Happiness Means Completion

So far, things are moving along. Today was just another day. I picked up my son from school and we went to the 'fruit store' and then we went to the 'movie store.' He picked out a few movies and I picked out a couple movies. Sometimes I like scary movies. I rented '1408' and 'Vacancy'. So far, I've only watched the first one. It was okay, but I thought it was going to be SCARY. I still get creeped out by the poltergeist movies. My father let me watch them when I was 10. When I was around that age people used to tell me I looked like the girl from the exorcist. I've seen parts of it, but I never watched the whole thing. From what I saw of it, it's a weird movie.

So that was all I really have done today. Much of nothing. I know I have cleaning to do, but I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon. I want to just relax afterwards and perhaps for the whole weekend. If nothing pertinent comes up, anyway.

I don't know what I will be doing this weekend, but next weekend there is a surprise. I don't know what it is.... Because it's a surprise.

I hope to have some ice cream, though. Perhaps play cards or play backgammon. Backgammon has to be one of my favorite games. I used to play for hours every day after school. I play online. I taught Rob how to play. He says he wants to teach me how to play chess. I'm not a chess person. I used to know how to play it, but I never was all that good at it. I can't wait until the end of this year. I just want to see it come to a close. I want to start something over again, even if the only thing I get to start over again is another year.

I don't know what it is, but I always seem to get an excited feeling about another year starting. I also get filled with anxiety about the unexpected. Nobody will know what will happen in the course of a whole year. The reason I want to know in advance what to expect is so that I can prepare for it. I hate being unprepared. I hate not knowing what to do in a situation because it gets way more awkward. Then I look more like a fool.

I think that is why I'm too scared to try new things anymore. I'm afraid of looking like a fool. I don't know why that even bothers me. Maybe I'm afraid that if I look like a fool, people will start treating me as if I really was a fool. I hate being talked to like I'm an idiot and as though I don't understand. I find that a lot of people underestimate me. Just because I'm quiet, doesn't mean I'm stupid.

I'm not saying I'm a brain-iac genius. I'm smart enough to know that I'm not a smart person. I just try hard. Most often too hard. I guess I do have determination, but it can be to my detriment as well. I like to pursue and conquer. I like having a conquest. Right now, that conquest is the project I'm working on. I started working on it last year, but I gave up. I thought I didn't need to complete it, but I realize that if I can't complete this, I won't be able to complete anything. When this project is completed, it will be a great accomplishment. It will one of my best achievements of my life because not only will I feel good, I'll be happy once and for all.