It's Not About Doing Certain Things

I was watching a webinar thing today.
It's about affiliate marketing.

The thing that stood out that the guy said:

"It's not about doing certain things,
it's about doing things in a certain way."

An example: When I took out the sliding windows to clean them...
I took them out, and cleaned them, 
but trying to get them back into the tracks...

I kept doing it the way it didn't work.
That's why they wouldn't go back in place.

I was getting FRUSTRATED!
I TOOK THEM OUT...
WHY COULDN'T THEY JUST GO BACK IN?!

The WAY I was trying to get them back in wasn't working.
WHEN I TRIED ANOTHER WAY, THEY WENT BACK IN.

It's not so much what I did, it was how I did it.
There are lots of ways THAT DON'T WORK.

I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT.
A LOT OF WAYS DON'T WORK FOR ME
IN MANY REGARDS.

LIKE WHEN I GET P*SSED OFF
CONFRONTING PEOPLE IN A CERTAIN WAY
DOESN'T WORK.

Especially with EGOTISTICAL F*CKHEADS.
Because why?
BECAUSE THEY ARE EGOTISTICAL F*CKHEADS.

They don't listen no matter what you say.
UNLESS YOU SPEAK IN A CERTAIN WAY.

They are so egotistical they AUTOMATICALLY 
LOOK DOWN ON YOU
SO WHY WOULD THEY LISTEN TO YOU?

Like that guy who said to me:
"Why should I listen to YOU?
WHERE'S YOUR SUCCESS STORY?"

So how do you APPEAL TO F*CKHEADS?
You appeal to their EGO.

They have HUGE EGOS, 
BUT THE BIGGER IT IS, 
THE MORE FRAGILE IT IS.

SO THEY'LL GET ANGRY IF YOU BRUISE IT.
AND THEY'LL DEFEND IT.
WHY?
BECAUSE THEIR EGO
IS THEIR IDENTITY.

They don't know WHO they are.

You appeal to them by RECOGNITION.
AND IGNITION.

I'm still learning about this stuff.
(The webinar wasn't about this stuff)

The MOST effective way to do this
IS TO DO IT IN A WAY 
THAT THEY DON'T KNOW YOU ARE DOING IT.
Because when you do it without them knowing you are doing it
THEY CAN'T SAY YOU'RE TRYING TO 
- Trick them
- Lie to them
- Use them
- Convince them

Etc.

It's kind of (slightly) manipulation.
I KNOW. I HATE IT.
AND MOST PEOPLE DO!

The recognition part... 
It's recognizing where they are coming from.

"I hear you."
"I know."
"I get it."
"I understand."

It's kind of like Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
It's not just WHAT YOU SAY...
IT'S HOW YOU SAY IT.

Using NLP to help people to help themselves...
THIS is what I'm talking about.
Not using it for selfish reasons.
BECAUSE F*CK THAT SIDEWAYS WITH A SURFBOARD.
IF YOU WOULDN'T WANT SOMEONE DOING IT TO YOU, 
JUST DON'T F*CKING DO IT.

THIS IS ONLY TO IGNITE PEOPLE
TO BE MOTIVATED.

But the recognition part...
It makes the CONNECTION.
BETWEEN YOU AND THEM.

WITHOUT THAT, YOU'RE JUST SOMEONE
WITH OR WITHOUT A SUCCESS STORY.

These are things I'm learning.
I'm not a PRO at this, at all.

But there are CERTAIN WORDS
WHEN YOU USE THEM IN CERTAIN WAYS
YOU GET CERTAIN RESULTS.

I learned this with pigeons, actually.
I used the word CALM in a certain way to calm them down.

Because if they weren't calm, they'd freak out and fly away.

Being an introvert, it's often hard for me to CONNECT
with others in the way that others connect.
(I might have autism, but I digress).

Any skill is like a muscle. The more you work it,
the stronger it gets.

WORDS... CAN BE POWERFUL.

(I wasn't even trying to, was just writing just to write
and something I wrote got someone a free dinner)

ONE OF THE BEST COMPLIMENTS I EVER GOT! EVER.
I was just writing to just write.

Where I really struggle is that I can WRITE,
BUT TALKING IS DIFFICULT
BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE
TAKE A LOOK AT ME AND ASSUME
ALL KINDS OF THINGS
THAT AREN'T EVEN TRUE...

BUT AS LONG AS THEY ASSUME THEM
THEY THINK IT MUST BE TRUE.

THAT'S F*CKED UP, BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT'S BEEN.
NOT JUST FOR ME, BUT FOR MANY OTHERS.

Of course people want to LISTEN TO PEOPLE
THEY THINK ARE SUCCESSFUL
BECAUSE SUPPOSEDLY
WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY
HOLDS MORE WEIGHT THAN PEOPLE
WHO HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR THEMSELVES.

In today's society... As sad as it IS.
It's about what you HAVE.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE
YOU CAN GET.
AND PEOPLE WANT TO GET.
BECAUSE PEOPLE WANT TO HAVE.

I'm not really sure WHY it's this way.
To me, it's GARBAGE.
BECAUSE TO ME, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
WHO YOU ARE, PERIOD.

But... With greedy, selfish, f*ckheads...
IT'S ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE
AND WHAT THEY CAN GET.
FROM YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE.

So... What YOU have to DO
Is to become able to SHOW with WORDS
WHAT THEY CAN HAVE
FOR THEMSELVES
(BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT THEM, NOT YOU)...

What they can HAVE is the destination.
It's the RESULT. 

THE 'RESULT' IS THE GOAL.
THE RESULT THEY CAN 'ACHIEVE'
AND CAN 'HAVE'
AND CAN 'GET'
FROM YOU.

But you do it in a certain way
that they aren't getting it from YOU.
THEY ARE GETTING IT FROM THEMSELVES.

Because... This is important...
IF THEY THINK THEY ARE GETTING IT FROM YOU...
THEY WILL TRY TO BECOME DEPENDANT ON YOU.
THEY WILL TRY TO USE YOU.
THEY WILL TRY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU.

F*CK THAT.

Connect, and Direct.

But not in a way that YOU are directing them.
Because THAT would be manipulation...

In a way that YOU direct them to direct themselves.
If I had this down to a science, I'd be RICH AF.

It's not about the MONEY, it's about the RESULT.
The result you are going for:

Is the SPARK, internally, that ignites.
Motivation is motivation... 
But ignition is ignition.

I watched a lot of Jim Rohn videos...
He has a certain WAY he says things.
If you watch him and listen to him CLOSELY, 
YOU WILL NOTICE IT.

Did you know that Jim Rohn was Tony Robbins' mentor?
If you didn't know, now you do.

So yeah... Before Tony became big, there was JIM.
He did motivational speaking, but he was an author.

There was something that he said about motivation. 
About how someone can go to an event and get all hyped up
LISTENING TO A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
AND THEN THEY LOSE THE MOTIVATION AFTERWARDS.

Anyway, there's a part of the brain that produces dopamine.
It's "the rewards center" of the brain that gets us hooked.
People can get hooked on all kinds of stuff.
If it produces a "feeling" that they want to keep having
they'll keep doing the "thing" that produces the "feeling."

For a couple of examples: Drugs.
The feeling of being HIGH is why people do drugs
and they keep doing drugs...

It gets deeper with drugs because of physical withdrawal symptoms.

Another kind of drug is caffeine. Someone related it to being hooked bad
ON REALLY HEAVY DRUGS.

In my 20s, I used to take caffeine pills... I've stopped, but I used to.
It's easy to mistake being "wired" with being "motivated."
Like, I was so "wired" that I literally could not sit still. 
SO I USED THAT TO JUST GO GO GO GO GO...

Anyway, what I was getting at is this:
Something like learning can be MADE TO BE ADDICTIVE.

This is very tricky for
PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE, THEY JUST REFUSE TO BE TAUGHT.
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW
(GOES FOR ALL OF US, BUT STILL).

But, people who think they know EVERYTHING
AND DON'T WANT TO BE TOLD ANYTHING
AND WHO REFUSE TO LISTEN
TO ANYONE THEY THINK THEY ARE 'BETTER THAN'...

People who think they know everything
don't actually know everything.
They only know what they know.
They don't know what they don't. 

But there's a specific way to 'connect'
that makes them think AND BELIEVE
THAT THEY ARE IN CONTROL OF THE CONVERSATION.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO MAKE THEM THINK THIS.
BECAUSE IF THEY THINK THAT YOU ARE IN CONTROL
OF THE CONVERSATION, THEY WILL RESIST
EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY.
AND THEY WON'T THINK ABOUT IT
BECAUSE THEY WON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

The MOST important part of this...
IS TO SPEAK IN A WAY THAT THEY THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOU SAID.
BECAUSE WHEN THEY THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID,
WHAT YOU SAID HOLDS ENOUGH WEIGHT 
TO THINK ABOUT.

They won't CARE, usually, about what you said
UNLESS YOU GET THEM TO THINK ABOUT IT.
And that's the part that is the key.

You want them to THINK about what you said.
THEN, you want them to think about what you said
IN A CERTAIN WAY.

THIS IS VERY VERY VERY HARD.
Because IT'S UP TO THEM 
HOW THEY WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

And that's the second key.
How they WANT to think about it.

Because you have to TIE THAT want to the wants
that I mentioned before.
The GET and the HAVE wants.

They have to connect those with how you tie it.
You have to tie it in a certain way...
AS THOUGH THEY TIED IT THEMSELVES.

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T "MAKE"
KNOW-IT-ALLS and f*ckheads do anything
THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO DO.

And they'll only WANT to do it
to GET and HAVE something they WANT.

So you have to tie that together. HOW?
Usually, they want ATTENTION, 
AND SATISFACTION.

And usually they get satisfaction through attention.
But also through other avenues...

For me, THE ATTENTION ISN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
Some might think I blog for attention, but that's not what it's about, for me.
If I wanted attention from blogging, I'd TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT.
I DON'T. For one, I don't even want to disclose my identity.
For two, it's not everyone's business that I blog. 
For three, my inner world... I protect that.

For some, though, attention is EVERYTHING
and they'll go to great lengths to get it.
It can be like a drug to some people.

Why? Because it gives them some sense of satisfaction. 
Sometimes. Some people are just not satisfied.
BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE A HEALTHY SENSE
OF SATISFACTION. 

IF THEY HAD A HEALTHY SENSE OF SATISFACTION, 
IT WOULDN'T REQUIRE VERY MUCH TO BE SATISFIED.
WITH THEMSELVES, WITH LIFE, ETC.

And because of this, they want more and more and more
AND YET IT NEVER SEEMS TO BE ENOUGH, RIGHT?

But you connect in a way that GETS THEIR ATTENTION.
A WAY THAT APPEALS TO THEIR SENSES.

I'm not talking about senses like sight, sound, etc.
I'm talking about other senses.
Senses that aren't so apparent.
THIS IS THE LEVEL THAT IS
VERY VERY VERY HARD TO REACH.
ESPECIALLY AT FIRST.

You can get SO GOOD AT THIS THAT YOU'D BE AMAZED.

Sense of self. You need to know how they identify.
I'm not talking about the gender stuff. 
How they identify AS A PERSON.

This is a VERY touchy subject.
There's a certain way to do it that works
and many, many, many ways that don't work.
I KNOW BECAUSE I DID THIS IN WAYS THAT DON'T WORK.

It's hard to do with some types of personalities...
AND WHEN YOU DO IT WRONG, 
PEOPLE CAN TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GO FIGURE!

Instead of doing it subjectively...
BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO THINK
THAT THEY ARE THE SUBJECT
OR THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET THEM
TO THINK ABOUT IS THE SUBJECT...
It's more to do with being objective.
BECAUSE THE OBJECTIVE IS THE GOAL ITSELF. 
That way they can't take it personally...

Because it's EASY TO TAKE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING
PERSONALLY, EVEN TOO PERSONALLY.

And when that happens, it kind of makes you have to start over.
AND HAVING TO START OVER IS EVEN HARDER
BECAUSE THEY ALREADY TOOK SOMETHING YOU SAID
PERSONALLY.

And people can take things SO personal
that they will PUSH YOU AWAY.
OR WORSE.

The LEAST they'll do is push you away.
The trick is that you've got to 'connect' in a way
THAT THEY WON'T WANT TO.

BUT, be VERY careful about this...
BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T WANT TO
AND YOU DO IT TOO WELL,
they can want to STAY connected
AND THEY'LL WANT TO KEEP THE CONNECTION
AT ALMOST ANY COST.

WHICH YOU DON'T WANT.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO DISCONNECT
RIGHT AFTER YOU DIRECT.

Now, directing... Can be hard because it's about
PRESENTING THE PATHWAY.

You have to PRESENT IT IN A CERTAIN WAY.
The way that you have to present it is:
TO MAKE THEM THINK
THAT THEY PRESENTED IT TO THEMSELVES.

And yes, you can do this USING ONLY WORDS.
JUST VERY SPECIFIC WORDS
AND AT KEY POINTS IN A CONVERSATION.
And used in specific ways.

The whole process is gradual and incremental.
Incremental is a good word to describe it.
Because it is mental and the word mental is in incremental.
Another good word to describe it is developmental.

Incrementally developmental.

So what is NLP?
It's a type of "programming" using language.
Neuro-Linguistics

It's hard to GET someone to THINK about anything
UNLESS THEY WANT TO.
BUT THEY HAVE TO WANT TO WANT TO.
AND THEY HAVE TO WANT IT THEMSELVES
Because it doesn't matter what YOU want.
AND MOST PEOPLE DON'T CARE WHAT WE WANT.
HOW WE FEEL, ETC.
THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT
AND HOW THEY FEEL.

Again, what they want is getting and having what they want.
So you GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT, 
USING WORDS.

People want to be SEEN and HEARD.
Unless they don't care about that.
Unless that doesn't actually matter to them.

You can tell how they identify AS A PERSON
BY WHAT THINGS MATTER TO THEM.

There are certain things that matter to all of us.
Like respect, appreciation, stuff like that.
The really basic, common sense stuff.

So you USE the things that MATTER to them
to CONNECT with them.

But it's about them, remember.
It's not about you or what you want.
EVEN IF WHAT YOU WANT IS FOR THEM, OKAY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT OBVIOUS.
IF YOU MAKE IT OBVIOUS, 
IT'S NOT AS IMPACTFUL AS IT COULD BE.

The MAIN reason you can't make it obvious
is because THEY have to WANT to.
To listen, understand, know, do...

Because they can only get and have IF...
IF they listen, UNDERSTAND....
If they don't understand, they won't KNOW.
AND IF THEY DON'T KNOW
THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

And they have to get to the DO part 
ON THEIR OWN.

But you FACILITATE IT...
BECAUSE YOU PRESENT THE PATHWAY.
You present it, but they TAKE IT.
THEY TAKE THE PATHWAY to the DO part.

I wish I could explain it in a way that makes more sense.
I tried to "make it make sense."
But that's what it's about.
MAKING IT MAKE SENSE TO THEM
IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE.

Because if it doesn't make sense...
IT'LL BE SENSELESSNESS.
AND IT WON'T GO ANYWHERE.

The goal is to take it to where you NEED to take it
TO THE POINT THAT THEY THINK
THAT THEY ARE TAKING IT
WHERE THEY NEED TO TAKE IT.
FOR THEMSELVES.

Another thing that makes it tricky:
When you present the pathway to them...
THEY WILL SEEK YOU OUT
TO LEAD THEM TO OTHER PATHWAYS.
But you DISCONNECT in a way
THAT LEAVES IT TO THEM. 

When people ACHIEVE things
from YOUR conversations they'll see YOU
AS THE SOURCE OF THEIR FULFILLMENT.
BUT YOU HAVE TO KEEP PUTTING IT ON THEM.
Even if you have to blame them for their own success lol.

Because when this is successful, they'll know you have the tools.
IF YOU DO IT IN AN OBVIOUS WAY.
THE WAY YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO IT
IS TO SHOW THEM THAT THEY ARE THE ONES
WHO ACTUALLY HAVE THE TOOLS.

It's kind of like a 'mind game' but not in a bad way
BECAUSE IT'S ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE USED FOR GOOD.
FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY, PERIOD.
ANYTHING ELSE IS BULLSH*T.
I'M NOT WRITING ABOUT IT FOR ANY BULLSH*T REASONS.
SO DON'T USE IT FOR ANY BULLSH*T REASONS.

(Not saying you would or will, just saying don't).
That's not what this is for.

It's kind of like painting a picture with words, 
but you paint the person into the picture
and you join THAT picture to 
THE BIGGER PICTURE
IN A WAY THAT THEY CAN PICTURE IT
AND PICTURE THEMSELVES
IN THE WAY THAT YOU'RE PAINTING IT.

But you're giving THEM the paint
as though THEY are painting the picture.
AND PAINTING THEMSELVES IN THE PICTURE
BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE IN THE BIGGER PICTURE.

BECAUSE THE BIGGER PICTURE
IS THE PICTURE.
WHEN THEY GET THE PICTURE, 
THEY GET THE PICTURE.

AND THE CLEAREST THE PICTURE, 
THE CLEAREST IT IS.
TO THE POINT IT COULDN'T BE CLEARER.

They'll SEE IT because it's so clear
that they can't NOT see it.

But you're showing them in a way
THAT YOU AREN'T THE ONE SHOWING THEM.
YOU DO IT IN THE WAY
THAT THEY ARE SHOWING THEMSELVES.

THEN BOOM! 
THE GETTING, THE HAVING. OF THE PICTURE.