Power Supply

Energy "vampires" are actual things.... 
WHEN SOMEONE IS DRAINING YOU......
AND YOU HAVE TO RECHARGE..... 
AFTER BEING WITH THEM.... 

They are sapping you.... 
THEY ARE TRYING TO USE YOU AS A POWER SUPPLY.

I'VE EXPERIENCED THIS.

I had a female friend who did this to me.
She knew she was an "energy vampire."
When she said that.... I realized....
Why I was so drained around her.

Some people get "triggered" by growth.
THEY GET MAD THAT YOU ARE GROWING
AND THEY AREN'T.....

BUT.... GROWTH.....
IS A FKN CHOICE.

YOU EITHER DECIDE TO.....
OR YOU DON'T. 

But..... Yes.... It takes realizing stuff.

PEOPLE THINK I AM THE REASON WHY
THEY AREN'T GETTING WHAT THEY WANT.....

BUT..... THEY HAVE TO GROW TO GET IT.

IMAGINE THAT?

Am I in control of anyone's growth? No.
Am I in control of anything anyone realizes? No.

If anyone is "triggered" by my growth.... 
IT MEANS THEY NEED TO GROW.

SAYS NOTHING ABOUT ME.
HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

It means they need to APPLY themselves
to their own evolution. 

Is there any reason I shouldn't be investing in myself?

Just because someone gets BIG MAD ABOUT IT?

Why? Should I be BIG MAD ABOUT.....
SOMEONE ELSE'S GROWTH?

OR..... COULD I..... BE HAPPY..... FOR THEM?
AND..... WISH THEM.... WELL?

AM I ALLOWED TO INVEST IN MYSELF? FFS?
Seems that I'm not allowed to just.... Move on.....

People get mad when I do....
Should I not be allowed to?
Should they not be allowed to?

A BRUISED EGO?
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT BS?

AM I ALLOWED NOT TO WANT THAT?

Anyway.... Things changed for me in the last 12 years.

It wasn't just..... Getting sober or learning how to code...
It was processing things slowly... Learning other things... 
Growing in ways I didn't realize I needed to... 

When people need to grow, they probably don't know
what ways they need to grow. 

A lot of growth is required! Throughout life!

Look back at the growth we've actually done.
Physical growth is one thing.... Growing pains... 
Emotional growth.... Psychological growth.... 
Spiritual... Lots of dimensions and facets. 

One thing about ego-driven people.....
THEIR IMAGE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO THEM.
BUT THAT IMAGE CAN BE DESTROYED WITH THE TRUTH.
SO WHY LIE?

I'm tempted to take the screenshots from that last convo LOL.
SO EVERYONE CAN SEE HOW HE SPOKE TO ME.

NOBODY CAN ARGUE THEIR OWN WORDS!

I DON'T HAVE SCREENSHOTS FROM 12 YEARS AGO.
BUT THEY ARE VERY MUCH THE SAME VIBE LOL.

PEOPLE CAN LIE ALL THEY WANT TO....
BUT THE TRUTH STILL EXISTS.

EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE IT.

I'm not his POWER SUPPLY.
Ego-driven people DRAIN.

Secure people don't do that sh*t.....
THEY DO NOT "NEED" TO.
THEY ARE COOL IN THEIR OWN ENERGY.
WHY WOULD THEY "NEED" SOMEONE ELSE'S ENERGY?
THEIR OWN ENERGY IS ENOUGH FOR THEM. 

WHEN THEY LIE TO OTHERS.....
THEY ALSO LIE TO THEMSELVES.
THEY BELIEVE THEIR OWN LIES!!!!!!!!!

"A***'S TOXIC!" REALLY?
BECAUSE A*** SAID NO TO RECONNECTING?

WHY DID A*** SAY NO TO RECONNECTING?
WHY?

BECAUSE:

1) A*** HAS A RIGHT TO SAY NO!!!!!!!!!!
2) A*** DOES NOT NEED YOU!
3) A*** DOESN'T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE SH*T!!!!!!!!!
4) A*** DOESN'T TRUST YOU BECAUSE YOU LIE!!!!!!!!
5) DID I WANT TO DISCONNECT? THE FIRST TIME?
6) DID A*** WANT TO BE GHOSTED FOR 12 YEARS?
7) DID A*** HAVE A RIGHT TO MOVE ON?

WHY FKN GO BACK TO SOMEONE WHO FKN LIES ABOUT THEM?
TO EVERYONE?

THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE I COULD FKN DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OR FKN SAY!!!!!!!!!! FOR THEM TO JUST......
TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HIS SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHICH HE REFUSED TO DO!!!!!

RIGHT?

SO WOULD "RECONNECTING" CHANGE THAT? NO?

HE WANTED ME TO BEG AND FKN PLEAD FOR HIM TO 
"BE IN MY LIFE"

AND WHEN 12 YEARS WENT BY..... WHERE I FKN DIDN'T.....
BECAUSE WHY WOULD I?

THAT'S WHEN HE "CHECKED MY TEMPERATURE."

WHEN SOMEONE DISCARDS YOU...... DON'T BEG!
JUST BE LIKE: OKAY. THANKS FOR THAT.

BECAUSE THEY FKN DID YOU A FKN FAVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAT'S WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF HE "NEEDED" TO HAVE "POWER" OVER ME.... 
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT HIS "OTHER CONNECTIONS"?

CONDITIONAL! ON HIS "TERMS."
I DIDN'T SIGN ANY FKN CONTRACT......
THAT SAID I HAD TO FKN COME BACK 12 YEARS LATER!!!!!!!!
FOR MORE SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO BE SH*T ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FKN ENTITLED! NOT ENTITLED TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TO HAVE ME "IN YOUR LIFE"
WHEN YOU SHAT ON ME WHEN I WAS THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M NOT A FKN TOILET!!!!!!!!!!
NOT SOMEONE TO SH*T ON!!!!!!!!!!

HOW HE SPEAKS TO ME IS WHY I DON'T FKN WANT TO!!!!!!!!!

MIRROR SMASHER DID THE SAME SH*T!
UNTIL...... FK YOU ALL! FKERS!

A***'S TOXIC BECAUSE A*** CHANGED!
A*** WON'T BEG TO BE A FKN SCAPEGOAT!
OR A TOILET!
OR A PUNCHING BAG!
OR A FKN ANYTHING THAT I AM NOT!

"Make peace with what you had to survive."
That's what I have been doing!
I did that! That's why I didn't want to go back!

THAT'S WHY AFTER HE DISCARDED ME....
HE DIDN'T FKN HEAR FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY WOULD HE? I MOVED ON! FOR 12 YEARS!
AFTER 12 YEARS..... HE WAS IN MY PAST..... RIGHT?
WHERE HE WANTED TO BE? RIGHT?

GAVE HIM WHAT HE WANTED.
HIS "FREEDOM"
SINCE I AM SO "TOXIC."

It was so EASY TO DISCARD ME....
BECAUSE HE HAD "REPLACEMENT OPTIONS" LOL!

STRINGING THEM ALONG! LIKE HE DID TO ME.

DIDN'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY?
DISCARDED ME?
SHAT ON ME?

NO FKN THANK YOU! FK THAT!

"BUT A*** YOU EXCEEDED MY EXPECTATIONS FOR YOU."
YEAH, BECAUSE I HAD 12 YEARS WITHOUT YOUR SH*T!!!!!!!!!!
THAT'S WHY I AM FKN THRIVING NOW! FKR!

WHAT A FKN GAME TO DISCARD SOMEONE.....
AND TRY TO COME BACK 12 YEARS LATER!
BECAUSE THEY ARE DOING BETTER
WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!! WTF???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"PLAYER FELL IN LOVE....."
WELP, YOU PLAYED YOURSELF, SO GO FK YOURSELF.

HEARTLESS PLAYER GREW A HEART?

CARES 0.00000000001% NOW? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"MAGICALY! 12 YEARS LATER!" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF?????????!!!!!!!!!!

WOULD YOU TRUST THAT SH*T???????!!!!!!!!
I DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!

"MY HEART GREW FONDER OVER 12 YEARS WITHOUT YOU!"
BUT WHY WAS I GONE THAT LONG?
BECAUSE: YOU...... DISCARDED ME.
LIKE YOU DIDN'T WANT ME. RIGHT?

SO........ WHEN I MOVED ON......
I WAS ALLOWED TO DO THAT.

LIKE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO DO.....
IF I FKN DID THAT SH*T TO HIM.

AND I'M NOT TOXIC FOR SAYING NO!

IT'S TOXIC TO DISCARD SOMEONE.....
AND EXPECT THEM.....
TO WANT TO FKN GO BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY?????????? IS THERE A POINT TO GOING BACK?
TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT SH*T AGAIN?
FK NO!

CHANGED HIS MIND WAY TOO LATE! 

"SOMEONE BROKE MY HEART, SO I'LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!"
WAS IT ME, THOUGH? NO?

SO THEN WHY SH*T ON ME?????????? WHY DO THAT!?

I WAS A FKN AFTERTHOUGHT 12 YEARS AGO, RIGHT?
SO WHY FKN THINK ABOUT COMING BACK?
WHY THINK I WOULD WANT TO?

TO BE SH*T ON SOME MORE? LOL!
SOUNDS "FUN"! FK!

I'm "toxic" for PREFERRING MY SOLITUDE! LMAO!
OKAY. 

Why would I want immaturity? Inconsistency?
"I'll only be nice to you here and there." Fk that.

NICE TO ME NOW THAT THE OPTIONS RAN OUT?

WELP, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHOICE.
LIKE YOU WERE. FOOL!

WHAT HALF-ASS APOLOGY DO I NEED 12 YEARS LATER?
DO I NEED MY TIME WASTED SOME MORE?
BECAUSE I COULD DO A BUNCH OF THINGS
TO WASTE MY OWN TIME, IF I WANTED TO....

WHEN YOU TAKE SOMEONE FOR GRANTED.......
AND YOU DISCARD THEM LIKE THEY ARE 
"JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE" (NOPE).
THEY. DO. NOT. NEED. TO. LOOK. BACK.

IF I DID THAT SH*T TO HIM.......
WOULD HE WANT ME BACK? NO?

PROBABLY NOT!!!!!!!!

COULD I BLAME HIM AND CALL HIM TOXIC.....
IF HE DIDN'T WANT BS?
IF HE DIDN'T WANT HIS TIME WASTED?

IF I HADN'T TAKEN HIM SERIOUSLY?

THAT'S WHAT HE FKN DID TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!
BLAMED ME FOR HIS BS YET AGAIN.

INSTEAD OF:

A***, I WAS WRONG TO TREAT YOU LIKE THAT!
A***, I REALIZED XYZ....
A***, I'M READY TO XYZ.... 

AND FKN SHOW ME YOU ARE FKN READY FOR THAT!

IF YOU SHOW ME YOU AREN'T.... THEN YOU FKN AREN'T!!!!!!!!

DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW ME A BILLION TIMES?
12 YEARS LATER?
NO, ALREADY SHOWED ME THAT SH*T!
12 YEARS AGO!

I ALREADY SAW THAT SH*T.

WASN'T IMPRESSED WITH THAT SH*T BACK THEN....
WHY WOULD I BE 12 YEARS LATER?

"PEOPLE CHANGE, A***."
SURE..... BUT WHEN THEY DON'T REALIZE SH*T.......
AND NOTHING YOU SAY OR COULD DO
WOULD "MAKE" THEM REALIZE ANYTHING....

EVEN 12 YEARS LATER.....

IS THERE A POINT?

MAYBE..... MAYBE A POINT I DON'T SEE.....
BUT I DON'T SEE ONE!

DISCARDED TWICE LOL!
YOU "REALLY" WANT TO "TALK" RIGHT?

NO. YOU WANTED TO DISCARD ME AGAIN.
BECAUSE I WAS NEVER WORTH FKN ANYTHING TO YOU.
AND YOU TREATED ME LIKE SH*T.

SO EXCUSE ME..... FOR NOT WANTING THAT SH*T.
I THOUGHT I WAS ALLOWED NOT TO WANT THAT SH*T.
I ALSO THOUGHT I WAS ALLOWED TO MOVE ON
AND JUST LIVE MY LIFE, ALSO.

I LEFT HIM TO HIS BS, RIGHT?

OH, YOU REALIZED YOU WERE LEFT IN YOUR SH*T.....
AND IT WAS SH*TTY FOR YOU?

IS THAT MY PROBLEM?
OR WAS THAT YOUR PROBLEM THE WHOLE TIME?
THAT YOU TRIED TO BLAME ME FOR?

"I WAS CONFUSED ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE NOT SOMEONE I CAN PUT IN A BOX."

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ACTUALLY WORTH IT."

"I THOUGHT YOU WOULD REACT."
"I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ACT CRAZY....."

COULD HAVE ACTED CRAZY WHEN YOU DISCARDED ME.... RIGHT?
IF I WAS SOMEONE WHO WOULD HAVE DONE THAT?

INSTEAD? WHAT DID I DO? NOTHING TO YOU?

LEARNED TO CODE? LIVED MY LIFE?

"YOU'RE NOT LIKE THIS OR THAT.... I'M USED TO XYZ...."
OKAY. BE USED TO THAT. CHOOSE THAT....

BUT....... MISJUDGED ME.
AND CAN'T BACKTRACK THAT BS.

BECAUSE....... COULD HAVE GOTTEN TO KNOW ME?

INSTEAD OF JUDGING ME ACCORDING TO:

1) WHAT YOU ARE USED TO
2) THE ONLY THINGS YOU SAW ABOUT ME
3) WHATEVER THE FK YOU THOUGHT ABOUT ME

You can't compare someone who isn't what you're used to
TO WHAT YOU ARE USED TO!

BECAUSE: THEY ARE NOT..... THAT.

NO COMPARISON.

IT WAS COMFORTABLE TO PUT ME IN A BOX.
THAT I NEVER FKN BELONGED IN.

THEY WANTED TO BELIEVE I WAS XYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE THEY "NEEDED" TO......
TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH HOW THEY "MOVE."

"SHE'S SINGLE SO HER BD DIDN'T WANT HER."
WRONG!

MY BD IS A POS! I DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH HIM!

"SHE'S SINGLE.... MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER."

MAYBE..... I'M SINGLE..... BECAUSE.....
I'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IMMATURE BS.....
THAT I DON'T FKN FIND THAT SH*T ATTRACTIVE!!!!!!!!!!

MUCH MORE "COMFORTABLE" TO THINK XYZ ABOUT A***.
WITH THE "CONFUSION" THEY COULD PUT ME IN WHATEVER BOX.
IT WAS "COMFORTABLE" TO BE "CONFUSED."
AND THINK ALL THE WRONG SH*T ABOUT ME.

CONVINCING HIMSELF OF BS. OKAY.
BELIEVE WHATEVER TF YOU WANT.....
BUT...... I SAW THAT.

WAS I DEPRESSED A LONG TIME AGO?
BEING TREATED THE WAY YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED.....
DOES THAT SH*T TO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!! FK!!!!!!!!
REALLY! WTF DOES ANYONE EXPECT FROM ME????!!!!

NO. I DON'T WANT TO OPERATE THE WAY THEY DO.

"OH, A*** HAS A FUTURE? GOOD THINGS ARE COMING HER WAY?"
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU THINK I WAS DONE?

DO YOU THINK THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT FOR ME?
WHO TF DECIDED THAT? SOMEONE WHO NEVER KNEW ME?
BECAUSE WHY SHOULD THERE BE?
FK YOU FOR THINKING THAT SH*T!

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE FINALLY NOURISHES THEMSELVES?
AWAY FROM THE BS?

POURS INTO THEMSELVES?
THE WAYS NOBODY ELSE FKN WOULD?
BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE DECIDED: WORTHLESS.

BECAUSE I WAS DEPRESSED? YEAH?
WHY WAS I DEPRESSED? HMMM?

IF EVERYONE WAS TREATED THE WAY THAT I WAS.....
THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE DEPRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!! FK!!!!

WAS I DEPRESSED BECAUSE I ALSO HADN'T QUIT DRINKING?
AT THAT TIME? 
AND ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT?

IMAGINE THAT!

MAYBE A*** "TRANSFORMED."
MAYBE A*** IS MORE OF WHAT SHE ALWAYS WAS!!!!!!!!!!
MAYBE YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DECIDED XYZ ABOUT ME....
MAYBE THERE ARE THINGS ABOUT ME THAT YOU NEVER SAW
BECAUSE WHY WOULD I SHOW PEOPLE WHO ALREADY "DECIDED"?

DIDN'T CONSIDER THAT I ACTUALLY HAD POTENTIAL!
JUST BECAUSE THEY REFUSED TO SEE IT......
DOESN'T MEAN I NEVER HAD ANY!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT MEANS YOU REFUSED TO SEE IT!
SO I REFUSED TO SHOW YOU!

THE ONLY ONE I NEEDED TO SHOW MY POTENTIAL TO.....
IS ME!!!!!!! THAT'S IT. 

FK EVERYONE ELSE WHO REFUSED TO SEE ANYTHING ABOUT ME.
FK EVERYONE WHO "DECIDED" WHO I WAS
WHEN THEY NEVER FKN KNEW ME!

DID THEY? NO? 
THEN HOW WOULD THEY FKN KNOW?! 

THEY WOULDN'T!!!!!!!!!! WOULD THEY? NO!!!!!!!!

BUT.... THAT DOES NOT MEAN I WANT TO BE
SOMEONE ELSE'S POWER SUPPLY.

FK THAT.

"HIDDEN IN PLAIN SIGHT."
WHOOPS!