On The Verge

There's a lot I don't know, but some things I do know are not good. 
A lot of dark and shady sh*t going on behind my back. 
I feel like some of it I'm being protected from, 
but I feel like I'm in danger at the same time. 
It's a horrible feeling. To be feeling like this. 

I don't want to be scared, but I am. 
Of things that I have yet to find out.... 
Things I did find out.... I had to report
and because of that, I put myself at risk of getting hurt. 

And there's stuff I don't know, still. 
Stuff I probably don't want to know. 
And I don't know how my life got this way.... 
It's really messed up..... 
I can't even talk about it. 
It took me so long to go to the police. 

And I could only tell them what I knew. 
And they couldn't do anything. 

It's been bad. I've been really sad about this. 
Like my life got turned upside down... 
And Idkwtf to do about it. I really don't. 

I feel like things are going to come out
that I'm not going to be ready for.... 
That might even f*ck me up for the rest of my life.... 

I get the urge to pack up and leave soon. 
As soon as I can.... 
And just get as far away from here as I can....
Or sh*t is going to get worse.... 
And if it is, then I got to gtf away. To protect myself. 
Because I'm not going to be getting into any of this mess. 
It has nothing to do with me. I'm not for it. 
Never was for this sh*t. At all. 

Idkwtf happened.... Just feels not good. At all. 
Been scared that my son got mixed up with some bad people. 
And some bad sh*t.... It's f*cked up. 

And someone that I had ties with was pushing me away
for reasons unbeknownst to me....
But at one point he told me that he was doing me the biggest favor
that he knew how... Whatever that meant....

I think he's been doing some bad sh*t. 
I don't know what, but I have a bad feeling about it. 
The last time I was with him, in the same room with him... 
I got really unsettling vibes from him. 
Like nothing I ever felt before.... 
From anyone. Like literally the devil or a demon was there, 
in the same room as us.... 

And I don't know why I didn't leave right then and there, 
but it was like he was trying to make me leave all night.... 
Being stupid with me and disrespectful.... 
Until I just had enough.... 

And then he came to try to talk to me again, 
but I don't want to go through the same sh*t. 
If he comes back to try to talk to me again, 
As much as I wish things would just work, 
he's already had lots of chances to work on it with me. 

A lot of people have already had a lot of chances with me. 
And they didn't want to take those and make changes. 
And I need to make my own changes. 

Idkwtf is going on, but none of it feels good. At all. 
I need to be around good people who have my best interests at heart. 

Who want the best for me. Who will help me protect myself
from all this bad sh*t that's been going on around me, 
like right under my nose.... 

I have a feeling that it's so bad that I don't even want to know what it is....

And that I have to get away from here....
And I don't have anywhere to go. 
Or any way of getting there... 

I feel like I'm on the verge of another mental breakdown....