Ransacking Raccoon

Last night, I was working on my other blog... 
I have a bunch of posts on there to 'optimize.'
It's for SEO stuff. 
No need for SEO for this blog. 

1) I don't care if it gets found or not.
2) Pretty good chance for it to show up 
(because blogger is owned by Google).

So I was working on that and usually
all the pigeons do out there is sleep. 

I kept hearing some bangs. Little ones. 
The last time I heard that, a raven showed up. 
Ravens eat pigeons, probably the eggs, too, 
but they actually eat pigeons. 

There's a nest that wasn't touch. 
There were 5 out there and the raccoon ate
all the eggs except for one
that was in the nests with the babies.

I ended up bringing the babies inside for the night.
Because I wasn't sure if the raccoon would come back. 
When I chased it away, he only went 2 floors down, 
onto that balcony. 
I couldn't go knock on their door to tell them because it was pretty late. 

So maybe I could cover their nest or something. 
They probably don't want to keep coming inside each night. 
Plus, they have mites. 

Was a hard time sleeping last night. 
In the back of my mind, I knew the babies were there.
And also, I don't know if they were phantom itches
but I couldn't just be comfortable enough to have a proper sleep.

Also, I kept waking up all night. 
I've got to go meet with someone today.
He wanted to meet yesterday, but...
You can't just be like "Today's a good day."

We already agreed to Tuesday, for one thing.
The second thing, I'm not just going to drop my plans
for anyone who just expects me to. 

Because when you do that, comply with their expectations, 
the more they expect that you will. 

I don't mind helping out. I don't. 
But I'm not going to jump and ask how high. 
Even for money. Because I have my own things going on. 

Also, I'm just TIRED of not getting good sleep.
TIRED of the BS.
TIRED of immaturity. 
Just tired of all of it.

WHY deal with extra crap?
Especially anyone who can't even see who I am. 
Let alone appreciate anything I have to offer.

Let alone being called someone else's name. Etc.
Who would want that?
For another broken mirror? For another thermos of p*ss?
For more BS, from them and anyone jealous around them?

Sure, I get people have insecurities. I do, too. 
BUT I DON'T HAVE TO LET MINE
RUN ME OR RUIN ME. 
Because I don't, neither does anyone else.

And I don't have to let my insecurities
turn me into something I'm really not. 

I don't care about having a long-term relationship at the moment. 
Obviously, I'm not going to be for everyone, or just anyone.
Even though, if I did, there are certain requirements.
Not that I expect perfection.
BECAUSE I AM NOT PERFECT.
But I'm at an age where
I will not gonna deal with any of that junk. 
Just point blank. F that.

JUST BE ADULT ENOUGH TO BE AN ADULT.
HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE
Because that's what maturity looks like to me.
If you can't, bye. Don't waste my time.

1) I can't get it back.
2) I'm not about keeping it real for BS

If others want to waste their own time
with whatever BS they chose over me, they can do that.

No matter how I feel about it. 

But for the attraction factor, maturity is IT.
Immaturity turns me off. It's gross. 

If they choose to be gaslit, or whatever junk...
THEY CAN'T COME CRYING TO ME ABOUT IT
BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE ABOUT IT.

They could have been about us, not about that.
About accountability, maturity.

That is the BARE minimum. Out of respect FOR ME.
When I don't have to be about that... Why would I be?
BUT OUT OF RESPECT, 
I WOULDN'T DO THOSE THINGS
THAT THEY COME TO ME CRYING ABOUT. 

And to not be recognized for THAT...
Even that alone...

Pretty sure that's a waste of time, for me.

Sorry that I've been repeating myself about this.
But I feel extremely strongly about this. 
It's very important to me.
It should be important to everyone, how they are being treated. 
Not having their time wasted on BS.

One thing about Capricorns...
When it comes down to seriousness, 
They will stand on business. 
Their time is extremely important. 
DON'T WASTE IT, DON'T PLAY WITH THEM.
Because it won't be taken lightly. 

Trying to explain these things to most people
Feel like I'm speaking a language they can't understand.
When it's very simple.

Pretty sure they don't want their time wasted, either.
By anyone who's about BS. Hmm, sounds like me.

Don't have to want to take it to the next level right away. 
BUT JUST LEVEL UP AS A PERSON. 
WHETHER OR NOT WE END UP TOGETHER.
AT THIS POINT, I REALLY DON'T CARE.

Because I know what I want and what I don't.
I know what's attractive to me and what isn't. 
I know what's a waste of time and what actually is productive. 

I'm not saying to level up to exactly where I am, 
but everyone can have higher standards for themselves. 

If I settled for the BS I went through, I wouldn't be who I am today. 
I wouldn't feel secure enough to be on my own. 
I wouldn't even have enough time to go within.
I'd still be caught up with their BS and immaturity.
While dealing with that, I wouldn't have the time, apart from that,
to look at what I need to look at
and do what I need to do.

I'm not saying commit to ME.
I'm saying commit to YOURSELF.
Enough to get your head out of your @ss
And take a look around you.
At all the things you couldn't see, 
and wouldn't see because of your head being up your @ss.

Because when you do, these things make sense.
You start understanding a heck of a lot more.

It's kind of scary, at first. 
Because although you see all these things that you never saw before... 
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM.

I'm not saying everyone doesn't know. 
I'm just saying that, at first, it's hard to even tell
what could let alone should be done with them.

It's not like I had very many people around me
that don't still have their heads up their @ss.

Hard to get yours out of yours 
being around people who still have theirs up theirs.
Family included. Anyone and everyone included. 
Because @ssery doesn't discriminate.

Of course I can choose myself. 
I don't expect to be given the world. 
I don't even want to be given the world. 

I don't need anyone to jump through hoops for me.
Pretty sure the only hoops to jump through are for myself.
And myself alone.

EVEN IF I WANTED TO BE WITH SOMEONE, 
IF THEY NEED TO GROW TF UP, THEY NEED TO.
No matter what I want or wanted.
Because that doesn't matter as much as actually growing tf up.

I'd rather keep all my hopes, wishes, and desires to myself
than keep putting the work in for someone who needs to grow tf up.
Because if they were grown, they'd know this.
And I wouldn't have to explain this even once, 
let alone over and over and over. 

WHO HAS THE TIME FOR THAT?
I DON'T!

The last thing I want to do is be in a cycle of BS.
If you don't want me, anything I have to offer, whatever
or the same things I want...
That's cool. Hope you find what you're looking for
BUT SAY THAT, EXPRESS THAT.
DON'T BE IMMATURE AF ABOUT IT.

It's not attractive or of any interest in that. It's gross to me.

Do you see how I'd rather focus on other things?
Other things that ARE important to me, ARE of interest to me?
Because I don't have the time for any of the BS.

And don't come to me crying about someone else
WHO KEEPS DOING YOU DIRTY
THEN KEEP GOING BACK FOR MORE.

Because if you keep going back for more, 
you are asking for it. Literally asking for it.

I'm not. I wasn't asking for it, 
but because I kept trying for that to change, 
and kept staying when nothing was changing...
I asked for it by default. If that makes sense.

So when I stop trying, I don't "care."
If I didn't CARE WHY WOULD I KEEP TRYING
UNTIL I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE?

When someone wants you to hold yourself accountable
THAT'S MORE FOR YOU, NOT FOR THEM.
BECAUSE THE MORE YOU DO IT, 
THE EASIER IT GETS

AND THEY DON'T WANT TO TRY TO DO
WHAT YOU JUST DO YOURSELF. 

It makes things that much easier for you BOTH. 
Makes things a lot more harmonious. 

If I can trust someone to hold themselves accountable, 
that's the trust factor I was talking about the other day.

I'd love for someone to want to.
I wouldn't ever feel the need to get them to. 

And it goes back to you can't be mad at someone
refusing to change even if they refuse to change
TO KEEP THE BOND STRONG...

Of course that stings in some way.
If they wanted the strong bond, they would, right?

At the same time, I don't want to just be there
to fill someone's void when they need to do that themselves. 

I don't need anything one-sided, had enough of that.
If the other person doesn't want to put the effort in, forget it.

I don't need someone with a boat load of money. 
Because even people with boat loads of money.
CAN HAVE THEIR HEAD UP THEIR @SS.
The money isn't worth dealing with any of that crap.

Anyway, by now, you know how I feel about this.
No sense of repeating it. 
Should only have to tell people ONCE.
Not a thousand times.

And if you're getting treated like you're speaking another language,
when you're saying things that should be easy to understand, 
you don't have to keep trying, for nothing. 

Because you'd be wasting your time.
All the things that aren't actually falling on deaf ears, 
(sorry if you're actually deaf, it's the saying that I mean).
It's more like them having their fingers in their ears.

I don't want hot and cold. Why would anyone want COLD?
I can be cold, too. If you want to give that, you'll get it.
If you don't want it, don't be about it. 

If someone betrays you, you don't have to give them the chance
TO DO IT AGAIN.
THEY ALREADY DID IT THE FIRST TIME.
AND THEY WEREN'T SORRY WHEN THEY DID IT,

How am I supposed to have respect for that?
If the respect is gone, why even bother?

To play games with myself?
That's what you do with someone wasting your time. 
You're playing yourself. Right out of something
THAT COULD be solid, real, etc.

I get it. It's hard to give up on someone you care about.
There's only so long I'll stick around. 
If nothing changes in that time, 
then I'm going to spend my time on myself. 
Which I will be anyway... 
But because I have no problem with it...
I'll just go ahead and do just that.

No matter how much I ACTUALLY CARE.
BECAUSE IT SEEMS THAT NOBODY EVEN SEES
HOW MUCH I ACTUALLY CARE.

IF I DIDN'T I WOULDN'T BOTHER.

Am I disappointed? Yeah.
In myself, too? Yeah.

But I don't have to be about any of that. 
So I'm about things that will actually help me out.

Another thing, I don't want to be the one
they only want because I could be with someone else.

Sure, I could be. Do I want anyone? At this point? No?
Why is that? Why wouldn't I?
But do I have to want anyone? No. I don't. 

But why be with me out of regret for treating me like crap?
They had the chance NOT to. 
Then they go and put their effort and time
INTO LITERALLY EVERYTHING
AND EVERYONE ELSE.

Including people who do them dirty.
Don't do me like that just because they are doing it to you.
Because that's not fair to me.

If it wouldn't be fair to you, probably isn't fair to me.
And if it's not fair to me, FO.