They Have To See It

Was watching a tarot reading tonight, I do more than I probably should...
Anyway, one was a guy saying something about potential.
He was basically saying that you can tell someone
ALL THE POTENTIAL YOU SEE IN THEM, 
BUT IF THEY DON'T SEE IT IN THEMSELVES, 
THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE TRYING TO PUSH THEM
FOR NO REASON.

Yes, you can absolutely try to elevate someone.
Try your best to boost them up...

BUT THEY ARE NOT ENTITLED TO USE YOU
AS A CRUTCH...

There's no ENTITLEMENT THERE. THERE SHOULDN'T BE.

ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY ARE OR FEELS OR ACTS
ENTITLED, THEY WON'T APPRECIATE ANYTHING!!!


It's HARD to SHOW someone things
THEY AREN'T READY TO SEE.
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY CAN'T EVER SEE IT...
IF THEY AREN'T READY TO, THEY AREN'T. 

Do you know how long it took me? To see what I see?
Even the things that I see, hard to put into words...

The things you can see depends on how you look at things.

There was something that I saw EVERYWHERE. 
MULTIPLE TIMES EACH DAY FOR A WHILE.

It was: "When we change the way we look at things,
the things we look at change."

This was around 10 years ago. 
I think that's around the time things started opening up.
I had my head and thinking skewed for most of my life.
My perception, my perspective... 
I realized that all the times I was drinking,
I could have been thinking. 
But mostly, I was thinking about drinking.

I wasn't working on myself, at all.
I wasn't even thinking about it.
Obviously, I needed to make many changes.
I still have a long way to go, 
but also have come a long way, too.

That's a thing. People not giving themselves CREDIT
For everything they went through, and GOT THROUGH.

When I was seeking validation from people...
I WANTED THEM TO GIVE ME CREDIT.
I WASN'T GETTING ANY CREDIT FROM THEM.
WHY WOULD THEY GIVE ME CREDIT?

FOR ONE, THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH.
SECONDLY, WHY WOULD THEY ACTUALLY CARE ENOUGH
TO GIVE ME CREDIT?

You know how many times I was purposely made to feel
like I'm not good enough? By so many people!

EVEN THOUGH THEY WANTED ME NOT TO FEEL
LIKE I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH...
I DON'T NEED TO FEEL LIKE I'M NOT.

I WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR MYSELF, EVEN.
I felt that if only this or that... I'd "belong."
Or I'd be "accepted." Or even "loved."
IF I COULD SOMEHOW PROVE MYSELF.
BUT WHY SHOULD I GO TO ANY EXTENT
TO PROVE ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF?
HAVEN'T I? OR WERE PEOPLE JUST ABOUT JUDGING ME?

I don't have to try to hold onto people
WHO ALWAYS PUSHED ME AWAY.
THAT WAS THEIR CHOICE, PERIOD. 
TO HAVE ME IN THEIR LIFE, OR NOT.

They've shown me with their ACTIONS AND ATTITUDES...
EVERYTHING THEY DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME...
AND WHY THEY DIDN'T WANT TO TELL ME...
BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT ME TO JUDGE THEM...

They don't tell you things
because if you knew those things...
YOU COULD MAKE A DECISION
THAT DOESN'T FAVOR THEM.
like you could walk away
SO THEY CAN'T USE YOU ANYMORE...

IF IT'S ONE-SIDED, THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE
THAT THEY ARE JUST THERE
TO GET SOMETHING FROM YOU.

And... Often... You're probably better off
NOT BEINGN AROUND CERTAIN PEOPLE.
ESPECIALLY ANYONE SITTING ON THE FENCE
ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE "GOOD ENOUGH"
F*CK THAT SIDEWAYS WITH A SURFBOARD.
(That's a term I came up with). If you like it, use it.
BUT IT CAME FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE MIND
OF "CANADIAN CHICK"

Who wants to be around people
WHO JUST WANT TO JUDGE YOU?
ON EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU?

This is why I'd rather be ALONE.
WHY GO BACK AND FORTH WITH ANYONE
WHEN ALL THEY WANT TO DO
IS GO BACK AND FORTH?

I was in a situation
WHERE THE GUY ONLY CAME AROUND
WHEN IT WASN'T WORKING WITH SOMEONE ELSE
HE CHOSE OVER ME.

WHY TF WOULD THAT BE GOOD FOR ME?
Like "you weren't worth my time and effort
BECAUSE SHE WAS THE ONE I WANTED...
BUT I'LL GO BACK TO YOU
BECAUSE I'M NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT
FROM HER...

If you're in a situation like this...
F*CK THAT SIDEWAYS WITH A SURFBOARD.

No matter how you WISH THEY WOULD HAVE CHOSEN YOU...
NO MATTER HOW YOU WISH YOU WERE GOOD ENOUGH
FOR THEIR TIME AND EFFORT...

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU CARE...
IF THEY KEEP SHOWING YOU
THEY DON'T F*CKING CARE...
THEY F*CKING SHOWED YOU THE FIRST TIME.
NOT THE BILLIONTH TIME...

Because if they DID CARE...
THEY WOULD SHOW THAT.

But, at the same time...
I'VE CARED SO MUCH...
AND I KEPT IT TO MYSELF
BECAUSE I WAS TOO GUARDED.
BEEN HURT SO MANY DAMN TIMES...
TOO MANY DAMN TIMES.

What bothers me, though
IS WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONE OVER AND OVER AGAIN...
AND THEY DON'T F*CKING LISTEN TO YOU
AND GO AFTER SOMEONE WHO TREATS THEM LIKE CRAP.
WHILE TREATING YOU LIKE CRAP.

I've been there, done that.
It sucks that YOU HAVE TO LET THEM SEE FOR THEMSELVES...
AND WHEN THEY REALIZE
WHAT YOU WERE SAYING AND WHY YOU WERE SAYING IT...
IT'S TOO F*CKING LATE
BECAUSE THEY COULD HAVE LISTENED
THE FIRST F*CKING TIME YOU TOLD THEM.
AND THEY CHOSE NOT TO!
IS IT MY FAULT THEY CHOSE NOT TO?
TO VALUE ANYTHING YOU HAD TO SAY?
TO VALUE YOUR FEELINGS?

Anyway, it sucks going through that.
LET ALONE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP GIVING CHANCES
FOR ANYONE TO KEEP THROWING IT AWAY.

Like is it too much to ask for
something you shouldn't have to ASK FOR?

If people want to RUN TF AWAY...
LET THEM KEEP TF AWAY FROM YOU.

TIP: If they run away, they WANT YOU TO CHASE THEM.
FYI: DON'T F*CKING CHASE ANYONE.
BECAUSE: THAT'S F*CKING BS.
ALSO: THAT'S F*CKING GROSS TO DO
LET ALONE KEEP F*CKING DOING!

If they keep running away and keep expecting you to chase them...
IT'S A F*CKING GAME YOU DON'T NEED TO PLAY.
keep them at the place they ran to. Let them stay there.
It was a TEST to see if YOU WILL KEEP PLAYING.
F*CK THAT GAME SIDEWAYS WITH A SURFBOARD.

Also: YOU DON'T NEED TO KEEP GIVING CHANCES
FOR ANYONE TO TREAT YOU THE WAY THEY SHOULD HAVE 
TREATED YOU AT THE F*CKING BEGINNING, PERIOD.

If you could actually help someone, and you tell them...
THE FACTS THEY KEEP IGNORING...
LET THEM KEEP IGNORING IT.
LET THEM F*CK AROUND AND FIND OUT.
BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T FIND OUT...
THEY'D KEEP F*CKING AROUND.
DO YOU HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON THAT BS?
I mean, it's up to YOU if YOU want to waste time on that sh*t.
I WASTED TOO MUCH TIME ON THAT SH*T.

WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO WAKE TF UP!
WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO GROW TF UP!
BECAUSE WHAT IF THEY DON'T?
ARE YOU GOING TO STICK AROUND FOR THAT?!
THAT'S YOUR CHOICE!

Anyway, that is why I've had to make choices.
Different choices, that will help ME elevate...
BECAUSE F*CK LIFTING PEOPLE UP
FOR THEM TO SH*T ON YOU...
IS EXACTLY LETTING THEM SH*T ON YOU.
But do you HAVE TO let them SH*T ON YOU...
ALL BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE LIFTED UP?
LET THEM LIFT THEMSELVES UP!

Because once you LEARN HOW to lift YOURSELF UP...
YOU WON'T FEEL ANY "NEED"
FOR ANYONE ELSE TO DO IT "FOR" YOU.

That's the kind of validation I mean. 
INTERNAL VALIDATION. 
THE BETTER YOU GET AT IT, 
THE BETTER YOU GET AT IT.

Just like: THE MORE YOU SEE, 
THE MORE YOU SEE.
ONCE YOUR EYES ARE OPEN.
YOUR EYES ARE OPEN.

And not just talking about your physical eyes.
It's a different type of "vision."
MORE LIKE A SENSE OF DEEP UNDERSTANDING. 

BECAUSE THE MORE YOU UNDERSTAND, 
THE MORE YOU UNDERSTAND.

THE MORE YOU GROW, THE MORE YOU GROW.
It applies to many things.
Because once the FLOW is there, it's there.

I saw something that came to mind just now...

Someone was connecting a river to an ocean. 
And once that channel was made, 
the currents were so strong, 
that the channel couldn't be undone.

I heard that doing that is illegal because it destroys habitats.

But, I guess I'm trying to get at different kinds of habitats.
HABITATS THAT MIGHT INDUCE CERTAIN HABITS.

However, the more you see and "understand."
YOU GET TO SEE THAT ANY HABITS YOU HAVE
ARE YOUR CHOICES TO HAVE.

DID I EVER HAVE TO START SMOKING?
DID I EVER HAVE TO START ANY HABITS I HAD?
DID I EVER HAVE TO START DRINKING?
DID I EVER HAVE TO LET ANYONE IN?
LET ALONE KEEP GIVING THEM CHANCE AFTER CHANCE?

Or maybe, just maybe, I should have been giving myself those chances.
THAT I WAS GIVING OUT LIKE CANDIES
TO PEOPLE WHO KEPT THROWING OUT
WHAT I WAS GIVING THEM... 

And ONLY WHEN YOU TELL THEM TO F*CK RIGHT OFF...
DO THEY EVEN START LOOKING AT WHAT THEY EVEN DID
IF THEY EVEN DO THAT...

But, here's something...
If you keep giving people chances to do right.
BETTER IN GENERAL.
NOT FOR YOU, FOR THEMSELVES...
BECAUSE REGARDLESS OF YOU BEING IN THEIR LIFE...
THEY WON'T F*CKING GET ANYWHERE
IF THEY DON'T GIVE THEMSELVES CHANCES.
TO REACH THE POINT YOU KNOW THEY COULD REACH.

But if they can't SEE that THEY COULD get to that point,
THEY'LL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE BEING TO HARD
AND TRYING TO PUSH THEM INTO A ROLE
THEY DON'T FEEL LIKE THEY CAN PLAY.
AND THEY'LL GET MAD AT YOU FOR DOING IT.
ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE DOING IT.
THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ENOUGH TO DO IT.

AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN DOING IT FOR YOURSELF. 
YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR THEM.
TO SEE THEY CAN ACTUALLY REACH IT.
To even see they have the potential to reach it...
The potential to reach their potential...

BUT WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN POTENTIAL?
You have potential, too.
AND IT'S JUST AS IMPORTANT FOR YOU
TO REACH YOUR OWN POTENTIAL
REGARDLESS OF ANYONE'S THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS
ABOUT YOU REACHING YOUR OWN POTENTIAL.

Because when you do... YOU'LL P*SS PEOPLE OFF.
BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT IN YOU...
TO BETTER YOURSELF AND THEY CAN EVEN BE JEALOUS.
EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE HAS THAT CHOICE.

They can't be MAD OR UPSET WITH YOU
FOR DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOURSELF
THAT THEY AREN'T WILLING TO DO FOR THEMSELVES.

A lot of the time, people think you are only showing up
TO GET SOMETHING FROM THEM.
BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE DO IT.
I DON'T TEND TO HEAR FROM MY FAMILY
UNLESS THEY WANT SOMETHING.

So when people THINK YOU WANT SOMETHING...
THEY TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ONLY WANT SOMETHING.

And maybe you do, but it's not something FOR YOU.
MAYBE WHAT YOU WANT IS FOR THEM TO WAKE TF UP
FOR THEMSELVES. REGARDLESS OF ANYTHING ELSE.

But if they can't see that... IS IT YOUR FAULT?

A lot of the time, I can't SAY IT IN THE WAY THEY'LL GET IT.
Do you know how long it took for me to "get it"?
BUT GETTING MAD AT ANYONE FOR NOT "GETTING IT"
ISN'T GOING TO GET THEM TO "GET IT."

Mostly because to "get it" they have to see some things, first.
YOU CAN'T FORCE ANYONE TO SEE ANYTHING.
YOU CAN'T FORCE ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
EVEN UNDERSTAND YOU.

And if they don't understand themselves, how can they understand you?
IT'S FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF.
THAT'S WHEN YOU GET THE MOST OUT OF YOURSELF.
Also, you need to be able to see it, in yourself. 
That's where confidence comes from.
EGOISM ISN'T EXACTLY CONFIDENCE.
IT'S OVERCOMPENSATING FOR INSECURITIES.

What I've learned from jealousy is it's to do with insecurity.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE SECURE, YOU DON'T GET JEALOUS.
AND WHEN SOMEONE TRIES TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS
TO PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOU, 
TO TRY TO GET YOU TO FIGHT FOR THEM, 
WHEN YOU'RE SECURE, THAT SH*T DOESN'T WORK.

HEAD GAMES ARE F*CKING BS.

I was in my head for the past 6 years ffs.
Getting dragged THROUGH IT...
BUT I LET MYSELF GET DRAGGED THROUGH IT.
AND I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THAT SH*T.

So I let myself EXIT THAT F*CKING BS.
EXIT STAGE LEFT.
A*** left the f*cking building before it impodes.

If someone burns a bridge with you, they chose to do it.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY KNOW THEY WERE DOING IT
AND STILL CHOSE TO DO IT.

Like when that guy took my bat and smashed my mirror with it.
HE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING.
HE DID IT ANYWAY. BECAUSE HE WANTED TO.

STRAIGHT UP, HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT
NOT TO DO THAT SH*T, ANY OF THAT SH*T, TO ME.

WHY PUT ANY MORE TIME AND EFFORT INTO THAT?
I WOULD HAVE WASTED ANOTHER 6 YEARS...
TRYING, HOPING, WISHING
FOR THEM TO F*CKING NOT DO THAT SH*T.

When I could have spent the time on other things.
Even on myself. My growth. In every aspect of MY life.

WHEN EVERYTHING HE WANTED
HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME...
WHAT I WANT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYONE.

And most people who take you through all kinds of BS.
AND TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED...
DON'T "GET" WHAT THEY DID.
WHAT THEY ACTUALLY DID.
BECAUSE THEY ONLY SEEM TO "GET IT"
WHEN IT'S BEING DONE TO THEM.
AND THEY DON'T LIKE IT.
SO WHY WOULD I?

If they wouldn't want to waste their time on that,
WHY WOULD I?
Would YOU?

You know what I saw? That night that I sent him packing?
217. I saw 217.
I had to make a choice.
To focus on myself and things I want to do.
BECAUSE I TRIED AND KEPT TRYING.
BUT FOR HOW LONG WAS I GOING TO?
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?!

How many times do I have to hear "I'm SORRY"?
FOR WHAT THOUGH? WHAT SPECIFICALLY?
IF YOU CAN'T TELL ME SPECIFICALLY
WHAT YOU'RE "SORRY" FOR...
MISS ME WITH THAT BS "APOLOGY."

BECAUSE YOU COULD TELL THEM FOR THE REST 
OF THEIR F*CKING LIVES
IF YOU HAVE THE TIME TO WASTE DOING IT.

You know what? People are too afraid
Of others abandoning them
THAT THEY ABANDON THEMSELVES
FOR SOMEONE WHO WOULD DO THAT.
For someone they are afraid will do that.

And just because someone is afraid they'll do it
DOESN'T MEAN THEY WILL.
BUT THEY DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED
AS THOUGH THEY WILL.

Anyway, it's been f*cking frustrating MY WHOLE LIFE.
BEING 'MISUNDERSTOOD' ON PURPOSE
BECAUSE THEY NEVER TOOK THE F*CKING TIME.
TO CONSIDER ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
TO EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND
ANYTHING ABOUT ME.

It's been like this: "Let's assume all kinds of sh*t"
"then judge her based on all the assumption I made
that I never had to make about her."

Like when they do EVERYTHING TO PUSH YOU AWAY...
LET THEM STAY TF AWAY.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANTED TO DO, RIGHT?
AND LET THEM STAND ON IT.
ON THEIR DISRESPECT, DISREGARD, EVERYTHING.

Let them f*cking stand on that sh*t.
Let them miss tf out of you, too.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY REALIZE
THAT YOU MEANT THEM WELL.

Because if you let them push you away
and keep letting you come back...
THEY WILL TREAT YOU LIKE A REVOLVING DOOR.

NO, THAT DOOR GOES ONE WAY.
AND LET THEM KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LET THEM BACK IN.
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY COULDN'T OR REFUSED
TO SEE WHAT THEY HAD RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM!

Because if they can't see you for who you are...
WHAT ELSE CAN'T THEY SEE?
WHAT ELSE ARE THEY REFUSING TO SEE?

Same goes for everyone, though.
There usually is something they aren't seeing.
And something they are refusing to see.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF THEY CAN'T.
IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF THEY CAN'T.
OR IF THEY AREN'T READY.

Just like it's NOT THEIR FAULT, 
IF I CAN'T SEE SOMETHING
OR IF I'M REFUSING TO SEE SOMETHING.

But have I blamed others? Yeah.
HAVE OTHERS BLAMED ME? YEAH.

NOBODY CAN BLAME ME FOR ANYTHING
THAT ISN'T MY F*CKING FAULT.

They can TRY TO, BUT IF IT'S NOT MY FAULT, 
I DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR THAT SH*T.

But... Let's put it THIS WAY...
SOME DOORS WE TRY TO OPEN...
ARE NOT F*CKING MEANT FOR US.

Maybe it didn't take off FOR MANY REASONS.
Reasons you can't see. 
But even if you can't see those reasons...
THERE ARE STILL REASONS.

If the reason is that they would rather listen to EVERYONE ELSE,
AND NOT TO YOU... That's a reason.

If the reason is they can't see you for you,
that's a reason. 

If the reason is they don't want to see you doing better than THEM,
THAT'S A REASON.

IF THEY ONLY WANTED TO TAKE FROM YOU, 
THAT'S A REASON.

If you only wanted to PLAY GAMES,
THAT'S A REASON.

They don't see EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH
TO GET WHERE YOU'VE GOTTEN TO.
THEY ONLY JUDGE YOU BASED ON WHERE YOU GOT TO
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T GET THERE.
AND I HAD TO GET HERE ON MY OWN.


But another thing... They don't see all the inner work.
They don't get the concept of it.
They don't understand.
And even if they do, 
THEY DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO DO IT.
I WASN'T TAKING THE TIME TO DO IT.

BECAUSE I WAS WASTING MY TIME.
ON OTHERS WHO WANTED ME TO WASTE MY TIME
WITH THEM WASTING THEIRS.

YOU are ALLOWED TO PULL YOUR ENERGY BACK
TO GIVE IT TO YOURSELF. 
TO GIVE YOURSELF TIME, PATIENCE, ETC.
UNDERSTANDING, LOVE ETC.
EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED FROM SOMEONE ELSE.
((YOU'RE ALLOWED TO DO THAT FOR YOURSELF))
YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SEE YOUR OWN POTENTIAL.
TO GIVE TO YOURSELF.

BUT ONLY IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF.

You know something? I'll drop it.
I wasn't happy because I wasn't allowing myself
TO JUST BE F*CKING HAPPY.
LIKE I ALWAYS NEEDED A REASON.
DID I? DID I REALLY?
Or... Could I just give myself a reason...
Do you want to know the reason?
Here's the reason: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY.
REGARDLESS OF HOW ANYONE FEELS
ABOUT YOU BEING F*CKING HAPPY. 

The reason they aren't happy that you're happy...
IS BECAUSE THEY DON'T F*CKING KNOW HOW.
IS IT YOUR OR MY FAULT

THAT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW?
BECAUSE THEY WANT TO TRY TO MAKE IT
MY RESPONSIBILITY FOR HOW THEY FEEL?

If someone GOES HARD TRYING TO TEAR YOU DOWN,
AND TRYING TO GET YOU TO TEAR YOURSELF DOWN.
FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN THEY THINK IT'S
F*CKING FUNNY...
Let them see how funny it is when someone does it to them.

But yeah, it's easy to think all kinds of things about people
WHEN CERTAIN THINGS ARE BEING SAID ABOUT THEM.
Certain things are said about them for a reason.
They try to distract you, and others about you, for a reason.

Unfortunately, if they think YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE
Will they believe you? When you tell them you're not?
Is it your fault they don't believe you?
Is there something wrong about you if they don't believe you?
IF THEY DON'T BELIEVE YOU, THEY DON'T.
Does it say anything about you?

It's like EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR YOURSELF
THAT ELEVATES YOURSELF
MAKES PEOPLE JEALOUS. 
IT P*SSES THEM OFF.

You don't have to STOP EVELVATING YOURSELF
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO FEEL
BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES.

Is it your fault that you learned how and they didn't?
Is it up to you to TELL THEM, EXPLAIN IT, 
TO HOLD THEIR HAND UNTIL THEY GET IT?

SOMETIMES... THE UNIVERSE TEARS YOU DOWN
AND USES CERTAIN PEOPLE TO DO IT
DOWN TO NOTHING.
UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE NOTHING.
((SO YOU CAN BUILD YOURSELF BACK UP))
INTO WHO YOU'VE BEEN MEANT TO BE.
TO REACH YOUR OWN POTENTIAL.

F*CK ANYONE FOR TRYING TO GET IN THE WAY OF THAT.

There was a guy who kept trying to act
LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO HELP ME.
LIKE HE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS.

MAYBE I HAVE ANSWERS THAT OTHERS DON'T HAVE
THAT THEY THINK I DON'T HAVE.
THAT'S WHY THEY THINK I NEED "HELP."

But mostly, when people try coming back...
It's not for ME. It's for what I have.

There was a guy who likes feet.
Once he said: "I miss your feet."
HE DIDN'T SAY HE MISSED ME.
HE  MISSED MY FEET.

It's more like they miss what I was offering.
And people who want others not to offer something to me
BECAUSE THEY SEE WHAT I COULD OFFER THEM...

Like that guy on the loyalty test thing I saw.
The guy with the microphone was getting them to swap phones.
To see if they were hiding anything from each other.
That one guy... He was in the military...
IT TURNS OUT THAT WHILE HE WAS DEPLOYED...
HIS WIFE HAD A BABY BEHIND HIS BACK
AND HER FRIEND WOULD TAKE CARE OF THE BABY
WHILE HE WAS BACK HOME...
HOW F*CKED UP IS THAT?

She was obviously IN IT FORHIS MONEY.
TO SUPPORT A KID HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.
AND HOW LONG WOULD THAT HAVE KEPT GOING?
HE TRUSTED HER, MARRIED HER AFTER ALL...

Trusted her not to have a baby behind his back...
Let alone not to cheat on him.

You're allowed to change your perspective.
No matter what that looks like for and to anyone else.

What I'm talking about are things like:
PEOPLE WHO ARE OPPORTUNISTS
WILL WORK REALLY F*CKING HARD
TO PAINT YOU AS ONE TO ANYONE AND EVERYONE.
TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.
OR KEEP GETTING WHAT THEY WANT.

LIKE A LEACH CALLING SOMEONE ELSE A LEACH.
AND TRYING TO HIDE THE FACT
THAT THEY ARE DOING WHAT THEY ARE PROJECTING
ONTO SOMEONE ELSE.

I've had this sh*t happen to me.
People trying to convince others that I'm trying to do something.
THAT I WAS NEVER TRYING TO DO.

GOLD DIGGERS CALLING ME A GOLD DIGGER FFS.

IF I WAS A GOLD DIGGER, WHY HAVE I BEEN SINGLE
SINCE F*CKING 2016?!
AND ONLY TRIED TO DATE TWICE AFTER THAT.
ONLY TO LEARN WHY IT WASN'T WORTH IT FFS.
Depends, maybe. Worth a try?

HOWEVER, WHAT WAS WORTH IT
Is realizing that POURING INTO MYSELF IS WORTH IT.
ALL MY EXTRA EFFORTS. My attention. For me, now.

But there's a lot that got into the mix:
People putting their inputs into it.
WANTING YOU TO MOVE BASED ON THE OPINIONS.
LYING TO DISTRACT AND STEER.
LIMITING BELIEFS.
DIFFERENCES...

It's easy to play on things that can be played on.
PEOPLE PLAYING ON THE FEARS ETC.
THAT'S HOW THEY GET IN BETWEEN
PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO REASON TO BE APART.
Because why? They won't be getting something
THEY WANT TO KEEP GETTING
THAT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO GET?
LET ALONE HAVE.

They'll literally COPY YOU AND SPY ON YOU
AND TRY TO BE JUST LIKE YOU
WHILE TRYING TO CUT YOU DOWN...
Hating on YOU because they can't be YOU.

Let them be mad that you are you.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE
BECAUSE IT MAKES ANYONE FEEL ANY TYPE OF WAY.

When you do better FOR YOURSELF
BECAUSE YOU CAN... 
PEOPLE WILL GET MAD AT YOU FOR CHOOSING THAT.
FOR CHOOSING YOUR GOALS.

One guy wanted me to just hang out with him all the time.
AND HE WAS LITERALLY TRYING TO GET ME
TO STOP ME FROM DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO.

HE WAS SO MAD THAT I RODE MY BIKE
DOWN THE HILL
AFTER HE TOLD ME NOT TO
LIKE HE HAD ABSOLUTE CONTROL OVER ME.

And the guy I made the site for...
TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO MOVE IN WITH HIM.
TRYING TO CONVINCE ME TO MARRY HIM.
So that he could have access to me any time he wants.
GUESS WHAT? IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

It's that when I give anyone my time and energy, 
THEY SEEM TO FEEL ENTITLED TO IT.
F*CK THAT! SIDEWAYS WITH A SURFBOARD!

I'm completely FINE whether or not anyone's in my life, or not. 
I've been single for YEARS.

I've had people TELL ME NOT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO
WITH SOMEONE.
THAT PERSON HAD PEOPLE DOING THE SAME.
TELLING HIM NOT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.

Also, someone who KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT THAT PERSON...
GOT JEALOUS OF HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM.
TRIED PINNING US AGAINST EACH OTHER.
BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE WITH ME.
HE WANTED ME TO FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT HIM.
It doesn't work that way!

It took me a while to realize he was doing that.
BECAUSE HE WAS TRYING TO ACT LIKE 
HE WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP ME
WHEN I NEVER ASKED HIM FOR HELP.

What bugs me... Really bugs me...
ARE PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING.

As much as I know (that most don't realize that I know)...
IT WOULD BE STUPID TO ACT LIKE I KNOW EVERYTHNG.

But it also bothers me when people try to paint me
AS SOMEONE WHO DOES THIS.
FOR WHAT? ATTENTION?
FOR SOMETHING I'M SUPPOSEDLY
TRYING TO TAKE FROM SOMEONE?
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD THEM
THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO?

Not everything people say about me is TRUE.
And they wouldn't say it for no reason.
There are reasons they lie to and about me.
FOR CONTROL.
TO GET SOMETHING THEY WANT.
THAT THEY DON'T WANT ME TO HAVE.

EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING AS STUPID AS:
THEY'D GET JEALOUS SEEING ME HAPPY. 
THE ONES WHO GET EXTRA JEALOUS
ARE THE ONES TRYING TO MAKE IT SEEM
LIKE YOU ARE THE JEALOUS ONE.

It's f*cking ridiculous. 
I never thought it was actually like this.
BECAUSE I DON'T DO THAT SH*T.

NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT SOMETHING
GOING TO ANY EXTENT TO HAVE OR KEEP IT,
IF IT'S NOT MEANT FOR ME,
IT'S NOT MEANT FOR ME.

It's OKAY. MORE THAN OKAY.
IF SOMETHING IS NOT MEANT FOR ME.
IF IT'S NOT, IT'S NOT.

Besides that, there are MANY THINGS THAT ARE.
AND THEY DON'T COME IN ANY GUISES OR DISGUISES.
THEY COME AS THEY ARE.
Because they are what they are.

It's that we aren't TAUGHT WHAT THEY ARE.
We aren't taught how to nurture ourselves.
We aren't born knowing how to do that.
HOW CAN WE BE TAUGHT THAT
BY PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?

Going back to  one ofmy other analogies:
If someone has their head SO FAR UP THEIR @SS...
HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A WET FART AND A BREATH OF FRESH AIR?

But it takes for ME TO STOP GIVING PEOPLE MY ATTENTION
FOR THEM TO ACTUALLY WANT IT.
Because they didn't miss it or see the value of having it
WHEN THEY HAD IT.
WHEN THEY COULD HAVE HAD IT.

But also, nobody is entitled to it.
SO WHEN THEY HAD IT, DIDN'T WANT IT,
THEY DON'T GET TO BE ALL LIKE: "I CHANGED MY MIND."
"I want you NOW." Go f*ck yourself.
DIDN'T SEE MY VALUE. SO WHY NOW?

Because you want something? WHAT?
Supposedly I wanted something. But What? Why?
If they can't see what I wanted and why
IT NEVER MATTERED, PERIOD.

So why not focus on the things that DO?