Was It Worth It?

What bugs me is that you can be THERE for someone
AND THEY EXPECT IT BECAUSE THEY GOT USED TO IT
Then when you stop being THERE for someone... 

I've had to just STOP being there for people
WHO COULDN'T GAF ABOUT ME
UNTIL I STOP BEING THERE FOR THEM.

It's like for them to actually take me seriously... I have to walk away?
Why is that? When I was there, did they have any regard for me?

I already wrote about all the crap from the end of last year.
It's okay to outgrow someone or something. 

When you're ready, and someone else isn't...
When you didn't break something... Don't have to fix it.

Been the one who tried fixing things THAT I DIDN'T BREAK.

BUT WHAT IS HARD for them to deal with
is if you do BETTER without them. 

When you're good on your own, 
and don't need the type of validation others seem to need. 
THAT'S INTIMIDATING. 

When you're okay with yourself
to the point that validation is something you give yourself.
Not want from or seek from (or both) others.

I used to be like that. I wanted validation. 
Except, I wanted it from people who were actually jealous. 
Of my independence, of things I've had to learn how to do.

They don't like it.

Also, with no accountability, where does that go? Nowhere?
I won't hold myself accountable for someone else's immaturity. 
Already did enough of that. 
Can drive yourself insane apologizing for someone else's mistakes.
Especially when they got so used to it
they expect you to do it TO MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE
THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG!!!

The thing I did was hold them accountable. That's it.
I didn't retaliate. I didn't do anything 'psycho.'
EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN BEYOND P*SSED
JUST LIKE THEY WOULD BE IF I'D DONE ANY OF THAT...

It's just that the one who was always there
TRYING TO MAKE THINGS WORK
WHEN THEY DIDN'T GIVE ENOUGH OF A F
TO PUT IN THE TIME OR EFFORT, FOR ME.
TO SHOW UP FOR ME...

Why would I KEEP WAITING FOR THEM TO DO THAT?
LET ALONE COME GET THEIR THINGS OUT OF HERE?

I could have sopped up his stale p*ss with his clothes.
But...I'm too mature to do that.
Fortunately, for him.

THAT alone should be something to appreciate about me.

ALL THE ATTENTION THEY USED TO GET FROM ME....
DON'T HAVE THE TIME LIKE THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME.

Stand on business when it comes to DISRESPECT.
IF YOU KEEP LETTING SOMEONE DISRESPECT YOU,
THEY WILL KEEP DOING IT.

AND EVEN WORSE, THEY'LL DO IT TO YOUR FACE.

I know this, I've lived it.
You. Do. Not. Have. To. Give. Anyone. MORE. Chances
TO PLAY IN YOUR FACE.

And even 'the bigger person' gets TIRED of being 'the bigger person.'
But when A***'s not around anymore to take advantage of...
Then they want to know how I'm doing?
They want to know what I'm up to?

Another thing... 
Some people want to know what you're doing
TO FIND NEW WAYS TO HURT YOU.

Remember when I wrote about that 'friend'
who wanted to keep me distracted from my goals
BECAUSE I HAD OPPORTUNITIES HE DIDN'T?
BUT INSTEAD OF ASKING ME...
WANTS ME TO FAIL BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANT TO ASK ME.

Who has the time for that?
I'd rather just go my own way and do my own thing... 
BECAUSE IT'S MY LIFE.

They only got validation from me waiting on THEM.
Because they were valid as long as they kept me WAITING.
These are the kind of immature BS tactics that don't work anymore.
Anything that might have worked
WHEN I THOUGHT I NEEDED VALIDATION
from someone who just intentionally wouldn't
so they could be VALID to me
because they weren't giving BACK to me.

Like what do they expect? Me to keep waiting? For what?
Already did that. For as long as I was willing to. 
Am I now? No.

It's okay to choose yourself over ANYONE'S BS.
Over BS in general. 
Don't ever do that to yourself by not choosing yourself. 
Because I've done that. I owe myself more than that.
You do, too.

Do you know how much crap I put myself through
BY STAYING FOR MORE BS? Way too much!!!
I didn't have to!!! I didn't!!!
That's why I did it to myself
HOPING THINGS WOULD CHANGE.
HOPING TO BE ACTUALLY VALUED.

And when they KNOW that you didn't deserve that
BUT THEY INTENTIONALLY GO OUT OF THEIR WAY...
TO DISRESPECT YOU TO YOUR FACE...

You absolutely do not have to stay, period.    

Then they want a CHANCE TO MAKE IT RIGHT?!?
When they never had to even be about it!!!

WHEN THEY ALREADY KNEW YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT!!!
So then WHY WAS IT SO HARD NOT TO DELIBERATELY
F*CK ME AROUND? LET ALONE MULTIPLE TIMES?

They intended to do it, they chose to do it, they chose to be ALL about it...
BECAUSE THEY DID IT. ALL OF IT.
By choice!!!

And what did I choose? To just do me? Because I can?
Been all about it when they weren't. Was all for it. Now?
But... Why am I not all about it now?
Was all about it, before...

But now that I'm not... Then? Why now?
It's a hit to the ego to JUST MOVE ON by myself. 

Was I given a choice? Yeah. 
I gave myself the choice. Them or me.
Give give give, deplete myself
FOR SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY DIDN'T APPRECIATE ME.

While they gave gave gave, depleted THEMSELVES
FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T APPRECIATE THEM.

That's what grinds my gears.
BECAUSE THEY COULD HAVE GIVEN BACK TO ME.
NOT TO THE ONE WHO DIDN'T APPRECIATE THEM. 

Even to show me they appreciated the fact I was giving to them. 
(It's not about that) but when they are giving to someone else...

But when you get pushed to that point when you've given
WAY MORE than you ever got back. 
And what you actually got back was a load of BS...
Games, lies, and BS.

I've already been through that. For too long. 
You push someone away with your BS long enough and far enough...
They don't have to come back.
Neither do I, neither do you.

Immaturity does it for me. It's exhausting. 
Why waste my energy on that?
If they want to, with the immaturity around THEM, 
they can be my guest. Welcomed to it.

Sucks if that's all they know...
But deep down, I know they know better.

BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT
TO SOMEONE THEY WANT TO KEEP IN THEIR LIFE.

Someone put it to me this way:
Even if you wanted it to work out, 
you'd be dealing with the fantasy of it working out,
not the reality of how it's actually gone...

Because since it already went like that...
They weren't being about it... When they could have.
Could have done a lot of things. Didn't.

So then they want to come BACK? Out of REGRET
that they didn't see what they could have had
WHEN THEY HAD THE CHANCE TO HAVE IT.

How many chances? I'm limiting chances. 
I STOPPED HANDING OUT CHANCES LIKE CANDIES.

Was all fun and games, when they wanted to play games.
They played, they lost. Simple as that.
I don't have to keep playing just because they want to play with me.

I see that sh*t for what it is and it doesn't interest me, at all. 
Never did and it never will. 

When someone loses my interest because what they are ABOUT
is of NO interest to me... It's not even practical...

Yeah, I would have been entertaining the fantasy of it. Not the reality.
If I were to take this person BACK to play again.
It'd just be as funny as they thought it was, before.

The reality of it is everything I've already seen.
I don't expect any different than I've already been shown. 
Especially after I've already seen it. More than once.

Also, they don't get to come back to me
TO RUN AWAY FROM THE MESS THEY CREATED.

After they BURN all the bridges...
Then try to rebuild the bridge they burned with me...

Because they have nowhere else to go?
Am I the last resort? No.
Why should I be the one worth running back to...
BUT NOT WORTH THE TIME AND EFFORT?
WHILE I WAS RIGHT THERE.

But the one lying, cheating, stealing was worth it?