I took the day off today. One reason is because I'm not getting paid to work like a dog. My back is killing me from working the chute yesterday. They had 300 check-outs. That means all the linens and towels from 300 rooms was coming down that chute. H and I were sorting all the linens and filling these huge bins with the linens ans such. These bins are about eight feet tall and pretty wide. I didn't mind working with H, but I find her to be really bossy. All the issues I've been having there were having to do with people telling me what to do and trying to control me. Just mind your own damn business and let me do my own work, at my own pace. I absolutely hate having my intelligence tested or insulted and both these things were happening. Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm stupid. It means I'm smart enough to know that if I don't have anything particularly pertinent to say, I won't say anything. Especially if I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say anything. I just keep those thoughts in my head, or save them for here.
So anyway, these women were really insulting towards me and I was trying very hard to avoid being anywhere around them. I hate bossy people. There is one thing about delegating, but it's completely different from being bossy. Let me be my own person. This is pretty much all I ask. If you want respect, give respect. It really shows who is being respectful and who is being disrespectful. I've had enough of the disrespect. Tomorrow is the last day of co-op and I probably won't go to it. One reason being that I don't have anyone to take care of my son for me, and the second reason being that I could use that day to look for a job and hound those people about getting my kid into day care. I have him on a waiting list and it's crazy long. They expect people to be able to wait over a year to get into a damn daycare. Obviously when people are trying to get into a daycare it means that they need it and that they don't have over a year to wait to get into one. It's really pathetic how long people have to wait for something as important.
I want to get a job as soon as possible, but if I get a job tomorrow I couldn't start until I made arrangements for my son to be somewhere safe. People have suggested that I put up a flier in the building lobby. I'm not going to do that because I want to know that my kid is going to be with someone I can trust. I've had trust issues before. I found out a guy I knew in this building tried to kill a woman. He slit her throat and left her bleeding to death in a park. She was found by someone early the next morning. She survived. That was only last year. I had trusted him enough to be in the same place with him, alone with him. Then when he got arrested, my mind was blown. I was emotional for a while after that. He seemed like a decent, normal person, but decent normal people don't do shit like that.
I'd love to be able to work from home and not have to worry about trying to find a daycare or a sitter. Jobs like that don't fall out of the sky. No jobs really fall out of the sky. If they did, I'd have a job by now. It's been a while since I was working. It's been depressing. It really has been. Every time I think about it, I wish that I could just die and not have to worry about things anymore. Dead people have no rent or bills to pay. They have no worries about where money is going to come from. They have no worries about being broke.
Everywhere I go people are going to make assumptions about me. As unfair as it is. I really hate that because there are people who don't get treated like that. Just because I'm quiet and compliant doesn't give people the right to treat me like a fool. I don't want to be anyone's fool. I'm smart enough to have made it through high school and college. And just because I don't have a job now, doesn't mean I've never had one. H has been at that Hotel doing laundry for 24 years. If she was smart, she would have moved up in 24 years. At least that is what I think.
So there you have it. I'm smart enough to get a job. A good job. Everything just takes time.
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