It's something that I have had an issue with for a long time. Because I've had things to forgive people for and things to forgive myself for that has been so very difficult.
One reason being that acceptance is a hard concept to make work. There are lots of things that are hard to accept. I've been raised to believe that "making mistakes was unacceptable."
Acceptance is a HUGE part of forgiveness. Because I asked myself why I was having such a hard time forgiving the people in my life who I've had to forgive. (I'm still working on it). The answer I got was that I was having a hard time accepting that they had transgressed me.
The words STRANGERS and TRANSGRESS have the same letters in them. But they weren't strangers. People whom I had trusted. It gets harder and harder for me to trust. To REALLY trust. Been hurt wayyyy too many times.
I'm reached the part about forgiveness in my project book. It's part of another part, which is a part of something else.
I decided to start with The 8 Basic Needs...
Security, Comfort, Predictability, To feel Competent, To feel Contributory, To feel Worth, To feel Important, and To feel Significant.
My goal is that by working on these, I will be able to fulfill my OWN needs and not look to OTHERS for ANYTHING that I CAN give to MYSELF. Which is something I should have been doing a LONG time ago. Only I was distracted with my old beliefs about what I could or couldn't do, about how things worked out there, and inside of me. I'm trying to look at being SINGLE as an OPPORTUNITY to work on MYSELF. Relationships always took me away from doing that because my old priority in those old relationships were about building and trying to maintain the relationship when it should have always been to build and maintain myself. I think it was always the awareness that the other person had certain expectations of me that I always wanted to fulfill, instead of seeing what expectations I can reasonably have for myself (because a lot of expectations are wayyyy too high, even the ones we have for ourselves).
Anyway, back to my project.... I'm close to half way through this section. I'm adding things as I go along. Like for worthiness I put (self-esteem), for importance I put (self-approval), for significance I put (self- acceptance). Also, I added some questions to ask myself each day, with different affirmations for different days of the week. I am giving myself the TOOLS I need to fulfill my own needs, how to deal with issues differently and better. I keep saying to myself that in three years, my life will be completely different. I'm different from who I was 5 months ago. In 5 months from now, things will be better than they are now. A year from now.... Two years from now..... Three years from now?! :)
When I took that Willpower workshop some months ago... There was a lot of emphasis on balance. But knowing what it is that is in the balancing act is half the battle. Like for example: Anxiety.... I have bad anxiety still. I take medication for it....
There was something I was reading last night that makes some sense.
"The Quality of your life is in direct proportion
to the amount of uncertainty you can deal with."
- Tony Robbins.
In this balancing act are anticipation and anxiety. Dealing with the uncertainty is the best way to deal with the anxiety overloads. Things like this. I am learning things like this. Better late than never. And who knows best what I need? I do! Who is the one who can make sure that I have what I need? I am! It's as easy as telling yourself that it IS a CHOICE and just CHOOSE to DO it! Making the choice to do it is often as hard as actually doing it, but with practice, those choices get easier to make and doing it is just as easy.
So my goal is to LEARN it and put it into PRACTICE. So that it won't be as hard (as it is now) later on (three years from now).
....And if you knew me from my blog from like 10 years ago, when I was first starting out... This is an improvement! Even from 5 years ago.
One reason being that acceptance is a hard concept to make work. There are lots of things that are hard to accept. I've been raised to believe that "making mistakes was unacceptable."
Acceptance is a HUGE part of forgiveness. Because I asked myself why I was having such a hard time forgiving the people in my life who I've had to forgive. (I'm still working on it). The answer I got was that I was having a hard time accepting that they had transgressed me.
The words STRANGERS and TRANSGRESS have the same letters in them. But they weren't strangers. People whom I had trusted. It gets harder and harder for me to trust. To REALLY trust. Been hurt wayyyy too many times.
I'm reached the part about forgiveness in my project book. It's part of another part, which is a part of something else.
I decided to start with The 8 Basic Needs...
Security, Comfort, Predictability, To feel Competent, To feel Contributory, To feel Worth, To feel Important, and To feel Significant.
My goal is that by working on these, I will be able to fulfill my OWN needs and not look to OTHERS for ANYTHING that I CAN give to MYSELF. Which is something I should have been doing a LONG time ago. Only I was distracted with my old beliefs about what I could or couldn't do, about how things worked out there, and inside of me. I'm trying to look at being SINGLE as an OPPORTUNITY to work on MYSELF. Relationships always took me away from doing that because my old priority in those old relationships were about building and trying to maintain the relationship when it should have always been to build and maintain myself. I think it was always the awareness that the other person had certain expectations of me that I always wanted to fulfill, instead of seeing what expectations I can reasonably have for myself (because a lot of expectations are wayyyy too high, even the ones we have for ourselves).
Anyway, back to my project.... I'm close to half way through this section. I'm adding things as I go along. Like for worthiness I put (self-esteem), for importance I put (self-approval), for significance I put (self- acceptance). Also, I added some questions to ask myself each day, with different affirmations for different days of the week. I am giving myself the TOOLS I need to fulfill my own needs, how to deal with issues differently and better. I keep saying to myself that in three years, my life will be completely different. I'm different from who I was 5 months ago. In 5 months from now, things will be better than they are now. A year from now.... Two years from now..... Three years from now?! :)
When I took that Willpower workshop some months ago... There was a lot of emphasis on balance. But knowing what it is that is in the balancing act is half the battle. Like for example: Anxiety.... I have bad anxiety still. I take medication for it....
There was something I was reading last night that makes some sense.
"The Quality of your life is in direct proportion
to the amount of uncertainty you can deal with."
- Tony Robbins.
In this balancing act are anticipation and anxiety. Dealing with the uncertainty is the best way to deal with the anxiety overloads. Things like this. I am learning things like this. Better late than never. And who knows best what I need? I do! Who is the one who can make sure that I have what I need? I am! It's as easy as telling yourself that it IS a CHOICE and just CHOOSE to DO it! Making the choice to do it is often as hard as actually doing it, but with practice, those choices get easier to make and doing it is just as easy.
So my goal is to LEARN it and put it into PRACTICE. So that it won't be as hard (as it is now) later on (three years from now).
....And if you knew me from my blog from like 10 years ago, when I was first starting out... This is an improvement! Even from 5 years ago.
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