Scared of Death

I hadn't realized that it's been a whole week since I updated the blog last. Well, over a week. I've had quite a bit on my mind lately. The holidays always stress me out, big time. I just have to try not to think about it that way. I just want to think about it as eventually getting here and then being over as soon as it gets here. I've just been nervous. I always want things to go well, but something always happens around the holidays. I don't know why, but it just does.

I think about my Grandfather around Christmas time. I miss him. I know my Grandmother misses him the most. She hasn't been doing too well lately. She has to go for tests. She's going to be 83 next month. A lady at our church celebrated her 99th birthday. She's in a wheelchair now, but other than that, she's still got her wits about her. I think that if I were an old lady, which I might be one day, I'd want to be crazier than crazy because that way I wouldn't be afraid of dying.

I don't know why, but secretly, I've been afraid of dying. I'd want to die in my sleep, just be dreaming and just not wake up. The peaceful way. The worst thing about dying is knowing that you are dying, being aware of life diminishing without anything you can do about it. I think that would be the scariest part of it all. I don't want to die that way. Nobody would.