Where I Came From

Where I came from....
Is the same place he did (Mirror Smasher).

We came from the same place.

HE SEEMS TO FORGET THAT, THOUGH.
A LOT HE SEEMS TO FORGET.

A LOT MANY SEEM TO FORGET.

I DIDN'T, BUT THAT'S OKAY.

There were things that I thought....
BUT I WAS WRONG.
THAT IS OKAY.

I'M ALLOWED TO BE WRONG.

THE HARDER I TRIED....
BECAUSE IT MATTERED TO ME...

WHAT HAPPENED?
THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.

THEY WERE ALLOWED TO CHOOSE, RIGHT?
THEIR CHOICES WERE THEIRS TO MAKE, RIGHT?

AND WHEN I GAVE THOSE CHANCES?

MOSTLY EITHER GOT STRUNG ALONG
OR DISCARDED.

THERE WASN'T.... ANYTHING....
ACTUALLY FAIR....

AND HEALTHY.

RIGHT?

A LOAD OF VERY PAINFUL BS.

FORCED MY HAND... RIGHT?
HAD TO JUST..... BE DONE?

YEAH?
WHY IS THAT?

ONE THING I LEARNED:
IF A DUDE TELLS YOU
THAT THEY ARE EGOTISTICAL..... BELIEVE THEM!

AND... THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING!

THEY ARE CHOOSING
TO BE EGOTISTICAL ALSO.

NOT BY "MISTAKE"
BY CHOICE!

SURE, IT WAS A 'MISTAKE'
BUT IT WAS A CHOICE!

LYING ABOUT ME....
TRYING TO "BREAK" ME...
ALL THE BS....

ALL OF THAT WAS.... A CHOICE!
ALL OF IT WAS!

EVEN INVOLVING MYSELF
WITH HIM....
AT ALL....
WAS A CHOICE!

RIGHT?

TELLING HIM HOW I FELT?

I DIDN'T KNOW WHO WAS READING
ALL OUR MESSAGES.... RIGHT?

I THOUGHT THEY WERE
BETWEEN HIM AND I....

BUT? THEY WEREN'T!

EVEN THAT ON ITS OWN... 

EVERY BETRAYAL CHANGED ME.
IN SOME WAY.

EVERY SINGLE ONE.

IT'S LIKE EVERY TIME....
I LET MY GUARD DOWN....
AND TRUST SOMEONE....

AND ACTUALLY WANTED AFFECTION....
LIKE ACTUAL AFFECTION... 

TO FEEL LIKE I MATTERED... 

I GET SHOWN WHY IT'S NOT "OKAY"
TO WANT THAT.

THEN I STOP WANTING THAT.

FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

SO LONG THAT I BARELY REMEMBER
WHAT IT FEELS LIKE
OR WHAT IT COULD FEEL LIKE

OR WHY I EVEN WANTED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
OR AT ALL.

I GUESS AT ONE POINT
I THOUGHT IT SHOULD BE "OKAY"
TO WANT ACTUAL AFFECTION.

JUST THAT.

BUT I CAN'T CHOOSE FOR ANYONE.

THEY HAVE TO.

IT'S NOT UP TO ME.

ABOUT THAT OR OTHER THINGS.

AS A THING I WANTED, THOUGH.
MAYBE I JUST WANTED
TO BE ALLOWED TO WANT THAT.

LIKE MANY OTHERS DO.

BUT WANTING SOMETHING
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I GET TO HAVE IT
JUST BECAUSE I WANTED THAT.

AFFECTION ISN'T LIKE A "TOO MUCH"
TO WANT.

HONESTY ISN'T TOO MUCH TO WANT, EITHER.

BUT WE CAN'T EXPECT THINGS WE WANT
JUST BECAUSE WE WANT THEM.

DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT.

JUST... IF IT'S NOT MUTUAL......

DON'T LEAD ME ON....
DON'T STRING ME ALONG....
DON'T PRETEND TO LIKE ME IF YOU DON'T....
DON'T TRY TO USE ME....

JUST... LET ME BE WITH SOMEONE
WHO ACTUALLY WANTS ME.

THAT'S ALL.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO WANT?

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO
ACTUALLY BE AFFECTIONATE
TOWARD ME. OKAY!

BUT DO YOU HAVE TO TRY TO
"BREAK" ME?

NO? YOU DON'T?

YOU DON'T! 

RIGHT?

PRETTY MUCH JUST THAT.

ANYWAY...... I REGRET TRYING
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO I DIDN'T MATTER TO.

FOR AS LONG AS I DID, TOO.

BUT MY INTENTIONS WEREN'T BAD.
THEY NEVER WERE.

I WAS HONEST. 
I CARED.

I SHOWED UP.

I DIDN'T WANT THE WRONG THINGS
FOR THE WRONG REASONS.

IF I DID, THAT'D BE SOMETHING ELSE.
RIGHT?

THEN I'D BE EXPECTING THEM
NOT TO WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME?

WHY WOULD THEY WANT SOMEONE
TO WANT THEM FOR THE WRONG REASONS?

RIGHT?

WOULD THEY? NO?

BUT WHY WOULD I WANT ANYONE
TO FK WITH MY HEART?
WOULD I WANT THAT?

THEY WOULDN'T! RIGHT?

AND THEY ALREADY DID THAT? YEAH?
AND THAT WASN'T COOL WITH ME? 

WHY WOULD THAT BE COOL WITH ME?

EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT COOL WITH THAT....
AM I DOING ANYTHING TO THEM?

DID I?
OTHER THAN?
ACCEPTED IT WAS OVER?
WHEN IT ENDED?

YEAH?

WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE?

BUT? DID THEY WANT ME? NO?
SO THEN?

I HAD TO WHAT?
I HAD TO BE OKAY WITH THAT.
JUST THAT.

HOW WOULD THEY WANT ME
IF THEY NEVER EVEN KNEW ME?

DID THEY EVEN WANT TO KNOW ME?
NO?

NOT EVEN THAT?

IT'S ONE THING TO BE SCARED!

IF YOU DON'T KNOW SOMEONE....
WHAT COULD OR COULDN'T HAPPEN
WITH THEM.....

IT'S OKAY TO BE SCARED!

RIGHT?

THAT I UNDERSTAND....
BUT IF THERE WASN'T A REASON
OTHER THAN THEY DIDN'T KNOW ME?

OR WERE TOLD XYZ
BY SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T WANT THEM
TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME....

IS THAT A REAL REASON TO BE SCARED?

ANYWAY, I'M OKAY WITH THAT.

IF THEY WANTED TO END THINGS
THE WAY THEY CHOSE TO....

THEY DID THAT.

SO WHY SHOW BACK UP?
AT ALL?

IF THEY WERE THAT SCARED?
OR WHATEVER?

I KNOW WHAT IT WAS I WAS LOOKING FOR.
JUST THAT IT'S NOT COMMON.

I WON'T FIND THAT....
IN JUST ANYONE.

AND I DON'T WANT TO KEEP TAKING CHANCES.
ESPECIALLY EMOTIONALLY.

ESPECIALLY AFTER GETTING OVER A LOT OF SH*T.

A LOT OF DUDES ARE FKN SCARED OF ME.

I DIDN'T KNOW WTF WAS SO DAMN INTIMIDATING
ABOUT ME.

I NEVER SAW MYSELF AS ANYTHING "BIG."

THEY WERE ALSO SCARED OF "PACE."

BUT? DID THEY TELL ME THAT?

DID WE TALK ABOUT THAT?

OR ABOUT ANYTHING?

NO?

WERE THEY SCARED OF NOT BEING "GOOD ENOUGH"?

THAT I WANTED SOMETHING I ACTUALLY DIDN'T?

DID WE TALK ABOUT ANY OF THAT? NO?

"I'M GOING TO RUIN IT ANYWAY...
MAY AS WELL DRIVE A*** AWAY..."

DO I HATE THEM?
OR WHAT THEY DID?

WHAT THEY DID!
AND WHY THEY DID IT!

NOT THEM!

I AM TIRED OF BEING "THE LESSON."

CAN I JUST STOP BEING "THE LESSON"
IN MY LIFETIME?

COULD I JUST.... HAVE SOMETHING REAL?
FINALLY?

HAVEN'T I WAITED LONG ENOUGH?

THAT'S WHY I STOPPED WAITING!

I STOPPED WANTING 
"HAPPILY EVER AFTER."

I STOPPED BELIEVING THAT COULD "HAPPEN" TO ME.
OR FOR ME.
OR BECAUSE OF ME.

I STOPPED BELIEVING ANY OF MY EFFORT
WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

DID IT? NO?

SO THEN?
WHY WOULD I BELIEVE THAT IT WOULD?