I've had stuff on my mind lately. I always have stuff on my mind. I find it hard to sleep at night. I don't know why. I've had some messed up dreams. In my dreams, people are trying to kill me and I'm running from them. I know these are just dreams. I don't think the content has any doings in why I can't sleep.
I've been thinking a lot about life. Maybe I regret that I haven't really done much in my life. Nothing really exciting. I did travel, that was exciting. It just seems as though life has become mundane and I need something exciting to happen.
Everything has been going well here. Except we're getting about 60 cm of snow by Monday. It's been traveling through the United States and they've already been getting dumped on in Southern Ontario.
My Grandmother's sister is in ICU. She's got internal bleeding and they have yet to discover the source. I'm worried about her and my Grandmother has been unable to sleep out of worry for her sister. She worries more because she is unable to get down to the hospital where she is. I hope she recovers. She was in the hospital maybe a few weeks ago. Now she's back in.
My Aunt is still in the home. She's been out of the hospital for a while, but she'll still be in the home for a couple of years yet. I know she wants to go home badly. I don't blame her. My Uncle wants to wait for his retirement so that he can retire and be at home with her. I haven't heard anything about my cousin D****. Last time I heard, he was trying for the R.C.M.P. A guy in my class got hired by the R.C.M.P after graduation. I'm still floating around at the moment.
I'm really not looking forward to having all this snow. It's coming no matter what I try to do about it anyway. There is no stopping the snow. I hate it. I hate trudging through deep snow because of the resistance and getting snow in my boots.
I was wrapping Christmas presents today. I still have more to wrap. I just want it to be over. I want to see my son's face light up when he opens his presents and decides what he wants to play with first. I got him a little keyboard, but I might give it to him for his birthday. I'll be tempted to play with it. I used to have a keyboard when I was little. He's interested in music and he likes to sing. I've already told him that when he gets older, the guitar I have will be his. He likes to strum it for me when I play it sometimes. He does ask me to get it out sometimes.
He is a sweet heart. I got him a new bed. A guy Rob works with was giving it away. It's like a bunk bed without the bottom bunk. He goes up there and hides under his blankets. He calls for me: "Mommy, come look for me in my room." He says really cute things. Tonight, we were playing a word game and we just blurt out words we know that start with a letter of the alphabet. "Now let's do the 'd' words." He says. He said the word 'dash' and he dashed around the hallway. It's amazing how much kids learn in the first 5 years of life. Those years are the most important. I read to him every night. I love reading him his stories. He always wants to bring the kitten up on the bunk bed to listen to the story with him. Then he insists on giving the kitten a hug and kiss at bedtime.
Maybe a month or so after we got the kitten, my son said: "You have to give the baby kitty back. I need a real doggy that barks for real." He still wants a dog. He's wanted a dog for a while now. He was thrilled when my brother's girlfriend let us take care of her dog for a few days. He's really shy around her and he turns red. I got her a necklace, earrings, and a bracelet for Christmas. She really misses her family, especially during the holidays. Her mother died of cancer and her father was killed by a drunk driver. She can be a part of our dysfunctional family if she wants to. She can be the 'little sister I never had' if she wants to be.
Anyway, I'd better try to go to bed and see what pops into my dreams tonight. A lot of the time I dream about a hotel, a mall, and the same imaginary neighborhood. It would be really weird if one day I found out that the places I dream about are real. That would freak me out. Actually I did have at least one dream like that.
Keep on truckin' through the fuckin' muckin'
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