Bait

I'll tell you about something.... 
Some people operate differently than I do.... 

Because.... Some people....
Actually are.... Toxic.

And they are.... Usually.... The ones....
WE DON'T EXPECT THEM TO BE.

THEY LOOK A LOT LIKE....
TROJAN HORSES.

AND THEY ARE....
"TOO GOOD" TO BE TRUE.

BECAUSE.... THEY OPERATE....
ON FALSE.... PRETENCES.... 

Because..... What they want.....
DOES NOT COME FROM.....
"GOOD INTENTIONS."

IT COMES FROM..... AN AGENDA!

These people seem to require "less."
THEY DON'T REQUIRE ACCOUNTABILITY!
OR ANYTHING CHALLENGING!
OR HEALTHY!

OR ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES "WORK"
OR "CHANGE."

THEY SUPPORT THE BS!

But.... They are..... Insidious.. 
Because they DO PLAY GAMES.
BEHIND YOUR BACK.....
AND TO YOUR FACE!!!!!!

WHETHER YOU NOTICE IT......
OR NOT.....

THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING.....
AND THEY HAVE REASONS TO DO IT.

The difference is.....
THAT IF I WAS TOXIC.....
I WOULD HAVE HAD AN AGENDA!
RIGHT? DID I HAVE ONE?
DID I WANT ANYTHING?

"WOW! I WANT THIS TO WORK!
THIS IS SO EASY!"

OKAY.... EASY UNTIL WHEN?
EASY.... WHY?

CHALLENGE.... ISN'T PRESSURE.
IT'S THE OPPORTUNITY....
TO LEVEL UP.

BUT.... IF THEY MADE IT EASY.....
MAYBE.... THEY WERE TAKING NOTES!

TO USE THINGS AGAINST THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HMMM!

Imagine giving someone like THAT access to you?

AND IF YOU DO..... YOU DID THAT.....

BECAUSE: IT WAS "TOO HARD"
TO JUST GROW UP!

AND JUST..... TREAT A*** BETTER!
AND JUST..... NOT.... TAKE.... A*** FOR GRANTED!

THEY ACTUALLY WANT CONTROL!
THEY DO SH*T.... TO TRY TO GET IT!

FAKE SH*T!

Watch what happens when you walk away....
OR TRY TO WALK AWAY..... 
FROM SOMEONE WHO CAN'T BE TRUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY DO SH*T TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
OR TRY TO....
DID I?

DID I TRY TO ACT JEALOUS?
DID I ACT OUT AT ALL?

OR.... DID I MOVE ON?

AND PEOPLE TRY TO WATCH ME......
BECAUSE...... I WAS....... A THREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TO THEIR POSITION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEY CAN..... IF THEY STILL THINK.....
I'M THE THREAT......

Because...... If I wanted to EMBARRASS HIM......
I'D TELL EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT JUST WRITE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES.....
I WOULD..... HAVE..... NAMED AND SHAMED HIM!
A LONG TIME AGO! DID I DO THAT? NO?

AM I NAMING HIM NOW? NO!
BECAUSE DO I NEED TO? NO!

DO I NEED TO DO ANYTHING TO HIM? NO!

IF I HAD AN AGENDA.....
I WOULD HAVE FED HIS INSECURITIES!
INSTEAD OF CHALLENGING THEM!!!!!!!
INSTEAD OF NOT EXPOSING THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

I WASN'T TRYING TO INSERT MYSELF.....
IN PLACES..... I DIDN'T BELONG!

I WASN'T TRYING TO GET "DIRT" ON HIM.
I WASN'T TRYING TO DRAG HIM THROUGH THE MUD!
I WASN'T SEEKING TO DO DAMAGE.... RIGHT?

I HAD 12 YEARS TO DO SOMETHING TO HIM...
IF I WANTED TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! RIGHT?

INSTEAD OF WALKING AWAY FROM BS?

WHAT I DID AFTER HE DID ME LIKE THAT....
SHOULD SAY A LOT ABOUT ME....
THAT MAYBE HE NEVER REALIZED.... 

BUT.... IT WASN'T ENOUGH....
TO MAKE HIM..... APPRECIATE ME.
OR WHAT I WAS ACTUALLY OFFERING.... 
WHO I ACTUALLY AM!!!!!!!!!!!
NOTHING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT.... BAIT IS TEMPTING. RIGHT?
LIKE A WORM ON A HOOK?

YEAH! BUT..... THERE'S A HOOK!
A CATCH!

RIGHT?

I HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS.....
12 YEARS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND KEPT MY MOUTH MOSTLY SHUT ABOUT IT!
BECAUSE..... I JUST...... HAD TO..... DEAL WITH IT!

AND WHAT..... WOULD ANYONE......
DO....... WITH MY FEELINGS?

ANYTHING? NO?

THAT'S FOR ME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT!
THAT'S WHY I MOVED ON!
WAS TRYING TO!
WAS DOING BETTER!

AND WHY DOES ANYONE GET TO SEE?
ANYTHING RAW ABOUT ME?
IF I DON'T NEED TO TELL THEM?

WHAT WOULD THEY DO WITH IT?
ANYTHING? NO?

It was for ME!!!!!!!!!!
TO DO SOMETHING WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY?

AND THAT WAS WHAT I WAS DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO!!!!!!!

WITHOUT ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER BE ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THAN GIVE ANYONE ANYTHING ABOUT ME....

THAT'S WHY THIS IS "ANONYMOUS."

BECAUSE: IT'S NOT ABOUT VALIDATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OR VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S ABOUT BEING FREE FROM THAT SH*T!!!!!!!!
FINALLY..... 

AND BEING WORTH MORE TO MYSELF......
THAN I AM TO PEOPLE
I NEVER MATTERED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND NOBODY'S "LOVE"
OR VALIDATION.... OR ANYTHING.......

IS ANYTHING.... I ACTUALLY "NEEDED."

BECAUSE..... I AM OKAY!!!!!!!
WITHOUT IT!!!!!!!!

BUT..... GIVING AS MUCH AS I CAN.....
TO EVERYONE.....

AND GETTING SH*T ON......

DOES NOT WORK FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT THIS VERSION OF ME.