It Still Bothers Me...

It bothers me that he wanted me to be "lost and broken" without him. 
Who wants that sh*t?
Isn't that a fkn selfish thing to want?

Would have been nice had he wanted me
to be happy, instead. 

AND HE KNEW WHAT WOULD HAVE
"MADE ME HAPPY."

BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T WANT MUCH.

IT WOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN MUCH. 
SOME ACKNOWLEDGEMENT?

GENUINE. JUST TO BE REAL, WITH ME. 
Y'KNOW?

NONE OF THAT FKN GARBAGE.

HE NEVER HAD TO BE LIKE THAT OR
DO ANY OF THAT, 
BUT THAT'S WHAT HE FKN CHOSE.

BUT TO WANT TO TRY TO BREAK SOMEONE?
WHO ACTUALLY WANTED TO BE WITH YOU?
WTF IS THAT SH*T?

AND TO JUST EXPECT ME TO TAKE THAT SH*T
AND THEN SWEEP IT UNDER THE CARPET
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED?

JUST BECAUSE I CAN TAKE A LOT OF SH*T
DOESN'T MEAN I SHOULD EVER
BE EXPECTED TO.

BECAUSE I COULD HAVE DONE ALL THAT SH*T
AND JUST EXPECTED HIM TO GET OVER IT.
FK THAT SH*T.

Besides HIS BS, there was HER BS.

Part of his BS was trying to make me jealous
of someone I'd never be jealous of. 
WHO WAS ACTUALLY JEALOUS OF ME
OR SHE'D JUST P*SS ALL THE WAY OFF.
BECAUSE SHE'D HE NO REASON
TO BE READING MY MESSAGES TO HIM ETC. 

AND HOW MANY TIMES DID I THINK I WAS
TALKING TO HIM?
COULD HAVE BEEN HER!
PRETENDING TO BE HIM!
BECAUSE SHE WAS ALL OVER HIS ACCOUNT'S MESSAGES
FROM ME. 

HE BROUGHT THAT FKN DRAMA AROUND ME. 
HE NEVER HAD TO. HE CHOSE TO. 

AND AM I SUPPOSED TO RESPECT THAT? 
WHY WOULD I?

She had to try to get at me somehow, through him. 
Otherwise, there was no reason and no way she could. 

SHE USED HIM TO TRY TO COME AT ME. 
AND IT WASN'T FKN HARD. 

THAT BOTHERS ME. 

BECAUSE I WOULDN'T HAVE
AND DON'T DO THAT SH*T.

NOT JUST BECAUSE THERE'S NO NEED FOR IT, 
BUT WHY WOULD I?

I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO!

THINGS I COULD HAVE BEEN DOING!
OTHER THAN WASTING MY TIME
ON ANYONE WHO NEVER APPRECIATED ME.

It bothers me, but not as p*ssed about it as I was. 

IF HE WANTS TO BE THERE FOR THE WRONG REASONS, 
HE CAN BE THERE.

SHE WANTED TO USE HIM. THAT'S IT.
BECAUSE SHE HAS.

THE WHOLE TIME. 
IT WASN'T HARD TO SEE. 

SHE TRIED TO CONTROL ME, TOO. FFS.

I FKN TOLD HIM. 

BUT YOU TRY TO TELL HIM FKN ANYTHING... 
DOESN'T WANT TO LISTEN!

SO WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE WITH
SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T FKN LISTEN?

JUST TO HEAR MYSELF?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SHE WAS READING MY MESSAGES?
TO TRY TO "STUDY" ME. 
TO TRY TO BE "LIKE" ME. 

THAT FKN JEALOUS. 
WANTED HIS MONEY. 

WANTED TO MAKE IT SEEM
LIKE I WAS THE "ISSUE."

TF DID I EVER WANT FROM HIM?
TF DID I EVER "DO" TO TRY TO GET SOMETHING?

ANYTHING?

EVEN TELLING THE TRUTH
NEVER GOT ME THE RESPECT I DESERVED. 

IT WAS A PLOY, THE WHOLE THING. 
BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN "GAME OVER"
IF HER MANIPULATION NEVER WORKED, 
MAYBE HE WOULD HAVE WOKEN UP?

But even IF HE EVER DOES, TOO LATE. 
ALREADY DID WHAT HE DID. 

YOU LET SOMEONE SUCK YOU DRY, 
EVEN WHEN SOMEONE IS TELLING YOU... 

AND THEY ARE TELLING YOU, WHY?
WHY ARE THE TELLING YOU?

BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO SEE IT!

BUT IF YOU REFUSE TO SEE IT, 
YOU WON'T FKN SEE IT!

AND ONLY SO MANY TIMES I WILL EVEN TRY TO... 

BUT TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT?
FOR SOMEONE WHO TREATED THEM LIKE THAT?

EXCUSE ME FOR NOT WANTING THAT.

The worst part is telling someone they are a PAWN
IN A FKN GAME
AND THEM STILL TURNING AGAINST YOU. 

A PAWN TO TURN AGAINST ME. 

TO PUSH US APART
BY PEOPLE WHO WANTED THAT. 

BECAUSE THEY COULD ONLY USE HIM
IF I WASN'T AROUND TO 
MAKE HIM SEE THAT THEY WERE. 100%.

They used him TO use him. 

But the whole time... I'm the real one. 

AND REAL PEOPLE ARE FKN RARE. 
THEY WALK AWAY AND DON'T FKN COME BACK. 

DO THEY HAVE TO? NO?
SO WHY WOULD THEY?

They don't have to stay for EVEN MORE BS. 
THEY DON'T HAVE TO GO BACK FOR MORE BS.
SO WHY WOULD THEY? WHY WOULD I?

AND THAT'S WHAT SOME PEOPLE
DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND ABOUT ME. 

IS IT MY FAULT THEY DON'T?

BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE
I'VE BEEN HONEST ABOUT THAT.

I'M PRETTY SURE I SHOULDN'T FKN HAVE TO SAY IT, EVEN.
BECAUSE THAT SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING. 

OR TRYING TO "EXPLAIN" TO PEOPLE
WHO "REFUSE" TO LISTEN 
AND WANT TO ACT LIKE A SH*T. PERPETUALLY.

FK WASTING MY TIME TRYING TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING
TO ANYONE. 

ESPECIALLY SH*T THEY SHOULD ALREADY FKN KNOW!

THE THING WITH PEOPLE WHO WERE TRYING TO "MAKE" ME
FEEL/ACT INSECURE IS THAT THEY DIDN'T REALIZE

THAT I REALIZED THAT I NEVER FKN HAD TO!

AND REALIZING THAT MEANS THAT I DON'T HAVE TO!
SO WHY WOULD I IF I DON'T HAVE TO?

I SAW, A WHILE BACK, THAT THEY WERE DOING IT
TO TRY TO MAKE ME REACT
SO THEY COULD TRY TO JUSTIFY THEIR BS
TO EVERYONE AND ANYONE

"SEE? THAT'S WHY I XYZ!"

If you PUSH SOME TO REACT AND THEY DON'T... 
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOU?
WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT THE ONE
YOU COULDN'T PUSH TO REACT?

"I'LL P*SS HER OFF SO BAD THAT SHE'LL GO NUTS.
THEN, EVERYONE WILL SEE HOW "CRAZY" SHE IS..."

WELP, DID I ATTACK HIM? DID I ATTACK HER? 
COULD I HAVE? YEAH.

BUT WHY "PROVE" A POINT ANYONE WAS TRYING TO MAKE
ABOUT ME?

BY LETTING THEM LIVE IN THEIR MESS, 
I'M PROVING THE POINT THAT THEY WANTED THAT SH*T.
I DIDN'T AND NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THAT SH*T. 
THEY KNEW THIS. 

What also bugs me are people "smiling in my face"
and talking about me behind my back... 

BUT INSTEAD OF GETTING P*SSED OFF... 
I JUST LET THEM TALK!

IT WASN'T A GAME TO ME. 
IT WASN'T A GAME TO "WIN."

IT'S MY LIFE SOME PEOPLE TRIED TO PLAY WITH. 
THEY TRIED ME. TO PLAY ME. 
AND THEY SEE I DON'T FKN PLAY!
I JUST WALK AWAY!
RIGHTFULLY SO!

WHY WOULDN'T I?
AND IF THEY DIDN'T WANT ME TO, 
THEY SHOULD HAVE FKN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT!