WHY TREAT ME LIKE I DIDN'T MATTER....
THEN REAPPEAR?
I replied to the guy.
I told him that I would rather connect with people
WHO ARE HONEST AND TREAT ME WITH THE RESPECT
AND CONSIDERATION I DESERVE.
He wasn't honest with me.
He stood me up constantly.
WHEN I WAS UPSET ABOUT THAT....
WHAT DID HE DO?
HE DEFLECTED.
HE TREATED EVERY CONVO
ABOUT HOW I FELT
LIKE AN ARGUMENT...
NO, I WILL NOT ARGUE ABOUT HOW I FEEL AND WHY.
THAT IS NOT AN ARGUMENT TO "WIN."
IT'S ME TELLING YOU, POINT-BLANK
HOW TF I FEEL
ABOUT HOW YOU ARE TREATING ME.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.
THAT IS WHAT IT IS TO AN EMOTIONALLY MATURE PERSON!
A CONVERSATION.
INFO TO CONSIDER...
THAT'S IT.
So if I tell someone:
"I'm upset about xyz....."
It's not another opportunity to SH*T ON ME.
There is a lot about me that most people
DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
AND TELLING THEM A BILLION TIMES
IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND.
IT IS NOT MY FAULT IF THEY DON'T.
OR CAN'T...
So he replied to my reply... I have not read it.
I don't really WANT to.
HIS CASUAL APPROACH P*SSED ME OFF!
ACKNOWLEDGE WTF YOU DID, TO START...
THAT MIGHT HELP... A BIT.
NOT THAT IT HELPS A LOT OR FIXES ANYTHING.
Why would it? Does it CHANGE ANYTHING? NO?
SO WHY WOULD THAT FIX IT?
WHAT WOULD HAVE FIXED IT.....
WAS NOT BEING A D*CK TO ME.
JUST THAT.
When I give some dude a chance
NOT TO BE A D*CK TO ME......
MAYBE.... HE SHOULDN'T BE A D*CK!
I DGAF IF IT MAKES ME SEEM "COLD"
FOR NOT WANTING TO REOPEN A DOOR
SOMEONE SLAMMED IN THEIR OWN FACE.
IF I DID THAT, COULD I EXPECT THAT?
FROM THEM?
I COULD HOPE ALL I WANTED TO....
BUT I COULDN'T EXPECT FK ALL!
So what did he expect from me?
FOR ME TO FORGET?
THE THINGS HE SAID?
BS? NOPE.
SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG?
NOPE.
As much as I did TOLERATE....
I NEVER FKN HAD TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I DIDN'T NEED THE VALIDATION!
But..... HOW I FELT WAS VALID! WAS REAL!!!!!
WAS FOR MANY REASONS...
SO... BECAUSE THAT BS CONTINUED....
THERE WAS NO POINT CONTINUING TO TRY ANYMORE.
That sh*t was UNCOOL.
UNFAIR, TOO.
Here's something, though...
I WAS BEING UNFAIR TO MYSELF....
BY NOT WALKING AWAY THE FIRST TIME.
BY TOLERATING SH*T I NEVER SHOULD HAVE...
BY CARING ABOUT PEOPLE
WHO DID NOT CARE ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CARING ABOUT SOMEONE
DOESN'T MAKE THEM CARE ABOUT YOU!
THEY EITHER DO, OR THEY DON'T.
THAT SIMPLE! RIGHT?
If they keep showing you THEY DON'T CARE, THEY FKN DON'T!
LESSON I HAD TO LEARN.... IT SUCKS.
Because.... It would be cool if care was reciprocal.
APPRECIATED TOO!!!!!
But someone from 12 years ago....
Who had that opportunity 12 years ago...
Doesn't get to look at A*** 4.0 and say: "Yeah! I want that!"
Especially AFTER REJECTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!
OKAY! COOL! DON'T WANT ME? I AM OKAY WITH THAT.
BUT..... DON'T FKN PLAY GAMES!
FAIR????!!!!
I THINK THAT'S FKN FAIR!
And after I told him that I wanted to live my life....
HE WROTE BACK!
I HAVE NOT READ IT.
I DON'T REALLY WANT TO.
BECAUSE HE HAD HIS OPPORTUNITY.
HE DIDN'T WANT IT.
WHEN I WANTED TO RECONNECT.
SO THIS IS ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS.....
I ALREADY TOLD HIM.....
I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE.
IF HE WANTED TO JUST LET ME.....
HE WOULDN'T CONTACT ME!
ESPECIALLY APPROACHING ME INSULTINGLY...
"LONG TIME NO SEE!"
LIKE OLD FRIENDS....
THAT'S NOT HOW IT ENDED.
HAD IT ENDED THAT WAY,
I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO!!!!!
I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO HEAR FROM HIM!
INSTEAD OF FEELING THE WAY I FELT....
YESTERDAY AND TODAY.
It's not like I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HIM SINCE THEN....
BUT THOSE WERE FLEETING THOUGHTS.
AND SOME THOUGHTS I HAD TO PUSH AWAY.
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM.
I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANY OF THAT.
SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO RECONNECT WITH HIM.
SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM IN THE PAST.
I DID TRY TO RECONNECT WITH HIM, BACK THEN.....
BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS A DECENT DUDE
WHO WOULD TREAT ME DECENTLY.....
NOT BECAUSE I FKN WANTED ANYTHING FROM HIM.
JUST BASIC FKN RESPECT.
BASIC CONSIDERATION.
SHOULD I HAVE TO BEG FOR THOSE THINGS?
CONSTANTLY? YES OR NO?
BECAUSE IF SOMEONE EXPECTS ME TO BEG FOR THAT...
THEY CAN FK RIGHT OFF!
WOULD THEY WANT TO BEG ME FOR THAT? YES OR NO?
I told him that I would rather connect with people
WHO ARE HONEST AND TREAT ME WITH THE RESPECT
AND CONSIDERATION I DESERVE.
He wasn't honest with me.
He stood me up constantly.
WHEN I WAS UPSET ABOUT THAT....
WHAT DID HE DO?
HE DEFLECTED.
HE TREATED EVERY CONVO
ABOUT HOW I FELT
LIKE AN ARGUMENT...
NO, I WILL NOT ARGUE ABOUT HOW I FEEL AND WHY.
THAT IS NOT AN ARGUMENT TO "WIN."
IT'S ME TELLING YOU, POINT-BLANK
HOW TF I FEEL
ABOUT HOW YOU ARE TREATING ME.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.
THAT IS WHAT IT IS TO AN EMOTIONALLY MATURE PERSON!
A CONVERSATION.
INFO TO CONSIDER...
THAT'S IT.
So if I tell someone:
"I'm upset about xyz....."
It's not another opportunity to SH*T ON ME.
There is a lot about me that most people
DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
AND TELLING THEM A BILLION TIMES
IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND.
IT IS NOT MY FAULT IF THEY DON'T.
OR CAN'T...
So he replied to my reply... I have not read it.
I don't really WANT to.
HIS CASUAL APPROACH P*SSED ME OFF!
ACKNOWLEDGE WTF YOU DID, TO START...
THAT MIGHT HELP... A BIT.
NOT THAT IT HELPS A LOT OR FIXES ANYTHING.
Why would it? Does it CHANGE ANYTHING? NO?
SO WHY WOULD THAT FIX IT?
WHAT WOULD HAVE FIXED IT.....
WAS NOT BEING A D*CK TO ME.
JUST THAT.
When I give some dude a chance
NOT TO BE A D*CK TO ME......
MAYBE.... HE SHOULDN'T BE A D*CK!
I DGAF IF IT MAKES ME SEEM "COLD"
FOR NOT WANTING TO REOPEN A DOOR
SOMEONE SLAMMED IN THEIR OWN FACE.
IF I DID THAT, COULD I EXPECT THAT?
FROM THEM?
I COULD HOPE ALL I WANTED TO....
BUT I COULDN'T EXPECT FK ALL!
So what did he expect from me?
FOR ME TO FORGET?
THE THINGS HE SAID?
BS? NOPE.
SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG?
NOPE.
As much as I did TOLERATE....
I NEVER FKN HAD TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BECAUSE I DIDN'T NEED THE VALIDATION!
But..... HOW I FELT WAS VALID! WAS REAL!!!!!
WAS FOR MANY REASONS...
SO... BECAUSE THAT BS CONTINUED....
THERE WAS NO POINT CONTINUING TO TRY ANYMORE.
That sh*t was UNCOOL.
UNFAIR, TOO.
Here's something, though...
I WAS BEING UNFAIR TO MYSELF....
BY NOT WALKING AWAY THE FIRST TIME.
BY TOLERATING SH*T I NEVER SHOULD HAVE...
BY CARING ABOUT PEOPLE
WHO DID NOT CARE ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CARING ABOUT SOMEONE
DOESN'T MAKE THEM CARE ABOUT YOU!
THEY EITHER DO, OR THEY DON'T.
THAT SIMPLE! RIGHT?
If they keep showing you THEY DON'T CARE, THEY FKN DON'T!
LESSON I HAD TO LEARN.... IT SUCKS.
Because.... It would be cool if care was reciprocal.
APPRECIATED TOO!!!!!
But someone from 12 years ago....
Who had that opportunity 12 years ago...
Doesn't get to look at A*** 4.0 and say: "Yeah! I want that!"
Especially AFTER REJECTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!
OKAY! COOL! DON'T WANT ME? I AM OKAY WITH THAT.
BUT..... DON'T FKN PLAY GAMES!
FAIR????!!!!
I THINK THAT'S FKN FAIR!
And after I told him that I wanted to live my life....
HE WROTE BACK!
I HAVE NOT READ IT.
I DON'T REALLY WANT TO.
BECAUSE HE HAD HIS OPPORTUNITY.
HE DIDN'T WANT IT.
WHEN I WANTED TO RECONNECT.
SO THIS IS ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS.....
I ALREADY TOLD HIM.....
I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE.
IF HE WANTED TO JUST LET ME.....
HE WOULDN'T CONTACT ME!
ESPECIALLY APPROACHING ME INSULTINGLY...
"LONG TIME NO SEE!"
LIKE OLD FRIENDS....
THAT'S NOT HOW IT ENDED.
HAD IT ENDED THAT WAY,
I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO!!!!!
I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY TO HEAR FROM HIM!
INSTEAD OF FEELING THE WAY I FELT....
YESTERDAY AND TODAY.
It's not like I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT HIM SINCE THEN....
BUT THOSE WERE FLEETING THOUGHTS.
AND SOME THOUGHTS I HAD TO PUSH AWAY.
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT HIM.
I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANY OF THAT.
SHOULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO RECONNECT WITH HIM.
SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM IN THE PAST.
I DID TRY TO RECONNECT WITH HIM, BACK THEN.....
BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS A DECENT DUDE
WHO WOULD TREAT ME DECENTLY.....
NOT BECAUSE I FKN WANTED ANYTHING FROM HIM.
JUST BASIC FKN RESPECT.
BASIC CONSIDERATION.
SHOULD I HAVE TO BEG FOR THOSE THINGS?
CONSTANTLY? YES OR NO?
BECAUSE IF SOMEONE EXPECTS ME TO BEG FOR THAT...
THEY CAN FK RIGHT OFF!
WOULD THEY WANT TO BEG ME FOR THAT? YES OR NO?
THAT'S THE POINT.
No comments:
Post a Comment