Getting Out & Getting Stuff Done

I don't know why I haven't written on here for so long. I guess it is hard for me to find the time to write these days. Maybe I've just spent so much time thinking and not sharing any of my thoughts with anyone.

I managed to get some stuff done that I needed to do today. It felt good. Instead of feeling anxious about it, knowing it has to be done. To deal with the stress of having so much to do, I procrastinate. That just makes it worse. I have to keep telling myself that it'll make it worse. It is a false comfort zone.

Anyway, I've been thinking about water ever since I saw a documentary on t.v a few nights ago about how there are more than 200,000 people in Bolivia who don't have water because they simply cannot afford to pay for it. They were saying that water has become a commodity and in other countries they are running dry because of factories taking all the water.

There was a poor little girl on the show telling the film crew that she has no friends because they have no water. The other kids didn't want to play with her because they have water and she doesn't. She said that the kids would chase any kids away who tried to play with her and that they'd call her a filthy pig. I think that has to be one of the saddest things I have ever heard. Something like 20 jumbo jets filled with kids die every day because they don't have water. That is insane when you think about it. It really is. Something that everyone should be able to receive or to obtain because it's something we all need for basic survival.

It just opened my eyes. And another thing I was watching was a documentary called 'Diamond Road' about how people are exploited for the mines and the diamonds. The diamond pit I saw was a gigantic crater in the earth, it was amazing. Just how deep down there are. Something like 20,000 feet. But what I saw, the raw exploitation. They are greedy companies. Empirical greed.

It just seems really crazy that these things mean so much to people. Well obviously water, but who really gives a f*ck about diamonds? Glass is sort of in that category somehow because it is made with extreme heat, just like a diamond. They can make diamonds out of the ashes of dead people. Well, I'd think that they could use just about any carbon at all. It takes like four years to make one. That is what they were saying on the show. Of course the real ones are worth much more because they are running out, they can't be discovered fast enough to keep up with the demand. This makes the pressure and the exploitation much worse.

I'm not really concerned about Valentine's Day. I haven't really thought about it. I try not to think about it. Valentine's Day was my Father's birthday. I still think about going up to see where he was buried. Up on the Canadian Shield. I just don't know when I'll ever be able to go up there, all the way up to Nipigon. I heard it's nippy in Nipigon. Apparently, that's where my Father used to live when he was younger. I have no idea how he wound up in Ottawa. I'll probably never find out how my parents met. I asked my Mother and she told me she can't remember. I bet she does remember, just doesn't want me to ever find out.

She told me that she thinks his death was an accident. I haven't figured out if she said it because she wants me to believe it or if she wants to believe that. Then she told me that he used to take a lot of pills and one day she got a call from him a couple provinces away. He couldn't remember how he even got there. My Uncle told me that my Father once did donuts on the Trans-Canada Hwy. I think that I must be as crazy as he was. I wouldn't go as far to do the donuts, but I take risks of my own, albeit, not the risks I benefit from. More like the risks that get me in deep.

She probably doesn't 'remember' saying she'd go up there with me, either. That was at least ten years ago or more. She had no intention of going up there with me and she will never get up the nerve. And Oh, will I! I will go up there and finally do what I have to do. It is important to me. And one day, I'm gonna do it. I'm not procrastinating on this. I'm just working up my nerve to do it.

Been going over my poems and I have over 900 of them. That isn't including the ones I haven't added to that list. Still working on my manuscripts.

For now, I'm going to watch American Gladiators. How I missed that show from the olden days. I watched it back 18 years ago.

Anywho, adieu!