Containing Jealousy

I ran into a guy I went to college with... He told me he got engaged. I wasn't that surprised, but I am jealous. I was jealous when I met his girlfriend at the prom. I had no date for the prom. He invited me to sit with them and his friends, all the guys at the table had dates and their dates were given roses and nobody gave me a rose, not even at graduation. I saw a girl I had hated for the whole two years of college with a bouquet of roses. I was jealous of her because all the guys wanted her even though she is one of the biggest bitches. I just couldn't help wondering who deserved them more. Not that I would have because if I deserved them, I might have gotten them instead.

I got called a guy again today. I feel less and less feminin every time that happens. I know I shouldn't have been upset about it, but it does get to me even though I shouldn't let it.

Sometimes I wish someone would have a reason to be jealous of me for a change, not that there is any reason to be jealous of me.

Valentine's Day is very depressing. I almost made it through today without feeling lonely, but I can't help it. I haven't been on a date in a long time. Well, not that long but I'd hardly call that a date when he never called me back.... Story of my life...

A few things cheered me up today... I got to see Captain Jones today and I even asked him to read some of my poems. He said he would sometime. I even wrote a poem about him, but I can't let him read the x-rated poems. That would just be too awkward.

I really wish that I could have told him some good news. I really wish I could have told him that there's something exciting going on in my life. I wish that it was me who got engaged. Although I am happy for the both of them. How can it be that to be happy for other people, you have to face your own misery?