Still Alive

On the 7th, Rob and I went to the revolving restaurant down town. It's on the top floor of a hotel. Then we went to the place where we first met. The library. We have yet to drink the ice - wine. I like it because it's sweet. It's made with frozen grapes in the winter time. It really doesn't seem like a whole year. But it is.

We went to a craft store I found online in Stitsville. They sell knitting machines. They are really expensive. I figure that they eventually pay themselves off, over time, a long time. It'll be a while before I ever get one. The one the lady showed me was $6500.00..... The cheapest ones they have are $550.00... Still a lot of money. It's still a question in my mind at this point. I know that I would love to have one and put it to use making things a heck of a lot faster than it would take by hand. When she showed me how it worked, my eyes popped out of my skull. Instead of doing 1 stitch a second, it can do a whole ROW in a second. It can take me sometimes half an hour to do a row by hand, if I'm lucky. It would be super fast to make practically anything. I could finish something that would take me a few days in a few hours instead. If that.

I'm not getting one at the moment. Too expensive. Besides, I'm going to look online for a design for a loom and build it. I'm going to see if that will get me anywhere. It just might. I've always loved working with wool in any texture. There was a sale on and I bought some mohair. Mohair if expensive wool, but they were selling it pretty cheap. I have a mohair scarf that a lady made for the church raffle. She is a really good knitter. She knits so beautifully. To look at her, you would never guess it. She only has one hand. She lost one of her hands when she was a child in a boating accident. I won the scarf in a church raffle.

I was surprised that Robert Picton only got second degree murder. He should have gotten first degree murder. He confessed to killing 49 women. They can only get him for 36 of them. Even with the confession. But what is sickening is that he gets the same sentence for all of the as he would get for just one. In Canada, it doesn't seem to matter how many victims there were, the convicted just gets 25 years. Instead of getting 25 years per victim. In the States I know that they are much stricter in their laws. Someone can get sentenced to over a hundred years. This guarantees that they never get out again. It's doubtful that Picton will ever get out. Not after killing so many women and getting away with it for such a long time. How did he go undiscovered for so long? Of course there are lots of killers out there who have never been caught for murders that have never been solved. It scares me to think of it. It scares me to think about murderers just walking the streets.

There was an article in the newspaper today about the guy I used to know. He has a court hearing coming up soon to see if he can be held criminally responsible for his crime. I think he should be. It was attempted murder. How could that even be a question. He slashed her throat and left her to die in the park. Near where little kids play no less. I haven't read the article yet. I don't really want to think about it at this moment. I can't believe that he could do something like that, but I have to believe it. It happened. I hope they don't call me to go and testify to anything. All I knew was that she was avoiding him and he talked to me about her a couple of times. I never met the woman. I would have felt worse had I met her.

When that all took place I was pretty shocked. I mean, I thought that guy was just a lonely guy. We talked about a lot of stuff. We watched t.v together, played cards together, told jokes. We had some nice times. He took me out to dinner one night to celebrate the job I had. He took her out to dinner to celebrate her new job. Just she never made it home that night. I'm glad that she survived. I feel badly that she's going to have to live with what happened to her. She'll never be able to trust again. I have to seriously question who I trust.

I'm getting my place cleaned up. I just need some organization in my life. I need some control in order to have some control. I don't want it to get so bad that I want to just give up before i even start to get at it. I want it to be clean, and easy to maintain. It's hard to do with a messy kid.

Getting ready for Christmas is stressful. I just want it to be over. I can't wait for this whole year to just be over with so that I can try and start again. I want it to be over and done with. I hate the holidays. I don't know why, but it really is stressful. Everyone has these big plans for this and that and somehow I have to figure out how to make everyone happy all at once. It gets hard to do when everyone wants something else. Why can't we all just be happy and just deal with it?

I find it getting hard to cope sometimes.