Some days I think are pretty bad. But then I think: Could always be worse. Right?! Right! So what if I had to go to the hospital to get 2 ultrasounds and 2 mammograms AND then had to come home to have a stressful meeting about my kid who I was told doesn't even want to see me... Because I yelled at him. He said a bunch of things about me that wasn't true and a lot of people think badly of me. Yeah I made mistakes, but making mistakes is proof that I have been trying. I have not seen my kid for 3 weeks. I try to call his father and have been waiting for him to call me. No luck there. No surprise either.
My friend said to me: "You'd think his father would step up and tell your kid to get over it. So what? Your Mom scolded you. It's not the end of the world." Yes, one would think...
I might get to see my kid for Christmas. MIGHT. I might get to see him on his birthday, MIGHT. He might just pick up the damn phone... But I doubt it. I'm not going to hold my breath about it. His choice. If he doesn't want me, then he doesn't have to have me. But maybe when he gets older he'll see things differently. That I wanted to be there all along but his father would not let me and I'm giving him the chance to have his father in his life. His real, biological father. I could have taken him away, I could have moved away when I had the chance. At one point I wanted to. When I asked his father to stand up for him at his school. I asked him to go to the school and talk to them about his son being bullied. What was his response?!
He said: "What do you want me to say?!" How about something! Something would be nice. So at that time I had primary custody of my son so I told his father that I didn't want him to see his kid until he addressed the issue with the school like he should have done in the first place...
So yeah I'm mad that people seem to like playing games with the only thing that ever meant anything to me. My kid has little to no respect for me and would rather be with his father... Sobeit. One day he might wish he came to me, MIGHT. One day he might understand why I did the things I did. Why everything turned out the way it has... MIGHT. One pretty lofty word.
But my point is that I know his father is trying, too. I don't think he'll ever give me any credit or understand me at all. I am giving them both the time they need to bond which is more important than anything I might want. MIGHT. All I want is for my son to love me because I love him. Is that too much for a mother to ask for?
Yes, things could be worse. Although it seems like I don't have much of a chance... At least I can look out the window and see where he lives. Kind of makes me sad too because he is that close yet he's the furthest he's ever been... I know his father is taking care of him so I guess things are not so bad.
My friend said to me: "You'd think his father would step up and tell your kid to get over it. So what? Your Mom scolded you. It's not the end of the world." Yes, one would think...
I might get to see my kid for Christmas. MIGHT. I might get to see him on his birthday, MIGHT. He might just pick up the damn phone... But I doubt it. I'm not going to hold my breath about it. His choice. If he doesn't want me, then he doesn't have to have me. But maybe when he gets older he'll see things differently. That I wanted to be there all along but his father would not let me and I'm giving him the chance to have his father in his life. His real, biological father. I could have taken him away, I could have moved away when I had the chance. At one point I wanted to. When I asked his father to stand up for him at his school. I asked him to go to the school and talk to them about his son being bullied. What was his response?!
He said: "What do you want me to say?!" How about something! Something would be nice. So at that time I had primary custody of my son so I told his father that I didn't want him to see his kid until he addressed the issue with the school like he should have done in the first place...
So yeah I'm mad that people seem to like playing games with the only thing that ever meant anything to me. My kid has little to no respect for me and would rather be with his father... Sobeit. One day he might wish he came to me, MIGHT. One day he might understand why I did the things I did. Why everything turned out the way it has... MIGHT. One pretty lofty word.
But my point is that I know his father is trying, too. I don't think he'll ever give me any credit or understand me at all. I am giving them both the time they need to bond which is more important than anything I might want. MIGHT. All I want is for my son to love me because I love him. Is that too much for a mother to ask for?
Yes, things could be worse. Although it seems like I don't have much of a chance... At least I can look out the window and see where he lives. Kind of makes me sad too because he is that close yet he's the furthest he's ever been... I know his father is taking care of him so I guess things are not so bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment