Plows already out there.
If it wasn't for my medication,
I'd probably have a hard time sleeping.
All the scraping against concrete.
It's kinda like nails down a chalkboard.
The pigeons come here, at night, to sleep.
I've saved a couple of babies from a raccoon.
So they feel safe with me, I guess.
Was shocked to see a raccoon, up here.
Chased it down 4 levels.
Now the fkr is hibernating,
but the pigeons remember that.
Otherwise,
pretty sure they'd want to sleep elsewhere.
Pretty sure, these guys are those babies.
That I saved that night.
I put them in a temp "nest"
Which was a bucket with cloths inside it.
So they could have something soft to lay on.
They didn't like being put in it,
but they stayed in it all night.
When the parents came back, in the morning,
I brought them back outside,
and put them back in their nest.
So I think the parents
realized that I was protecting their babies.
They watch me from the window lol.
I put some food out there.
They watched me do it,
so they know it's there,
but not sure if they'll eat it.
I'm signing my lease in 11 days.
I have 11 days to "purge"
and 4 days to "move."
My "plan" is to "purge"
as much as I can...
If I had a car, I could just do a few trips,
but I don't, so I have to take what I can
on the bus.
So all the "small" stuff, I'll try to
take over there, by myself,
so that on moving day,
only the furniture and boxes...
Bags that are packed, suitcases,
stuff like that, I can start taking over there
pretty much when I get the keys.
This rental company, here, though,
They keep sending me emails etc.
The last one was:
After your inspection, we didn't notice any damage,
if we see any AFTER YOU MOVE OUT,
WE'LL ADD CHARGES TO YOUR ACCOUNT.
What account? The account I'm closing
BECAUSE I'M MOVING OUT?
I just have a feeling that they want to
try to charge me with freaking anything.
EVEN AFTER I MOVE OUT.
I JUST FEEL LIKE THEY ARE WAITING
TO "GET ME" WITH SOMETHING.
AFTER I MOVE OUT.
JUST TO BE PR*CKS ABOUT ME MOVING OUT.
AND TELLING THE TRUTH
ABOUT THEIR SUPPOSED "STELLAR" REPUTATION.
Building looks great on the outside,
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BEDBUGS?
THAT I HAD TO GET SPRAYED 8 TIMES
IN 2 YEARS...
WHAT ABOUT THAT?
Anything about how they try to bully people
INTO COMPLYING
WITH THEIR POLICIES.
They were hassling me about
terminating my lease.
The lease I signed, it says 60 days notice.
They wanted me to sign a N9
which would have made me liable
to stay for the 60 days, to move out.
The agency that I'm getting the apartment with
gave me an N11 form.
Which means I get out of my lease a month early.
I still have to pay for this month, here,
and next month, over there.
I had a thing set up with the bank a while back.
It's an automatic deposit.
I asked them, every month,
to put a specific amount into my savings account for me.
I usually use that money for bills
or if I run out of food, to tie me over.
But I can't use that for bills, or food,
I have to put that towards my rent money.
So what little is left in my other account,
will have to go towards a bill,
and it won't cover it,
but it's all that I got.
And I have to call them soon
to tell them that I need to switch it
to my new location.
I'm nervous about doing it and I don't know why.
And nervous about getting a truck to actually move.
And finding people who'll help me.
Of all the people I have helped,
I'd like to think at least one person would.
I was so p*ssed at my friend.
WHEN I POINTED OUT
THAT HE HAD HELP TO MOVE.
He could make a phone call,
and have like 4 people to help me.
"You gotta just do it."
On my own, like usual.
That p*ssed me off.
Like "Hi! I see you struggling...
But you gotta just do it...
While we all watch you,
not helping..."
BUT ANYONE WHO COULD HAVE HELPED
BUT CHOSE NOT TO HELP
AND JUST WATCHES ME STRUGGLE
AS I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF...
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
Especially when they said they would help
AND STILL DIDN'T.
AND WHEN THEY KNOW I NEED HELP
AND STILL DON'T.
ESPECIALLY when they know I need help.
I shouldn't have to ASK MY FRIENDS & FAMILY.
But I HAVE TO, APPARENTLY,
AND EVEN WHEN I DO,
WHO'S HERE? ANYONE?
But when they need help AND ASK ME,
THAT'S DIFFERENT!!!!
Just ask A***! She'll help you!!!
And what have I gotten from anything I ever did?
Not that I did anything to get anything,
but it would be nice to be recognized
FOR THE HELP I HAVE GIVEN.
BECAUSE I CARED ENOUGH TO HELP.
Because did I have to help?
I could have just watched them struggle...
LIKE THEY DO TO ME.
AND NOT HELPED.
LIKE THEY DO TO ME.
BUT I HELPED OUT
BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
That's what being Canadian's supposed to be about.
Helping out because it's the right thing to do.
Anyway, it sucks WHEN YOU NEED HELP
AND PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU NEED HELP
AND YET THEY STILL WATCH YOU STRUGGLE
AND JUST SAY:
"YOU JUST GOTTA DO IT."
It sucks so much that it p*sses me off.
Because when people need ME, I'm there,
if I can be, I'm there.
And I've put myself out
FOR PEOPLE
WHO ARE APPARENTLY
SUPER UNGRATEFUL.
AND TOOK ME FOR GRANTED.
YET I WAS STILL FKN LOYAL.
UNTIL THEY WEREN'T.
NOT THAT MANY, IF ANY
ACTUALLY ARE.
BECAUSE IF THEY WERE,
THEY'D APPRECIATE YOU.
AND THEY'D BE GRATEFUL.
FOR YOUR HELP WHEN THEY NEEDED IT.
But now they get to "sit with" my absence.
Not having me "there"
Not having me "around"
TO KICK AROUND OR OTHERWISE.
OR WALK ON...
OR TRY TO USE ETC.
But yeah, that really bugged me
when my friend suggested an arrangement
HE REFUSES TO REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY.
EVERY TIME HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO DO SOMETHING
HE FKN DOESN'T.
DO I WANT AN "ARRANGEMENT"
WITH A GUY LIKE THAT?
THEY ONLY START THINKING ABOUT ME
WHEN THEY START TO MISS
THE LITTLE THINGS ABOUT ME.
THE THINGS I USED TO DO FOR THEM.
EITHER THEY FIND SOMEONE ELSE,
TO DO THOSE THINGS...
BUT THEY SOON REALIZE
THE OTHER PERSON ISN'T ME.
AND THAT I WON'T BE COMING BACK.
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HOW
THEY CHOSE TO TREAT ME
WHEN I WAS RIGHT FKN THERE.
And when they realize that...
THEY CAN FEEL BAD,
SORRY FOR THEMSELVES ETC.
BUT DID THEY FEEL BAD
WHEN I WAS RIGHT FKN THERE?
Didn't feel bad at all!
Felt right at home to be sh*tty to me.
And they wonder why I told them to fk off?
And told them not to contact me again?
DOESN'T SEEM LIKE I'M MISSING ANYTHING.
WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON? THAT?
MORE OF THAT?
Miss me with that sh*t.
And when they realize the other person
REALLY ISN'T ME
AND CAN'T REPLACE ME...
THEN THEY'LL WISH THEY STILL HAD ME.
But they get mad that they can't "control" me.
It really p*sses them off.
Because they want to!
And they can't!
That's one thing I don't miss about being in a relationship.
Someone trying to DOMINATE me.
While being too possessive of me.
If I'm with the 'right guy' I wouldn't
need to be on lockdown to "stay put."
Wouldn't have to 'rule' me with an 'iron fist.'
Because I rule myself...
With an iron fist more often than not.
Then, there are days like today
"It's a snow day! Sleep in!"
But as soon as I wake up:
"Gotta get back at it."
Like when I'm deep into coding something,
I work on it when I get up,
until I have to sleep.
And I have to remind myself
that I need to sleep, and eat...
I'm waiting to get set up at my new place
to get back into my projects.
If I even work on them at all,
I'll only want to work on that
AND I HAVE A LOT OF SH*T TO DO.
THAT IS WHY I am forcing myself to set it all aside
until after I get set up.
I'll be free to concentrate on it.
I enjoy that kind of stuff.
I dislike THIS kind of stuff.
The organizing is okay.
But it's easier with other people's stuff
than with my own stuff.
But I grouped stuff that needs to go out.
Hopefully the weather is better tomorrow
to take a few trips to the thrift store to bring stuff there.
I really wanted to try to sell some stuff.
Just didn't end up happening,
and I'm pressed for time.
Oh well, I guess.
Would be nice to get some help
with this stuff...
I've got a lot of boxes packed.
I'm thinking of moving them
so that I can move the other boxes
(my wool-valanche) from the corner...
Probably will do that soon.
I'm zonked and gotta go to bed.
Good night, ya hosers!
THAT HE HAD HELP TO MOVE.
He could make a phone call,
and have like 4 people to help me.
"You gotta just do it."
On my own, like usual.
That p*ssed me off.
Like "Hi! I see you struggling...
But you gotta just do it...
While we all watch you,
not helping..."
BUT ANYONE WHO COULD HAVE HELPED
BUT CHOSE NOT TO HELP
AND JUST WATCHES ME STRUGGLE
AS I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF...
I'LL REMEMBER THAT.
Especially when they said they would help
AND STILL DIDN'T.
AND WHEN THEY KNOW I NEED HELP
AND STILL DON'T.
ESPECIALLY when they know I need help.
I shouldn't have to ASK MY FRIENDS & FAMILY.
But I HAVE TO, APPARENTLY,
AND EVEN WHEN I DO,
WHO'S HERE? ANYONE?
But when they need help AND ASK ME,
THAT'S DIFFERENT!!!!
Just ask A***! She'll help you!!!
And what have I gotten from anything I ever did?
Not that I did anything to get anything,
but it would be nice to be recognized
FOR THE HELP I HAVE GIVEN.
BECAUSE I CARED ENOUGH TO HELP.
Because did I have to help?
I could have just watched them struggle...
LIKE THEY DO TO ME.
AND NOT HELPED.
LIKE THEY DO TO ME.
BUT I HELPED OUT
BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
That's what being Canadian's supposed to be about.
Helping out because it's the right thing to do.
Anyway, it sucks WHEN YOU NEED HELP
AND PEOPLE KNOW THAT YOU NEED HELP
AND YET THEY STILL WATCH YOU STRUGGLE
AND JUST SAY:
"YOU JUST GOTTA DO IT."
It sucks so much that it p*sses me off.
Because when people need ME, I'm there,
if I can be, I'm there.
And I've put myself out
FOR PEOPLE
WHO ARE APPARENTLY
SUPER UNGRATEFUL.
AND TOOK ME FOR GRANTED.
YET I WAS STILL FKN LOYAL.
UNTIL THEY WEREN'T.
NOT THAT MANY, IF ANY
ACTUALLY ARE.
BECAUSE IF THEY WERE,
THEY'D APPRECIATE YOU.
AND THEY'D BE GRATEFUL.
FOR YOUR HELP WHEN THEY NEEDED IT.
But now they get to "sit with" my absence.
Not having me "there"
Not having me "around"
TO KICK AROUND OR OTHERWISE.
OR WALK ON...
OR TRY TO USE ETC.
But yeah, that really bugged me
when my friend suggested an arrangement
HE REFUSES TO REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY.
EVERY TIME HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO DO SOMETHING
HE FKN DOESN'T.
DO I WANT AN "ARRANGEMENT"
WITH A GUY LIKE THAT?
THEY ONLY START THINKING ABOUT ME
WHEN THEY START TO MISS
THE LITTLE THINGS ABOUT ME.
THE THINGS I USED TO DO FOR THEM.
EITHER THEY FIND SOMEONE ELSE,
TO DO THOSE THINGS...
BUT THEY SOON REALIZE
THE OTHER PERSON ISN'T ME.
AND THAT I WON'T BE COMING BACK.
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HOW
THEY CHOSE TO TREAT ME
WHEN I WAS RIGHT FKN THERE.
And when they realize that...
THEY CAN FEEL BAD,
SORRY FOR THEMSELVES ETC.
BUT DID THEY FEEL BAD
WHEN I WAS RIGHT FKN THERE?
Didn't feel bad at all!
Felt right at home to be sh*tty to me.
And they wonder why I told them to fk off?
And told them not to contact me again?
DOESN'T SEEM LIKE I'M MISSING ANYTHING.
WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON? THAT?
MORE OF THAT?
Miss me with that sh*t.
And when they realize the other person
REALLY ISN'T ME
AND CAN'T REPLACE ME...
THEN THEY'LL WISH THEY STILL HAD ME.
But they get mad that they can't "control" me.
It really p*sses them off.
Because they want to!
And they can't!
That's one thing I don't miss about being in a relationship.
Someone trying to DOMINATE me.
While being too possessive of me.
If I'm with the 'right guy' I wouldn't
need to be on lockdown to "stay put."
Wouldn't have to 'rule' me with an 'iron fist.'
Because I rule myself...
With an iron fist more often than not.
Then, there are days like today
"It's a snow day! Sleep in!"
But as soon as I wake up:
"Gotta get back at it."
Like when I'm deep into coding something,
I work on it when I get up,
until I have to sleep.
And I have to remind myself
that I need to sleep, and eat...
I'm waiting to get set up at my new place
to get back into my projects.
If I even work on them at all,
I'll only want to work on that
AND I HAVE A LOT OF SH*T TO DO.
THAT IS WHY I am forcing myself to set it all aside
until after I get set up.
I'll be free to concentrate on it.
I enjoy that kind of stuff.
I dislike THIS kind of stuff.
The organizing is okay.
But it's easier with other people's stuff
than with my own stuff.
But I grouped stuff that needs to go out.
Hopefully the weather is better tomorrow
to take a few trips to the thrift store to bring stuff there.
I really wanted to try to sell some stuff.
Just didn't end up happening,
and I'm pressed for time.
Oh well, I guess.
Would be nice to get some help
with this stuff...
I've got a lot of boxes packed.
I'm thinking of moving them
so that I can move the other boxes
(my wool-valanche) from the corner...
Probably will do that soon.
I'm zonked and gotta go to bed.
Good night, ya hosers!
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