Today's quote is:
"Start where you are,
Use what you have,
Do what you can."
It makes me think of change.
Of getting to there from where we are.
Using what we already have.
Sometimes we don't even realize what we have...
We can only do what we can with what we know
at any given time.
Sometimes I think that I'd have made different choices
had I known then, what I know now.
But, I'm starting where I am.
Maybe I might not have gotten this far,
had I not made mistakes along the way.
Sometimes I feel like I'll keep paying for my mistakes.
The mistakes I made many years ago.
No matter how different my life may have been,
I'm still where I am today. This is my life now.
As for using what I have... Maybe I do have more than I think.
As for doing what I can... Maybe I can do more than I think.
It's okay to be wherever we are at in life.
I used to sleep under a bridge and now I have a roof over my head.
I may not have everything, but I have more than I did.
Some things I have aren't material things.
A lot of people who have less, are happy.
It's not how much we have, it's how we feel
about ourselves, our lives, everyone we love.
I've left before because I wasn't happy.
I didn't know what I wanted, or that I could want anything.
I ended up trying to do the right thing in the wrong way.
For the right reasons, but in the wrong way.
That is what has been haunting me.
Letting people down, hurting them.
Even though I loved them very much,
and I didn't love myself enough.
I didn't know how to show them I loved them
and words weren't enough.
So now I am alone and trying to be okay with that.
Because sometimes we have to take the rest of the path
on our own. Others have their own paths.
Even the ones we once loved.
Even if we think about them often.
All we can do is hope they come back.
Or hope that they are happy
Or will be happy.
While learning how to be happy ourselves.
Without them. With what we have and do.
Even with what we don't have.
We don't need everything anyway.
I asked myself:
"How would I feel if I had to relinquish all my possessions?"
I thought about it and decided that I could part with some things.
Some things are easier to part with than others.
But one day I will have to part with everything.
Even part with life.
I can't say I've made peace with dying, yet.
Although there were times that I was in so much pain,
that dying seemed like the only relief.
I don't think I am ready, yet.
I think there is still a lot that I need to do in life.
Maybe "Do what you can"
is more about "while you can."
My Great-Aunt (My Grandmother's sister)
is turning 104 this month. In a couple of weeks.
I really wish I could go visit her again,
but I 'do what I can' by writing and sending letters.
Even though there isn't a lot going on in my life.
To write to her about. It's still nice to get letters in the mail.
She doesn't use computers or use the phone.
Writing a letter is the only way I can reach her.
I want to make sure she knows she is loved.
And thought about, and cared for.
Even though I can't be with her
or care for her like I cared for my Grandmother.
She's still pretty healthy. For her age.
She never married or had any children.
Of the 15 children her father had, only some didn't get married
or have any children.
I have a big family in Niagara Falls.
Most of them I've never met. I hope to, one day.
I have some pictures of relatives I don't know.
My Aunt was mad that I had a lot of photos
that were my Grandmother's. Mostly of her and my Grandfather.
But some of my Uncle and Aunts, and cousins.
Someone had to keep them or they'd have been lost.
I admit I had some that went missing.
I also lost the only pictures I had of my father.
Everything I had at that time was taken from me
when I lived at a group home.
They boxed it up and locked it in storage
and I never saw it again.
I guess they thought if I had nothing, I couldn't harm myself,
but why take pictures of my dead father?
And why never give them back?
But this is where I am now.
All that I've managed to keep and save will be relinquished one day.
Whether I am able to pass things on to my son... I don't know.
I can't be where I am and where I want to be at the same time.
So I start from here and move forward.
Using what I have.
Doing what I can.
"Start where you are,
Use what you have,
Do what you can."
It makes me think of change.
Of getting to there from where we are.
Using what we already have.
Sometimes we don't even realize what we have...
We can only do what we can with what we know
at any given time.
Sometimes I think that I'd have made different choices
had I known then, what I know now.
But, I'm starting where I am.
Maybe I might not have gotten this far,
had I not made mistakes along the way.
Sometimes I feel like I'll keep paying for my mistakes.
The mistakes I made many years ago.
No matter how different my life may have been,
I'm still where I am today. This is my life now.
As for using what I have... Maybe I do have more than I think.
As for doing what I can... Maybe I can do more than I think.
It's okay to be wherever we are at in life.
I used to sleep under a bridge and now I have a roof over my head.
I may not have everything, but I have more than I did.
Some things I have aren't material things.
A lot of people who have less, are happy.
It's not how much we have, it's how we feel
about ourselves, our lives, everyone we love.
I've left before because I wasn't happy.
I didn't know what I wanted, or that I could want anything.
I ended up trying to do the right thing in the wrong way.
For the right reasons, but in the wrong way.
That is what has been haunting me.
Letting people down, hurting them.
Even though I loved them very much,
and I didn't love myself enough.
I didn't know how to show them I loved them
and words weren't enough.
So now I am alone and trying to be okay with that.
Because sometimes we have to take the rest of the path
on our own. Others have their own paths.
Even the ones we once loved.
Even if we think about them often.
All we can do is hope they come back.
Or hope that they are happy
Or will be happy.
While learning how to be happy ourselves.
Without them. With what we have and do.
Even with what we don't have.
We don't need everything anyway.
I asked myself:
"How would I feel if I had to relinquish all my possessions?"
I thought about it and decided that I could part with some things.
Some things are easier to part with than others.
But one day I will have to part with everything.
Even part with life.
I can't say I've made peace with dying, yet.
Although there were times that I was in so much pain,
that dying seemed like the only relief.
I don't think I am ready, yet.
I think there is still a lot that I need to do in life.
Maybe "Do what you can"
is more about "while you can."
My Great-Aunt (My Grandmother's sister)
is turning 104 this month. In a couple of weeks.
I really wish I could go visit her again,
but I 'do what I can' by writing and sending letters.
Even though there isn't a lot going on in my life.
To write to her about. It's still nice to get letters in the mail.
She doesn't use computers or use the phone.
Writing a letter is the only way I can reach her.
I want to make sure she knows she is loved.
And thought about, and cared for.
Even though I can't be with her
or care for her like I cared for my Grandmother.
She's still pretty healthy. For her age.
She never married or had any children.
Of the 15 children her father had, only some didn't get married
or have any children.
I have a big family in Niagara Falls.
Most of them I've never met. I hope to, one day.
I have some pictures of relatives I don't know.
My Aunt was mad that I had a lot of photos
that were my Grandmother's. Mostly of her and my Grandfather.
But some of my Uncle and Aunts, and cousins.
Someone had to keep them or they'd have been lost.
I admit I had some that went missing.
I also lost the only pictures I had of my father.
Everything I had at that time was taken from me
when I lived at a group home.
They boxed it up and locked it in storage
and I never saw it again.
I guess they thought if I had nothing, I couldn't harm myself,
but why take pictures of my dead father?
And why never give them back?
But this is where I am now.
All that I've managed to keep and save will be relinquished one day.
Whether I am able to pass things on to my son... I don't know.
I can't be where I am and where I want to be at the same time.
So I start from here and move forward.
Using what I have.
Doing what I can.
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