Anymore

The last day of 2020. Officially. 
I'm glad this year is over. It's been really rough. 
My mind is just blown. 

I wish I could say the pandemic was the worst of this year. 
But it wasn't. 
Or heartbreak was or whatever, but it wasn't. 
Wearing a mask isn't the worst. 
Even staying home isn't the worst. 
All that sh*t I can handle. 

I'd take more romantic rejection. 
I'd feel better and be easier than this. 
It's nothing to me, now. 

It's different with a different perspective. 
Plenty of things are. 

I wish those things were the most of it. I really do. 

And nobody understands what this is like....
Why couldn't I have had something special?
Because I don't deserve that?

I must have done something really wrong.
In this life or the last life....

I'm sad. Really sad....
I can't even cry anymore...

Don't even know what to think, feel, do, or say anymore.