Smear It All You Want To

It was emotional abuse to try to make me think....
THAT IT WAS ME EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS
THAT WAS THE PROBLEM.

NO. IT NEVER WAS.

DOING THAT SH*T WAS THE PROBLEM.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE SORRY
FOR SH*T THAT WASN'T MY FAULT.

AND GO AHEAD AND SMEAR MY NAME.....
AFTER NOT WANTING TO GO BACK TO THAT SH*T.

AFTER REFUSING TO JUST FKN ACT RIGHT.

BE AS MAD AS YOU WANT ABOUT THAT.

NOTHING WOULD HAVE CHANGED!
IT DIDN'T!

COULD WE TALK?
ABOUT HOW I FELT?

NO? 

ABOUT WHY I WAS P*SSED OFF?
NO?

IF HE WANTED ME TO FEEL "NOT GOOD ENOUGH," FINE.
IF THAT'S WHAT HE WANTED, WHY WOULD I GO BACK TO THAT?

DID HE TREAT ME LIKE I WAS "GOOD ENOUGH"? NO.

I COULDN'T EVEN SAY HOW I FKN FELT!!!!!!!! FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE DID NOT GAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO WHY TELL HIM SOME MORE?

WOULD IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE? NO!

I THOUGHT: IF HE FKN UNDERSTOOD, HE'D STOP THAT SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE'D STOP HIS SH*T.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, BUT HE DIDN'T.

BECAUSE HE TRIED HIS SH*T AGAIN, RIGHT?
TRIED TO BLAME ME FOR HIS SH*T.

I WASN'T DOING THE THINGS HE DID!
I WASN'T SAYING THE THINGS HE DID!
I WASN'T TREATING HIM THE WAY HE TREATED ME!

I CAN'T UNSEE THE BS. I SAW IT.

TO TREAT SOMEONE LIKE YOU DO NOT GAF
IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD I LET HIM EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME AGAIN?
ALREADY FKN DID THAT SH*T.

HOW DID THAT FEEL? GREAT? FK THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DODGE.TF.OUTTA.THAT.

MISS ME WITH THAT SH*T.
GOT ME THE FIRST TIME. SHAME ON YOU.
IT'D BE SHAME ON ME, THE NEXT TIME, RIGHT?

SEE WHAT YOUR LIFE IS WITHOUT A***?!
YEAH? TOO BAD!

BUT.... YOU..... CHOSE...... THAT...... RIGHT?

IT BUGS ME.... MINDING MY OWN FKN BUSINESS....
AFTER 12 FKN YEARS.... 

LIKE WHAT?!

I'M THE TOXIC ONE?
WHAT WAS I DOING? I WAS MINDING MY OWN FKN BUSINESS!

WHY COME BACK TO ME "I MADE A MISTAKE"
IF I WAS THE TOXIC ONE? WTF?

Would have stayed tf away.... RIGHT?
IF TELLING HIM HOW I FELT ABOUT HIS BS
WAS EVER THE PROBLEM.

THE PROBLEM WAS FKN ACCOUNTABILITY.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.

AND WOULD STILL BE.

APPARENTLY.

Drives me fkn crazy, this sh*t.

HE WANTED TO PLAY FKN GAMES, FOUND OUT!
FOUND OUT WHAT IT'S BEEN LIKE
WITHOUT ME FOR 12 YEARS!

AND WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE!
WITHOUT ME!

Didn't appreciate me.... WHEN YOU HAD ME.
SO WHAT TF DO YOU EXPECT?

FOR ME TO WANT TO "JUMP YOUR BONES"?
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN 12 YEARS?

FOR ME TO FORGET HOW YOU TREATED ME?

FOR ME TO BE STUPID ENOUGH TO FALL FOR
THE SAME SH*T TWICE?

FOR ME TO LET YOU LOVEBOMB ME....
DIRECTLY AFTER TRYING TO FKN GASLIGHT ME, AGAIN?
PRETTY INSULTING!

FK NO! 

I EVEN GIVE YOU THE CHANCE NOT TO DO THAT SH*T....
AND WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THAT CHANCE?

WHEN YOU DISREGARD SOMEONE'S FEELINGS....
WHEN THEY EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS TO YOU.....
AND THEIR REACTION TO YOUR SH*T.......
IS "THE PROBLEM" ALL THE FKN TIME......

MAYBE "THE PROBLEM"
IS NOT FKN LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAKING SOMEONE FIGHT TO BE HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DISMISSING THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DISCARDING THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR JUST FEELING HOW THEY FEEL
ABOUT BEING TREATED LIKE SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FK!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT ALL I DID???????????????? YEAH??????????
JUST THAT?????????????

I WAS SO DAMN "TOXIC" FK!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I STOOD MYSELF UP, RIGHT?

Yes, I'm getting it out... Just that.

I actually don't gaf about where I stand with anyone.

I USED TO!
I USED TO TRY TO BE UNDERSTOOD!
BUT..... WHAT HAPPENED?

HE DID THAT D*CK THING THAT MIRROR SMASHER DID!
"A***, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE FEELINGS!
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE UPSET ABOUT ANYTHING!
WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY ABOUT ME BEING COLD TO YOU.....
"YOU'RE JUST DRUNK" ETC......

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY WITH MY BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FK NO!!!!!!!!!!

Just fkn unfair that I was just fine and then fkr comes back.....
AFTER FKN DISCARDING ME ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY THE FK EVEN DO THAT SH*T?

I DIDN'T EVEN DESERVE TO FKN MOVE ON?
WTF?! I LET HIM MOVE ON! DID I NOT?

DID I DO ANYTHING TO HIM AFTER HE BOUNCED? NO?

I LET HIM BOUNCE? YEAH?

I GOT OVER HIM? YEAH?

EVEN TRIED DATING AND RARELY THOUGHT ABOUT HIM?

AND WHEN I DID...... I REMEMBERED...... BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UNFAIR BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOULD IT BE FAIR OF ME TO BE DISCARDING HIM......
THEN TRY TO POP BACK UP? "JUST SAYING HELLO"

AFTER HE MOVED ON?

BUT IT WASN'T JUST SAYING HELLO!

IT WASN'T BECAUSE: "I'M SORRY FOR TREATING YOU LIKE SH*T."

HE CLAIMED HE DIDN'T REMEMBER HOW HE TREATED ME!!!!!

REMEMBERS HIS BS EXCUSES FOR DISCARDING ME, THOUGH. RIGHT?

IT'D JUST BE EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE EMOTIONALLY ABUSED 
AND THEN FKN BLAMED FOR IT?

INFURIATING!!!!!!!! FK THAT!

All of that has got me not wanting anything with anyone!
BECAUSE IT'S BEEN A WASTE OF MY TIME!

I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO!

I PREFER BEING ALONE, MOSTLY, ANYWAY.
SO TRYING TO "ISOLATE" ME BY GHOSTING ME....
IS ONLY FORFEITING THEIR PLACE IN MY LIFE.

JUST THAT.

HOW PEOPLE TREAT ME TELLS ME WHO GETS TO STAY.
AND WHO GETS TO FK OFF.

AND IF YOU'VE ALREADY SHOWN ME THINGS....
YOU ALREADY DID THAT.