To my new place, and I'll be able to start moving in.
Having an overlap of 4 days really helps.
Just to make the MOST of those 4 days...
I switched to voip for my phone,
but if the internet goes down
FOR ANY REASON,
SO DOES MY PHONE.
Yeah, I get EVERYONE has a cellphone, NOW
because it's 2025 etc.
I have one, but when I try to charge it,
it just turns on and off.
It's fooked.
I'd like to get one of my older ones
working again.
It was cool because it has a gps feature.
When I was crossing the country,
to visit my ex,
I could just press a button or whatever
and it would ping google maps somehow
so he could literally see where I was
and he could see, in real-time
me getting closer and closer.
Most of that trip, I didn't know where I was,
unless the bus stopped at some rest stop.
Or stopped at a bus terminal.
It was an 80 hour trip, one way.
Transferred 6 times.
If I fkd up even ONE
of those transfers,
I WOULD BE STUCK OUT THERE.
SINCE I AM HAVING A HARD TIME
EVEN GETTING HELP TO MOVE,
WHO WOULD HAVE COME LOOKING FOR ME?
WHO WOULD HAVE HAD MY BACK
IF I GOT STRANDED?
I'd have to walk back from somewhere
LIKE SUDBURY.
"JUST HAVE TO DO IT." FFS.
So yeah, that's not something
that you want to fk up.
I almost got stuck in Sudbury, actually.
I dropped my TICKET
under my seat
as I got off the bus.
Good thing I realized,
and the guys who were on the bus
I chilled with at the rest stops
and talked with on the bus
SAID TO ASK THE DRIVER
OF THE BUS WE GOT OFF OF
IF HE'D LET ME CHECK FOR MY TICKET.
THANKFULLY, HE DID.
It was right under my seat.
AND HE COULD HAVE DRIVEN OFF WITH IT.
AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOOKED.
Anyway, that phone was a good phone.
I want to get that one fixed.
I can't even download most apps because
THE PHONE IS TOO OUTDATED
TO SUPPORT THEM.
Not that I use many apps, anyway.
It bugs me trying to use those phones.
I'd rather use a laptop than anything.
It is weird going out in public places
and you see like 98% of people
ON THEIR PHONES.
It's like people on the bus,
they can't even look out the window
or look around them.
I had to tap a guy on the foot
to get his attention
that a lady was getting on the bus
with a stroller and to move
so she could sit at the front
and have room for her stroller & baby.
He was just zoned out
looking at his phone.
I've got a knitting meeting tomorrow.
It'll be a "break" from "this stuff"
For a couple of hours.
I don't know whether or not
to ask for some help
or ask for suggestions
at the very least...
But it's like: When I have...
Who's been there?
EVEN THE PEOPLE
WHO FREAKING SAID THEY WOULD.
WHERE ARE THEY?
"Just have to do it."
So I should say that to them?
When they are struggling?
But do they struggle
when all they have to do
IS REACH OUT TO SOMEONE
AND THEY GET THE HELP THEY NEED?
And THEY TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED.
Because they don't know what it's like
NOT TO HAVE PEOPLE IN YOUR CORNER.
I get that at least one of my friends is too busy
studying for his exam.
OTHERWISE HE'D HELP.
At least he asks me how things are going.
Tries to offer some
constructive criticism
EVEN WHEN THAT'S NOT
WHAT I WAS ASKING FOR.
But moral support
AND JUST LISTENING
Are appreciated,
just seems that too many people
DON'T SEEM TO "GET"
WHAT I'M SAYING
OR EVEN WHY I WAS SAYING IT
OR HOW I FKN FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING.
PROBABLY HOW THEY'D FEEL.
Not that much to "get" about THAT, you'd think.
But it just seems that some people
WANT TO TRY TO TEST ME
SO THEY PUSH AND PUSH AND PUSH
UNTIL THEY CAN GO FK THEMSELVES.
If someone's GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO FKN HELP YOU,
DON'T PUSH THEM TO THE POINT
THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO, ANYMORE.
That should make sense, right?
BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE RIGHT
TO STOP HELPING YOU
AND NOT TO WANT TO HELP YOU
OR DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, EVER AGAIN.
And to try to TREAT ME LIKE I DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT?
That's what p*sses me off.
AFTER EVERYTHING,
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO RETRACT
ANY OFFERS OR OPPORTUNITIES
I ONCE GAVE
AND WAS ONCE WILLING TO GIVE.
Not so hard to understand that.
Shouldn't be.
IF I DID ANY OF THOSE THINGS,
I couldn't and shouldn't be surprised
IF ANYONE WHO WAS HELPING ME
OR WILLING TO HELP ME
STOPPED WANTING TO HELP ME.
But was I the one doing those things?
OR DID I JUST GET BLAMED
FOR THEIR BS
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T TAKE THE BLAME
FOR THEIR BS?
It's either they "can't" or don't want to.
EASIER TO GET MAD AT ME
FOR ME WANTING THEM TO DO THAT.
THAN TO JUST DO THAT.
Because they could have just DONE THAT.
WITHOUT ME HAVING TO SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
They don't like to hear it, from me.
SOMEONE "BENEATH" THEM
TELLING THEM "HOW TF IT IS."
AND HOW TF IT'S GOING TO BE,
FROM HERE ON, OUT.
Because they had their chances
TO SHOW ME THEY KNOW
HOW TO DO THAT.
JUST THAT.
I'm not talking about riding unicycles.
I'm talking about just
TAKING THE BLAME
FOR THEIR OWN SH*T.
AND NOT TRYING TO PUT
THAT SH*T ON ME.
WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG.
And they expect me to just "take that?"
Nope, MAKE A*** RESPONSIBLE
TO WHAT I THINK, DO, SAY,
HOW I ACT, ETC
INSTEAD OF JUST WHAT?
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT!!!!!
Because IF THEY TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT
MAYBE THEY'D THINK, SPEAK, ACT
FKN DIFFERENTLY
BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T
TRY TO USE ME AS AN EXCUSE
FOR THEIR SH*T!!!!!!!!!
If anyone HAS THE RIGHT TO BE P*SSED
IT'S ME!!!!!!!
I literally had to CLEAN UP STALE P*SS FFS.
WOULD ANYONE BE IMPRESSED WITH ME
IF THEY HAD TO CLEAN UP MY STALE P*SS?
IF I WAS TREATING THEM
LIKE THEY WASN'T LETTING ME
USE THE BATHROOM
WHEN IT WAS RIGHT ACROSS THE FKN HALL?
WHY WOULDN'T I LET
ANYONE USE THE BATHROOM?
JUST BECAUSE I'M P*SSED OFF?
A***'s p*ssed
THAT I'M TREATING HER LIKE THIS.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T DO IT.
Does that cross their mind, though?
OR DO THEY TRY TO BLAME ME
FOR THEIR SH*T?
THE REASONS I'M EVEN P*SSED
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
OR DO THEY TRY TO ACT
LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED?
WHICH IS PRETTY FKN INSULTING.
TO SAY THE LEAST.
Oh, I shouldn't have xyz.
Maybe I should have abc.
BUT WHEN I'M ALREADY P*SSED ABOUT IT.
BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
NOT TO XYZ.
AND YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT
IF I DID XYZ.
THAT'S WHY I DON'T XYZ!!!!
Anyway, I've said it a billion times, by now.
WILL SAYING IT A BILLION MORE
ACTUALLY CHANGE ANYTHING?
ABOUT ANYONE'S SH*T?
EMBARRASS THEM?
WHEN IT SHOULD BE FKN EMBARRASSING.
To be about THAT SH*T
LIKE IT'S THE 5TH FKN GRADE
ON AUTO REPEAT FFS.
But when someone slams the door
IN THEIR OWN FACE
HOW MANY TIMES
DO YOU HAVE TO LET THEM
KEEP DOING IT?
Because ONCE should be enough.
ONE choice.
To fk it up by being a sh*thead
OR to actually grow the fk up
AND REALIZE
I HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO WANT TO:
HAVE ANY CONVERSATIONS
THAT ALWAYS TURN INTO FIGHTS
OR ARGUMENTS
ABOUT BS.
WHEN IT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN
A FKN CONVERSATION
BETWEEN WHO?
DOES ANYONE ELSE
NEED TO BE INVOLVED?
OR IS IT ANY OF THEIR BUSINESS?
And when I DON'T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE
BECAUSE TALKING
WAS MADE INTO
SUCH A FKN HASSLE
THAT IT'S POINTLESS
AND A WASTE OF MY TIME
WHO DO THEY HAVE TO THANK FOR THAT?
But SOMEHOW that's MY fault.
BUT I'M A B*TCH FOR NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT?
I'M A B*TCH FOR NOT ACCEPTING OR WANTING IT?
I'M A B*TCH FOR TELLING THE TRUTH?
I'M A B*TCH BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
IS UP TO YOU? NOT ME?
I'M A B*TCH FOR NOT TOLERATING BS?
ARE YOU A B*TCH IF YOU DON'T TOLERATE IT,
EITHER?
IF YOU TELL THE TRUTH
WHETHER THEY WANT TO HEAR IT OR NOT
FOR NOT MAKING WHAT IS ABOUT THEM
ABOUT YOU?
But I'm a b*tch for having the right to be "LIVID"
About all kinds of fked up BS?
And "See? You're stupid! What you're saying
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"
WHAT KIND OF GASLIGHTING GARBAGE
IS THAT SH*T?
For two, are you fk 10 YEARS OLD?
OR SOMETHING? WTF.
And if it was coming from ME, though...
BUT IS IT? IS MY POINT.
WOULD YOU WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME
WITH THAT SH*T? from ME?
Wasting time JUST FKN BEING ABOUT THAT SH*T.
BECAUSE THERE ARE A BILLION TIMES A BILLION
OTHER THINGS ANYONE COULD BE DOING
THAN BEING ABOUT THAT BS.
SO... WHY BE ABOUT IT?
Are they "getting something out of it"?
STROKING THEIR EGOS
BECAUSE THEY "NEED" THAT?
SOME ATTEMPT AT A "POWER GRAB"?
Naw, you don't ASSUME SH*T
AND START SH*T
OR TRY TO BE ABOUT ANY SH*T
AND EXPECT ME TO HAVE RESPECT
FOR THAT SH*T.
because there are a billion times a billion
THINGS I COULD BE DOING
THAN EVEN ENTERTAINING
ANY OF THAT SH*T.
THAT'S WHY
I DON'T DO IT ANYMORE.
And if anyone doesn't like it,
IS THAT ANY OF MY CONCERN?
MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE
RETHOUGHT THEIR WHOLE STRATEGY.
RETHOUGHT HOW THEY ACTED
WHEN THEY ASSUMED SOMETHING
THAT ISN'T TRUE.
THE THINGS THEY DID
THEY HAD NO RIGHT TO DO.
THE THINGS I DID,
I WAS WITHIN MY RIGHT TO DO.
I have a right not to have that sh*t
in my house, in my LIFE.
Why would I want that?
PEOPLE ASSUMING SH*T ABOUT ME
AND THEN THINK THEY CAN TRY TO
TREAT ME HOWEVER
AND WHEN I DO IT RIGHT BACK
THEY DON'T LIKE IT?
Should come as no surprise!
Should I be surprised? If I acted like that?
If I chose to be about that sh*t,
SHOULD I BE SURPRISED
IF SOMEONE CHOSE
NOT TO WASTE THEIR TIME?
DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD
IF THEY HAVE A RIGHT
TO NOT WASTE THEIR TIME?
One video I saw... A dude rejected a female
AND SHE FLIPS OUT
LIKE SHE WAS ENTITLED TO THE GUY'S
ATTENTION OR SOMETHING.
He was making a video about it. How she acted.
She asked him if HE wanted HER number
AND HE SAID NO.
The dude HAS A RIGHT NOT TO WANT IT.
But she flipped out because the dude
DIDN'T WANT HER PHONE NUMBER.
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO
MAKE HIM WANT IT?
ACTING LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T?
That's how I get treated
WHEN I DON'T WANT ANYONE'S SH*T
AND HAVE A RIGHT NOT TO WANT IT.
I get treated AS THOUGH I AM SUPPOSED TO
JUST ACCEPT IT FSS.
Should I be going around
LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO?
FROM ME?
OR AM I TELLING THEM?
And WHEN I SHOW IT RIGHT BACK
THEY DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!!
Makes them "MAD"
THAT I HAVE A RIGHT
NOT TO "LIKE" IT EITHER.
THAT I HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS
AS THEY DO.
THAT'S WHY I'M NOT DOING XYZ.
Because they have the same rights as I do.
RIGHTS THAT COULD HAVE
JUST BEEN RESPECTED
FROM THE VERY START.
BUT WERE NOT.
Because why would anyone respect MY rights? Eh?
THEY JUST EXPECT ME TO RESPECT THEIRS.
AND SEEM TO TAKE FOR GRANTED
THAT I EVEN DO THAT.
But it bothers me, to be treated
AS THOUGH I DON'T HAVE
THE SAME RIGHTS AS THEM.
BECAUSE I FKN DO.
AND MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE
TREATED ME AS THOUGH I DO.
If I can show them a level OF CIVILITY
WHEN I HAVE EVERY RIGHT
TO BE "LIVID,"
I'm extending A COURTESY
THAT I DON'T EVEN OWE THEM.
Shouldn't I be shown CIVILITY?
AND EXTENDED THE SAME COURTESY?
IN RETURN?
But JUST BECAUSE
THAT'D ONLY BE "FAIR,"
DOESN'T MEAN ANYONE
AND EVERYONE
WILL SEE WHY
BEING FAIR IS ONLY FAIR.
And being fair means acknowledging
PEOPLE'S RIGHTS
ARE THE SAME AS YOURS.
AND YOURS ARE THE SAME AS THEIRS
WHETHER THEY WANT TO ACT LIKE IT
OR NOT.
I don't like to even make these points, y'know?
BECAUSE THESE THINGS
SHOULD ALREADY BE UNDERSTOOD.
WELL UNDERSTOOD.
AND I WOULDN'T KEEP SEEING THIS.
AND I'M ONLY SEEING THIS,
BECAUSE?
I guess it isn't well understood?
I have to point these things out?
AND BE A "B*TCH" FOR DOING IT?
BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T WANT ME TO?
Well, if it shouldn't be pointed out,
it shouldn't be there
TO POINT OUT.
And maybe I shouldn't
BE SO HARSH WHEN I DO IT,
BUT I TRY THE NICE APPROACH FIRST.
BECAUSE THAT'S ALL IT SHOULD TAKE.
JUST A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT.
But it makes people feel stupid, maybe
For having to be told. By me, especially.
Someone they say this sh*t to:
"See? You're stupid! Nothing you say makes sense."
Problem is, it makes too much sense.
AND IF IT DOESN'T,
THAT IS THE ISSUE.
THE ISSUE THAT IS NOT MY JOB
TO CORRECT.
ESPECIALLY IF ANYONE'S TRYING TO
"MAKE" ME "SEEM" "STUPID"
FOR "NOT" "MAKING SENSE."
And the thing is that THEY DO THAT SH*T
THINKING THAT IT'S GOING TO WORK
ON ME.
AND WHEN IT DOESN'T
BECAUSE THAT SH*T....
WTF IS THAT SH*T?
THEY GET MAD LOL.
TOO BAD LOL.
Shouldn't have tried to play me, fkr.
That's where I'm at.
Trying to "make" me "seem" ANYTHING.
All because he didn't want to just
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR HIS OWN CHOICES.
And my choice is to not want
anything to do with certain people
WHO TRY TO PULL THAT SH*T
THINKING IT'S GOING TO WORK ON ME.
And then HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY
LIKE I'M SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE?
LIKE YOU NEVER STUCK A KNIFE
IN MY BACK
THINKING THAT I'D
DO THAT TO YOU?
And when you REALIZE THAT ONE FKN DAY...
YOU WILL SEE HOW MUCH TIME
ON BOTH SIDES
GOT WASTED
FOR NOTHING.
All because you wanted to choose THAT.
If THAT is all you know...
YOU SHOULD WANT TO KNOW BETTER
THAN THAT.
"All I know is how to insult A***
WHENEVER I GET MAD
BECAUSE I THINK SOMETHING
AND DON'T ASK HER.
AND DON'T LISTEN TO HER.
AND ACT STUPID
TRYING TO "MAKE" HER "SEEM" "STUPID"
AND WASTE HER TIME ON MY BS.
THAT'S ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO.
OTHERWISE, I'D MAKE IT EASY FOR HER
TO HAVE UNINTERRUPTED
CONVERSATIONS.
WITH ME.
SO I CAN COMPREHEND
WHERE TF I'M GOING WRONG.
WITH HER."
And anyone want to guess
WHY THAT KIND OF A GUY
ISN'T SOMEONE
I EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH
LET ALONE ANYTHING MORE?
It's like EXCUSE ME
FOR HAVING EXPECTATIONS
PUT ON ME
THAT I CAN'T EXPECT OF YOU. FFS.
Because up until the point
THAT I STOPPED GIVING A FK
I DID LISTEN, I DID CARE
I DID SHOW UP, I WAS THERE.
AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL
FOR THE SAME,
IN RETURN.
But nobody wants to talk about why A***
might stop giving a fk.
"Suddenly."
Because she did, didn't she?
But I'm the "b*tch"
because all I get is
"See? You're stupid! Nothing you say makes sense"
If what I'm saying doesn't make any sense,
am I the one who's "stupid"?
Is it my job to understand it for anyone?
OR EVEN EXPLAIN IT?
Yet here I am, explaining it.
AND I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO!!!!
AND PEOPLE WOULD FKN ACT
LIKE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.
LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO ACT
LIKE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
EXPLAIN IT TO ME, RIGHT?
And if they HAD TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME,
I WOULDN'T BE EXPLAINING IT.
But my point is: IS IT MY JOB TO DO IT?
And they should really fkn thank me for doing it
WHEN I NEVER HAD TO
LITERALLY SPELL THINGS OUT
FOR ANYONE
TO REALIZE
SOME KEY THINGS
THAT SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE EXPLAINED.
And not only should they not need to be explained
IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS BS DAY IN / DAY OUT
WITH SOME PEOPLE
WHO SHOULD KNOW BY NOW.
And if they don't know, by now,
THEY WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION.
Because WHY would I even go OUT OF MY WAY?
To explain something that should just be
THAT FKN SIMPLE?
For the attention? No!
FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TRY TO
"MAKE" ME "SEEM" "STUPID"
TO MAYBE RETHINK
WHO THEY THINK
IS STUPID.
Okay, maybe a bit of that,
BUT IT'S ALSO FOR EVERYONE.
WHETHER WHOEVER WHO NEEDED IT
GOT THROUGH TO THEM...
Because WTF is that sh*t?
and it would ping google maps somehow
so he could literally see where I was
and he could see, in real-time
me getting closer and closer.
Most of that trip, I didn't know where I was,
unless the bus stopped at some rest stop.
Or stopped at a bus terminal.
It was an 80 hour trip, one way.
Transferred 6 times.
If I fkd up even ONE
of those transfers,
I WOULD BE STUCK OUT THERE.
SINCE I AM HAVING A HARD TIME
EVEN GETTING HELP TO MOVE,
WHO WOULD HAVE COME LOOKING FOR ME?
WHO WOULD HAVE HAD MY BACK
IF I GOT STRANDED?
I'd have to walk back from somewhere
LIKE SUDBURY.
"JUST HAVE TO DO IT." FFS.
So yeah, that's not something
that you want to fk up.
I almost got stuck in Sudbury, actually.
I dropped my TICKET
under my seat
as I got off the bus.
Good thing I realized,
and the guys who were on the bus
I chilled with at the rest stops
and talked with on the bus
SAID TO ASK THE DRIVER
OF THE BUS WE GOT OFF OF
IF HE'D LET ME CHECK FOR MY TICKET.
THANKFULLY, HE DID.
It was right under my seat.
AND HE COULD HAVE DRIVEN OFF WITH IT.
AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FOOKED.
Anyway, that phone was a good phone.
I want to get that one fixed.
I can't even download most apps because
THE PHONE IS TOO OUTDATED
TO SUPPORT THEM.
Not that I use many apps, anyway.
It bugs me trying to use those phones.
I'd rather use a laptop than anything.
It is weird going out in public places
and you see like 98% of people
ON THEIR PHONES.
It's like people on the bus,
they can't even look out the window
or look around them.
I had to tap a guy on the foot
to get his attention
that a lady was getting on the bus
with a stroller and to move
so she could sit at the front
and have room for her stroller & baby.
He was just zoned out
looking at his phone.
I've got a knitting meeting tomorrow.
It'll be a "break" from "this stuff"
For a couple of hours.
I don't know whether or not
to ask for some help
or ask for suggestions
at the very least...
But it's like: When I have...
Who's been there?
EVEN THE PEOPLE
WHO FREAKING SAID THEY WOULD.
WHERE ARE THEY?
"Just have to do it."
So I should say that to them?
When they are struggling?
But do they struggle
when all they have to do
IS REACH OUT TO SOMEONE
AND THEY GET THE HELP THEY NEED?
And THEY TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED.
Because they don't know what it's like
NOT TO HAVE PEOPLE IN YOUR CORNER.
I get that at least one of my friends is too busy
studying for his exam.
OTHERWISE HE'D HELP.
At least he asks me how things are going.
Tries to offer some
constructive criticism
EVEN WHEN THAT'S NOT
WHAT I WAS ASKING FOR.
But moral support
AND JUST LISTENING
Are appreciated,
just seems that too many people
DON'T SEEM TO "GET"
WHAT I'M SAYING
OR EVEN WHY I WAS SAYING IT
OR HOW I FKN FEEL ABOUT ANYTHING.
PROBABLY HOW THEY'D FEEL.
Not that much to "get" about THAT, you'd think.
But it just seems that some people
WANT TO TRY TO TEST ME
SO THEY PUSH AND PUSH AND PUSH
UNTIL THEY CAN GO FK THEMSELVES.
If someone's GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY
TO FKN HELP YOU,
DON'T PUSH THEM TO THE POINT
THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO, ANYMORE.
That should make sense, right?
BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE RIGHT
TO STOP HELPING YOU
AND NOT TO WANT TO HELP YOU
OR DO ANYTHING FOR YOU, EVER AGAIN.
And to try to TREAT ME LIKE I DON'T HAVE THAT RIGHT?
That's what p*sses me off.
AFTER EVERYTHING,
I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO RETRACT
ANY OFFERS OR OPPORTUNITIES
I ONCE GAVE
AND WAS ONCE WILLING TO GIVE.
Not so hard to understand that.
Shouldn't be.
IF I DID ANY OF THOSE THINGS,
I couldn't and shouldn't be surprised
IF ANYONE WHO WAS HELPING ME
OR WILLING TO HELP ME
STOPPED WANTING TO HELP ME.
But was I the one doing those things?
OR DID I JUST GET BLAMED
FOR THEIR BS
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T TAKE THE BLAME
FOR THEIR BS?
It's either they "can't" or don't want to.
EASIER TO GET MAD AT ME
FOR ME WANTING THEM TO DO THAT.
THAN TO JUST DO THAT.
Because they could have just DONE THAT.
WITHOUT ME HAVING TO SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
They don't like to hear it, from me.
SOMEONE "BENEATH" THEM
TELLING THEM "HOW TF IT IS."
AND HOW TF IT'S GOING TO BE,
FROM HERE ON, OUT.
Because they had their chances
TO SHOW ME THEY KNOW
HOW TO DO THAT.
JUST THAT.
I'm not talking about riding unicycles.
I'm talking about just
TAKING THE BLAME
FOR THEIR OWN SH*T.
AND NOT TRYING TO PUT
THAT SH*T ON ME.
WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG.
And they expect me to just "take that?"
Nope, MAKE A*** RESPONSIBLE
TO WHAT I THINK, DO, SAY,
HOW I ACT, ETC
INSTEAD OF JUST WHAT?
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT!!!!!
Because IF THEY TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT
MAYBE THEY'D THINK, SPEAK, ACT
FKN DIFFERENTLY
BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T
TRY TO USE ME AS AN EXCUSE
FOR THEIR SH*T!!!!!!!!!
If anyone HAS THE RIGHT TO BE P*SSED
IT'S ME!!!!!!!
I literally had to CLEAN UP STALE P*SS FFS.
WOULD ANYONE BE IMPRESSED WITH ME
IF THEY HAD TO CLEAN UP MY STALE P*SS?
IF I WAS TREATING THEM
LIKE THEY WASN'T LETTING ME
USE THE BATHROOM
WHEN IT WAS RIGHT ACROSS THE FKN HALL?
WHY WOULDN'T I LET
ANYONE USE THE BATHROOM?
JUST BECAUSE I'M P*SSED OFF?
A***'s p*ssed
THAT I'M TREATING HER LIKE THIS.
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T DO IT.
Does that cross their mind, though?
OR DO THEY TRY TO BLAME ME
FOR THEIR SH*T?
THE REASONS I'M EVEN P*SSED
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
OR DO THEY TRY TO ACT
LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED?
WHICH IS PRETTY FKN INSULTING.
TO SAY THE LEAST.
Oh, I shouldn't have xyz.
Maybe I should have abc.
BUT WHEN I'M ALREADY P*SSED ABOUT IT.
BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
NOT TO XYZ.
AND YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT
IF I DID XYZ.
THAT'S WHY I DON'T XYZ!!!!
Anyway, I've said it a billion times, by now.
WILL SAYING IT A BILLION MORE
ACTUALLY CHANGE ANYTHING?
ABOUT ANYONE'S SH*T?
EMBARRASS THEM?
WHEN IT SHOULD BE FKN EMBARRASSING.
To be about THAT SH*T
LIKE IT'S THE 5TH FKN GRADE
ON AUTO REPEAT FFS.
But when someone slams the door
IN THEIR OWN FACE
HOW MANY TIMES
DO YOU HAVE TO LET THEM
KEEP DOING IT?
Because ONCE should be enough.
ONE choice.
To fk it up by being a sh*thead
OR to actually grow the fk up
AND REALIZE
I HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO WANT TO:
HAVE ANY CONVERSATIONS
THAT ALWAYS TURN INTO FIGHTS
OR ARGUMENTS
ABOUT BS.
WHEN IT COULD HAVE BEEN
AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN
A FKN CONVERSATION
BETWEEN WHO?
DOES ANYONE ELSE
NEED TO BE INVOLVED?
OR IS IT ANY OF THEIR BUSINESS?
And when I DON'T WANT TO TALK ANYMORE
BECAUSE TALKING
WAS MADE INTO
SUCH A FKN HASSLE
THAT IT'S POINTLESS
AND A WASTE OF MY TIME
WHO DO THEY HAVE TO THANK FOR THAT?
But SOMEHOW that's MY fault.
BUT I'M A B*TCH FOR NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT?
I'M A B*TCH FOR NOT ACCEPTING OR WANTING IT?
I'M A B*TCH FOR TELLING THE TRUTH?
I'M A B*TCH BECAUSE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU
IS UP TO YOU? NOT ME?
I'M A B*TCH FOR NOT TOLERATING BS?
ARE YOU A B*TCH IF YOU DON'T TOLERATE IT,
EITHER?
IF YOU TELL THE TRUTH
WHETHER THEY WANT TO HEAR IT OR NOT
FOR NOT MAKING WHAT IS ABOUT THEM
ABOUT YOU?
But I'm a b*tch for having the right to be "LIVID"
About all kinds of fked up BS?
And "See? You're stupid! What you're saying
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"
WHAT KIND OF GASLIGHTING GARBAGE
IS THAT SH*T?
For two, are you fk 10 YEARS OLD?
OR SOMETHING? WTF.
And if it was coming from ME, though...
BUT IS IT? IS MY POINT.
WOULD YOU WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME
WITH THAT SH*T? from ME?
Wasting time JUST FKN BEING ABOUT THAT SH*T.
BECAUSE THERE ARE A BILLION TIMES A BILLION
OTHER THINGS ANYONE COULD BE DOING
THAN BEING ABOUT THAT BS.
SO... WHY BE ABOUT IT?
Are they "getting something out of it"?
STROKING THEIR EGOS
BECAUSE THEY "NEED" THAT?
SOME ATTEMPT AT A "POWER GRAB"?
Naw, you don't ASSUME SH*T
AND START SH*T
OR TRY TO BE ABOUT ANY SH*T
AND EXPECT ME TO HAVE RESPECT
FOR THAT SH*T.
because there are a billion times a billion
THINGS I COULD BE DOING
THAN EVEN ENTERTAINING
ANY OF THAT SH*T.
THAT'S WHY
I DON'T DO IT ANYMORE.
And if anyone doesn't like it,
IS THAT ANY OF MY CONCERN?
MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE
RETHOUGHT THEIR WHOLE STRATEGY.
RETHOUGHT HOW THEY ACTED
WHEN THEY ASSUMED SOMETHING
THAT ISN'T TRUE.
THE THINGS THEY DID
THEY HAD NO RIGHT TO DO.
THE THINGS I DID,
I WAS WITHIN MY RIGHT TO DO.
I have a right not to have that sh*t
in my house, in my LIFE.
Why would I want that?
PEOPLE ASSUMING SH*T ABOUT ME
AND THEN THINK THEY CAN TRY TO
TREAT ME HOWEVER
AND WHEN I DO IT RIGHT BACK
THEY DON'T LIKE IT?
Should come as no surprise!
Should I be surprised? If I acted like that?
If I chose to be about that sh*t,
SHOULD I BE SURPRISED
IF SOMEONE CHOSE
NOT TO WASTE THEIR TIME?
DO I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE MAD
IF THEY HAVE A RIGHT
TO NOT WASTE THEIR TIME?
One video I saw... A dude rejected a female
AND SHE FLIPS OUT
LIKE SHE WAS ENTITLED TO THE GUY'S
ATTENTION OR SOMETHING.
He was making a video about it. How she acted.
She asked him if HE wanted HER number
AND HE SAID NO.
The dude HAS A RIGHT NOT TO WANT IT.
But she flipped out because the dude
DIDN'T WANT HER PHONE NUMBER.
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO
MAKE HIM WANT IT?
ACTING LIKE THAT BECAUSE HE DOESN'T?
That's how I get treated
WHEN I DON'T WANT ANYONE'S SH*T
AND HAVE A RIGHT NOT TO WANT IT.
I get treated AS THOUGH I AM SUPPOSED TO
JUST ACCEPT IT FSS.
Should I be going around
LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO?
FROM ME?
OR AM I TELLING THEM?
And WHEN I SHOW IT RIGHT BACK
THEY DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!!
Makes them "MAD"
THAT I HAVE A RIGHT
NOT TO "LIKE" IT EITHER.
THAT I HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS
AS THEY DO.
THAT'S WHY I'M NOT DOING XYZ.
Because they have the same rights as I do.
RIGHTS THAT COULD HAVE
JUST BEEN RESPECTED
FROM THE VERY START.
BUT WERE NOT.
Because why would anyone respect MY rights? Eh?
THEY JUST EXPECT ME TO RESPECT THEIRS.
AND SEEM TO TAKE FOR GRANTED
THAT I EVEN DO THAT.
But it bothers me, to be treated
AS THOUGH I DON'T HAVE
THE SAME RIGHTS AS THEM.
BECAUSE I FKN DO.
AND MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE
TREATED ME AS THOUGH I DO.
If I can show them a level OF CIVILITY
WHEN I HAVE EVERY RIGHT
TO BE "LIVID,"
I'm extending A COURTESY
THAT I DON'T EVEN OWE THEM.
Shouldn't I be shown CIVILITY?
AND EXTENDED THE SAME COURTESY?
IN RETURN?
But JUST BECAUSE
THAT'D ONLY BE "FAIR,"
DOESN'T MEAN ANYONE
AND EVERYONE
WILL SEE WHY
BEING FAIR IS ONLY FAIR.
And being fair means acknowledging
PEOPLE'S RIGHTS
ARE THE SAME AS YOURS.
AND YOURS ARE THE SAME AS THEIRS
WHETHER THEY WANT TO ACT LIKE IT
OR NOT.
I don't like to even make these points, y'know?
BECAUSE THESE THINGS
SHOULD ALREADY BE UNDERSTOOD.
WELL UNDERSTOOD.
AND I WOULDN'T KEEP SEEING THIS.
AND I'M ONLY SEEING THIS,
BECAUSE?
I guess it isn't well understood?
I have to point these things out?
AND BE A "B*TCH" FOR DOING IT?
BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T WANT ME TO?
Well, if it shouldn't be pointed out,
it shouldn't be there
TO POINT OUT.
And maybe I shouldn't
BE SO HARSH WHEN I DO IT,
BUT I TRY THE NICE APPROACH FIRST.
BECAUSE THAT'S ALL IT SHOULD TAKE.
JUST A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT.
But it makes people feel stupid, maybe
For having to be told. By me, especially.
Someone they say this sh*t to:
"See? You're stupid! Nothing you say makes sense."
Problem is, it makes too much sense.
AND IF IT DOESN'T,
THAT IS THE ISSUE.
THE ISSUE THAT IS NOT MY JOB
TO CORRECT.
ESPECIALLY IF ANYONE'S TRYING TO
"MAKE" ME "SEEM" "STUPID"
FOR "NOT" "MAKING SENSE."
And the thing is that THEY DO THAT SH*T
THINKING THAT IT'S GOING TO WORK
ON ME.
AND WHEN IT DOESN'T
BECAUSE THAT SH*T....
WTF IS THAT SH*T?
THEY GET MAD LOL.
TOO BAD LOL.
Shouldn't have tried to play me, fkr.
That's where I'm at.
Trying to "make" me "seem" ANYTHING.
All because he didn't want to just
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR HIS OWN CHOICES.
And my choice is to not want
anything to do with certain people
WHO TRY TO PULL THAT SH*T
THINKING IT'S GOING TO WORK ON ME.
And then HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY
LIKE I'M SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE?
LIKE YOU NEVER STUCK A KNIFE
IN MY BACK
THINKING THAT I'D
DO THAT TO YOU?
And when you REALIZE THAT ONE FKN DAY...
YOU WILL SEE HOW MUCH TIME
ON BOTH SIDES
GOT WASTED
FOR NOTHING.
All because you wanted to choose THAT.
If THAT is all you know...
YOU SHOULD WANT TO KNOW BETTER
THAN THAT.
"All I know is how to insult A***
WHENEVER I GET MAD
BECAUSE I THINK SOMETHING
AND DON'T ASK HER.
AND DON'T LISTEN TO HER.
AND ACT STUPID
TRYING TO "MAKE" HER "SEEM" "STUPID"
AND WASTE HER TIME ON MY BS.
THAT'S ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO.
OTHERWISE, I'D MAKE IT EASY FOR HER
TO HAVE UNINTERRUPTED
CONVERSATIONS.
WITH ME.
SO I CAN COMPREHEND
WHERE TF I'M GOING WRONG.
WITH HER."
And anyone want to guess
WHY THAT KIND OF A GUY
ISN'T SOMEONE
I EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH
LET ALONE ANYTHING MORE?
It's like EXCUSE ME
FOR HAVING EXPECTATIONS
PUT ON ME
THAT I CAN'T EXPECT OF YOU. FFS.
Because up until the point
THAT I STOPPED GIVING A FK
I DID LISTEN, I DID CARE
I DID SHOW UP, I WAS THERE.
AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COOL
FOR THE SAME,
IN RETURN.
But nobody wants to talk about why A***
might stop giving a fk.
"Suddenly."
Because she did, didn't she?
But I'm the "b*tch"
because all I get is
"See? You're stupid! Nothing you say makes sense"
If what I'm saying doesn't make any sense,
am I the one who's "stupid"?
Is it my job to understand it for anyone?
OR EVEN EXPLAIN IT?
Yet here I am, explaining it.
AND I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO!!!!
AND PEOPLE WOULD FKN ACT
LIKE I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.
LIKE I'M SUPPOSED TO ACT
LIKE THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
EXPLAIN IT TO ME, RIGHT?
And if they HAD TO EXPLAIN IT TO ME,
I WOULDN'T BE EXPLAINING IT.
But my point is: IS IT MY JOB TO DO IT?
And they should really fkn thank me for doing it
WHEN I NEVER HAD TO
LITERALLY SPELL THINGS OUT
FOR ANYONE
TO REALIZE
SOME KEY THINGS
THAT SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE EXPLAINED.
And not only should they not need to be explained
IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS BS DAY IN / DAY OUT
WITH SOME PEOPLE
WHO SHOULD KNOW BY NOW.
And if they don't know, by now,
THEY WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION.
Because WHY would I even go OUT OF MY WAY?
To explain something that should just be
THAT FKN SIMPLE?
For the attention? No!
FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TRY TO
"MAKE" ME "SEEM" "STUPID"
TO MAYBE RETHINK
WHO THEY THINK
IS STUPID.
Okay, maybe a bit of that,
BUT IT'S ALSO FOR EVERYONE.
WHETHER WHOEVER WHO NEEDED IT
GOT THROUGH TO THEM...
Because WTF is that sh*t?
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