Doing Weird Stuff

Went out to eat with a friend of mine.
He was talking about a poutine place so we went there.
Maybe I overate or a combo of stuff, but my stomach
is just doing a bunch of weird stuff. 

Today I woke up to a knock at my door.
My friend is getting his place fumigated
so I get to borrow his cat for a while.

I freaked out this cat tonight. 
I just meowed at her, she didn't like it. Freaked out. 
So she just hisses at me any time we cross paths. 

She was fine with me all day. Until I did that.
What I think is... Most cats aren't used to a human
even sounding remotely close to them. 

I used to practice animal noises, a lot.
I know a type of meow they make for "meat"
and I gave her cat nip as soon as she got here.

Then we seemed to be cool with each other
until I meowed at her and she freaked out
and growled and hissed at me, hiding under the couch.

It's like "You're not a real human... They don't..."

The pigeons on the balcony seem to entertain her, too. 

The new nest has 2 eggs in it now, then 2 already in the corner nest.
One of the corner nest eggs hatched. 

So that happened today. I have calls to make, too. 
Still working on my site... Getting the header ready. 
Which is the easy part... The rest...
That's why just do a bit at a time, I guess.

Been testing stuff for the last 4 years.
Testing stuff's still good, but the point isn't to just test it.
Hard to explain what I mean by that.

"The goals" were just to get my "toes wet" and test.
But those are one set of goals. 
Another set of goals actually involves having something solid, one day.
That's the point of testing. Because I can "try" stuff. 
But I don't have to keep it at that.
Eventually, when I have something up.

Then, the hope is that, with that, I can set up something else etc.
Use the one to set up the next and so forth. 

Really only need one good one...

The way things are going is software.
SaaS. Software as a service. 
Like all the software that has a subscription fee to use it.
A very fine mint made off that, these days. 

A video I was watching was a guy talking about how he 
used ChatGPT to write the code files for certain tools, 
like plugins for WordPress.

I don't know exactly how it works, but code
for different kinds of tools and stuff is being sold
on a site called code canyon. 


If I was a programmer... But I'm not. 
Sure, I learned to code, but programming is different. 

Anyway, I'll stick to the things I'm doing
because I can add to it later.
That's pretty much been the goal.
I mean, other than testing and trying things. 

More or less still in research mode.
Maybe that's my comfort zone. 

Kind of like from that space it's okay if I don't make it
because it's the place of not making it.
If that makes any sense. 

Also kind of like most people don't expect me to make it, anyway.

There has to come a time where I have to ask myself
"Is this where I want to stay"
For the next 5 years?
For the next 10 years?

I'm 40 now. Time to start saving up?
Time to have something in place?
Preferring something that grows itself.

That's why I'd say any time's a good time to invest. 
Depending what it's in, though.


Those chips that are supposed to be replacing data centers...
That's what someone had posted that people should be investing in, now.

Anyway, I've got enough to test and try out.
I'll probably upgrade Chatgpt. 
It'd be cool to get help with some scripts and stuff. 
Of course there are the scripts I told are being sold online.
In the marketplace called Code Canyon.
But, I guess what I was trying to get at is that the code and script can be expanded on.

Even the same script as the site Only F*ns uses.
I've heard it was being sold on there.

Even sites that have "free tools" have ads on them.
There was a video where the guy was talking about how he made money
from "tool bar" downloads. When someone downloaded it, he got paid.

These are the things that I know are possible.
Because there are people who have done them and still are.

Of course, the web is different than it was 20 years ago, 
but there are so many opportunities...


It'd just be nice to have a simple, solid, THING
that you don't have to worry about as a source of income.
But not only that... It's there to stay.
Even getting bigger by the day.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

There are people DOING IT.
Making cash online, for real. 

There are many ways, not just selling stuff.
I mean physical stuff...

Writing doesn't bug me so I might get back into it.
If writing bugs you, hard to even want to do any of it.
Because why be bothered if it bugs you?

That goes for a lot of it. Coding is neat and all. 
At one time it BUGGED ME.
Because certain types of things I didn't know how to do...

And WordPress bugged me at one time. 
If I knew 100% how to do everything old school, 
without WordPress... I'd do it.
It makes some stuff easier, but at the same time...
A lot of software issues. 

It is what it is for now, if I can actually set something up
THAT WORKS and FOR NEXT TO NOTHING...

Wouldn't that be better for me, over all,
than continuing to contribute to a friendship 
when the guy says to you, to your face "I forgot you were here."?

Pretty sure setting up something for myself would be a way better thing
to think about and focus on. For me.

Then all the people who were trying to even talk me out of it.
I've had people try to talk me out of my goals.

If it was them telling me they wanted to do something.
It's either "If I can't help, in any way, I'll still support that you want to."
Within reason of course shouldn't have to say that.

OR a combo of "I still support that you want to"
with "Even though I can't do that, myself, I'd still be happy for you."

I keep most of my ideas and stuff to myself.

1) It's not stuff most people talk about and since most people don't talk about it,
it puts you in another category.

2) Because it puts you in another category, people get weird about it.

3) That's a lot of competition and stuff going on resentments etc.


Y'know... I'd like to be able to openly display the things that I do.
The people who already don't like me...
Won't make them like me any more than they already don't.


When I was starting to do better than I had for a long time.
Someone tried to call me out for "showboating."
That's how insane it is. 
Can't you feel happy for me that I was able to pull myself out
EVEN FOR AS LONG AS IT TOOK
FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T LIKE IT
TO TRY TO MAKE ME NOT LIKE IT
AND GO RIGHT BACK TO STRUGGLING
BECAUSE HOW DARE I EVER FEEL BETTER
THAN ANYONE ELSE FEELS ABOUT THEMSELVES?
HOW DARE I FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF, FOR ONCE.
FOR ONCE IN A LONG TIME.
A REALLY LONG TIME.

When that person who tried to make me feel bad about it, 
COULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME.
BUT HOW DARE I BE THERE FOR MYSELF...

But when he goes on his little whatever...
Do I accuse him of "show boating"?
Even when he actually is?

Kind of like the people who actually want the attention
DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO GET ANY.
I don't know if any of you have seen that... Probably have.
I'm not going to assume that what is obvious to me is to everyone.

I could. I could even get upset that what is obvious to me
isn't obvious to others. Would it change the facts?

There was something I read the other day. It fits perfectly.
I would quote it to whoever said it if I could remember who said it.
"It's easier to fool someone than to convince them they're being fooled."

In a way, it speaks to how it's easier to just let someone keep fooling themselves
than to convince them that they are fooling themselves.

Let's get even deeper. Ready for this?

Easier to keep letting ourselves fool ourselves
than to convince ourselves we're fooling ourselves.

The lessons I've learned have been pretty deep.
Some of them I can share on here, others are too deep that I can't. 

I appreciate you for reading my posts. Although I don't have much to add.
If some things I've said made sense, cool. 
If you tell someone something I wrote and they buy you dinner, cool. 
(That really made my day/week/year btw). I'll always remember that.

Really, I don't feel like I'm adding a whole lot.
Even when I think I'm explaining something, or doing my best to do it, 
it's still hard for me to put it into words or put it the way it should be put
for it to make the most sense.

And just because it makes sense to ME
doesn't mean it makes sense to EVERYONE.

If it did, I wouldn't be explaining things.
Especially things I shouldn't be explaining or having to explain.
Because... It'd just MAKE SENSE.
And I wouldn't have had to go through 99.99% of the things I did.

Because it probably would MAKE SENSE
NOT TO PUT PEOPLE THROUGH
A WHOLE LOT OF BS FOR NO REASON.

I mean, it's bad enough as it is, but FOR NO REASON?

That's how I feel about all the things people did
that they never had to do to me, never had to say to me etc.
SINCE THEY KNOW THEY NEVER HAD TO
AND CHOSE TO ANYWAY, that's on them.
Trying to put it on me when they never had to...  
That bothers me.

Another thing that bothers me is like when I've legit asked for help.
It was like I was trying to cause sh*t for no reason.

Like when I've legit wanted help, it's been a sh*tshow.
Just makes me seeth on the inside. 


Like when I was trying to explain something
of a serious nature to the cops and they blew me off
"were you drinking last night"?

Anyone I was asking for help about it could have helped.
If they had... Would things be different now?

But the people who you're supposed to go to ASK FOR HELP.
WHO'S JOB IT IS...

That's what bothers me.

But when others ask for help, it's different.
They don't get all the BS just for even asking.

They don't get all the BS for being upset
about the same things that would bother them
IF I WAS THE ONE DOING IT.

Anyway, I know I've been saying it a lot. 
If it would bother anyone... WHY WOULD IT NOT BOTHER ME, TOO?
AND IF THEY WOULD BE UPSET,
WHY SHOULD I NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET, TOO?
But instead of just being upset, and being allowed to be,
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE WOULD BE
It's like all kinds of extra BS
JUST FOR BEING UPSET ABOUT IT.

But they want me to be even more upset about the extra BS
ON TOP OF WHAT I'M ALREADY UPSET ABOUT
JUST TO CALL ME CRAZY AND DISMISS ME.

So why bother? Waste my time with that?
Because all it is ... A waste of time.

What is time better spent on?

Probably not on writing about it.
Because that guy just came to mind.
The guy who said "Crying's not going to change anything."
Does writing change anything?
Could it give us things to think about, sure.

Maybe due to someone thinking about something they read,
they make another choice or reconsider something...

Maybe something they read gets them thinking enough to realize something.
I can't speak on all the things that may take place...

I can only speak on things I've read. 
Try to apply them to some things I've been trying to explain. 
As best as I can. 

Even a lot I can't articulate very well, if at all. 
When you can see into what some people are doing and why...
It's easier to see why you could be doing other things.

I'll leave it there.