Sorry, it's been a while... Good news is that hopefully soon I'll be able to post from home which means that I will be posting more often. I try to get down here (to the Library) as often as I can, but lately I haven't been in the mood to leave my apartment.
I've been scared that there is something wrong with me and I know that it's more than just emotions getting out of wack. I mean my health is in a place that I'm too scared to get checked out. My mother says it's because of stress and I'm not really stressed out about anything. There has to be more to it than just stress.
I've been on edge lately about where my future is going. I met a guy who seemed to be crazy about me and after I spent some time with him, it seems that he isn't interested anymore. He said he'd call me and that he'd come to Ottawa to see me. I haven't heard from him and I'm starting to worry that I screwed up somehow. I mean, I always seem to do the same things over and over. I make the same mistakes over and over again. It's a vicious cycle that I can't get myself out of. I just wish he'd call me and tell me if I should still wait for him or just forget about it. It's getting to a point that I can't wait anymore. I need to know one way or the other so that I don't have to wait if there is no reason to wait. I'm still going to be waiting either way because there is someone out there for me. I keep telling myself that, even though it may as well be a lie. I lie to myself, but the lies only work for so long and then you end up feeling foolish. I'm already starting to feel foolish because I thought he really wanted me. Now... I just don't know if anyone does or ever will. It's depressing and that's why I don't like leaving my apartment. Also because of 'spring fever'. You know... When spring is in the air, love is also in the air. Everyone falling in love and I'm just stuck on my couch feeling sorry for myself, stuffing my face with cookies and watching t.v or reading some book with a hint of romance in it and still feeling sorry for myself. I know I should stop feeling sorry for myself and do something with my life and maybe I will meet a guy who will think I'm worth taking out to dinner.
*Sigh* I'd even take my date out to dinner if I could even get a date in the first place.
2 comments:
Don't wait for anyone...it's not worth it. Meet as many people as possible..establish friendships, romantic interests but don't wait for some dude to call you back...you don't have to go "one at a time" until you're ready to make a choice..
Good advice Uncle Sean
Thank you.
Maybe I should keep things simple by sticking to the 'one at a time' rule though.
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