It was interesting tonight. I felt I made a soulful connection tonight. I went to that group tonight and I happened to meet a nice lady there who was my partner for the exercise we did about soulful connections. We sat there looking to each other's eyes. As did the other partners. Eye gazing. I saw in her that she's been a witness to many beautiful things in life. That she had doubts about herself being good enough. Also I saw some of her sufferings. I saw a connection with 'November' and a significant lost she may have had. She said that her daughter is expecting a baby, but she told me this after the exercise (before I asked her about a significant loss) that loss was a loss of a baby the previous year. Happened in November. She said she was worried about this new baby. I told her everything is going to be okay. There's always hope no matter what. Energy recirculates. She said that it was really hard for them, and I said that it is because of the emotional loss. But your hopes and dreams don't need to be lost with that loss. Because hope is always there. No matter what. It felt like by looking deep into her eyes, I could see into her soul. She does have deep pain, but the ability, her capacity for love is so big that it shows in her eyes. You can really see the good in people radiate outwards. At least, I can. I have been noticing it more and more. That certain people just 'glow' from the inside. They don't even know it. That they are manifesting the light that has always been within.
We had a long discussion about men and women and the masculine and feminine aspects in relation and correlation to each other. It was fascinating. First, we talked about what the Integral System is. The basics of the system. Like how the mind is the bridge to connect the body with the spirit. The perfect integration is the connection between all 3: Body, Mind, Spirit.
We talked about what men and women are programmed to want or think of each other. Women want to commune. Men tend to want freedom. It's interesting. Women want men to be 'present' in a relationship, to pay attention. Everyone strives for attention. Because we need it. I'd like to think that I write this discovery stuff down to be informative, but I know there'll be speculation in terms of everyone's individual interpretation . People might interpret or consider my attempt to be informative as an attempt to seek attention. Maybe in the past (like when I used to vent all the time and express the doubts I had about myself and life in general) I was seeking attention subconsciously. But when people realize that all the attention that they ever really needed was the attention that they can generate for themselves, they realize that everything else that they need, they can find inside themselves. Because only you can answer the questions that you ask of yourself.
I find that the more we observe, the more we can absorb. We are a part of everything and everything is a part of us. Just as everyone is a part of us and a part of us is in everyone. So people can 'relate' to others because of our ability to relate and because we are all 'related'. Not in the sense of family relations, just as a sense of 'mankind'.
People are programmed to believe certain things, about life. Every aspect of it. We are programmed to believe these beliefs by the cultural influences that taught us about expectations, judgement, and a variety of issues that lead to cultural myths. Cultural myths are what delude people. When people's expectations are not met, they become delusional. The greater the expectation, the greater the delusion. Cultural myths are illusions. Illusions cause delusions. They are distortions. Distortions that try to influence your interpretation of the information that you are receiving. If people inspected, rather than expected, wouldn't life be more interesting? Without inspection, there wouldn't be introspection. With introspection, you don't have to expect anything, ever. You just let life happen. You go to the places you were supposed to be in. You talk to and meet the people you were supposed to meet. You end up talking about and listening to people talk about things you're supposed to be learning about.
I was thinking about instructions today. I was thinking of instructions in a couple of ways. First, I was thinking of it as directions (that tell you where to go or how to do something) and directives (that are like orders that tell you what to do). The whole point of teaching and learning, (in my mind) is receiving or giving both directions and directives in order to direct yourself (learning) or someone else (teaching). We are all students and teachers at the same time. Always will be. I will always have knowledge to share with someone else (teach) and someone else will always have knowledge to share with me (learn).
The second way was as an instrument. Instruments are implements and they have the purpose of implicating an application. Music is somewhat of an application because it is an applied art. But I'm not talking about music per se, more along the art of living. Living life is an art form itself. Governing one's self, especially one's true (unified self), is an art form. Any art form is pretty much an application. So therefore we must learn how to apply these applications. By using the skills we have, and by developing skills we didn't even know we had.
In one of the groups I went to, the first one... There was a course outline and it high lighted a few principles I found interesting. The principles are: Purpose, Process, Practice. The purpose is gaining the tools (the skills to turn into strengths). The process is the "learning process" and the process of gathering information. The Practice is applying the information by experiencing both failure and success. By making mistakes along the way. Just because we make mistakes, doesn't mean we have failed. Mistakes are nothing but perhaps misguided actions. People are misguided for being unguided. Because they are often unaware of what they are doing, how what they are doing affects other people, their environment etc. They are not even aware of why they did what they were doing.
Rationality - The quality or state of being rational. Rational - Having reason or understanding. Understanding! Everyone needs UNDERSTANDING to be UNDERSTOOD! Understanding is what we think of as outstanding. Outstanding in the sense of being ultimate.
What I keep thinking is: anything that is an 'ality' is a realm. There are realms within realms. I keep thinking about individuality and duality. I think that individuality is indivisible duality. It makes sense to me.
In my life, I'm at the moment when I know I have made huge mistakes in the past and these mistakes I've made leave me with feelings like shame and guilt. One can feel shameful in regards to their behavior. Why? Because everyone makes mistakes. People regret their actions when they do things without thinking about them. They make mistakes. BUT there's forgiveness. We can accept that we did something wrong and get over the limitations caused by the shame and guilt. Then we can forgive ourselves. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is harder than others forgiving us or vice versa.
I'm having issues with my life, but I want to make changes. I know I need to make changes and that I'm starting to make changes. Especially in the way I think. But I need to know that what I'm going through is not going to destroy me, that it'll change me, and make me stronger. That's what I need out of this. I need strength and just to be strong. Because I can't let myself down again. I let other people down when I let myself down. I know this and I don't want to do it, but sometimes things get out of control. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes there are things that are blessings in disguise. Sometimes blessings come in the guise of a curse. I was being over-cautious before to prevent my fears from coming true, but it is that I have to face my fears that my fears are facing me. Of course this is going to make me a different person. I'll never be the same again. Being able to accept it is the challenging issue. Acceptance is a challenge. No doubt about that. There are quite a few things I'm having a hard time accepting in life. Things I was supposed to have control over, but didn't. Things I wanted to have control over but had none. After circumstances change, the amount of control over the circumstance changes with it.
It's all about the choices that we make in life. We can decide and by not deciding we are deciding not to decide. We can all make right decisions and wrong decisions. I made wrong decisions. I knew better and I still did it! Why? I was acting irrationally. There is no reason I did what I did. NONE. If there is no reason for it, there is no justifying it. It is unjustifiable. I know that I have to be able to accept it to start to forgive myself but it's a long process. A very long process. Applying any application is a long process. The application of the application is the practice.
My mind is all over the place. I've got emotions running all over the place. I want to achieve some clarity among the confusion. The confusion being the uncertainty of the situations I get myself into. The uncertainty creates fear and this fear feeds the anxiety that I live with on a day to day basis. BUT I can control my emotions by choosing how to think about feeling the way I feel (when I feel that way in the first place because I am thinking of something influencing me to feel that way). I don't know why I did what I did. I tried to rationalize it. But there is none. I have to get to the part that it is "IN THE PAST" to be able to accept that it has happened. To move FORWARD IN THE FUTURE. Because there is HOPE for the FUTURE. It's full of potential yet to be achieved.
I've always been aware that sometimes the outcome of certain situations (when we make mistakes) can be just as bad as making the mistake in the first place. That is what I fear. That is what we all fear. This is why we learn not to make mistakes. Maybe that it was my fears that made me act in the way I did that caused me to make this mistake. This fear was so strong that it controlled me or rather compelled me... BUT I'd only be blaming the fear itself for the actions that I am responsible for taking. Maybe by taking this risk that I took I can see that nothing and nobody is perfect. That if the world was perfect, there would be no real acceptance and no forgiveness. Do they not say that forgiveness is divine? I want to think that this is for a reason, because it is. Even things that seem random have some sort of reason for even their basic existence. If they didn't, why would they even exist?
We had a long discussion about men and women and the masculine and feminine aspects in relation and correlation to each other. It was fascinating. First, we talked about what the Integral System is. The basics of the system. Like how the mind is the bridge to connect the body with the spirit. The perfect integration is the connection between all 3: Body, Mind, Spirit.
We talked about what men and women are programmed to want or think of each other. Women want to commune. Men tend to want freedom. It's interesting. Women want men to be 'present' in a relationship, to pay attention. Everyone strives for attention. Because we need it. I'd like to think that I write this discovery stuff down to be informative, but I know there'll be speculation in terms of everyone's individual interpretation . People might interpret or consider my attempt to be informative as an attempt to seek attention. Maybe in the past (like when I used to vent all the time and express the doubts I had about myself and life in general) I was seeking attention subconsciously. But when people realize that all the attention that they ever really needed was the attention that they can generate for themselves, they realize that everything else that they need, they can find inside themselves. Because only you can answer the questions that you ask of yourself.
I find that the more we observe, the more we can absorb. We are a part of everything and everything is a part of us. Just as everyone is a part of us and a part of us is in everyone. So people can 'relate' to others because of our ability to relate and because we are all 'related'. Not in the sense of family relations, just as a sense of 'mankind'.
People are programmed to believe certain things, about life. Every aspect of it. We are programmed to believe these beliefs by the cultural influences that taught us about expectations, judgement, and a variety of issues that lead to cultural myths. Cultural myths are what delude people. When people's expectations are not met, they become delusional. The greater the expectation, the greater the delusion. Cultural myths are illusions. Illusions cause delusions. They are distortions. Distortions that try to influence your interpretation of the information that you are receiving. If people inspected, rather than expected, wouldn't life be more interesting? Without inspection, there wouldn't be introspection. With introspection, you don't have to expect anything, ever. You just let life happen. You go to the places you were supposed to be in. You talk to and meet the people you were supposed to meet. You end up talking about and listening to people talk about things you're supposed to be learning about.
I was thinking about instructions today. I was thinking of instructions in a couple of ways. First, I was thinking of it as directions (that tell you where to go or how to do something) and directives (that are like orders that tell you what to do). The whole point of teaching and learning, (in my mind) is receiving or giving both directions and directives in order to direct yourself (learning) or someone else (teaching). We are all students and teachers at the same time. Always will be. I will always have knowledge to share with someone else (teach) and someone else will always have knowledge to share with me (learn).
The second way was as an instrument. Instruments are implements and they have the purpose of implicating an application. Music is somewhat of an application because it is an applied art. But I'm not talking about music per se, more along the art of living. Living life is an art form itself. Governing one's self, especially one's true (unified self), is an art form. Any art form is pretty much an application. So therefore we must learn how to apply these applications. By using the skills we have, and by developing skills we didn't even know we had.
In one of the groups I went to, the first one... There was a course outline and it high lighted a few principles I found interesting. The principles are: Purpose, Process, Practice. The purpose is gaining the tools (the skills to turn into strengths). The process is the "learning process" and the process of gathering information. The Practice is applying the information by experiencing both failure and success. By making mistakes along the way. Just because we make mistakes, doesn't mean we have failed. Mistakes are nothing but perhaps misguided actions. People are misguided for being unguided. Because they are often unaware of what they are doing, how what they are doing affects other people, their environment etc. They are not even aware of why they did what they were doing.
Rationality - The quality or state of being rational. Rational - Having reason or understanding. Understanding! Everyone needs UNDERSTANDING to be UNDERSTOOD! Understanding is what we think of as outstanding. Outstanding in the sense of being ultimate.
What I keep thinking is: anything that is an 'ality' is a realm. There are realms within realms. I keep thinking about individuality and duality. I think that individuality is indivisible duality. It makes sense to me.
In my life, I'm at the moment when I know I have made huge mistakes in the past and these mistakes I've made leave me with feelings like shame and guilt. One can feel shameful in regards to their behavior. Why? Because everyone makes mistakes. People regret their actions when they do things without thinking about them. They make mistakes. BUT there's forgiveness. We can accept that we did something wrong and get over the limitations caused by the shame and guilt. Then we can forgive ourselves. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is harder than others forgiving us or vice versa.
I'm having issues with my life, but I want to make changes. I know I need to make changes and that I'm starting to make changes. Especially in the way I think. But I need to know that what I'm going through is not going to destroy me, that it'll change me, and make me stronger. That's what I need out of this. I need strength and just to be strong. Because I can't let myself down again. I let other people down when I let myself down. I know this and I don't want to do it, but sometimes things get out of control. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes there are things that are blessings in disguise. Sometimes blessings come in the guise of a curse. I was being over-cautious before to prevent my fears from coming true, but it is that I have to face my fears that my fears are facing me. Of course this is going to make me a different person. I'll never be the same again. Being able to accept it is the challenging issue. Acceptance is a challenge. No doubt about that. There are quite a few things I'm having a hard time accepting in life. Things I was supposed to have control over, but didn't. Things I wanted to have control over but had none. After circumstances change, the amount of control over the circumstance changes with it.
It's all about the choices that we make in life. We can decide and by not deciding we are deciding not to decide. We can all make right decisions and wrong decisions. I made wrong decisions. I knew better and I still did it! Why? I was acting irrationally. There is no reason I did what I did. NONE. If there is no reason for it, there is no justifying it. It is unjustifiable. I know that I have to be able to accept it to start to forgive myself but it's a long process. A very long process. Applying any application is a long process. The application of the application is the practice.
My mind is all over the place. I've got emotions running all over the place. I want to achieve some clarity among the confusion. The confusion being the uncertainty of the situations I get myself into. The uncertainty creates fear and this fear feeds the anxiety that I live with on a day to day basis. BUT I can control my emotions by choosing how to think about feeling the way I feel (when I feel that way in the first place because I am thinking of something influencing me to feel that way). I don't know why I did what I did. I tried to rationalize it. But there is none. I have to get to the part that it is "IN THE PAST" to be able to accept that it has happened. To move FORWARD IN THE FUTURE. Because there is HOPE for the FUTURE. It's full of potential yet to be achieved.
I've always been aware that sometimes the outcome of certain situations (when we make mistakes) can be just as bad as making the mistake in the first place. That is what I fear. That is what we all fear. This is why we learn not to make mistakes. Maybe that it was my fears that made me act in the way I did that caused me to make this mistake. This fear was so strong that it controlled me or rather compelled me... BUT I'd only be blaming the fear itself for the actions that I am responsible for taking. Maybe by taking this risk that I took I can see that nothing and nobody is perfect. That if the world was perfect, there would be no real acceptance and no forgiveness. Do they not say that forgiveness is divine? I want to think that this is for a reason, because it is. Even things that seem random have some sort of reason for even their basic existence. If they didn't, why would they even exist?
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