Astrology

I really like astrology. It's an interesting subject. I've read book about it, including Chinese Astrology and I find it fascinating.

I find these things to be somewhat accurate.

I don't know what to think about Ouija boards. I asked one how I was going to die. It spelled out that I was going to be killed by a 'friend' (someone I thought was a friend) out of 'jealousy'. I asked where this was going to happen. It spelled 'home'.

I asked if there was another message and it spelled: 'where water falls'.

I went to a psychic and she told me that I was killed in a previous life. She said that my guardian spirit is someone who tried to save me, but couldn't. I think I might have been strangled in a previous life because I have this thing where I can't stand anything around my neck, touching my neck. It makes me gag and choke. I've had this all my life and it sends me into a panic where I swallow air for fear of not being able to get any air. To get out of this panic I have to immediately remove whatever caused the distress and then breathe deeply. It is so bad that tears come to my eyes. It scares me.

I want to believe in tarot cards. In some readings, I got cards that were helpful. They aren't very specific, but generally they gave me much to think about. After an event has taken place, I can go back to those readings and discover what they meant.

Many people don't believe in astrology or tarot cards, or Ouija boards. That is their choice. I'm not going to tell anyone who doesn't believe in them why they should. I am just stating what I believe in. I respect people's opinions and they are free to believe or not to believe anything they want to believe or not believe. Just as I am free to believe whatever I want to.

I'm not going to say that I believe in fairies or unicorns. I'm not going to say that anything is real. I don't know for sure if anything is really real. Just because my brain tells me that something is there, doesn't mean it actually is. Things in my life only exist because I perceive them to exist. Existence = Perception.

Anyway, there are some things that just cannot be explained. Scientifically or otherwise. I do believe in the paranormal. I have seen a ghost before. I saw her in the corner of my eye, sitting in a chair. I thought she was my Grandmother. I thought I was talking to my Grandmother. When I turned around to face her, there was nobody there. My Grandmother had gone out and I was alone at her house. Then I saw a picture of the lady I'd seen. She had died. She was a friend of my Grandmother's. She was wearing the same dress in the picture that I saw her wearing that night. In the picture, she was at a party at my Grandparent's house.

I'm constantly trying to figure out what my dreams mean. I had a dream a long time ago about my Great- Grandfather. He's my Grandmother's father. He died before I was born. I saw him in a dream, working in a garden. In the garden was a fruit tree. I told my Grandmother about the dream and she told me that they used to have a pear tree in the backyard. That was information that I didn't have before the dream.

My Grandmother had twin brothers. I told her the name of the one who drowned when he was 8 before my Grandmother told me. They called him Jimmy, but his full name was James. It was the first name that popped into my head. My Grandmother asked me how I knew that. I just couldn't tell her. I didn't know how.

That choking thing that I mentioned earlier. My Grandmother's mother had that same affliction. I feel extremely close to my Grandmother, not just because she is my Grandmother. I'm not close at all with my father's mother. I haven't spoken to her in years. She wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer. She was very disappointed when I told her I wanted to be a writer. My Grandmother always has encouraged my writing because she knows that I enjoy it and that it is important to me to do the things I enjoy. She was the one who taught me how to knit. She basically raised me. I feel that I am who I am because of her. If I didn't have her strong influence in my life, I would have gone downhill without a chance. She is most dear to me. I love her and I don't tell her as often as I should. I know that one day I won't have the opportunity to tell her that I love her. I think she knows how much I love her, but that isn't the point. The point is to seize all opportunities to tell her that I love her before it is too late.

The medication I'm on makes me tired. When I don't take it, it makes me feel really bad. In a physical way. I get headaches and I get sick. I hate being sick. The other stuff I was taking before was no good for me. It made me want to do things that I'd never do. I was out of my mind on zoloft. It's a bad drug. I heard paxil is bad, too. I heard it caused people to hallucinate. I don't want anything that makes me hallucinate. Unless it makes me see pretty rainbows and cute lil pink bunnies everywhere. Don't forget the blue bunnies! The pink ones are girls, the blue ones are boys.

I've never really hallucinated before. Well, maybe I have, a time or two. But sadly, there were no pretty rainbows or bunnies. Just my messed up mind playin' with me.

I'd better jet for now. Peace to the Planet.