROL.

Anyone who doesn't want you to depend on yourself...

But... There are legit people
who are actually reliable and that's a breath of fresh air.
But they have to be careful because when you are reliable
PEOPLE TRY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
OF ALL YOUR GOOD QUALITIES.

People who do that give people who don't do that a bad name.

Like saying all "modern girls" are like this or like that.
A LOT OF THEM ARE.
AND THOSE GIRLS GIVE A BAD NAME
TO GIRLS WHO AREN'T.


The one who broke my mirror told me to go back to drinking.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO LOSE?
He wanted me to relapse. 
He's the type of guy who does that sh*t.
Then gets shocked and surprised I don't want to
BE AROUND THAT?

Nobody can be mad at me for finding my own way
AND ACTUALLY GETTING THROUGH
A LOT OF THINGS THAT COULD HAVE
WRECKED ME.

Why? Because they can't?
Or they won't or don't want to do the work
TO DO THAT?

And yeah, we all have our own ways of getting through stuff.
BUT DRINKING... THAT WASN'T HELPING ME
GET THROUGH STUFF. 
IT WAS JUST AN EXCUSE TO WALLOW.


And yeah, it's my time.
Recovering from not being treated 
THE WAY THEY COULD HAVE TREATED ME.

Recovering from not treating myself
the way I could have treated myself.

But they wouldn't have KEPT treating me
THE WAY I KEPT LETTING THEM TREAT ME
IF I HAD JUST STOPPED
LETTING THEM TREAT ME ANY TYPE OF WAY.

Telling me to go back to drinking?
HOW F*CKING IMMATURE IS THAT?
Lashing out much?
Because I don't want to be around someone
WHO WOULD TELL ME TO GO BACK TO DRINKING?
Who basically told me he wants me to relapse.
WHO SMASHED MY MIRROR? etc.

They just don't get it. Why would I want another round?
They avoid me because they know I'm telling the truth.
They don't want to admit that it's been THEM.
Them trying to control me.
And I have nothing to prove to anyone.
Not even to prove anyone's wrong about me.
They can be wrong all they want.


Is it a CRIME to be on a path
THAT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE?
Yeah, to people who want everything to do with them.
It doesn't have to be about them.
Just like it doesn't have to be all about me. Correct?
So I can't EXPECT it to be. 
SO THEY CAN'T EXPECT IT TO BE ALL ABOUT THEM.

I get it. Wanting the attention for validation. 
THAT'S WHY I WANTED IT.

You know why I don't care about the attention now?
BECAUSE THERE'S A SUCH THING 
AS GETTING ATTENTION FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

So you have to be AWARE of that.
WHEN IT DOES NOT FEEL RIGHT...
IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT FOR A REASON!

Like that guy, that time, who tried to cut me off
ON THE F*CKING SIDEWALK
WITH HIS CAR.
TRIED LURING ME TO THE CAR
AFTER I CROSSED THE STREET.

BECAUSE NOBODY DOES THAT SH*T
FOR ANY GOOD REASON.

And before that happened, he had slowed down.
LOOKING AT ME.
I WAS OUTSIDE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.
I TOLD HIM TO KEEP GOING.

BECAUSE HE WASN'T BEING A CREEP
FOR ANY GOOD REASON.

TO CUT ME OFF ON THE SIDEWALK...
PROVED MY POINT.

HE literally parked his car
RIGHT ON THE CORNER.
BECAUSE HE KNEW I WAS COMING RIGHT UP ON IT.
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE A CHOICE
BUT TO STOP.

Except I DID HAVE A CHOICE.
THAT'S WHY I CROSSED THE STREET.

What did he expect me to do?
FALL FOR HIS BAIT?

HE TRIED LURING ME TO THE CAR
SAYING HE HAD A VIDEO OF ME
THAT I KNEW HE DIDN'T HAVE.

TELLING HIM TO F*CK RIGHT OFF
WAS ME BEING GENEROUS.

So yeah, sometimes attention
IS FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
And I can do very well without that sh*t.


There was a REASON HE DID THAT.
AND HE WASN'T ALONE.
THERE WAS ANOTHER DUDE WITH HIM!
If I hadn't crossed the road?
MY GUT TOLD ME TO CROSS THE ROAD.
THIS IS WHY YOU LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!!

Like that time I was hitchhiking.
The guy put his hand on my knee.
MY GUT TOLD ME TO JUMP OUT OF THE CAR.
THEN MY GUT TOLD ME TO HIDE SOMEWHERE.
I LITERALLY HID UNDER SOMEONE'S TRUCK
IN THEIR LANEWAY.
AND WATCHED THE DUDE CIRCLE THE BLOCK.


THERE WAS A REASON HE PUT HIS HAND
ON MY KNEE.
OR HE WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT.

Just because he gave me a lift.
DOESN'T MEAN I OWED HIM ANYTHING.
AND DEFINITELY NOT ANYTHING
HE WOULD HAVE PUT HIS HAND ON MY KNEE FOR.

When something DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT
DON'T IGNORE THAT.

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT, FOR A REASON.
And the more YOU LISTEN TO THAT, 
THE EASIER IT'LL BE FOR YOUR GUT
TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING.
AND YOUR GUT CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE!

If I hadn't hidden under that truck?
I'd be out in the open. I had to "disappear"
BECAUSE HE WAS LITERALLY CIRCLING THE BLOCK!
I KNOW HE WAS BECAUSE I WAS WATCHING HIM.
I HAD TO. I HAD TO SEE WTF HE WAS DOING.
I ALSO NEEDED TO KNOW
WHEN TO COME OUT OF HIDING.

All because I wanted to get a lift somewhere?
Sure, I'm not entitled to a lift anywhere.

BUT NOBODY IS ENTITLED
TO EXPECT WHATEVER TF HE EXPECTED FROM ME.
NOT IN THEIR WILDEST F*CKING DREAMS.

And you have to TREAT YOURSELF THAT WAY.
OR PEOPLE WILL TRY TO TREAT YOU
HOWEVER TF THEY WILL TRY TO TREAT YOU.

And if someone is going to get mad at you
FOR TELLING THEM WHAT YOU ARE
AND ARE NOT ABOUT...
THEY CAN F*CK RIGHT OFF.

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT TELLING THEM
FOR NO F*CKING REASON.

IF THEY GET MAD
THAT YOU'RE BEING DIRECT
AND TO THE POINT...

WHEN THAT'S NOTHING TO BE MAD ABOUT...
They'll get mad at other things 
that they don't have to be mad about.

What's there to be mad about being DIRECT?
You can be direct without being cutting.
You can be direct without being disrespectful.
You can be direct, very tactfully, tastefully.
IF IT BOTHERS ANYONE, 
IT BOTHERS THEM FOR A REASON.

Mostly, from my experience...
Being direct kind of intimidates people.
They don't seem to know what to do with it.
APPRECIATE IT.

It seems to make them feel weak in some way.
WHY? They can be direct and to the point, too.
They aren't because they think I'll get MAD.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE MAD ABOUT
UNLESS THERE'S DISRESPECT ATTACHED.

AND IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO LURE YOU
TO THEIR CAR WITH A VIDEO YOU KNOW
THEY DON'T HAVE.
YOU CAN DIRECTLY TELL THEM
TO F*CK RIGHT OFF.