I was going to go over to my mother's today.
To help her with a project she's working on.
Was going to go after the guy finishes some work here.
I got a notice saying that someone was going to fix the ceiling.
Which I had been asking for, for over a year.
Looked like there was water damage from upstairs.
So I moved stuff out of the kitchen.
Nowhere on the notice that I got said they were going to fix the walls.
Which had cracks in them because the plaster was coming off the wall.
I live next to the stairwell and it's concrete behind the plaster,
and the plaster only stays on the concrete for so long.
Had they built it with sheet rock against the concrete,
there'd be something better for the plaster to adhere to.
I'm no expert, but I think it would work out better that way.
So I had to move a lot more stuff that I hadn't anticipated.
Which is okay, but had I got notice prior,
I would have had everything already moved.
I thought they were just going to do the ceiling today,
and then come back to do the rest.
They told the repair guy that my bathroom ceiling needed to be fixed.
It's my kitchen ceiling that needed to be fixed.
It's an opportunity to practice "no judgement."
Then I was talking to my mother who suggested
that I come over tomorrow instead of today.
She said it would be better because my step-father has the day off today.
It's peace and quiet for us when he's at work.
He's always complaining about his job,
and the company he works for.
He's extremely negative and judgmental.
It's really draining because he'll go on for hours and hours about it.
Literally hours and hours.
My mother has said that the longest was 5 hours.
She couldn't take it anymore and had to go outside to get away.
Just would be nice to just sit and be quiet.
Without saying anything or talk about something
not related to his work or job, and not have to hear everything
over and over again. Every time I see the guy.
My mother has to deal with it every day.
I haven't lived with them since I was 13 and things were worse then.
It's another opportunity for "no judgement."
Just because it's true, doesn't mean I have to say it
or even acknowledge it. It just is what it is.
People are the way they are and won't change unless they want to.
Most of the time they don't realize they could change anything
and they are comfortable the way they are,
even though it makes people uncomfortable to be around them.
I stay through it because I only get to see my mother once a week.
There were times I didn't see her for months.
Either I couldn't or wouldn't.
I'm trying to have some sort of relationship with her.
I'm starting to accept it's not going to be the kind of relationship
that I've always wanted and needed. It just is what it is.
The last time I was over there,
my step-father was going on about a pair of sunglasses.
They had been left on the table for a long time,
and somehow they fell off the table and were on the floor
underneath the table.
So he was going on about wanting to know who they belonged to.
Nobody knew who they belonged to. Which aggravated him.
Because heaven forbid anyone not have the answer to his question.
And because he couldn't see the sunglasses on the table,
he accused my mother of having someone over
who came and picked them up. Which she didn't.
Even though I didn't recognize them,
I told him that they were mine and that he could keep them,
if he wanted them. Then he took them and shut up about them.
Otherwise, he'd have gone on about them all night.
It's easy to criticize people who are overly critical,
and judgmental, and negative all the time.
But that doesn't solve anything.
The thing is that I can't tell him that it drives me crazy
when he's like this. Or ask him to change the subject,
when he's been on a criticizing rampage for hours.
Because that would start a fight.
Because it's his 'right' to criticize everything all the time.
And everyone all the time.
And nobody is allowed to say anything about it.
It's a stressful environment and I don't go over there to see him.
But that is the way he is. I have to accept that.
Even though he can't accept
that everything and everyone is the way it is or the way they are.
He just wants to be accepted the way he is,
even when he's being unacceptable. Which he can be.
Like on father's day, my brother and I went over there
to wish him a happy father's day. Even though he is our step-father
and not fatherly to us, very much. Only when it suits him.
My youngest brother didn't go and wrote something on facebook
that my step-father saw and it pissed him off.
So we had to deal with this rampage that ensued.
My youngest brother actually lived not that far from them,
so my step-father left to go 'confront' him
and started yelling and making a scene at the house my brother lived.
When the family upstairs from my brother
was trying to have a nice father's day, etc. Which he ruined.
My brother had to move.
One time my he and my mother had a fight
and my mother called me and asked if she could come stay the night.
Then my step-father called and asked if she was here.
The next thing I knew he was here, wanting to get in.
I wouldn't let him in because I knew he was going to cause a scene.
But he wouldn't stop calling and trying to get in.
And it pissed him off that I wouldn't let him in,
but he couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him in.
He just wanted me to let him have his way. Always.
He wants everyone to let him have his way.
And can't accept that he can't get his way all the time.
There are so many stories about his rampages over the years.
Times I've actually had to phone the police.
Ideally, I'd like him to realize that not everything is about him.
That he can choose not to let everything get to him
to the point he feels the need to go on a rampage.
That other people are sick of it and don't want to be around him
and that they are losing respect for him
or just can't have respect for him because he keeps acting that way.
That if he wants respect, he has to command it.
Demanding it doesn't work. Double standards don't work.
But that would be ME judging HIM which doesn't work, either.
Because it changes nothing.
So my brother just chooses not to have anything to do with him.
Which is his choice. He doesn't go visit my mother.
I don't see him for holidays or anything and I don't hear from him.
I haven't heard from him in 5 months.
So my plans for today have changed, and I got a few things fixed.
I just don't know what to do with myself now.
Because I was supposed to go over there today.
I'll have to come up with another plan. I'm just tired today.
I'm not sure why I've been so tired lately.
I'm tired during the day, but not so much at night. It's weird.
To help her with a project she's working on.
Was going to go after the guy finishes some work here.
I got a notice saying that someone was going to fix the ceiling.
Which I had been asking for, for over a year.
Looked like there was water damage from upstairs.
So I moved stuff out of the kitchen.
Nowhere on the notice that I got said they were going to fix the walls.
Which had cracks in them because the plaster was coming off the wall.
I live next to the stairwell and it's concrete behind the plaster,
and the plaster only stays on the concrete for so long.
Had they built it with sheet rock against the concrete,
there'd be something better for the plaster to adhere to.
I'm no expert, but I think it would work out better that way.
So I had to move a lot more stuff that I hadn't anticipated.
Which is okay, but had I got notice prior,
I would have had everything already moved.
I thought they were just going to do the ceiling today,
and then come back to do the rest.
They told the repair guy that my bathroom ceiling needed to be fixed.
It's my kitchen ceiling that needed to be fixed.
It's an opportunity to practice "no judgement."
Then I was talking to my mother who suggested
that I come over tomorrow instead of today.
She said it would be better because my step-father has the day off today.
It's peace and quiet for us when he's at work.
He's always complaining about his job,
and the company he works for.
He's extremely negative and judgmental.
It's really draining because he'll go on for hours and hours about it.
Literally hours and hours.
My mother has said that the longest was 5 hours.
She couldn't take it anymore and had to go outside to get away.
Just would be nice to just sit and be quiet.
Without saying anything or talk about something
not related to his work or job, and not have to hear everything
over and over again. Every time I see the guy.
My mother has to deal with it every day.
I haven't lived with them since I was 13 and things were worse then.
It's another opportunity for "no judgement."
Just because it's true, doesn't mean I have to say it
or even acknowledge it. It just is what it is.
People are the way they are and won't change unless they want to.
Most of the time they don't realize they could change anything
and they are comfortable the way they are,
even though it makes people uncomfortable to be around them.
I stay through it because I only get to see my mother once a week.
There were times I didn't see her for months.
Either I couldn't or wouldn't.
I'm trying to have some sort of relationship with her.
I'm starting to accept it's not going to be the kind of relationship
that I've always wanted and needed. It just is what it is.
The last time I was over there,
my step-father was going on about a pair of sunglasses.
They had been left on the table for a long time,
and somehow they fell off the table and were on the floor
underneath the table.
So he was going on about wanting to know who they belonged to.
Nobody knew who they belonged to. Which aggravated him.
Because heaven forbid anyone not have the answer to his question.
And because he couldn't see the sunglasses on the table,
he accused my mother of having someone over
who came and picked them up. Which she didn't.
Even though I didn't recognize them,
I told him that they were mine and that he could keep them,
if he wanted them. Then he took them and shut up about them.
Otherwise, he'd have gone on about them all night.
It's easy to criticize people who are overly critical,
and judgmental, and negative all the time.
But that doesn't solve anything.
The thing is that I can't tell him that it drives me crazy
when he's like this. Or ask him to change the subject,
when he's been on a criticizing rampage for hours.
Because that would start a fight.
Because it's his 'right' to criticize everything all the time.
And everyone all the time.
And nobody is allowed to say anything about it.
It's a stressful environment and I don't go over there to see him.
But that is the way he is. I have to accept that.
Even though he can't accept
that everything and everyone is the way it is or the way they are.
He just wants to be accepted the way he is,
even when he's being unacceptable. Which he can be.
Like on father's day, my brother and I went over there
to wish him a happy father's day. Even though he is our step-father
and not fatherly to us, very much. Only when it suits him.
My youngest brother didn't go and wrote something on facebook
that my step-father saw and it pissed him off.
So we had to deal with this rampage that ensued.
My youngest brother actually lived not that far from them,
so my step-father left to go 'confront' him
and started yelling and making a scene at the house my brother lived.
When the family upstairs from my brother
was trying to have a nice father's day, etc. Which he ruined.
My brother had to move.
One time my he and my mother had a fight
and my mother called me and asked if she could come stay the night.
Then my step-father called and asked if she was here.
The next thing I knew he was here, wanting to get in.
I wouldn't let him in because I knew he was going to cause a scene.
But he wouldn't stop calling and trying to get in.
And it pissed him off that I wouldn't let him in,
but he couldn't understand why I wouldn't let him in.
He just wanted me to let him have his way. Always.
He wants everyone to let him have his way.
And can't accept that he can't get his way all the time.
There are so many stories about his rampages over the years.
Times I've actually had to phone the police.
Ideally, I'd like him to realize that not everything is about him.
That he can choose not to let everything get to him
to the point he feels the need to go on a rampage.
That other people are sick of it and don't want to be around him
and that they are losing respect for him
or just can't have respect for him because he keeps acting that way.
That if he wants respect, he has to command it.
Demanding it doesn't work. Double standards don't work.
But that would be ME judging HIM which doesn't work, either.
Because it changes nothing.
So my brother just chooses not to have anything to do with him.
Which is his choice. He doesn't go visit my mother.
I don't see him for holidays or anything and I don't hear from him.
I haven't heard from him in 5 months.
So my plans for today have changed, and I got a few things fixed.
I just don't know what to do with myself now.
Because I was supposed to go over there today.
I'll have to come up with another plan. I'm just tired today.
I'm not sure why I've been so tired lately.
I'm tired during the day, but not so much at night. It's weird.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1r68K56l43A
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