Ineffective

You can't play "mind games" with someone
WHO ACTUALLY HAD REAL FEELINGS
AND TRY TO SPIN IT
INTO MAKING THEM SEEM A TYPE OF WAY
THAT THEY NEVER WERE...
AND EXPECT THEM TO WANT TO STAY.

That sh*t doesn't work.

THEN, WANT ME TO FEEL GUILTY
FOR NOT PLAYING THAT GAME.
BECAUSE WHY WOULD I WANT TO?
Am I supposed to feel 'guilty' about not wanting to?

How about ACTUALLY bonding with someone.
INSTEAD OF TRYING TO CREATE
A F*CKING TRAUMA BOND?

To prove my worth? To anyone? Anymore?
Do I want to waste my time on that?

Do I want to be with someone like that?
Disappointing. Not even disappointing...
Deeper, next level disappointing.

Disappointing AND disgusting.

MY FLEX is just working on myself, my life.
In their head about me moving in silence?
WHY WOULD I BE MOVING IN SILENCE?

NO FUTURE WITHOUT TRUST AND RESPECT.
Carelessness is carelessness.
Thoughtlessness is thoughtlessness.

When what they thought they wanted
HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME...
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

I mean, if someone is too immature
TO DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY, 
THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

Why should I let anyone try to break or shake me?
Just because I have patience?
EVENTUALLY IT RUNS OUT, RIGHT?
AND WHEN IT DOES... WHY DID IT?

But... BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO LET THEM
That means they don't have to have the HOLD
they thought they had.

Because if they told the truth... 
THEY'D HAVE TO FACE THE TRUTH ABOUT THEMSELVES.
And why would they do that?

When you play games with me, you sacrifice anything to do with me.
THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING
BEFORE THEY DID IT.

And when it's too late, it's too late.
I know enough not to want any of that.

Because they could have done things the right way.
FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

They'll try to do whatever WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE 
CONTROL OVER YOU.

Throwing something away and then trying to reel me back in?
LIKE YOU HAVE THAT MUCH CONTROL OVER ME?
Better think again.

That's not "love" not even close.
Why would I want all that toxic garbage?
I'm not the one addicted to that.

BECAUSE IF I WAS, THAT'D BE ALL I WAS ABOUT.
AND NOW, I DON'T HAVE TO BE ABOUT ANYTHING.

Can't control me with bullsh*t tactics.
Where was the loyalty? Wasn't there.
BECAUSE IF IT WAS, THERE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
ANY GAMES, PERIOD.

I even WARNED that going too far...
WAS THE POINT OF NO RETURN.

And when you keep being and getting TESTED...
SHOW them that THEY FAILED THEIR OWN TEST.

Because they can try to fool everyone else, 
but AFTER I SAW WHAT I CAN'T UNSEE...
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE TO SEE.

They showed me what they wanted me to see.
Painting illusions is still painting illusions.

I COULD HAVE PAINTED ILLUSIONS.
I COULD HAVE TESTED PEOPLE. 
I COULD HAVE PLAYED THOSE GAMES...

Just because I could have...
Doesn't mean that's what I'm about.

But doing that sh*t just to try to have 'control'
MEANS THEY CAN'T CONTROL THEMSELVES.

Because if they could control themselves...
THEY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABOUT THAT.
ANY of that.

I had to learn to control MYSELF.
BECAUSE I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE
ANY of the stupid sh*t I DID
HAD I HAD CONTROL OF MYSELF.


What bothers me, sometimes
IS PEOPLE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH ME
BECAUSE I CAUSED SOMEONE
TO OPEN THEIR EYES?

That I'M the reason they look at things
DIFFERENTLY.

AS THOUGH IT'S MY FAULT?
THAT is why some people don't like me.
Among other reasons.

IF THEY WERE BETTER THAN ME
WHY WOULD THEY BE TRYING
TO GET ANYONE TO LOOK AT ME
ANY TYPE OF WAY?

Because that's what people who are better than others do?
OR IS THAT WHAT JEALOUS PEOPLE DO?

Even without that, people chose what they chose. 
So then, I CAN CHOOSE, TOO.

Why do I want to go back and forth with anyone?
OVER WHAT? DO I HAVE TO? NO?
SO WHY WOULD I BE BOTHERED
BY ANYTHING ANYONE HAS TO SAY
TO OR ABOUT ME?
Y'KNOW?

And as f*cked up as that seems...
People seem to WANT YOU TO
KEEP GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH THEM.
BECAUSE IT SEEMS
THEY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!

Because IF THEY DID, they'd be doing it, right?

And what else is f*cked up...
IS BEING BOTHERED THAT I'M NOT BOTHERED.
What bothers THEM about ME not being bothered?
Am I supposed to be bothered?
Why am I supposed to be bothered?
Because they want me to be?
BUT DO I HAVE TO BE?
I DON'T HAVE TO BE BOTHERED
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTS ME TO BE BOTHERED.

THAT is why I'm not bothered.
Couldn't be bothered to be bothered by anyone
WHO WANTS ME TO BE BOTHERED.

BECAUSE IF THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT, 
THEY WANT THAT FOR A REASON.

Here's something. If you are doing things FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
THE UNIVERSE WILL HAVE YOUR BACK.



Anyway, something my brother said:
Just because you've got a mirror
doesn't mean you have to shove it in anyone's face.

Most people don't even want to look themselves in the mirror.
Because what would they see?

When I looked at myself, I saw a lot of ugly sh*t.
The version of myself I never had to be.
DID THAT MAKE ME WANT TO CHANGE? YEAH.

SHAME should be enough to make anyone want to change.
But, I guess some people just have no shame...

Because why have shame when they can blame?

Even going as far as to try to start fights
pretending to be someone else. 

GOD SAYS VENGENCE IS HIS.
CAN'T PUT ANYTHING OUT THERE
WITHOUT EXPECTING IT COMING RIGHT BACK.
BECAUSE IT DOES, IT WILL.
Whether we want it to, or not. 
When sh*t backfires, sh*t gets REAL.

They can't do sh*t because I'm not doing anything.
At the end of the day, you can't hide anything from GOD.

And I'm not even religious. I'm spiritual. 
But what I've been learning about is VERY REAL.
I KNOW BECAUSE I EXPERIENCED THINGS
THAT DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER EXPLANATION. 

And if they had all just LEFT ME ALONE...
THEY CAN GET THEIR LIFE RIGHT.

I'm not the reason that people do to themselves 
whatever they do to themselves.

The fact that anyone is bothered enough about me
that they want me to be bothered...

Says something. Says a lot. 
And nobody wants me to know what it says.
Not even just that... They didn't have to be about it.
NOBODY WANTS ME TO SAY WHAT IT SAYS.
Because it says all it needs to say about them. 


I don't even know why anyone would be jealous of me, period. 
I'm not trying to be "better" than anyone. 
It's not a competition between me and anyone. 
The competition is between me and myself, period. 

Because we can ALL be better versions of ourselves.
IF WE REALLY WANT TO BE.

BUT SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO SEE THE UGLY
TO WANT TO BE. UNFORTUNATELY.