Broken Windows Again

At least a couple of months ago... 
I went downstairs and all the windows
in the front doors were all busted. 

Today, a couple of the windows were busted. 
They had them replaced fast, the last time. 

Had them fixed the next day.

Just... WTF?! 

Do you know what it makes me think about?

When I was in college, I had a class
called "Interview & Investigations."

The professor had actually been a cop. 
Not at the time he was teaching us, but he had been. 

He actually brought real case files to class. 

The one case... A guy was trying to get at a guy
who was inside an apartment. In this city. 

The apartment building had glass in the doors, like this one... 

The guy wouldn't let him in... Why would he?
He didn't fkn have to!

But the guy wanted AT him.
I forget why... 

Anyway, the dude in the apartment had weapons.
He had at least one gun and a sh*t ton of ammo... 

So when the guy went and BUSTED THE DOOR DOWN, 
TO TRY TO COME AT HIM... 

ACTUALLY BUSTED HIS DOOR DOWN... 
ACTUALLY CAME AT HIM... 

THE GUY HAD A GUN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR...

SO THE GUY WHO WAS COMING AT HIM... 
ABOUT TO ATTACK HIM... 
SAW HE HAD A GUN
AND HE TURNED AROUND TO BOLT OUT OF THERE...

WASN'T WORTH IT ALL OF A SUDDEN.
WITH A GUN POINTED AT HIM... 

HE GOT SHOT. IN THE BACK. DIED.

HE TURNED AS THE GUY FIRED AT HIM, 
BUT HE HAD ALREADY TURNED AND WAS
ABOUT TO RETREAT AND LEAVE... 

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SELF-DEFENSE.

THE GUY LITERALLY BROKE DOWN HIS DOOR. 

IN THE U.S: THAT MIGHT BE A GROUND FOR SELF-DEFENSE.

HERE, IT WAS A M*RD*R CHARGE, 
BECAUSE THE "THREAT" WAS "OVER"
AS SOON AS HE SAW THE GUN AND TRIED TO LEAVE.

But any buiding that just has glass in the doors... 
THOSE BUILDING CAN BE BROKEN INTO. 

JUST LIKE THAT GUY JUST BUSTED THE GLASS
AND LET HIMSELF IN. 

IT'S FKN WILD. 

Anyway, I think about that. 
That's what it makes me think of. 

And all the sh*t that happens in this city that doesn't
"make the news"
and stuff that does? Does everyone watch the news?

CANADIANS CAN'T SHARE NEWS ON FACEBOOK!
IT'S AN ACTUAL FKN LAW
THAT'S INCONSTITUTIONAL. 

FREEDOM OF SPEECH SHOULD ALSO APPLY
TO WHAT YOU CAN POST ON FACEBOOK. 

ESPECIALLY NEWS. 

IF IT'S "REAL NEWS," WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

Anyway, it bugs me. 
SHOULDN'T WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW
AND BE MADE AWARE
OF WHAT'S GOING ON IN OUR OWN COUNTRY?

WHEN DID THE FKN CENSORSHIP REALLY START?
OR DID IT EVER END?

Those cases were wild. Crazy because they are true.

My neighbor's been talking about another neighbor being mad at him. 

What happened was the guy's girlfriend was on the 6th floor... 
At around 3am, outside his door, being loud. 

Her boyfriend lives on the 20th floor. 
She had no reason to be on the 6th floor... 

Anyway, he called security to have her removed
or dealt with... By them... 

SO THAT HE COULD TRY TO GO BACK TO SLEEP....
IT WAS 3AM IN THE MORNING... 

SO NOW THE GUY'S P*SSED OFF THAT
HE CALLED SECURITY
ON HIS GIRLFRIEND. 

He said to me: "He doesn't do anything himself.
He gets someone else to do it."

I asked him what he meant... 

"Someone to "jump" me or try to st@b me or something."

I hope the guy gets kicked out. 
I always got bad vibes from him. 

I usually don't wish that on anyone, 
I just wish him well SOMEWHERE ELSE, AWAY FROM ME.

HE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND CAN JUST
CONTINUE TO BE LOST CAUSES TOGETHER, 
JUST... AWAY FROM HERE.
IDEALLY. 

The guy who ripped M off tried talking to me
at the Halloween party... 

I was 'cordial' with him because that wasn't the time or place... 
TO LIGHT HIM UP FOR WHAT HE DID.
M TRUSTED HIM. 

TO EVEN TAKE CARE OF HIS DOG, 
HIS HOME, EVERYTHING... 
WHILE HE WAS RECOVERING
IN THE HOSPITAL
FROM ALMOST DYING... 

HE STOLE OVER $4K FROM HIM
WHILE HE WAS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE
IN THE HOSPITAL... 

AND CHUCKED STUFF OF HIS OFF HIS BALCONY FFS.
AND STOLE HIS STUFF OUT OF HIS PLACE
AND SOLD IT
WHILE HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FFS.

AND THE GUY WAS TRYING TO TALK TO ME ALL NICE...
LIKE I HADN'T HEARD ALL ABOUT THAT SH*T... 

SO I DIDN'T LIGHT HIM UP. 
I WAS WITH MY SON AT A PARTY. 
WHY RUIN THE PARTY?
OVER HIS BS?!

NOT SOMEONE I WANT TO TALK TO OR BE AROUND. 
IF SOMEONE WHO TRUSTED YOU
COULDN'T FKN TRUST YOU
NOT TO DO THEM DIRTY LIKE THAT, 
HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST YOU
OR EVEN WANT TO TRUST YOU?
OR WANT TO BE AROUND YOU?
OR WANT TO TALK TO YOU?

So he was all like "I haven't seen you around in a long time...."
WHY WOULD YOU SEE ME AROUND?

1) WHY WOULD I BE AROUND SOMEONE LIKE THAT?
2) I HAVE SH*T I WANT TO DO THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE ANYONE.

SO EXUSE ME WHILE I SPEND MY TIME DOING THAT.
AWAY FROM EVERYONE
WHO IT DOESN'T INVOLVE.
JUST FOR MYSELF. 

SHOULDN'T I BE ALLOWED TO?
WHO AM I BOTHERING?
PEOPLE WHO ARE JEALOUS?
THAT I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN SOME SH*T
AND DO SOME SH*T
THAT THEY DIDN'T?

Time's really important to Capricorns. 
BECAUSE IT'S A TOOL. 

WE CAN EITHER WASTE IT, OR USE IT. 
AND THAT IS A CHOICE!

BUT I DON'T WANT TO WASTE MY TIME. 
I'M NOT GETTING YOUNGER. 

THAT'S WHEN IT COMES TO STUFF I WANT TO DO. 

BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT
UNLESS I JUST FKN DO IT. Y'KNOW?

AND CAN I 'RELY' ON ANYONE TO DO FKN ANYTHING FOR ME?
EVEN PEOPLE I'VE DONE A LOT FOR? NO. 

WHO'S ACTUALLY LOYAL TO ME? ME!
IF YOU'RE NOT LOYAL TO YOURSELF,
WHO ARE YOU LOYAL TO?

The only reason I turned my back on mirror smasher
WAS HE FKN DID THAT SH*T TO ME
BY BEING A SH*T TO ME. 

Had he not, I would still be in his corner. 
I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HIM... 

BUT WHO IS THERE FOR ME?
SHOULDN'T I BE THERE FOR ME?

SHOULDN'T I SHOW UP FOR MYSELF?

I HAD HIS BACK WHEN NOBODY DID
AND HE TRIED TO FKN BREAK ME. 

SO WHY TF WOULD I TRUST HIM AGAIN?

He showed me what he can't unshow me. 
I can't unsee that sh*t. 

AND IF HE DIDN'T WANT ME TO SEE HIM
LIKE THAT, OR LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT... 

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO ACT LIKE THAT.
OR FKN BE LIKE THAT. 

HE HAD CHANCES NOT TO XYZ. 
ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS NOT XYZ!!!!!

THAT'S ALL ANYONE HAD TO FKN DO!!!!!
JUST NOT FKN XYZ!!!!!! OKAY?!

THEY WANTED ME NOT TO FKN XYZ!!!!!
PRETTY SURE THEY COULD TRUST ME NOT TO!!!!

SO TRUSTING THEM NOT TO, THOUGH.... 

I'm not even as fkn p*ssed off as I was.
JUST DEEPLY FKN DISAPPOINTED. 

YES, I EXPECTED BETTER THAN THIS SH*T. 

THEY WANTED BETTER THAN THAT SH*T, FROM ME.
CORRECT?

AND HAD THAT SH*T BEEN COMING FROM ME?

AND TO DO ALL THAT SH*T TO ME
TO GET ST@BBED IN THE BACK
BY SOMEONE I TOLD THEM, WOULD, 
BECAUSE THEY'VE ST@BBED THEM, BEFORE... 

But... C'mon! HAD HE FKN LISTENED TO ME... 
AND NOT CAUSED HIS OWN FKN MESS... 
WHERE COULD HE BE, TODAY?

WHERE COULD HE BE IN A FEW YEARS FROM NOW?
NOT ON MY TIMELINE. 

When you don't have the depth or maturity to even see past yourself... 
THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS YOU'LL MISS. 
AND MISS OUT ON. 

WHEN SOMEONE ONLY WANTED TO FKN GROW
WITH YOU.... 
THEY'LL GROW WITHOUT YOU. 
DESPITE YOU.

EVEN FKN OUTGROW YOU. 

ESPECIALLY WHEN EVERYTHING YOU COULD HAVE
OPENED YOUR EYES TO SEE.... 
YOU REFUSED TO SEE... 

EVERYTHING THAT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE... 

THOSE OPPORTUNITIES CAN WALK AWAY.
AND NEVER RETURN.

I really don't fkn see him the same. 
HE CHOSE TO SHOW ME WHAT HE SHOWED ME. 

WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU, BELIEVE THEM.
THE FIRST TIME.

INSTEAD OF BELIEVING HIM, THE FIRST TIME... 
AND WALKED TF AWAY AFTER THE FIRST "ROUND" OF BS... 

I CHOSE TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE
TO SHOW ME WHAT HE COULD HAVE SHOWN ME
THE FIRST FKN TIME.

THAT HE REFUSED TO SHOW ME. 

SO WHY SHOULD I FKN GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE?
HE ALREADY HAD IT. 

SHOULD HAVE APPRECIATED IT MORE, ME MORE, 
BUT FUNNY HOW SOMEONE WHO LETS PEOPLE
WALK ALL OVER HIM AND USE HIM
AND FEELS UNAPPRECIATED.... 
FUNNY HOW THEY DID THAT SH*T TO ME.
AND WANTED ME TO "CHASE"
WHEN THERE WAS NO FKN POINT
WHEN HE'D NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE
ANYTHING HE EVER DID
TO RUIN THE CHANCES I DID GIVE HIM... 

But I'm at the point that the truth could light him up
so much more than I ever could. 

Everything he has to deal with, without me
can light him up so much more than I ever could. 

Yeah, I was p*ssed. Because I felt betrayed. 
I NEVER THOUGHT HE'D FKN DO THAT SH*T. 

ESPECIALLY AFTER GIVING HIM ANOTHER CHANCE. 
JUST NOT TO FKN DO XYZ.

JUST FKN NOT TO!

BUT I REQUIRED "MORE" FROM HIM. 
FKN RIGHT I DID. 

HE SHOULD HAVE REQUIRED MORE FROM HIMSELF. 
IF HE DID, NO PROBLEM!
NOTHING TO BE UPSET ABOUT!

BUT DO NOT COME FKN CRYING TO ME
WHEN SOMEONE ST@BS YOU IN THE BACK.
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU REALIZE
THAT I NEVER WOULD HAVE!!!!

BECAUSE IT IS A SLAP IN THE FACE! TO ME!
JUST LIKE EVEN FKN DOING THAT SH*T IS, TO ME!

AND I'M A "HANDFUL" BECAUSE I REQUIRE RESPECT?
RESPONSIBILITY? ACKNOWLEDGEMENT?

SOME AFFECTION WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL, THOUGH... 

BUT LIVING A LIFE WITHOUT THE ENERGY
I COULD HAVE HAD... FROM THE RIGHT PERSON, 

WHO WASN'T TOO... WHATEVER... TO SEE IT... 

GOT ME USED TO NOT HAVING IT. 

SURE, NICE TO HAVE... 

BUT HAVEN'T I SURVIVED?
SO DO I EVEN NEED THAT?

Wanted it, yeah... A DEEP, MEANINGFUL, CONNECTION.

BUT A DISTRACTION FROM MY GOALS?
WHY WOULD I DERAIL MYSELF?
I'M JUST GETTING MYSELF BACK ON TRACK....