8th Time

Got a notice, today, that they are coming back. 
To spray AGAIN. 
Good thing I didn't move anything back, yet. 
Because I'd have to move it again. 

This will be my 8th time. 8th!

The so-called friend I had staying with me... 
When he was here, said he was too scared of me
to leave the room to use the washroom ffs. 

Why? Because I don't have enough control
OVER MYSELF
That I'd attack him?

Just because I'm P*SSED OFF
Doesn't mean I somehow just lose ALL control. 
OVER MYSELF. 

The only thing I even did to him
was I threw a can of soda at his head.
Because he took a baseball bat and smashed a family heirloom.

Not 'terrified' enough of me NOT to do that...
But too 'terrified' to use the washroom?

Did I tell him he couldn't?
Nope. Just didn't want to own up to anything. 
Used it as a reason to just p*ss into containers in MY room. 

So today, I knocked over a thermos 
that I didn't know he had p*ssed in...
It was closed. That's why I didn't know there was p*ss in there.
AND WHO CHECKS A THERMOS FOR P*SS?

HE COULD HAVE JUST USED THE DAMN TOILET
RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL. 

Or at least flush it? 

This is what I mean about people getting 'intimidated' by me. 
Like I'm going to just lunge at them and claw their eyes out. 

WHY WOULD I DO THAT?
But how would they know?
They don't know anything about me. 

Trying to 'act' terrified of me... 
But not 'terrified' of me when they DO SH*T IN MY FACE.

I could have made it through my day
without the STALE P*SS.
Having to clean that up. 

Like being expected to clean up after people
WHO DON'T WANT TO CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES. 

AND TRY TO MAKE ME SEEM LIKE A PSYCHO
FOR BEING P*SSED OFF
FOR BEING TREATED LIKE THIS.

Does he leave stale p*ss at other people's places?
Does he pay BACK others who loaned him money?

I was HELPING HIM OUT. 
Then acts scared of me because 
I WANT HIM TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY. 
BUT DOESN'T WANT TO.

At least be responsible for your p*ss!!! FFS!

Too scared to leave the room because I'm angry
that he won't have an ADULT CONVERSATION 
Y'KNOW... LIKE AN ADULT?
USE THE TOILET... Y'KNOW... LIKE AN ADULT?

Come and get YOUR clothes... Like an adult. 
Everything you left here. 
Because I don't want it here.

I don't want to waste any more time
with anyone who can't be a f*cking adult.

Maybe THAT is the reason I was p*ssed in the first place?
One thing that gets me is having my time WASTED
by anyone who wants to play stupid games. 

Like "I'm too scared of you..."
Were you too scared of me when you did X,Y,Z?
No? So quit lying and just take accountability. 

I take accountability
BY NOT DOING THAT SH*T. 
BECAUSE I AM 40 YEARS OLD. 
 
Was he too scared of me when he asked me
"Where's your success story?"
And all the stupid, immature, unnecessary sh*t?
So you can't do all that BS
And not expect someone to be like "Hey, Grow tf up."

And yet he's so vain and ego driven
that he thinks what my problem is...
IS ABOUT HIS PRIVATE RELATIONSHIPS.

No, my problem was being LIED TO.
ALL THE INCONSISTENCY, 
ALL THE BS HE NEVER HAD TO DO OR SAY.
AND HE EXPECTS ME TO JUST TAKE 
A BLANKET APOLOGY LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. 

"I'm sorry." Like you were sorry when you were doing it?
If you weren't sorry when you were doing it, 
HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO ACCEPT AN APOLOGY?
AND THEN GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS?

When I actually gaf. When I was helping. 
BUT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU TAKE SOMEONE FOR GRANTED. 
THINKING THEY'RE JUST GOING TO KEEP PUTTING UP
WITH THE SAME SH*T THEY'RE "SORRY" ABOUT.

The same sh*t they wouldn't do to anyone
they wanted to KEEP in their life. 

BUT NOT TOO SCARED TO BORROW MONEY FROM ME. 
NOT TOO SCARED ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN
IF THEY DIDN'T PAY ME BACK...

But too scared to use the toilet!
To p*ss into a thermos. 

And WHO checks a thermos for p*ss?
See WHY I'm p*ssed off?

Not bad enough he smashed my family heirloom. 
But thanks for the little gift you left behind. 

That p*ss was in there since like November or December
Of last year. It's pretty close to the end of MAY.
And the end of MARCH was when he was supposed
to come and get his stuff out of here. 
He's had months to get it. 

Months that his p*ss in a thermos was... 
I don't even have the words for it.

But yes, I've been known to be 'intimidating'
WHEN ALL I'VE BEEN ASKING FOR
IS SOME RECOGNITION AND RESPONSIBILITY
WHEN IT COMES TO THINGS YOU SAY YOU WILL DO.
THINGS IT WOULDN'T BE A BIG DEAL
THAT YOU EASILY DO FOR EVERYONE ELSE. 

BUT NOT THE PERSON WHO OPENED THEIR HOME TO YOU. 
WHEN YOU HAD NOWHERE TO GO.
WHILE BOTH YOUR BROTHERS WERE IN SHELTERS.

So yeah, I had his back more than his own family.
And the thanks I get is a smashed heirloom and a thermos of stale p*ss.

ALL BECAUSE I TOLD HIM HOW IT IS.
I even wrote it down for him. Gave it to him, 
Saying: Please understand why I'm upset about this.
AND HE DIDN'T READ IT
BECAUSE THE NEXT FKN DAY...
He's saying "put it in writing." I just did!

But did he think enough about me to realize
WHY I MIGHT BE UPSET ABOUT SOME THINGS?

Then he says "Either you accept my apology or you don't"
Like I'm supposed to sweep everything under the rug...
Like the glass of my smashed antique mirror that I can't just get replaced.
Like "sorry" is all you gotta say to make me sweep that under the rug.

HOW MANY THINGS AM I EXPECTED TO SWEEP 
UNDER THE RUG LIKE THEY NEVER HAPPENED?

But no, make me seem like I'm crazy and psycho
For being p*ssed off WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW
WHY I'M P*SSED OFF...
BUT TO MAKE IT WORSE...
TREAT ME LIKE I'M WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR
WITH A SHOTGUN OR SOME SH*T. 

I never told ANYONE they couldn't use my bathroom. 
(Not even the female who threw her crap at the Tim's employees).
 
I'm allowed to be UPSET about something that would bother them.
But nope. Call me crazy just so you don't have to literally face yourself.

And the mirror thing here.
"Just because you have a mirror doesn't mean
you have to shove it in anyone's face..."

At what point do they LOOK IN THE MIRROR on their own?
Yes, it took me a long time, myself. 
Certain things about myself I didn't want to look at let alone see. 
But all those things, eventually...
IF YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE
WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU.
MAYBE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

But just because I'm UPSET like I should be allowed to be...
They treat me like I'm 'crazy' or 'psycho' or whatever.
I HAVE CONTROL OVER MYSELF. 

That's what they realize when they try to lure me
TO PHYSICALLY FIGHT THEM
AND I DON'T.

But another thing I don't do anymore...
Is help people who claim they are 'sorry'
JUST TO DO SH*T IN MY FACE
RUN AWAY LIKE A COWARD
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T FACE IT.

But trying to force someone to face themselves
is like taking a horse to water
and trying to make the horse drink. 

If I knew the thermos was full of p*ss, 
I could have waited until he got his stuff...
and say "Yo! You forgot your thermos!"

Because what is the point?
I could have BROKEN HIS THINGS.
I could have sopped up the stale p*ss with the clothes
HE STILL HASN'T COME TO GET.

Because he knows I have a right to be p*ssed off. 
I had a right to kick him out.

You want to act all scared of me?
Then go do that somewhere else and let me get on with my life...

But no, I'm not that PETTY and IMMATURE.
He thought I was going to pack his stuff with broken glass.
FROM THE MIRROR HE SMASHED. 
I said, no. BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO TAKE SOME WITH YOU!
Honestly, the thought did cross my mind. 
And my brother's too.

Because my brother came over with his roommate
to help me get his stuff out because HE COULDN'T BE MAN ENOUGH
TO COME GET HIS THINGS AND GIVE ME MY KEY BACK.

Then talks about how I emasculate him?
HE DOES IT TO HIMSELF.
Because he could have chosen to man up, himself. 
AND I'd have respect for that.
What I don't respect is the fact he'd even DO or SAY

ANY of the things he did or said to me.

And NO, I shouldn't have kept giving him MORE chances. 
For what? For this sh*t?
How long would the p*ss been in there?
If I hadn't discovered it by knocking it over?

AND I HAD TO CLEAN THAT UP.

Maybe what I really want is someone to be mature enough
NOT TO DO THAT SH*T.

His brother left him with no hot water, no electricity. 
DIDN'T CARE.

His ex that he keeps running back to did the same thing. 

And what's more is that she went behind his back
to try to get him locked up in the hospital to get him out of here
Because she had it in her head that we were sleeping together
OR SOME SH*T
And it wouldn't have been her business if we were...
But she was reading ALL our messages on the messenger thing.

SHE GAVE HERSELF AWAY
because she was literally watching us have a conversation.
We were going to meet up, to talk, 
and he was going to pay me back some of the money he owes me. 
STILL OWES ME.

We were literally just talking about that. 
And she jumps in saying she better not catch us together...
Calling us homewrecking losers...

YET SHE CHEATS ON HIM.
You don't want him because YOU cheat on him, 
but WE are the homewrecking losers?

Like the worst thing for someone as egotistical as he is
IS TO BE CALLED A LOSER.
That's why she does it. 
Maybe losers call people losers?

Maybe being called a loser by a loser doesn't affect me?
Why should it? It's childish.

THEN after I kick him out...
Because if he's going to try to act terrified of me
HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE HERE.

She either got my number from HIM, 
BECAUSE SHE WANTED IT
AND HAS TO GET EVERYTHING SHE WANTS
OR ELSE EVERYONE IS A LOSER...

Or... She got it from the app we were using to talk.

She kicked you out? What a b*tch!
But WHY THOUGH?
WHY WOULD I UNLESS I HAVE AN ISSUE WITH SOMETHING?
OR A WHOLE BUNCH OF THINGS
THAT AREN'T FAIR TO ME.

But he'd be the loser not to give her whatever she wants.

Then treat me like she treats him... 
How is that fair? To me? Is it? No?
So maybe I'm upset about that.

BECAUSE I"M NOT THE ONE DOING ANYTHING TO HIM. 
See me going behind his back to take him to court?
To get him locked up in the hospital
WITH ACCESS TO HIS BANK ACCOUNT?

See me clawing his eyes out due to being out of 'control'?
She literally wanted to FIGHT ME
FOR KICKING HIM OUT
WHEN SHE WAS PART OF THE ISSUE.

You know why she wanted to fight me?
So I'd catch charges for whomping her @ss.

EVEN WHEN MY EX PUNCHED ME IN THE HEAD...
AND HE WAS SCARED THAT I WAS WAITING FOR HIM
AT HOME WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

Because understandably... I'm p*ssed that he punched me in the head.
And kept calling me a b*tch for WANTING HIM TO DO HIS JOB.
AND NOT SIT ON HIS @SS WATCHING ME DO MINE.

He was doing it in my face, it p*ssed me off.
But I'm a b*tch for getting p*ssed off. 

Could I have punched him back?
Could I have whomped him right there and then?
If I wanted to? YEAH. ABSOLUTELY COULD HAVE.

DID I, THOUGH?

Why is that? Why didn't I?
BECAUSE I HAVE ENOUGH CONTROL
OVER MYSELF
TO REALIZE THAT I DON'T HAVE TO.
LIKE HE DIDN'T HAVE TO PUNCH ME IN THE HEAD.

Like this guy didn't have to smash my mirror. 
OR p*ss in a thermos and LEFT IT THERE.
For me to tip over AND HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP.

Like ALL THE PEOPLE
WHO DIDN'T HAVE TO DO WHAT THEY DID.

And then blame it on ME.
That THEY lack self-control. 

Did I even contact her ONCE? EVEN ONCE?
So why did she? She doesn't even know me.
We have nothing to do with each other.
For obvious reasons... 

She couldn't even mind her business
AND NEEDED TO WATCH US TALKING ON MESSENGER.

He keeps running back to her
because she wants him to. 

Yet she steals, lies, manipulates, uses him etc.
But I'm the one to worry about, right?

I told him that I know he knows that she'd retaliate.
That's why he expected me to. 
WE ARE 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

What also p*ssed me off was him calling me her name. 
And someone else's name. 

CAN'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT ME LONG ENOUGH
TO CALL ME BY MY OWN NAME?!

Do you get where I'm coming from?
He tried to gaslight tf out of me.
Instead of having an honest, real, conversation. 
WHICH SHOULD BE EASY TO DO
WITH AN HONEST, REAL person... 
So why make it complicated with all that BS?

Why make something so easy so hard?
THEN PUT IT ON ME?
THAT YOU'RE making it hard for me and for yourself?

Put it on YOURSELF where it belongs.