Been dang hot in here. I looked at the thing.
It said it was 28 degrees celsius up in here FFS.
No wonder I've been sweating.
I'll leave it off until it gets cold again,
forget that I turned the heat off,
AND WONDER WHY IT'S SO DAMN COLD.
Man oh man! I was watching a reaction video tonight.
I mentioned the channel on another post,
a dude who used to be 600LBS does reaction videos
to the show called My 600LB Life.
The chick on the show, this was during lockdown btw,
SHE ENDED UP GAINING 100LBS
DURING THE SHOW!!!
NEVER SEEN THAT ON THAT SHOW.
But the dude who LOST 600LBS, that was impressive.
At my heaviest, I was 185LBS. And I felt it.
I felt the extra weight and just felt gross in my body.
Wasn't happy with myself, back then.
Still not the happiest with myself,
but I'm not actively trying to lose weight
BECAUSE I NEED TO GAIN SOME.
I don't like laying on my back,
because my hip bones and ribs jut out.
And it's a bit harder to breathe.
The pigeons usually show up around this time.
Around 5am they are here.
Making their pigeon noises.
I still have to clean up out there,
And I should have rebuilt their hut thing.
Only better.
But they might have looked at it as
a racoon trap thing,
because I heard a ruckus one night,
and thought I should see what was up.
So I heard some banging around,
and thought WTF?!
A damn raccoon poked its head out of the hut thing.
Took a bit to compute what I was seeing.
Because I never had one climb all the way up here before.
Years ago, I had a few squirrels climb up.
I used to throw peanuts off the balcony.
Into the parking lot
to see if I could ping them off cars lol.
YEAH I'M F*CKING WEIRD.
Get used to it, or don't.
Anyway, I had put some blankets and stuff on the balcony
that needed to be washed.
I don't know why I put them there.
I did. I'm weird, I do weird things, m'k?
So I discovered that squirrels climbed up here,
and they tore the blankets to shreds
and they'd built a nest.
Yes, a squirrel nest.
So I had those little farts up here.
The pigeons are messy, yes,
but they have their appeal, I guess.
I watched little babies grow from hatching
to big enough to fly.
Seeing them every day, checking on them,
watching them "scamper" around.
They had a kind of ramp thing they seemed to like.
A friend of mine got a bunch of pigeons.
He had a pet pigeon before these guys came here.
The pet pigeon he had, he taught her to do a high five
with her wing. So damn cute!
Anyway, he was out in his backyard with her,
and A F*CKING HAWK CAME
OUT OF NOWHERE
AND SCOOPED HER UP.
Now that he lives "outside" the city,
he has a back porch area thing that is enclosed
and he has a bunch of them in there,
with their feeding stations,
and made them nest box things.
And he got a couple of goats.
He sent me a video of him chilling
in his living room with the goats.
His dog doesn't like them.
He sent me a video of him telling his dog:
"I told you we were getting goats! I told you!"
Then the dog's growling.
"What are you going to do about it?"
F*ck all the dog can do about it.
GOATS CAN F*CK YOU UP.
THEY HAVE HORNS.
AND KNOW HOW TO USE THEM LOL.
I don't know if he keeps them in his house
or his garage or has a shed or what.
Anyway, I like the pigeon noises they make.
I can kinda tell what time it is when I hear them,
because they're always here around 5am.
And then the traffic on the highway picks up.
Right around that time.
I think it kept raining today.
I don't know for sure, but it still sounds "wet."
I didn't go outside today.
Remember when I wrote about that white car?
That stopped when I stepped outside?
And just sat there?
Until I crossed the street? Then took off?
I have a really weird feeling about it.
And I don't like it.
I don't have any way of confirming
what that actually was about,
but the way they took off
when I crossed to the other side of the street,
it felt "off." I can't really describe it in another way.
Other than "off."
Was kind of the feeling when that dude,
the one who tried to cut me off at the corner of the sidewalk.
He literally parked his car, right ON the corner.
Because I'd have to "go around" him or something,
and I think it was his plan to just try to grab me.
And another dude was in the car, too.
NEVER IN MY LIFE HAD THAT HAPPENED BEFORE.
GEE, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY
BE THE REASON FOR THAT?
And when I saw him do that,
before I actually got to the corner,
I CROSSED THE STREET,
TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AVENUE.
TO GET TF AWAY FROM THERE.
AND HE STILL HAD THE BALLS
TO TRY TO LURE ME TO THE CAR.
WITH A "VIDEO" HE SUPPOSEDLY HAD OF ME.
THAT I KNEW DAMN WELL HE DIDN'T.
What was he expecting me to do?
"LET ME SEE THAT!!!"
OR TRY TO DISPUTE IT WAS ME?
It would have taken him and that dude to try to grab me, though.
I remember enough from DT, to hurt them, both, badly.
WHICH I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO.
BUT I STILL SHOULD HAVE REPORTED IT,
BUT WHAT ARE THE COPS GOING TO DO?
TELL ME NOT TO GO OUT AT NIGHT
BY MYSELF?
The thing is, I look a lot younger than I am.
AND THEY PROBABLY THOUGHT I WAS.
THAT'S WHAT BOTHERS ME.
Yeah, it bothers me they tried to grab me.
RIGHT OFF THE F*CKING SIDEWALK,
AND THEY WOULD HAVE TRIED TO
HAD I NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.
The guy had slowed down, like creeping behind me
in his car, before that...
I told him to keep driving. He did,
BUT, he was watching me in his mirror,
saw the direction I was going,
followed me JUST TO DO THAT.
He must've not LIKED being told to p*ss off.
Do I gaf if he liked it?
Is that my issue or his?
Told them to leave me alone.
The guy said no.
Wouldn't just f*ck off.
UNTIL I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE DIDN'T
I'd go into the Tim's on the other corner
and call the cops, they left.
It was F*CKED UP.
NEVER in my life had that happened before.
Yeah it was late, it was dark, I was walking alone.
This is why I carry a whistle on my keychain.
A whistle and I used to have some "dog spray."
Pepper spray is actually illegal in Canada.
So they circumvent it by calling it
dog spray or bear spray.
But I should probably have more protection
than just that.
Although I know how to put someone in an arm lock.
I know some useful pressure points.
And strike points that make your arms and legs go numb.
Those are very useful.
Of course uppercuts...
KNOCK YOU TF OUT B*TCH!
That's why I didn't punch my ex back.
AFTER HE PUNCHED ME.
Because I can throw tf down.
I just rarely do because I'd rather not have to.
The last time I was actually in a physical fight,
a guy had grabbed me by the throat
and said he wanted to k*ll me.
I got his hands off my throat
AND FED HIM MY FISTS.
AND THE F*CKER FOLLOWED ME
AFTER THAT.
GOT BEHIND ME.
HE SLAMMED MY HEAD INTO A LIGHTPOST.
I DID REPORT HIM.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
But yeah, it kinda felt good
feeding him my fists.
BECAUSE WHO TF DID HE THINK HE WAS?
I was around 14 at the time.
He could have just left me alone,
but he had to try me.
THAT WAS THE LAST PHYSICAL FIGHT
I WAS IN.
I TRY TO AVOID THEM.
BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO
HURT ANYONE.
TO LAY A BEATDOWN.
EVEN WHEN THEY F*CKING HAVE IT COMING.
I'D ACTUALLY RATHER NOT.
Anyway, it was across the street from a gay bar LOL.
Some fellas came out to watch me beat this guy...
"You go girl!!!" LOL.
So yeah, just because I don't like fighting
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I CAN'T.
I JUST LET THEM THINK I CAN'T.
THEN BAM!
DIDN'T SEE IT COMING, DID YA?
And you don't have to just use your fists,
you can use your elbows, knees, feet, etc.
But the thing is that when fighting,
they expect you to try to throw punches...
You can end a fight without a punch.
That's what arm locks and pressure points are for.
YOU CAN BRING A GROWN MAN
TO HIS F*CKING KNEES.
WITH A FEW QUICK LITTLE THINGS.
THAT HE NEVER SAW COMING.
I was taught something this year...
It's a hand grab, but pressure on the fingers...
It's enough to have someone on their knees, begging.
Even crying.
AND WHEN THEY KNOW YOU CAN DO THAT
IT MAKES THEM THINK TWICE.
BECAUSE WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU CAN DO.
BUT THEY KNOW YOU CAN DO THAT.
That's how you get the upperhand.
MAKE THEM THINK TWICE.
BECAUSE WHEN THEY DO,
THEY'LL BACK DOWN AND BACK OFF.
IF THEY KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR THEM.
But they'll get angry when their EGO gets bruised.
That's why that guy wanted to "k*ll me."
BECAUSE I HURT HIS BIG MAN PRIDE.
LITTLE 14 YEAR OLD ME.
THAT'S WHEN THEY GET STUPID.
WHEN THEY GET THEIR PRIDE HURT.
DUDE, shove your pride up your @ss.
AND DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME.
Because if you do, it's my CHOICE
WHAT I'M GOING TO DO ABOUT IT.
AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.
BUT WATCH IT COME RIGHT BACK AROUND TO YOU,
WITHOUT HAVING TO DO ANYTHING.
BUT HAD I WANTED TO, IT'D BE DONE.
I just don't like having to go "there."
But if I have to, you'd best bet I will.
Anyway, I probably should be trying to sleep.
Truthfully, it's hot as all blazes in here.
So hot that I have a headache.
Would be kinda funny if I was dehydrated.
Maybe I am. I should "liquid."
Wish I had some marijuana.
I ran out and my lungs were kinda giving me grief.
I take breaks from smoking.
So that when I smoke next time,
I actually get high.
Some people smoke so much that they don't get high.
Maybe that's why they call it the gateway drug...
You build such a tolerance to it,
that you think you need something else to get high.
Some people prefer chemicals.
THAT WASN'T MEANT TO BE PUT INTO OUR BODIES.
METH? CHEMICALS. CRACK? CHEMICALS.
I watched a doc where a reporter went to South America,
to interview druglords for the documentary.
Probably paid them for the interviews, I imagine so.
Anyway, they were making coke in front of her.
And they revealed that one thing they use to make it
IS GASOLINE.
I'll never forget this, but I'll tell you...
When I was in school, the professors told stories
about their experiences as cops,
ONE DUDE HE HAD A CALL FOR...
HE HAD BEEN HUFFING GASOLINE, INDOORS.
THE GAS FUMES...
THE FUMES IGNITED,
BECAUSE OF THE FURNACE...
BLEW THE GUY'S LUNGS OUT.
NOT A PRETTY THING.
AND THERE WAS NO SAVING THE GUY.
HE WAS ABSOLUTELY GONE.
BUT THEY STILL HAD TO TRY TO.
JUST THAT THEY COULDN'T.
LIKE THE DUDE WAS F*CKED
BEYOND RECOGNITION.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE COP
TRYING TO BREATHE AIR INTO THE GUY...
THERE WASN'T MUCH TO TRY TO BREATHE INTO.
THAT'S HOW HE PUT IT.
They did show pictures of crime scenes,
real crime scenes. Dead bodies etc.
I had a forensics class.
One case they showed us,
a lady mummified.
She had starved herself to death.
But because of atmosphere stuff etc,
her body was barely decomposing.
She mummified.
And they showed a pic of a famous guy
who'd overdosed.
NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD.
The body cam videos on YouTube are just a scratch on the surface.
It only gives viewers an IDEA about what it's like.
I didn't pursue it after school for a bunch of reasons.
1) I don't have the upper body strength I needed
to pass the PREP test.
And there are a bunch of tests that cost money to take.
AND IF YOU FAIL JUST ONE,
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM ALL OVER AGAIN.
AND WASTED ALL THAT MONEY.
FOR THE ONES YOU PASSED
BUT HAVE TO TAKE OVER...
AND THIS CITY, DOESN'T HIRE DIRECTLY.
THEY HIRE FROM OTHER FORCES.
SO I'D HAVE TO BE A "ROOKIE"
IN ANOTHER CITY.
AND TF I WANT TO DO THAT.
5 YEARS AS A "ROOKIE" IN T.O?
NO THANKS.
And the tests I just mentioned
ARE TO GET A CERTIFICATE.
THAT YOU NEED JUST TO APPLY,
AND IT DOES NOT GUARANTEE
THAT YOU GET HIRED,
BECAUSE THEY TAKE A LOT INTO ACCOUNT.
INCLUDING YOUR HISTORY.
One guy got kicked out of the program,
HE GOT ARRESTED IN CLASS.
HE DID A ROBBERY TO PAY TUITION.
DUMBEST MOVE.
So yeah, it didn't look good
that'd I'd actually get hired after that...
AND A LOT OF BS I WOULD RATHER NOT DEAL WITH.
But the stories I could tell, eh?
But a couple guys I knew from school did get hired.
And I'm happy for them.
One guy in my class, his father was a cop.
Gee, not as hard for him to get hired, eh?
I had a sergeant as a professor for one of my classes.
There was a cop who was trying to pull a huge heavy on me.
So I asked my proof if he knew the guy,
because he could be HIS sergeant. He WAS.
So I told him what happened and told him
he should probably keep his eyes on the guy.
I don't like doing that, but F*CK THAT GUY.
TRYING TO ACT LIKE MR. TOUGH COP.
GET OVER YOURSELF, BUD.
Just because you have a badge and a uniform,
DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE.
Cops have a higher standard, well.. THEY SHOULD BE
HELD TO A HIGHER STANDARD.
THAN US "OTHER" PEOPLE,
But that's what comes with the territory.
TO HAVE that badge and uniform.
BUT SOME COPS GET TOO COCKY
FOR THEIR OWN DAMN GOOD.
THOSE are the cops needing to watch themselves.
ALL the training in the world
CAN'T SAVE YOU
FROM SOMEONE HELL BENT
ON REALLY F*CKING YOU UP.
THAT is why, you don't walk around
WITH THAT SMUG ATTITUDE
LIKE IT CAN'T HAPPEN TO YOU
JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE A COP.
At the end, do we all p*ss and sh*t and bleed THE SAME?
We do. So don't try to ACT LIKE YOU DON'T. K?
I still remember the guy's name.
I seriously wanted to f*cking mail him
my transcripts from school.
To rub my A's in his face.
I had 18 A's, 12 B's and 3 C's.
Pretty wild to think I got this place
in my final year of school.
It's a 2 year program...
And when cops get hired,
they send them to a training school
LIKE POLICE ACADEMY LOL.
So even if you finish the program,
you have to do training stuff if you get hired.
Anyway, I'm tired. Time to sleep.
Good night.
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