Changing Course

Here I am again, in the vast world of cyber space.

Anyway, things are going a bit better now. I feel a bit better anyway. I guess I just needed to talk to a friend about it. That's what I did. I cleared up a small detail. He told me that I was thinking too much about the past. I guess I was. The hard thing for me is letting go.

I should just live every day at a time. I made mistakes, I learned from them and I'm still learning from them. The ever lasting process of learning from mistakes. Hopefully not the same mistakes over and over again.

I got most of my place cleaned up today and did some laundry. The one thing I need to clean up tomorrow is 'the dungeon'. Not looking forward to doing it, but it has to be done. Once that is finally done, I'll feel a lot better and not only that, but it'll be easier to keep clean.

I'm thinking now would be a good time to start on my new year's resolutions. It takes me that long to really get into something new anyway. I've already started on it and I think if I work on it a bit before I go to bed, some of it will stick with me. I'm trying to keep reminding myself that I have to do the work if I want it to work. The work won't do itself. I have to change myself. The changes aren't going to just happen. I have to make the solid effort in order to have solid results.

I've been crocheting a bit lately. It relieves stress and I like making things. I'm making Rob a blanket. He already knows about it. I'm going to give his mother the one I made her for Christmas. I wanted to put 10 layers to it, color wise, but I only got to 6. I still think it is pretty big and is big enough to call a blanket. I can wrap myself in it. I've been working on it for a long time now. I haven't been working on it every day because I put it away in a box so the cats wouldn't get at it. They love anything in my room. They especially love getting my clean clothes all furry. When I was cleaning up my desk today, I found a lint brush.

I'm waiting for next month to roll around. It is going to be starting in a matter of a couple days. My Grandmother knows a lady at Church who has been writing children stories. She got awards for her stories and she always comes up whenever my Grandmother asks me if I've done anything with my stories yet. My Grandmother is getting one of her books for my son next month. I thought about sending my stories to the her publishers. Not sure what I will do, yet.

I know that my Grandmother would probably roll in her grave if I never do anything with my stories in her life time. She's always after me to do something with my poems. In a way, I sort of already did, but she wants me to do more with it, go further. I know she wants me to be happy and everything and that her intentions are good. Sometimes it drives me crazy because I hate those dinky rejection letters. I want her to be happy, too, even if it means just sending them out and doing something, even if nothing ever comes of it.

Also, I just want Christmas to be over with. It gives me anxiety because I'm always thinking about it coming up and things like that. I'll be more relaxed after it is over. I still have a bit of Christmas shopping left to do, but I have to be careful about the money I spend. Last month was pretty tight and I don't want a repeat of that. I don't like being cheap around the holidays, but I also hate being broke. There has to be a balance between them both. A happy medium. And after Christmas, I'll be able to work on some stuff I need to work on. I'll have more time and I'll be able to focus harder on it.