That drives me nuts.
I could do without that. So could they. Right?
Especially.... When it is intentional.
Because.... They don't have to do that crap.
Anyway... Assumptions are another thing that drives me nuts.
Like assuming that just because I'm single...
"Must mean" something that it doesn't actually mean.
Why "interpret" my "singlehood"?
Just really weird to do that. Right?
NEVER in my life.... Have I.... EVER
looked at someone BEING SINGLE
AS MEANING.... SOMETHING.
ALL IT MEANT TO ME
WAS: THEY ARE SINGLE.
That is all. DOES IT HAVE TO MEAN ANYTHING? NO?
THEN WHY WOULD I "MAKE" IT MEAN ANYTHING?
DO I HAVE TO "MAKE" IT MEAN ANYTHING?
NO?
THEN? SHOULD I? IF I DON'T FKN HAVE TO?
AND NEVER NEEDED TO?
NO?
SO THEN? THEY NEVER NEEDED TO EITHER? HMMM!
I watched a video today.... About a cop fking up an FBI investigation...
THE COP APPROACHED WHO HE THOUGHT
WAS A HOMELESS PERSON IN A PARK.
DUDE HE APPROACHED WAS AN FBI AGENT
UNDERCOVER.
HE MADE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT HIM....
THE THINGS HE WAS SAYING WERE FKN WILD
FROM A COP!
BUT COPS ACT LIKE THAT ALL THE FKN TIME!
POWER TRIPPING MOFOS.
Anyway, I love WHEN COPS GET SCHOOLED.
HARD.
OLD SCHOOL SCHOOLED.
Speaking of SCHOOLED...
I saw another video today....
Where a white guy was being a fkn RACIST
to a black guy....
AND THE BLACK GUY SCHOOLED TF OUT OF HIM.
The white guy was trying to intimidate the black guy.
THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN IT WASN'T WORKING!
THE WHITE GUY WAS HIDING IN HIS CAR
AND WOULDN'T GET OUT OF THE CAR
TO STEP TO THE GUY HE INSULTED.
Freaking wild that PEOPLE THINK LIKE THAT FKTARD, STILL.
LIKE WTF IS THIS SH*T?
THE 60s?
THE 50s?
WTF IS THAT SH*T?
CAN'T PEOPLE BE PEOPLE?
I happen to have some friends who are black.
AND TO ME.... I NEVER THOUGHT:
YOU'RE BLACK.
I know that they are, yes. Because they actually are...
BUT I NEVER THOUGHT:
YOU'RE BLACK.
BECAUSE THAT SH*T DOESN'T MATTER.
THEY ARE PEOPLE, TO ME.
THEY ARE MY FRIENDS.
THAT'S WHAT I SEE.
I SEE THEM. WHO THEY ARE.
NOT HOW THEY "LOOK."
WHY SHOULD I CARE IF ANYONE IS BLACK?
DO MY BLACK FRIENDS CARE THAT I'M WHITE?
I'M NOT JUST WHITE, I'M PALE AF.
BUT THEY NEVER LOOKED AT ME LIKE:
YOU'RE WHITE.
THEY LOOKED AT ME AS ME.
DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
I HOPE SO.
The fact that racism is STILL A FKN THING....
IS.... FKN..... ASSININE.
I SAID IT.
NO FKN RACE IS SUPERIOR.
NOT EVEN THE FKN HUMAN RACE.
I SAID IT. I SAID WHAT I SAID.
NONE OF US.....
ARE FKN SUPERIOR. PERIOD.
SUPERIORITY IS BS. OKAY? IT IS.
JUST..... BS.
IF ANYONE THINKS THEY ARE SUPERIOR
OR THAT ANYTHING MAKES THEM SUPERIOR...
THEY ARE FKN INFERIOR.
BECAUSE....
IT'S BS.
Egoism.... Is that type of "superiority"
I was talking about.
Do I think I'm superior because I can write? Fk no!
Am I happy that I can? Yeah....
BUT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING
DOES NOT MAKE ME BETTER THAN ANYONE
WHO CAN'T.
ALL THAT IT MEANS IS THAT I CAN XYZ.
THAT'S IT!
I was watching something that was pretty interesting earlier.
A lady was saying that...
When some people are "uncool"
THEY THINK THEY NEED TO BE ACCEPTED
BY A GROUP TO "APPEAR" COOL.
BUT TO BE ACCEPTED BY THE GROUP....
THEY FK OVER PEOPLE
TO "SEEM" COOL
TO THE GROUP.
IT'S A WEIRD THING, INDEED.
She was saying.... "To appear cool to you....
They think they need a group.
But to be accepted by them,
they sacrifice their connection to you
to be accepted in the group."
"Even though the reason they want to be accepted
by the group.... Is to appear cool.... To you."
Fkn weird sh*t, but some people actually do this.
AND ACTUALLY THINK LIKE THIS.
1) DO I GAF ABOUT ANYONE BEING COOL?
OR AM I MOSTLY CHILL WITH PEOPLE AS THEY ARE?
AS LONG AS THEY AREN'T FKTARDS?
DOES SOMEONE HAVE TO BE "COOL"
NOT TO BE A FKTARD? NO?
JUST... DON'T BE A FKTARD.
WANTING ACCEPTANCE.... FROM A GROUP...
TO APPEAR COOL....
IS ABOUT "INSECURITIES."
"THEY THOUGHT THEIR ENVIRONMENT
WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
SO THEY WANTED A NEW ONE."
MAKES SENSE... THE THINGS THEY SAY.
"THEY DON'T FEEL GOOD ENOUGH."
"THEY THOUGHT THEY NEEDED A SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT
TO GIVE THEMSELVES CONFIDENCE."
"EVEN ATTACKING YOU
TO GET SYMPATHY FROM THE GROUP."
Like if they had an EX who said: YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.
OR: YOUR SOCIAL LIFE IS PATHETIC.
OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES....
INSTEAD OF REALIZING..... I DIDN'T AND DON'T GAF
ABOUT ANY OF THAT. WHY WOULD I?
"Instead of trying to chase recognition... And working on themselves...
TO RELEASE THE "NEED" FOR RECOGNITION
FROM A GROUP OR FROM ANYONE....
I mean... I never felt I NEEDED recognition.
I don't really like being in groups.
GROUPS JUDGE MOST OF THE TIME.
THEY EITHER ACCEPT YOU OR THEY DON'T.
AND WHY TRY TO BE OR HAVE OR DO XYZ
TO TRY TO BE "ACCEPTED"?
WHY NOT.... JUST..... BE... YOURSELF, SINCERELY?
THE RIGHT PEOPLE SEE THAT.
"THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE REJECTED BY YOU....
SO THEY THOUGHT THEY NEEDED SOMETHING.
SO THEY THOUGHT THAT IF YOU REJECTED THEM....
THEY'D STILL HAVE THE GROUP."
BUT.... WHO SAID I WAS GOING TO REJECT THEM?
HADN'T I ALREADY ACCEPTED THEM?
A LONG FKN TIME AGO?
But some people can be so fkn INSECURE....
THAT THEY THINK I MIGHT!
BUT.... MOSTLY.... WHEN I DO....
IT'S FOR DOING THAT SH*T TO ME.
THAT THEY NEVER HAD TO.
BECAUSE: IF THEY NEVER HAD TO....
AND WENT AHEAD AND DID IT....
THAT.... WAS A CHOICE.
So let's talk about security in the sense of feeling "secure."
Because "secure," especially emotionally....
MEANS THERE IS NO "NEED" TO DO THINGS
THAT COST THE THINGS THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO LOSE.
EXAMPLE:
Dudes who will be so scared of losing a girl
that they GET A BACKUP.
FOR: IN CASE THEY DO.
AND THEY LOSE THE GIRL....
BECAUSE: THEY HAD A BACKUP
WHO THEY TREATED BETTER THAN THE GIRL
THEY WERE SO SCARED OF LOSING
BUT COULD HAVE....
JUST...
LOVED HER....
IN THE RIGHT WAY....
FOR THE RIGHT REASON....
AND IF SHE WAS ALREADY THERE....
DOES THAT MEAN SHE WAS
PLANNING TO GO SOMEWHERE?
BUT... INSECURITY..... IS THINKING:
I HAVE TO HAVE A "BACKUP" IN CASE OF XYZ.
SECURITY IS THINKING:
SHE'S HERE BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME.
AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE A FKTARD THINKING
THAT I HAVE TO DO A BUNCH OF SH*T
FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
BECAUSE IT'S EITHER THE FKD UP SH*T....
OR THE WRONG REASONS....
OR BOTH....
THAT CAUSES THEM TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO THEN? WHY ARE THOSE NEEDED?
THEY AREN'T!
After my tea, I'm going to bed.
I have to be up early tomorrow.
GOT SOME STUFF TO DO.
And I'm feeling very sleepy.
I have to remember to put the food I made away, too.
Before I go to bed.
So I can eat more of it tomorrow.
I have a habit of cooking more than 1 meal, which is okay.
Makes things easier tomorrow.
I will be tired tomorrow.
Especially waking up early.
THE BACKUP IS THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE!
THE FEAR OF REJECTION.
Something about those fears....
THEY COME FROM WOUNDS.
AND IF PEOPLE "DEAL" WITH THOSE WOUNDS....
THOSE THINGS....
ARE NO LONGER....
FEARS.
I DIDN'T LIKE BEING SINGLE.... YEARS AGO....
IN MY 20s,
I was kind of... Like... "I'd be SECURE in a relationship."
RELATIONSHIPS DON'T "PROVIDE" THAT KIND OF
"SECURITY."
IF TWO INSECURE PEOPLE GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP....
THEY ARE GOING TO TRY
TO RELY ON EACH OTHER
OR OTHER THINGS
LIKE BACKUPS
TO FEEL "SECURE."
BUT IT DOESN'T WORK.....
BECAUSE "SECURITY" IS MORE ABOUT....
BEING ABLE TO TRUST YOURSELF
TO OVERCOME THINGS...
NO MATTER WTF THEY ARE.
NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS TO OVERCOME.
"SELF-TRUST"
DID I ALWAYS TRUST MYSELF? NO?
HOW COULD I WHEN I WAS BUSY SABOTAGING MYSELF?
CONSTANTLY?
THE REASONS I WAS DOING SOME THINGS
WERE FKN STUPID.
OKAY?
THEY WERE.
HONESTLY STUPID.
I HAD TO LOOK AT IT AND THINK ABOUT WHY.
"WHY TF ARE YOU DOING XYZ, A***?"
AND REALLY THINK ABOUT.... WHY.
REALLY THINK.... ABOUT.... WHY.
WHY DID I WANT TO DATE?
WHY DID I THINK S*X WAS "IMPORTANT"?
WHY DID I THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL? HORMONES?
WHY DID I WANT TO DATE THE PEOPLE I DATED?
WHY WASN'T I CONTENT ON MY OWN?
WHY DID I THINK ABOUT THE THINGS I THOUGHT ABOUT?
WHY DID I THINK THE WAY I THOUGHT?
WHY WASN'T I THINKING ABOUT MY THINKING?
STUFF LIKE THIS...
Anyway, I did finish my tea.....
And I do have to go to bed early.
So good night!
FROM A GROUP OR FROM ANYONE....
I mean... I never felt I NEEDED recognition.
I don't really like being in groups.
GROUPS JUDGE MOST OF THE TIME.
THEY EITHER ACCEPT YOU OR THEY DON'T.
AND WHY TRY TO BE OR HAVE OR DO XYZ
TO TRY TO BE "ACCEPTED"?
WHY NOT.... JUST..... BE... YOURSELF, SINCERELY?
THE RIGHT PEOPLE SEE THAT.
"THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE REJECTED BY YOU....
SO THEY THOUGHT THEY NEEDED SOMETHING.
SO THEY THOUGHT THAT IF YOU REJECTED THEM....
THEY'D STILL HAVE THE GROUP."
BUT.... WHO SAID I WAS GOING TO REJECT THEM?
HADN'T I ALREADY ACCEPTED THEM?
A LONG FKN TIME AGO?
But some people can be so fkn INSECURE....
THAT THEY THINK I MIGHT!
BUT.... MOSTLY.... WHEN I DO....
IT'S FOR DOING THAT SH*T TO ME.
THAT THEY NEVER HAD TO.
BECAUSE: IF THEY NEVER HAD TO....
AND WENT AHEAD AND DID IT....
THAT.... WAS A CHOICE.
So let's talk about security in the sense of feeling "secure."
Because "secure," especially emotionally....
MEANS THERE IS NO "NEED" TO DO THINGS
THAT COST THE THINGS THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO LOSE.
EXAMPLE:
Dudes who will be so scared of losing a girl
that they GET A BACKUP.
FOR: IN CASE THEY DO.
AND THEY LOSE THE GIRL....
BECAUSE: THEY HAD A BACKUP
WHO THEY TREATED BETTER THAN THE GIRL
THEY WERE SO SCARED OF LOSING
BUT COULD HAVE....
JUST...
LOVED HER....
IN THE RIGHT WAY....
FOR THE RIGHT REASON....
AND IF SHE WAS ALREADY THERE....
DOES THAT MEAN SHE WAS
PLANNING TO GO SOMEWHERE?
BUT... INSECURITY..... IS THINKING:
I HAVE TO HAVE A "BACKUP" IN CASE OF XYZ.
SECURITY IS THINKING:
SHE'S HERE BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME.
AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE A FKTARD THINKING
THAT I HAVE TO DO A BUNCH OF SH*T
FOR THE WRONG REASONS.
BECAUSE IT'S EITHER THE FKD UP SH*T....
OR THE WRONG REASONS....
OR BOTH....
THAT CAUSES THEM TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO THEN? WHY ARE THOSE NEEDED?
THEY AREN'T!
After my tea, I'm going to bed.
I have to be up early tomorrow.
GOT SOME STUFF TO DO.
And I'm feeling very sleepy.
I have to remember to put the food I made away, too.
Before I go to bed.
So I can eat more of it tomorrow.
I have a habit of cooking more than 1 meal, which is okay.
Makes things easier tomorrow.
I will be tired tomorrow.
Especially waking up early.
THE BACKUP IS THE FEAR OF BEING ALONE!
THE FEAR OF REJECTION.
Something about those fears....
THEY COME FROM WOUNDS.
AND IF PEOPLE "DEAL" WITH THOSE WOUNDS....
THOSE THINGS....
ARE NO LONGER....
FEARS.
I DIDN'T LIKE BEING SINGLE.... YEARS AGO....
IN MY 20s,
I was kind of... Like... "I'd be SECURE in a relationship."
RELATIONSHIPS DON'T "PROVIDE" THAT KIND OF
"SECURITY."
IF TWO INSECURE PEOPLE GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP....
THEY ARE GOING TO TRY
TO RELY ON EACH OTHER
OR OTHER THINGS
LIKE BACKUPS
TO FEEL "SECURE."
BUT IT DOESN'T WORK.....
BECAUSE "SECURITY" IS MORE ABOUT....
BEING ABLE TO TRUST YOURSELF
TO OVERCOME THINGS...
NO MATTER WTF THEY ARE.
NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS TO OVERCOME.
"SELF-TRUST"
DID I ALWAYS TRUST MYSELF? NO?
HOW COULD I WHEN I WAS BUSY SABOTAGING MYSELF?
CONSTANTLY?
THE REASONS I WAS DOING SOME THINGS
WERE FKN STUPID.
OKAY?
THEY WERE.
HONESTLY STUPID.
I HAD TO LOOK AT IT AND THINK ABOUT WHY.
"WHY TF ARE YOU DOING XYZ, A***?"
AND REALLY THINK ABOUT.... WHY.
REALLY THINK.... ABOUT.... WHY.
WHY DID I WANT TO DATE?
WHY DID I THINK S*X WAS "IMPORTANT"?
WHY DID I THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL? HORMONES?
WHY DID I WANT TO DATE THE PEOPLE I DATED?
WHY WASN'T I CONTENT ON MY OWN?
WHY DID I THINK ABOUT THE THINGS I THOUGHT ABOUT?
WHY DID I THINK THE WAY I THOUGHT?
WHY WASN'T I THINKING ABOUT MY THINKING?
STUFF LIKE THIS...
Anyway, I did finish my tea.....
And I do have to go to bed early.
So good night!
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