Headaches

I'm working on a coding project. 
That's nothing new. 

I want to make a small app thing. 
Just to try it out. Possibly get better at it.

Web stuff is great, someone told me 
I should get into apps. He said, tarot, too.

Some are really good readers.
One of my favorites hasn't uploaded any new videos
for the second part of June and nothing for July.

The last time I was at the beach, it was just a regular day.
Then the lifeguards told everyone to get out of the water
because there was a storm coming.

It was windy, couldn't look at the clouds
because the wind was blowing sand from the beach.

We were told not to sit or stand under the trees.
The branches, they are thick and heavy. 
When there are crazy storms, even trees get uprooted.

We don't get crazy storms all the time, but we've had them.
The Ice Storm and the Dericho from a few years ago.

Anyway, with the ice, the weight of the ice
is enough to split a tree down the middle. 

But... Even a strong wind that can take branches down. 
Especially if the wind is strong enough to make a tree BEND.
If they can bend, they can snap.

There's a really big oak tree at the beach, 
and those branches are thick enough to cause damage.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
STAND UNDER A TREE.


Despite the fact that trees can get hit by lightning....
BRANCHES CAN BREAK OFF.
WHEN THEY DO, THEY FALL ON HOUSES, CARS
AND ON PEOPLE!

I wanted to watch the cloud coming in. 
It didn't even really rain. A few drops, 
then it kind of turned and went right, 
passing the beach all together.

The sand blowing from the beach...
People were starting to brace for it, like hunkering down...
But it just turned, and passed.

I've been smoking more pot recently. 
Someone gave me some and I've been smoking it
BUT IT'S BEEN GIVING ME A HEADACHE.

WHAT'S ALSO GIVING ME A HEADACHE...
IS THIS PROJECT.

When I get one part done, the other part doesn't work. 
It's A.I generating the code for me. A.I's not perfect.
But it would take years to come up with it without help.

I'm a coder, not a programmer.
Programming's the hard part, for sure. 

So I keep asking for the code for certain functions.
Sometimes the code doesn't work. 

I have a "log box' thing so when I push the button, 
or "click" it... It logs if the function went off correctly
or it'll show an error message.

That's the best thing to do while coding something.
Well, programming something.
To know if the scripts scripted like they are supposed to script.

But working with chatgpt, it's not perfect.
So it's still cut and paste, but it's more intricate than that.

It's an app that accesses your webcam and then I want it to record.
That's a challenge, well, the whole thing is challenging. 

But when the recording stops, it's supposed to turn the recording
into a gif and then the gif is supposed to download to your device.

So this is A HUGE CHALLENGE.

To get it to actually record.
Then to actually create the gif from the recording.
Then to actually get it to download.

So those things, aren't easy tasks for people
WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROGRAM TO DO.

But of course, AI has its limitations.
So do humans...

My head just really fkn hurts tonight. 
I'd smoke a joint and lay down, 
but I need to get a new lighter and it'll just
get me high briefly. 

When I take time off from smoking, 
I can actually get high. 

I'm not writing about getting high to endorse it.
I'm just explaining why my head hurts. 

I quit smoking pot a few times.
It's not impossible to quit. 
I mean, I quit drinking... 
I quit smoking cigarettes...

There's more to life than getting high.
There's more to life than a lot of things...

It's like the only break from my thinking
IS SLEEPING, but even then... 

I wake up and it's all over again. 

Writing's a bit of a break from thinking, too.
It's at least a buffer on some stuff.
Sometimes it's barely a buffer, 
but there are times I need that buffer...

It's hard to explain. 
A lot of things are hard to explain. 

Like even if I tried... 

BUT IT BUGS ME THAT IF I TELL THE TRUTH...
THEY WOULD LISTEN TO IT
IF IT CAME FROM SOMEONE ELSE.


That's when I stop wasting my time.
I should have stopped several years ago, honestly.

IF PEOPLE ARE NOT READY TO HEAR IT,
THEY AREN'T READY FOR IT.

If they won't hear it from me, they just won't. 
Can't force anyone's eyes or ears open. 
Or their heart for that matter.


And I can't put my life ON HOLD FOR ANYONE.
WAIT THE REST OF MY LIFE
FOR SOMEONE WHO'S NOT READY?


And what bugs me is people thinking they can just
TREAT ME HOWEVER TF THEY WANT
AND I'M JUST GOING TO FORGIVE THEM
AND JUST STICK AROUND 
TO BE TREATED BADLY AGAIN, OR WORSE.

It bugs me to be expected to do things.
Like staying where I'm not feeling heard, wanted, respected etc.
WHERE THINGS WEREN'T F*CKING FAIR, TO ME.
AND NOT F*CKING RIGHT, PERIOD.

JUST BEEN TIRED OF THIS F*CKING SH*T.
FOR A LONG DAMN TIME.