Changes are in The Air

My night at work was alright. Got everything done the best I could.

I may have cut a few corners here and there, but...
Sometimes corners need to be cut.

I'm glad work is over for now. My back and feet hurt, 

but I'm otherwise satisfied that I have accomplished something. 

I had to go get some paperwork done today.
So I had to wait a couple hours for the place to open.
Listened to tunes. Waited. Watched people passing by. All that stuff. 

Then... On the way home I saw someone I hadn't seen in over a year. 

Someone from high school. Someone I almost had something with. 

Didn't work out. He knew I had an issue with alcohol. I quit. 

I quit to work things out with him. They still didn't work out. 

I guess people change. Maybe they never were who we thought they were. 

People can be very selfish. People can be very cruel. 

He hurt me in ways that I don't even think I can talk about, let alone think about. 

I saw him and avoided looking into his eyes. Didn't say anything to him. 

My blood pressure is so high, still. My anxiety is still through the roof. 

Now I can't sleep. I just can't sleep. 

I wish things were different because a part of me still misses him. 

A part of me still misses the good times and the times that could have been. 

The times he was sweet to me. The day we reconnected after 10 years apart. 

I was so happy to see him again. I miss that so very much. 

We were back in each other's lives so that I could kick my addiction. 

Maybe everything that happened between us was meant to be the way it is now. 

However unfortunate things turned out to be.
Because we did not part on good terms. 

I still wish him well. I still do care about him to some extent.
But we can't be friends anymore.

He made his choice to walk out of my life. Like so many others have. 

The people who walk out of my life make room for those new people coming in. 

It was just so unexpected to see him. I was kind of shocked. 

I wanted to say things to him. I wanted to apologize. But would he have listened?

Would he have given me the chance
to even tell him that I made it past A YEAR in my sobriety?

He doesn't care. I know he doesn't. He hasn't cared in a long time.
He probably never will again. 

That is fine. If he is happy, that's all I can hope for him. 

I have reasons to be happy. Without him. 

I'm getting my life together. I'm making changes. 

I'm getting things done that needed to be done for a very long time. 

I feel like I don't need anyone. It's still nice to have friends and people who care, 

but if I find myself alone. It is okay. 

I'd rather be alone than with somebody who really does not care.
Now he's just somebody I used to know. 
Somebody I thought I knew.
Somebody who never knew me.
Somebody who will never know me.