Sometimes It Feels Like It Doesn't Matter

Do you ever get the feeling that despite
anything you do or say that it doesn't really matter?

It will matter to the right people. It will. 

I was just wondering if I put a download link 
from my web hosting, on here, if it would work. 
Just to test it. I could put a link to a download page, though.
A cool thing is that I can put links into a PDF.

Anyway, I don't know why I was thinking that.
Maybe in terms of experimentation. 

Don't know why I've been so emotional lately.
The last few days, mostly. Could it have to do with the moon?

I'm on mood stabilizers because of BPD.
They mostly work. 

Maybe the emotions are just getting in my feels about some things.
People I miss. Sometimes having to let go of whatever we wish
we could have held onto, 
but you gotta ask yourself why?
Why do you want to hold on?
For the right reason? If yes, then I know how that feels. 
When you do things for the right reasons with good intentions.
And you feel like it was all for nothing...

Because some things shatter everything.
To degrees beyond repair. 
What's that saying? Fooked Beyond All Recognition. 
That's the upheavals lately. 

It's really deep stuff. 
Like a continental divide. 
I guess that's the better way to put it.

I keep recalling that one comment I got, on here.
It was on my birthday.
Someone called my blog self-indulgent.

For one thing, nothing wrong passing along things I've learned. 
Analogies. Things to think about, etc.

And nothing wrong if someone out there, can relate.
On some level or another.

Nothing wrong if someone starts their own blog.
(if you do, I'd like to read it).
Post a link in the comments and I can put the link on the sidebar.


I can only really speak on my experiences. 
Plus, writing really helps me.

Growing up the way I did, it was solace. 
Even now, it is. That hasn't changed.

The other day, I flipped to a page of a journal I kept
when I was 16. Reading where I was back then...
Emotionally, seeing that I've grown since then.
Not sure why, but it felt weird. 
Maybe because of how long ago it was. 24 years ago?
Yeah, I was 16 in 2000.

On the inside of the cover, I wrote:
"The Millenium is here!"

Remember when people were freaked out
About the Y2K thing? Was that what it was called?

That was the only time I recall fireworks on NYE.
I saw them with a few people I was drinking with. 
(Not surprising, eh?).

Wish I hadn't gone back to it the first time I quit. 
I wish I hadn't done a lot of things.
And wish I had done some things.
A very long time ago, but here we are.

For those who don't know about eh...
It's sometimes like "agree?"
Hard to explain the exact meaning of it.
But it's like "winter sucks, eh?"
Or "nice day, eh?"

And we say 'sorry' kind of pre-emptively.
"Please don't shoot me! I'm sorry!"
No, more like customarily. 

But one person who ought to say "sorry"
Is J.T for fooking up the country.
Pretty sure he didn't do it single-handedly...
But a HUGE part.

The link I was using as my affiliate link wasn't working. 
Because if it did, I would have made a commission. 

But good to know that, now.
Before I use the same link...
But I was looking in the back end of it the other day.
I can sign up subaffiliates. 
Pretty cool, eh?

Anyway, I've got a headache.
"Medication time!" - Nurse Ratchet
Is that how to spell it?