The Striken

I've gotten stuck here, a few times...
But the one thing I need to say is that
IT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW
HOW TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF. 

That's what had me stuck, and still getting unstuck. 
All my life, people who wanted to dominate me
WANTED TO PUT ME IN A BOX.

I'm talking about figuratively. 
It's been hard for most people to understand me.

Partly, because:
I DON'T TYPICALLY PUT MYSELF OUT THERE.
WHEN I DO, I HAVE LEARNED
THAT I NEED TO BE SELECTIVE.

MORE SO NOW THAN BEFORE.

Because of all the things I've been seeing in people
THAT I NEVER THOUGHT COULD BE THE CASE.

THE MORE I'VE BEEN LEARNING,
THE MORE I WANT TO PRESERVE MY ENERGY.

I was watching something, a tarot video. 
The guy was putting everything to a T.

He said that a lot of people don't even see us as a person.
They see us as a means to an end.

I've felt that way all my f*cking life.
Like when I use my "gifts" to show people 
that I have INSIGHT and can see past masks. 
I don't even know why I even can do any of that. 
It started happening around 6 years ago.

When 217 came into my life. 

But when I do that, and people don't believe me...
I HAVE TO LET THEM SEE FOR THEMSELVES.
WHEN/IF THEY DO, THEY COME BACK
AS THOUGH I KNEW ALL ALONG, 
(I DID) BUT IF THEY DIDN'T LISTEN...

And they had to go through all the BS
TO FIGURE IT OUT....
GRANTED, IT TOOK ME SO LONG
TO EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE SOME OF THE THINGS
THAT I SEE, THAT I DON'T KNOW HOW I SEE...

But what really bothers people is that I CAN SEE IT.
THEY DON'T LIKE IT.
IT TOTALLY EXPOSES THEM, THEIR MOTIVES...

But when I tell someone... THE TRUTH...
It's like I had to GO THE LONG WAY AROUND
THE BS PEOPLE TRY TO CREATE FOR ME
TO BLOCK ME, LITERALLY...

But if they SAW IT WHEN IT WAS RIGHT IN THEIR FACE...
BUT IT'S NOT MY JOB TO SHOVE ANYONE'S FACE IN IT.

Like my brother said:
"Just because you have a mirror, doesn't mean
you have to shove it in anyone's face."

I know why several people were going HARD.
THE HARDEST I HAVE EVER SEEN ANYONE GO....

TO TRY TO LITERALLY TAKE EVERYTHING FROM ME.
JUST BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY WANTED TO STEAL IT.
BECAUSE THEY WANTED IT.

Energetically, on the higher and highest level...
Things put us certain paths. 
Whether we walk the path alone, or have someone with us...

The tarot guy was saying what you want vs with what you need.

All the things I used to want, aren't what I need. 

I could get married, if I wanted... 
I've had a few randoms wanting to ask me. 
I had to shut it down because, like before, 
THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THE GREEDIEST WITH ME
WITH MY ENERGY...
THEY SEE ME AS A MEANS TO AN END.

OR ELSE... I WOULD BE ALLOWED
TO CHOOSE MYSELF. 

Often, it pissed me off
THAT SOMETHING COULD BE SO DAMN OBVIOUS
AND YOU COULD SCREAM IT IN THEIR FACE, 
BUT IF THEY THINK X,Y,Z

THEY WILL THINK X,Y,Z
REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY
EVEN IF IT'S TRUTH.

It pissed me off because I treated it like MY JOB
LIKE I WAS OBLIGATED TO DO THAT.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, 
BUT I ACTUALLY DON'T. 

But, wouldn't you do that for someone you cared about?
Someone you loved? For all the right reasons?

But IF THEY CAN'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE
THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT FOR THAT REASON.
THE ONLY TRUE, GOOD, REASON...

It's the conundrum between wanting to help,
versus everything that gets in the way
OF ANYONE EVER UNDERSTANDING
ANYTHING ABOUT ME
WHEN THEY WANT IT ALL ABOUT
EVERYTHING THEY WANT.
All the time. 
Why? Because I'm only there...

And when anyone sees something good being in my life,
whether a person or whatever, they want to sabotage me.


"Oh, you want that?" Nope.
NOT WHEN WHAT YOU WANT IS A MEANS TO MY ENDS.
Or a means to your own ends...

THAT'S WHY I DON'T TELL MOST PEOPLE.
ESPECIALLY NOW THAT MY INTUITION
IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN IT USED TO BE.

It's unfortunate because I F*CKING TOLD THEM.
BUT WILL I KEEP TELLING THEM?
Because I don't have to keep telling ANYONE.

When people try talking me into something
THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT
They are trying to talk me into something THEY WANT
AND I AM ALLOWED TO WANT WHAT I WANT.

Like that guy trying to talk me into marriage
WHEN IT'S NOT ABOUT WHAT HE F*CKING WANTS.
IT'S MY F*CKING CHOICE, PERIOD.

That's what they don't like about me, that I see that.
BECAUSE IT MEANS THEY CAN'T GET WHAT THEY WANT.
IT'S NOT FOR ME TO GIVE EVERYONE WHAT THEY WANT.
I HAVE A LIFE AND WANT THINGS FOR MYSELF
THAT ONLY I CAN DO FOR MYSELF. 

They either don't want to just let me do what I need to do...
For myself...  OR THEY WANT TO JUST GET
AS MUCH FROM ME AS I'LL LET THEM HAVE...

That's why I keep to myself more and more.
I'd like to network, ideally, but... 
There's more to life than superficial things, 
but soooo many superficial people...
WHO OPERATES ON SUPERFICIAL MOTIVES...

YET THEY JUDGE PEOPLE WHO DON'T. 
and act like THEY are the ones who aren't. 
BY TRYING TO ACT LIKE YOU ARE...

That's why often, I've had people want to fight me.
TO TRY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I'M CRAZY
JUST TO SAY I'M CRAZY.

But it's mostly that the people doing it
ARE F*CKING GREEDY
BECAUSE EITHER THEY WANT SOMETHING I HAVE
OR WANT SOMETHING I COULD HAVE.

Let's make A*** seem this way or that way
BECAUSE IF WE SUCCEED IN DOING IT
NOBODY WILL WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER.

It's total projection. 
And everything that they do to try to block me.


I've had people telling me
WHY I SHOULDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH SOMEONE
BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT SOMEONE
TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME.

Because THEY WANTED THEIR POSITION. 
Like: Pick me instead of them. 

It's manipulation and projection. 

I had a "friend" who kept trying to dig dirt.
ON SOMEONE I NEVER ASKED HIM TO.
BUT HE WANTED ME TO GIVE UP ON HIM
TO HAVE ME TO HIMSELF. 

And when two people are perfect for each other,
THAT HAPPENS ON BOTH SIDES
BECAUSE OF JEALOUSY.

Especially when they CAN CLEARLY SEE
THAT THE TWO PEOPLE
EVERYONE WANTS TO KEEP APART...
COULD HAVE EXTREME POTENTIAL
TO BE THE PERFECT MATCH.


Anyway, I've had that happen, but with a lot more involved.
Because one of the 'separation' tactics is lying, 
manipulating, projecting... 

And the more who get involved in the "situation"
FOR THE WRONG REASONS...
THE WORSE IT'LL BE FOR THEM.
BECAUSE "ENERGETICALLY"
THINGS NEED TO BALANCE OUT.

Kind of like lightning. As an example, 
The lightning is "attracted" to certain things.
The lightning is electric. Electricity is energy.

Not long ago, there was the storm at the beach.
Let's pick it apart like a metaphor, okay?

The "lifeguards" told "everyone" "in the water"
To "get out of the water."
BECAUSE ELECTRICITY AND WATER DON'T MIX.
They also told everyone NOT TO STAND UNDER THE TREES.
We couldn't look at the storm itself
BECAUSE IT WAS BLOWING SAND OFF THE BEACH
INTO ANYONE'S EYES WHO TRIED LOOKING AT IT.

Eventually, AFTER BLOWING WINDS...
THE STORM SHIFTED AND CHANGED DIRECTION.

So, who are the lifeguards? In this scenario...
THEY ARE THE PROTECTORS, THE WATCHERS.
Announcing the storm, they knew before the storm hit
THAT THE STORM WAS COMING.
AND IT'S THEIR JOB TO KNOW ABOUT THESE THINGS.

The lifeguards have their proceedures for their job.
They have it in them to do this job, or else they wouldn't be lifeguards.

So the announcement about the storm is true. 
THEY WOULDN'T ANNOUNCE THE STORM 
IF THERE WASN'T A STORM COMING.
IF THERE WASN'T A STORM COMING, 
THERE WOULD BE NO NEED TO ANNOUNCE ANYTHING.
Their job ISN'T to lie to tell us a storm is coming, if there isn't one.

They told everyone, especially the people in the water
THAT THE STORM IS COMING.

It's everyone's responsibility to get themselves out of the path
OF THE STORM COMING UP...

That's WHY they told everyone.
To prepare them for the event of the storm. 
TO GET THEM TO GET THEIR BUTTS OUT OF THE WATER...

So with that... Electricity and water don't mix. 

Electricity is energy. Certain energies that we can't see.
Let's put it this way, we can't often see
WHEN A STRIKE WILL HAPPEN.
WHERE THE STRIKE WILL LAND.
HOW THE STRIKE WILL IMPACT.

BUT IT ISN'T UP TO US
WHETHER OR NOT A STORM WILL COME.

"Sometimes storms come to clear a path."
Because it can be so POWERFUL that it can 
TEAR DOWN OR BLOW DOWN
ANYTHING... EVERYTHING.
INCLUDING 'FALSE CONSTRUCTS.'

But here's the thing... Seeking "shelter" from the storm.
The first place WE THINK TO GO
OUT OF THE RAIN, IS UNDER A TREE...

But trees get hit by lightning.
Strong winds will break branches that can fall on our heads etc.

Metaphorically, the TREES are the FIRST PLACE WE THINK TO GO.
Where is the first place you think to go?
THINK... In your head. 

Any "safe" place might not exactly be "safe."
Just because WE THINK IT IS doesn't mean it is.

I've thought so many things that are not, weren't the case.

What are the "branches" "breaking"?

For a TREE, the branches are WHAT CAN BREAK AND FALL.
THE ROOTS DON'T USUALLY UPROOT.
BUT WHEN THEY DO, THE BRANCHES BLEW
SO FAR TO ONE SIDE THAT THE TREE UPROOTS.

Usually, that doesn't happen unless the storm is WILD.
OR UNDER A LOT OF WEIGHT AND PRESSURE.
IN ANY DIRECTION. 

Whether the branches are from "family tree" 
or branches that develop "friendships" etc.


But from ice storms... 
The weight of the ice on the branches
snap the branches off, or pull them down to the ground
that can actually split the tree's trunk down the middle.
LIGHTNING CAN SPLIT A TREE DOWN THE MIDDLE.

Lightning goes for the highest point.
SO DESPITE STANDING UNDER TREES
ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.

STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD
ISN'T A GOOD IDEA
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU THE HIGHEST POINT.

Standing in WATER isn't a good idea.
WATER IS A CONDUIT. 

Yet, when it's storming, there's water everywhere.
IF IT'S RAINING.


But this storm I saw was at a beach, it was crossing the river.
BLOWING SAND IN MY EYES
SO THAT I COULDN'T WATCH IT.
I COULD BARELY LOOK AT IT
WITHOUT GETTING SAND IN MY EYES.

Getting sand in your eyes...
THAT CAN BE DETRIMENTAL.
AS DETRIMENTAL AS GETTING STRUCK
BY BRANCHES OR LIGHTNING.

But the sand BLOWING INTO THE EYES...
That's not just a distraction, 
it's to PREVENT US FROM LOOKING AT THE STORM.
SO THAT WE CAN'T SEE WHAT'S COMING. 

I just thought about the funniest clip I've seen.
It was a weather guy... He was trying to "cover" a storm.
But the storm literally blew a stop sign at him. 
It was soooo funny because:
1) unexpected.
2) That doesn't usually happen.

Just the fact it happened...
So, back to the metaphor, because there's a part at the end...

Electricity, it comes from somewhere.
EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE IT COMES FROM NOWHERE.
JUST LIKE STORMS.

Multiple strikes can strike at once, hit at once...
Lightning is pretty intense because of the concentration.
All that energy is concentrated into the strike.
The strike can last seconds...
It actually goes into the ground if it doesn't hit anything.

IT CAN CAUSE FIRES.
IT CAN CAUSE ELECTROCUTION.
Electrocution can cause death.
But not always...

I saw a clip where a guy got struck 3 times.
Each time he "woke up" because he went unconscious. 
Each time that he woke up, he stood up, 
took a few steps forward, and got struck again. 

But he survived each time. To watch it was pretty wild. 

To continue with this metaphor...
The storm, at the beach... It spun in another direction. 

It was heading right to us. The direction it started in.
But it turned to the right and headed down the river.
It was heading to us, barely touched us.

Only a few drops....
It came in STRONG THOUGH.
The leaves blow inside out.
The underneath the leaves will show
WHEN THERE'S A STORM
OR WHEN RAIN IS COMING.

The grand finale... The sound of thunder...
What actually creates that sound...
Air crashing into air.

The air that gets DISPLACED by the strike...
RUSHES BACK INTO PLACE.
IT CRASHES INTO PLACE.
AIR CRASHING INTO AIR.
TO FILL THE SPACE OF THE STRIKE.

THAT'S WHY THE CLOSER THE STORM
THE LOUDER THE THUNDER.

THE FURTHER THE STORM
THE 'QUIETER' THE THUNDER.

When you use that as a metaphor, 
SOMETHING TAKES THE SPACE OF THE STRIKE.
AIR JUST FILLS IT UP LIKE IT DID BEFORE THE STRIKE.

All of that is energetic. The strike itself, yes, 
but the mechanics of the whole thing.
Of everything.
Even our mechanics.

But it's like nature's karmic. 
The karma of the air being replaced after being displaced.
WITH THE POWER OF THUNDER.
Loudly, proudly.
with a CLAP.
Clap back.

Because not even a strike
Can stop air from being there.
In the place it's in. Where it's supposed to be.

The strike is only a temporary disruption in the air.

LOTS OF THINGS IN OUR LIVES
ARE TEMPORARY DISRUPTIONS.


Thoughts, feelings, even wanting what we once wanted.
Thinking back to where I was in my 20s...
WHAT I WANTED, REALLY WANTED...
WAS A FULFILLING EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIP.

THE PERSON I TRUSTED.... I REALIZED
THAT I COULDN'T. 

At one time, I wanted to marry the guy...
He wasn't for me. In many ways...
I didn't like who I was back then, either.
I was doing things for the wrong reasons.
I had to grow up, essentially. 
WITHOUT HIM OR I JUST WOULD NOT HAVE.

MAYBE I MIGHT HAVE, 
BUT IT WAS LIKE BEING HELD BACK
FROM MY OWN GROWTH.

IN A SENSE THAT IF I GREW, 
I WOULD BE "BETTER"
THAN THE VERSION OF MYSELF
WHEN I GOT INTO THAT RELATIONSHIP.

It's hard to explain. 
Back then, I was 16. 
In my beliefs, I wouldn't have been able
TO MAKE THE LEAPS AND BOUNDS
THAT I'VE MADE EMOTIONALLY
AND SPIRITUALLY
IF I WAS STILL IN THAT RELATIONSHIP.

I wouldn't know myself as much as I do, now.
I wouldn't have developed my SELF.
In a healthier way than I was "trying" to, before.
I might not have matured in the ways that I have, today. 

Being on my own, single, helped me to do that.
A FREEDOM TO MAKE MY OWN CHOICES.
LEARNING TO RESPECT MYSELF
MORE THAN I USED TO.

Because if I had respected myself, 
I wouldn't have put myself in certain situations.
BUT DID I LEARN? YES, I DID.

And I'm still having things to learn.
BUT WHAT I HAVE ALREADY LEARNED
I HAVE ALREADY LEARNED
AND I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT
IF I HADN'T EXITED.


Anyway, some things happen for a reason. 

Even when there doesn't seem to be a reason, 
there's a reason for things...