The Most In A While

Been getting the urge to write more than usual.
Maybe as a way to get my frustrations out. 

Developed a new addiction. 
Chewing on cinnamon sticks. 
It's probably a good idea to see how much 
can safely be consumed. 

Because people can actually overdose on things
that they wouldn't think would kill them.

As an example: It's not good to drink too much water.
There was a radio show that did a contest
where people had to drink loads of water and hold their pee
to win a Wii.

One person died as a result of that contest, 
but they signed a waiver
and probably didn't think they were going to die
from drinking too much water.

So how much is too much cinnamon?
For a long time, I couldn't spell cinnamon. 
I had to break the word into parts. 
Like with tomorrow -tom - or -row. 
Or Wednesday -wed -nes -day.
Cinna-mon 

Or you can make an L with your left hand. 

It's kind of weird and funny, but when I think about left and right...
I go back to when I was a kid, at the location
that I learned left and right, at the bus stop near where I lived. 
And when I went to that French Immersion school 
Droite et Gauche 
Gauche is left. Droite is right.

Anyway, in the first grade, they had those two words
at the top corners of the chalkboard in the classroom.

Learned quite a bit of basic French at that school. 
I think I went to that one because I was in the district. 
We did speak English there, but it was encouraged to speak French. 

In Grade 6, regular school, we were learning stuff I'd learned in kindergarten. 
Kind of hard to live in this city without picking up some French. 
Also, all the government and public service jobs here require you to be bi-lingual. 

It was weird going out west and there was hardly any French, anywhere. 
I'm not sure exactly where the cut-off is,
but I heard that Alberta doesn't have much French, either.

French is here, mostly Quebec, and the Maritimes.
Not all of the Maritimes, but some of it.

Today I got so angry that I was shaking. 
I wish I could just stop being angry 
but a lot of crap that's been unfair, to me, 
has really been getting to me.  

It's like all my life, I've had to suppress it. 
Because I could have snapped a long time ago. 
But what I'm not given any credit for, is the restraint I actually have. 

BECAUSE IF IT WERE THEM, 
THEY'D BE LIVID. 

I'm on medication. Mood stabilizers. 
They work, most of the time. 
But I have to learn how to turn it into something else.
I'm not bitter. Sure, I'm angry. 
But crying about it, or being angry about it
ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

It bothers me because if it's not hard
to treat others the way they should be treated, 
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TREAT ME THE SAME?

I keep going back to the time with that teacher. 
IT WAS EASY FOR HER NOT TO DO THAT TO ANYONE ELSE.
IN THE ENTIRE CLASS.
And what about all the OTHER classes?
I'm sure she taught other classes, not just mine.

And the nurses who wouldn't stop
EVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES
TO TIE THE GUY'S PANTS
BECAUSE HE COULDN'T DO IT HIMSELF. 
FIVE MINUTES!!!! 

There was a video that came up in my feed. 
I haven't watched it yet, 
but a guy was bleeding out on the operating table
and the nurses just let him die
BECAUSE THE DOCTOR WENT HOME.
It happened in Korea. 

The thumbnail looked disturbing... 
The nurse like 6 feet away from the guy DYING
and she was sitting there TEXTING. 

Something f*cked up happened at the hospital around the corner.
A woman went in because she was having really bad neck pain. 
The hospital sent her home, 
but she died within hours. 
Had they checked her out properly, 
she would have gotten the care she needed to LIVE.
 
These things happen in Canada, too. 
People dying in waiting rooms....

But imagine DYING feet away from someone TEXTING.
"The doctor went home, not my problem."
But as a doctor, how can you just "go home"
leaving someone on the operating table to just bleed out?

From what I was hearing, the GST money
from all of Canada, just GST... 
Has been going to pay the INTEREST ON THE NATIONAL DEBT.

Not to things that it could be going to...
But why is the debt so damn high?
Maybe because of reckless spending?
Investing so much in things we don't need...
Increasing taxes, rent, food costs, etc. 

I heard a rumor that Trudeau won't be running in the next election. 
I don't know if it's true, but I hope it is. 

The thing up here about politics is that it's either
One party or the other party. 

One thing I also heard was that a politician 
was talking about covering free birth control.
Because of women's rights.

Okay, fine. 
BUT CERTAIN MEDICATIONS
THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY NEED
AREN'T BEING COVERED. 

The only reason for free birth control I'd agree with
is that a woman who gets r'd she won't get pregnant.
Since I know that anti-abortionists
are against it even in cases of r.

And someone brought up that there were complications
with a pregnancy a lady she knew had. 
She AND her baby would die. 
So then would it have saved her life?
At least?

So yes, there are certain rights.
But as I know, certain rights seem to trump others. 
So then those rights can't seem to be upheld.
How can they be? If others' rights seem to trump yours?

It seems that certain people have more rights than I do.
Do I not have the SAME rights as the others
WHO WERE IN MY CLASS
THAT DIDN'T GET THAT BS FROM THE TEACHER
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE...???

Do I not have the SAME rights
as the other students who were allowed to participate
in the training thing?

EVEN TO KNOW THE REASON WHY I WASN'T?

And what if it was ME playing in someone ELSE'S FACE?!
What if it was ME saying the SAME sh*t
that people SAY TO MY FACE?

Never mind to my face in front of everyone...
In front of anyone...

I feel my blood boiling, simmering. 
Of course I know better than to lash out. 
Of course I know better than to go over the top. 
Because if I did, I'd be in jail. 

And the part about people trying to lure me into fights. 
And then tell me they don't want to fight with me
AFTER THEY OBVIOUSLY WANTED TO FIGHT WITH ME.
BECAUSE NOTHING WRONG WITH MY PERCEPTION
WHEN DISRESPECT LOOKS A LOT LIKE DISRESPECT.

That's pretty plain to see.
Nothing I need a microscope for.

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!!!
PRETTY EASY NOT TO MISTAKE THAT.
THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE PRETTY HARD.

But the audacity is so high. Too high. 
Like f*ck ALL of that. 

When people want to make stupid choices, 
THEY CAN GO AHEAD AND MAKE
ALL THE STUPID CHOICES THEY WANT TO.

I've made my fair share. 
But if I could go back in time,
a lot I wouldn't do and a lot that I would do differently. 

I guess it's fair to say:
If I knew back then, what I know NOW...
Because it's a REAL kick in the gut feeling. 
Worse than that when it hits you, finally. 

Will certain people REGRET how they treated me, one day?
Does it matter if they do or not?
Do I still want to keep to myself?
EVEN MORE THAN I EVER HAVE BEFORE...
Because I'm to the point of WHY BOTHER ANYMORE?!

WHY DO THAT TO MYSELF?
BY TRYING FOR NOTHING?

More of the same BS?
Seems it doesn't matter where I go!

I'll be totally shocked. SHOCKED
about someone owning their own sh*t
and not throwing it all on me.
Admitting to their own sh*t.

That would be the very FIRST step.
That would earn / re-earn my respect.

But will anyone? Will I ever see that?
From the people who owe me the biggest of apologies?
Nope. 

It really bothered me that my friend said to me
the other night when I was trying to explain
certain things to him, 
but I always get the same sh*t from him. 
He makes excuses for everyone else
so that I look like I don't know what I'm talking about.
Then says things like "I'm team A***."

Then why argue for everyone else?
Why can't you listen and understand what I've been saying for years?
BECAUSE YOU'RE ARGUING FOR EVERYONE ELSE.

He's the guy who would literally believe
Anyone other than me. 
He argues about literally everything I tell him. 
It seems many people do it. 
For the sake of arguing?
Or they don't want to admit that I'm right
WHEN I HAVE A POINT.

When I'm wrong, I can say that.
I don't try to gaslight anyone about them being wrong
If I know THEY HAVE A POINT.

There are certain people whom I speak with
about certain topics that I can't write about here.
Because it's too heavy, deep, personal...

But I trust them and they make good points. 
About things that I'm glad they bring up. 
Because sometimes, often, there are angles
that I hadn't been looking at.

It really bothers me the guy saying that I think I'm better than everyone
all for wanting to be treated better, in general. 
A lot of sh*t wasn't fair to me, period. 

I don't even know why it bothers me as much as it does. 
I know he was deflecting because that's what he does. 

He won't admit that he was being horribly sh*tty. 
Easier to make it about me. 

Like I could have done the EXACT THINGS
THAT HE DID TO ME...
AND MADE IT ALL ABOUT HIM.

But seeing how some people are...
And I've seen A LOT OF UNBELIEVABLE SH*T.
Sometimes I feel like Truman on The Truman Show.

Kind of like that show: Jury Duty. 
Where everyone was an actor or actress
except the one guy who thought it was all real...

It's too unreal, to me, to be real.
I swear they want me to react. 

I recently saw a video about how a guy
was beat and died over a prank he pulled on 3 dudes.

The dudes were playing basketball, 
and the "pranksters" pulled fake guns on them
and CHASED THEM.
Then they got their @sses beat.

One of the dudes was scared for his life
because he'd previously been shot.

For obvious reasons, you don't do that sh*t. 
Even cops, when they THINK you have a weapon...
They've k*lled unarmed people
JUST BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY WERE ARMED.
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT CHANCE...

Even though some things are excessive.
Sure,  whoop his @ss, but didn't have to k*ll the guy.

There were videos I saw of excessive force
THAT STILL P*SS ME OFF TO THIS DAY.

One was that kid who got sh*t in the head
BY A COP, AT CLOSE RANGE
WHILE HE WAS SITTING HANDCUFFED
AGAINST THE WALL.

He wasn't doing anything, he wasn't trying to go anywhere.
Just walked up to him and... Just did that.
It was recorded obviously, because I saw it...
Stuff like that drives me crazy.

GIVING THAT MUCH POWER
TO PEOPLE WHO CAN'T HANDLE HAVING IT.
WHO SHOULDN'T HAVE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The other video I remember seeing that p*ssed me off 
was the cop that sh*t the kid who reached down to pull his pants up.
His pants were falling down
so he reached down to pull them up and he got sh*t for that...


The guy in Toronto who got sh*t like 6 times by the cops. 
Couldn't once been enough?
Couldn't they just tased him?
SIX.TIMES.
I mean, that's what tasers are for!

I can't remember all the details about it,
but the guy was threatening people
on a bus or a streetcar and they opened fire on the guy. 
HE HAD A BUTTER KNIFE.
It's not like the knife was at anyone's throat.
All the passengers got off the bus...

But get this... THAT guy got sh*t 6 times...
THE GUY WHO CUT THE GUY'S HEAD OFF
ON A BUS...
DIDN'T GET SH*T ONCE. 
WHY DIDN'T THEY SH**T HIM?

And that guy has been released back into society
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
WITH A NEW IDENTITY, EVEN.

But the guy with the butter knife
that he didn't do anything with... Got sh*t 6 times!

Because Canadian Law is so FAIR.
And cops can sh**t one guy WHO DIDN'T K*LL ANYONE.
AND RELEASE A GUY
WHO ACTUALLY ATE PARTS OF THE GUY...

You'd think they wouldn't. Right?
You'd think that doing something horrific
that it'd be a wrap. A complete wrap.

But nope! He's mentally ill.... He has rights! 
WHAT ABOUT THE RIGHTS THE GUY
WHO WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM?!
WHO EXPECTED TO BE GOING HOME.

Because you don't expect any of that crap...
You'd think your rights would be upheld.
NOT THE RIGHTS OF THE GUY WHO CUT OFF YOUR HEAD.

AND HE PUT THE HEAD ON THE DASH
SO EVERYONE COULD SEE IT.

HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. 
If he didn't, he wouldn't have done that.

And someone could have shot him
if we were allowed to carry guns for self-defense.
Or if someone's getting k*lled on the damn Greyhound. 

The point was he didn't get sh*t 
and the guy who didn't do anything did. Six times.

But the kid who was just instinctively pulling his pants up...
Because... That's what you do when they're falling down...

He probably shouldn't have 'reached' but the cop didn't have to sh**t him. 
For merely pulling his pants up...
The kid pulling his pants up, wasn't in Canada, 

but the other ones I just wrote about are from Canada.
Just an example of how FAIR things are...

And the Young Offenders Act...
Teens who commit adult crimes
ought to get adult sentences. 

Speaking of sentences...
What really burns me is that Bernardo got released 
to a medium security place.

I think his 25 year sentence is coming to an end. 
LIFE isn't LIFE in Canada. It's just 25 years.

When certain states have the death penalty. 
Canada doesn't have the death penalty. We used to.
Pretty sure the last execution was at the old jail downtown. 
Can't remember when.

Anyway, about the YOA in Canada...
There are two major crimes where the offenders
barely got a sentence at all. 

One was a case that came up on my feed recently.
It happened years ago, in the 90s
where a group of teens beat another teen
and then two of them dragged her to the river
and one of them drowned her.

The one who did it was just 15 years old.
But I think she got a light sentence
And now she's out there, living her life...
After doing what she did. 
Supposedly she has 2 kids...

The other one was 12 years old. 
K*lled her family, got released, new identity.

Those are the 2 I can remember.
But should they just get a slap on the wrist for being young?
At 12 and 15, they know right from wrong. 
That's why I don't agree with the YOA.

Because why should a pre-teen who k*lled her family
BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO
Just be handed a new identity?