One Step Forward

Someone who lost my respect came back to do something for me, yesterday.
He was pretty much there to get his stuff, but he didn't have to.
Could have just left it there, like he said he was going to do.

He cleaned up the broken glass and took it out for me.
And that was the very least he could have done, he did that.
After 7 months. Of bullsh*t about it.

See how easy that was? He did it.
COULD HAVE SOON AS DID IT 7 MONTHS AGO.

That's the thing, I didn't have to hold onto his stuff for him. 
HE EXPECTED ME TO.

Maybe he did that because he's realized that's what he needed to do.
People can forgive, but it's another thing to give anyone any more chances.
THAT THEY DIDN'T APPRECIATE HAVING
WHEN THEY HAD IT.

But I can respect the honest EFFORT and WILL.
That's what I was asking to see.

BECAUSE I DON'T ASK FOR A LOT.
JUST SOMETHING TO RESPECT.

Wasn't expecting it.
But a lot came with all of that I wasn't expecting. 
Because it's not a huge ASK NOT TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT.

THEN BE EXPECTED TO DO SOMETHING MORE?
ON TOP OF WHAT WAS BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED?

WHO WANTS THAT? Would they? Would you? Why would I?

That's why I'm good with spending time by myself. 
I get to do the things that interest me.

I get to do what I gotta do, for myself. 
Which I should be doing, anyway? Right?

I don't like being drained, emotionally.

Whether it's someone trying to cling to me, 
(I don't like the way it feels).

When I'm okay, I'm okay. 
When I'm doing better than okay, 
I'm doing better than okay.

When I'm barely hanging on,
I'm barely hanging on. 

But I've still go to live my live
and do the things I gotta do, for me.

I don't get lonely.
I don't feel most of the ways I used to feel...
It's a load off of me.

But trying to explain something that people don't want to hear
because the way they think is just the way they think.
SO THEY DON'T LISTEN.

How do you explain something to someone who doesn't listen?
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN...

It's not like they couldn't just listen the first time.
It's that they didn't want to.
OR ELSE THEY WOULD HAVE.
Because they could have.

Usually, by the time they realize they should have...
I've already given up.

Because if you don't listen, 
YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T TELL YOU 
FROM THE F*CKING START
AND NOT MY FAULT IF NOBODY BELIEVES ME.

And easier to project at someone telling the truth
than to accept that the truth isn't what you thought it was.
OR WAS TOLD IT WAS.

Things can be so ridiculous, they're ridiculous. 
Over and beyond.
I've had enough of over and beyond. 
I didn't sign up for over and beyond.

A lot of people have a way of overcomplicating things.
But I can't change someone's thinking for them. 
It would be like someone trying to change my thinking. 

Although, if they could, it'd illuminate some things for me...
If the way I think, is the way I think, 
I would think whatever way I think. 
If you thought yourself into a box, you have to think yourself out of it.

It's not like someone just comes, unpacks your box FOR you.
They might give you some hints, clues, whatever...
BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO IT, FOR YOURSELF
YOU WON'T DO IT FOR YOURSELF.
AND I'M NOT THERE TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ANYONE.

It's been NOBODY'S JOB to unpack anything for me.
OR TO DEAL WITH MY STUFF, FOR ME.
THAT IS NOT THEIR JOB.

Like all my emotional issues etc, have been MINE. 

There was a case I saw where the defense team
WAS TRYING TO MAKE HER TO BE THE VICTIM
OF HER OWN EMOTIONS
AS TO HER DEFENSE... WTF!

Like "her jealousy overtook her. She couldn't control it."
"It was her jealousy's fault, not her's."

Should I be like "It's my anger's fault, not mine"?

For all they know, I'm "crazy."
Well, you do things to try to get a reaction from me
JUST TO GASLIGHT ME.

And this literally happens to people, not just me.
But when it does, nope, I'm out.

Or is "being crazy" an excuse to just do a bunch of sh*t to me?
THAT THEY WOULDN'T DO TO ANYONE
THEY WANTED RESPECT FROM.

And when it turns out they were wrong about me, 
that's them being wrong about me.

BECAUSE I COULD KEEP TELLING THEM THE TRUTH
BUT BECAUSE IT'S ME TELLING THEM...
WHY LISTEN TO ME?

There has to be a point in time where I'm just like: "Okay."
"I've had enough of this sh*t."

If not wanting to be like everyone else is what sets me apart, 
I AM OKAY WITH THAT.
BUT IT F*CKING BOTHERS PEOPLE
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY.

Can't I just be myself
without anyone feeling any type of way about it?
They can go do them...

But it's like being around certain people drains me.
Then being put through that because of something THEY are used to?
Then they WANT you to get used to it so they keep doing it.

NOPE. No excuses for it.
If I don't do it to you, don't do it to me.
If you wouldn't do it to someone else, don't do it to me.