Slow Progress

I was wondering why my meds weren't kicking in. 
Because usually it doesn't take long.

Thought it was snowing, but I think it's raining. 
Because the road looks wet, 
not covered in snow. 

So tomorrow is going to be icy.

My meds weren't kicking in
because I only took half of them. 

Because I wanted to stay up to do some work. 
I'm making a generator tool thing
for a site I'm building. 

IF IT KEEPS RAINING, FOR DAYS...
We're in for something...
Fun times.

------------------

It's still pretty wet outside. 
Seems it could still be raining. 
I hear the water on the wheels of the cars
along the highway. 

I wanted to say that it seems that people
are going home from working downtown.

But then I thought that they still might be off
for the holidays. 

And who am I to assume where they are going?
Or coming from?

I am exhausted. Today, I've been joining those
other granny squares. 

They are white, brown, and beige.

I'm using the same beige from the 70's squares...
Trying to use it up. 

I've got to use it up. I just do. 
I'm talking about my entire stash. 

Hoping to make a bigger dent in it next year.
I want to say this year.

Like how they say "this Saturday."
On a Thursday. 
Because it's the Saturday of the same week. 
It seems logical in my mind. 

Anyway, my point was that I want to make a bigger dent.
In the stash I have. 

To decrease the size of my wool hoard LOL. 
It's filling up my living room. 
And dining room. 

But trying to sort and contain it. 
Been making some baby blankets. 
That eats up some of it.

I'd like to try to make another sweater. 
I only made one. 

But if I made more, that would eat up more. 

And socks are always nice to have. 
I made myself two pairs. 
I wear them together sometimes.
It gets freaking cold in here.

When I leave the heat off and forget it's off.
But when I turn it back on, it turns into a sauna in here.

Wish there were happy mediums in my life, 
but seems one extreme after another.

I'm already looking forward to spring.
Winter kinda just started. 
We're not in the middle, yet.

And March is the deciding factor, 
although groundhog's day is a thing. 

But with March, if it comes in like a lion, 
it'll go out like a lamb. 
And vice versa... 

If March blasts us with snow at the beginning, 
it'll taper down and be mild at the end of the month. 

The battery of my computer died and trying to charge it.
The backup computer won't charge. 

Typing on my phone is kinda annoying.
Some people are fast at it but I barely use my cell phone to do much online. 

The camera on my phone isn't working all the time, only sometimes. 

I was walking with the phone in my hand.
Not looking at it but I was not looking where I was going. 

I guess and there was a huge crack in the curb I was supposed to be stepping over,
but I tripped on it. 

The phone flew out of my hand and cracked on impact when it landed on the sidewalk. 

It still works but hasn't been the same since that happened and the screen cracked. 

Not able to afford to replace it right now. It's probably around 10 years old.

At least it still works. Even if it doesn't work like it used to. 

Drives me crazy trying to type on this thing. I am not a texting person. 

It was easier to use the text app online.
I used to have it for my phone but I accidentally deleted it
and when I tried to get it back the updated app isn't capatible with my phone. 

Because my phone is old. So I couldn't get the app back. 

Anyway, I would like to do some work on my website stuff,
but I can't because of the battery of my laptop. 

It feels weird to have to take a break from the stuff I want to do.
Kind of frustrated, but it is what it is. 

I have made a bit of progress the other night.
I want to feel good about it but I also want to make more progress. 

Do I keep myself busy to distract myself
from things I don't want to think about? Possibly.
Maybe I haven't wanted to think about that. 

Just tired tonight. I think it's not a lack of motivation,
but when I am feeling low everything decrease.
Including my energy and my patience with myself and my goals. 

I try to remind myself that progress is still progress
even if it's not the pace I want.
I'd rather be done yesterday what's still to be done. 

I still have to try to be patient with myself.
Which is hard for me to be.
Because I could have been a lot further ahead
if I hadn't wasted my time with people's BS. 

It wasn't even about trying to fit in.
I don't want to be accepted by people who want me to bend over backwards for them
for them to just dismiss me anyway.

If I have to be like that to fit in... I don't f*king want to
and if people are going to say whatever about me because of that,
they can keep flapping their mouths. 

Nothing but sh*t talkers. And the stalking and spying was just total drama. 

Why am I not doing it? Because I am not threatened by any of them.
Also because I just dgaf.
They gaf because they were so bothered by me to do it. 

And projecting at me...
This type of thing doesn't happen all the time,
but it's still happening even though it is high school BS. 

Pretty sure 40 year olds should be acting like adults.
Which is what my issue has been regarding having patience with it. 

But you know that watching ships you don't want to be on sail away feels kind of good. 

Next year is going to be making my life better
and if that means telling people to go f*ck themselves,
they can't be surprised when I do. 

They could have just not done what they did.
Or said what they said or tried me at all. 

Yet they chose to do it.
So they can't cry over their 'mistakes.'
Because those were choices not accidental. 

Why be mad at me for not waiting on respect for me
that could have just been given from the beginning? 

Why tf would I want to or have to do that? 

For more disrespect?
Nah I'm good. Miss me with that BS.
Take that to someone else and play games with them. 

Funny how they chose other people who play games with them. 

Over someone who was loyal up to the end
for not doing to them what they did to me.
I could have, if I was that inclined to do it. 

But what? I have better things to do than literally interject myself
into conversation that is not about me?
Funny how minding your business looks like. 

And even doing that, I get accused of all kinds of stuff. Projected at etc. 

It's like they don't get what it means to f*ck right off.