Exclusion (Part 2)

The thing is that when you know yourself...
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO...
WHAT YOU CAN'T YET...
WHAT YOU NEVER KNEW YOU COULD DO...

Here's something...
THE THINGS MOST NEVER KNEW YOU COULD DO...
ARE THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU COULD DO, EITHER.

It's okay to:

1) Surprise yourself
2) Surprise other people

I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MANY THINGS....
"ALONE"
THAT I DID SURPRISE MYSELF.

SURPRISINGLY.

It's that it's okay.... TO MISS THINGS ABOUT PEOPLE...
BUT IT IS NOT THE SAME THING

AS MISSING THE PERSON.

IT DID STING, A LOT OF IT.

BUT KNOWING IT COULD HAVE TURNED OUT
SO MUCH BETTER
STINGS A BIT MORE

THAN HOW IT WENT.

IF THAT MAKES SENSE.

SO I'D RATHER MAKE THAT DIFFERENCE FOR MYSELF.

BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND MY SIDE.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT I WENT THROUGH.
I UNDERSTAND HOW I SEE IT.

THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

I'M ALLOWED TO JUST REST FFS!
AND APPRECIATE MY OWN VALUE!

WHY PUSH ME TO PROVE MYSELF CONSTANTLY?
IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T!

I'M COOL WITH THAT.
I WILL BE COOL WITH THAT.

EVERYONE ELSE CAN BE COOL WITH THAT.
AND IF NOT? THAT'S ON THEM. NOT ON ME.

"IF EVERYONE DOUBTS YOU.... YOU WON'T MOVE FORWARD!"
REALLY?

WHY DID YOU WANT ME TO THINK THAT?
SO THAT I WOULDN'T?

WHAT NOW?

THE THING ABOUT BEING CREATIVE...
IS THAT ONLY YOU CAN LIMIT IT
WITH YOUR OWN BELIEFS.

OTHER PEOPLE'S BELIEFS
DON'T HAVE TO HAVE MUCH TO DO WITH YOU.

ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW YOU.

I CAN "CLOAK" FOR A REASON.

BUT I MOSTLY DO IT TO SEE. JUST TO SEE.
BECAUSE IT'S BEEN INCREASINGLY HARD TO SEE
IF I CAN ACTUALLY TRUST ANYONE.

VERY FEW I ACTUALLY TRUST.
BUT THEY'VE SHOWN ME THAT I CAN.

OR AT LEAST I THINK THEY HAVE.... TO AN EXTENT.

THERE ARE A BUNCH I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST...
BUT? COULD I?

SURPRISINGLY COULDN'T. 
DISAPPOINTINGLY.

I'M ALLOWED TO REST.
I'M ALLOWED TO EXIST.
JUST TO BE HERE AND SLEEP SOMETIMES.

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I'VE HAD TO KEEP TRYING TO FORGIVE MYSELF
FOR THE SH*T I PUT MYSELF THROUGH.

INVESTING TOO MUCH
WHERE I SHOULDN'T HAVE...

NOT WHERE I SHOULD HAVE.

ACCEPTANCE.... IS A BIG ONE.
CLARITY.

ACCEPTANCE ISN'T THE SAME AS TOLERANCE, THOUGH.

A LOT OF PEOPLE MISTAKE THOSE.
ONE FOR THE OTHER.
THEY ARE SEPARATE.

SOME THINGS ARE HARD TO TELL APART, I GUESS.

I STILL HAVE A HEART AND CAN STILL USE IT.
BUT I HAVE TO USE MY HEAD, TOO.

I CAN'T JUST BE LIKE:
"PLEASE BE THE PERSON I HOPE YOU ARE."

BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I MOVED.

MOVING LIKE THAT.... 
WASN'T A STRATEGY.

IT WAS WHO I WAS.

I REALIZED I CAN'T DO THAT
BECAUSE THE PEOPLE AROUND ME
WEREN'T THE PEOPLE I THOUGHT THEY WERE.

WISH THEY WERE, BUT? WERE THEY?

I WISH!

I WISHED! 

RIGHT?

BUT WHAT IS GETTING MAD AT ME
FOR BEING MAD AT THEM

SUPPOSED TO DO?

IF IT WAS GOING TO GO SOMEWHERE
IT WOULDN'T HAVE GONE LIKE THAT.

AND NOT GETTING EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED
EXACTLY HOW THEY WANTED

WHEN I AM NOT OBLIGATED TO PROVIDE
WHAT I USED TO.

AND GHOSTING ME IS GOING TO DO WHAT?

SIGNALS TO ME THAT I DON'T HAVE TO
KEEP INVESTING
WHERE AND HOW I WAS.

THAT'S ALL.

IT'S A SIGNAL.

SEND THAT SIGNAL TO ME
AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO THERE.

I CAN STAY "DEAD" TO YOU.
RIGHT?

AND IF I CHOOSE TO?
THEN WHAT?

AND WHY GET JEALOUS AFTER DOING IT?
WHY GET "POSSESSIVE"?

NOBODY OWNS ME.
I AM A PERSON.

IF THEY HAVE SOME THINGS TO LEARN....
AM I SUPPOSED TO TEACH THEM?
OR CAN THEY LEARN THAT WITHOUT ME?

PRETTY SURE THEY CAN!

I LEARNED A LOT WITHOUT MOST.

THEY DIDN'T KNOW ME.
BACK THEN.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW MYSELF.
BACK THEN.

NOW THAT I DO....
I CAN KEEP THAT TO MYSELF.

SURE I CAN WRITE ABOUT SOME THINGS.
BUT SOME THINGS I WANT TO KEEP TO MYSELF.

I'M NOT OBLIGATED TO SHARE EVERYTHING.

NEVER WAS OBLIGATED TO.

ANYTHING I SHARE ON HERE.... IS JUST THERE.

NOT BECAUSE I'M OBLIGATED.

WEIRDLY, THEY WANT TO REJECT ME A BILLION TIMES...
AND THEN FEEL A TYPE OF WAY
THAT I'M OKAY
WITHOUT THEM.

NOT SURE WHY.
DIDN'T WANT ME.... REJECTED ME....
AND THEN?

I SAID OKAY. GOOD TO KNOW.

ISN'T IT? GOOD TO KNOW? YEAH?

SO THEN WHY.... AFTER THAT....
CHANGE THEIR MIND?

ALREADY THOUGHT XYZ ABOUT ME....
OKAY. GOOD TO KNOW.

NOT GOING TO WASTE TIME TRYING TO
"CHANGE" THEIR MIND.

BUT WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO MANIPULATE ME
THEY KINDA GET MAD WHEN THEY CAN'T.

THE GASLIGHTING STUFF.

LIES FOLLOW PEOPLE AROUND.
THEY FOLLOW PEOPLE WHO TELL THEM.

I FOUND IT MORE THAN COINCIDENTAL
THAT A GIANT CROSS HIT THAT PRIEST.

THERE'S GRAVITY, YES.

BUT SOME THINGS AREN'T JUST COINCIDENTAL.

Anyway... Been getting headaches again.... 
Been tired. 

Hard to think sometimes. Just been so much on my mind.
I don't like being targeted. 

I wondered why they would do that.
They get some satisfaction out of it.

THEY CHOSE NOT TO JUST STOP WITH THEIR CRAP.
THEY COULD HAVE.

They want me affected or "discouraged"
OR BOTH.

WANTED ME TO LOOK DISTORTED
WHILE DISTORTING ME.

"MISERY LOVES COMPANY."
TAKING PRIDE IN DOING THAT CRAP.

JUST TO CREATE A "MOUNTAIN" FOR ME.
TO "GET OVER."

RIGHT?

SO THAT I'D BE TOO BUSY DOING THAT...
INSTEAD OF DOING OTHER THINGS...

"RUINING HER REPUTATION WILL RUIN HER MENTAL HEALTH!"
HA. IF THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK.

THEY HATE MY RESILIENCE.
BECAUSE THEY AREN'T THINKING THEY COULD HAVE THEIR OWN.

I AM RESILIENT BECAUSE OF ALL THE "MOUNTAINS."

A LOT I HAD TO "GET OVER."

WHAT KIND OF VIEWS FROM THE "MOUNTAIN"?

Clout chasers wanted to see me hurt.

Not sure why clout would be "that important"
to try to "hurt" me for.

They don't want to see me come out of my past stuff...
But want to try to duplicate some things about me.

Then... There are times when some people try to do things
whether or not they know what they are doing...
Seems they try to test boundaries with me, a lot.

I REALLY DON'T LIKE IT.

I can let people fight their imaginary battles.

I'm not in high school anymore.
THAT HS BS..... IS STILL BS.

WANTING ME TO "FIGHT" THEM.

I KNOW THAT PEOPLE WANT TO TRY TO EMBARRASS ME.

THEY TRY TO ALL THE TIME.

FOR A LONG TIME.

YOU THINK I EMBARRASS EASILY?

I CAN STILL HAVE GRACE.
IT SUCKS, BUT I CAN STILL HAVE GRACE.