November 1rst eh? Will this month fly by like the others this year have? I guess we shall see.
Halloween is always fun. My mother was sending me in the house to get her drinks and I refilled my cup when I went in. I drank about half a bottle of some wine cooler. My mother said she won't drink any of the stuff I picked out. Yet she drank half a bottle of the mudslide. She has to work today. I wonder if she got herself out of bed.
Anyway, my kitten is so curious about everything. I don't know what he did, but now my tool bar is gone. I don't know where it went or how to get it back. I'm having problems with my msn, also. I signed in, now I can't get it back up to sign out. It's weird. I might have to get my computer fixed again. Yes, AGAIN.
I wish that I never broke my camera. I hate not having one. It's like being naked or something. I wanted to take pictures of the Halloween decor last night, but I have to wait until next year. My Mother had a fog machine and they put the strobe light beside it so the fog was strobing. I don't know if that is a word, but to me, it makes sense.
My mom had a big pumpkin bag type thing and she filled it with spaghetti and jell-o. It was pretty nasty. Last year she had hot chocolate for the parents, but it wasn't cold this year, or as cold as it was last year. Nobody wanted any. Actually I think it was hot apple cider and not hot chocolate. I got two cases of pop because she gives the older kids pop and the candy is for the younger kids. We had lots of candy left over so she could have dished it out.
Tomorrow my son has no school so I'm thinking about taking him to the wave pool. I know I already wrote about that, but I think I write stuff to remind myself sometimes. There are water slides there. I haven't been there in a really long time. I think the last time I was there, I was 16 and there was a dance there. That was when I was in the group homes. I remember asking someone there about a guy I knew. He took off and I was worried about him because he needed his medication.
I have a lot of cleaning to do today. My kid made a mess of the living room. He's a little tornado. I just had the place cleaned up a couple days ago and now it looks like it was never cleaned. I think that is why I hate cleaning so much because it never gets done and stays done. I should be doing it every day, but I get sick of picking up the same mess every single day. Sometimes I just want to relax, but it's getting harder to relax these days.
My neck has been bothering me quite a bit the last few days. It feels like my whole neck is just one big knot. It hurts. Sometimes it hurts so much that I have a hard time going to sleep. I had no trouble going to sleep last night because I needed it. Of course half a bottle of the jungle juice helped. I don't drink all that much. Not nearly as much as I used to drink. I used to drink every day. That was before I became a mother. It was before I became an adult, actually. I think I have an addictive personality. I think it s easy for me to get addicted to things.
The change in the weather is sort of getting me down a bit. I know winter is coming. With winter comes my 24th birthday and my son's 5th two days after mine. Last year on my birthday my boyfriend took me out for dinner at a fancy place. It was really nice. Maybe I might have a party at my place if my mom will take the boy overnight. I dunno. I wish my birthday was in the summer so I could have a bbq/picnic party. On a beach somewhere. If I did have a birthday party, it wouldn't be very big. Despite being born in Ottawa, I don't really know that many people here. Even if I have met a bunch of people, I think the chances of me making friends with any of them were pretty slim. I think that I tend to push people away. I don't mean to, but I find it easier than to maintain friendships. I mean, I try on my end, but people like to try to forget about me sometimes. Maybe because I'm not exciting or always fun to be around. I can't just leave my place any time I want to and go out to party like I used to.
I really can't say what it is about me that make people stay away from me. Sometimes I want them to, but those are the people who don't leave me alone. When there is someone I'm interested in getting to know, they don't really want to get to know me. Maybe I'm too in-their-face or something. They tend to think I'm psychotic anyway. Well, for the most part I am crazy, but I try to be crazy in nice ways. Maybe people just don't 'get' me. Hard to say.
I've spent a lot of time at home in the past 7 years. I don't go out much. I don't mean like going out to spend a bunch of money, but I mean out to friends' places or things like that. Mostly because I can honestly say I don't have many friends. I hate to say it, but I don't get invited to parties, never really have. Not in high school. I remember wanting to go to a party I heard about when I was in high school. Nobody invited me so I didn't go. One thing I REALLY HATE is when someone invites someone to a party in front of someone they'd never think to invite or in front of someone they have no intention of inviting. I find that EXTREMELY RUDE. My mother taught me that it is BAD MANNERS to do that and she taught me that at a young age. Obviously it makes people feel left out. I always have that feeling of being left out. I hate it, but there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I've had to grow up faster because I never got the chance to be a teen doing the teen thing. I was amongst adults all my life. It seems my son is growing up fast, too and I don't want that for him. I want him to enjoy his childhood and have a healthy development. I worry about that. I worry that he will grow up too fast and that it will be my fault.
When the weather changes to when it gets cold outside, I find myself spending more time at home and I get tired more easily. Since winter is coming anyway, why doesn't it just get here already? The waiting for the snow and crap is like dreading it. I think the waiting is worse. When it gets here, we get used to it, but the anticipation is awful. We have no choice in that matter.
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